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So, internet, its been almost a week.

It turns out, I cried for a whole day then the morning after that.

D: I know, right?

I don't think I've cried so much in my life. But, you know, now that its almost a week later, I realize I can't be sad forever. I can't just waste my life away by longing for something that didn't happen. If it didn't happen, then it wasn't meant to be! He's probably moving on already, so I guess I should too. Its like they say, 'If you love someone, let them go.'

Still, though, it will take some time. I can't just make the dreams I've had about him every night since he left go away. I can't throw away the feelings I get when I think about our times together. Yeah, I still love him.
It will take a while for me to get over him, but I think he wouldn't want me to be all depressed about it either.

Besides, I'm a member of a certain social networking site (not saying which, silly gooses.) and I recently found him on one of my friends' friend list. I'm going to add him of course, but I just don't know how to 'approach' him after that whole deal. I might not have told him how much I was going to miss him, but I sort of felt like when he looked at me that night, he just...looked right through me? Yeah... I felt vulnerable. But... I don't know. DD:

Why do I have to over analyze everything? xD

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: ricky bobby

Hello fellow bloggers and internet-ers. Welcome to my blog.

Who is this you may ask? 

Well, my real name is Sarah. Not that exciting, I know. ;] 

But you all can call me Hopeless Romantic. Why Hopeless Romantic? There's a long, complicated story behind it, but I'll give you the easier, shorter version of it. How does that sound? :]]

So. Girl likes boy. Girl being me, the boy being...hmm. Let's just call him Ricky Bobby, yes? 

At the beginning of the school year, I didn't like him like that at first. In fact, I was pretty sure he hated my guts. I liked other guys, but I later found that they weren't worth liking at all. The others that I liked were arrogant, self centered and they were players. After I finally figured this out, I decided to not like anyone for a while (which was very difficult, believe it or not). Then came January. By the second week that month, alot of the Christmas couples had broken up, so I started to feel alright with the fact that I didn't want to like anybody right then. 

But then came Ricky Bobby. I had started to notice him alot more. We had become closer acquaintances by then, possibly even friends. He was also pretty good friends with my best friend. After that, I would do more than just glance at him. Everytime he would walk past me, my gaze would follow him. I would try to force myself to stop, thinking, 'Stop! He's too good for you.' And let me tell you, internet, he is pretty darn amazing. His green eyes sparkle. He has the whitest teeth I've ever seen, and his long brown hair curls up at the ends. Yes, internet, Ricky Bobby is a skater, if you must know. 

Anywho. Ricky Bobby had gone out with a girl during Christmas vacation, and she just happened to be one of the prettiest and popular girls in school. But that's how it goes sometimes, right? So, yeah, no wonder I thought he was too good for me. I was absolutely sure I wasn't his type. 

Then one day, I was looking at him. Then, with the way my stomach flipped and the way I couldn't take my eyes off of him, I knew. I liked him. So, I told my best friend. Of course, she told me she knew all along! Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself. 

After coming to terms with my feelings for him, I just went with the flow for the next month and a half. Then came the news.

At lunch one day, I sat with him, my friends, and some of his friends at the lunch table. Out of the blue, he said, "I'm moving to Pennsylvania the day after the last day of school." 

Now, mind you internet, I live in the west of the US. Pennsylvania might as well be the other side of the whole dang world. My heart sank. I couldn't believe it. 

After school that day, I cried. Long and hard, too. I had to veg, so I just stayed on my bed with about a half a million blankets, junk food and kleenex and watched anime. Yes, internet! I'm an anime freak. I was an anime freak before it became cool.

Anywho, I was watching an anime called LoveCom. It's about a girl that is in love with a boy that is alot shorter than her, and she tries her hardest to get through to him. I watched her efforts, and I realized that even though she knows that there's a chance of rejection, she tries anyway. People do that all the time. For the longest time I was afraid of rejection, and I was afraid to take any chance at all. So, from that day on, I pledged to take chances. I didn't want to hide from it anymore. I decided to at least let Ricky Bobby know that I liked him. I wanted him to see me differently, and I just wanted him to look at me in a different way. I didn't expect him to like me back. I just desperately wanted him to know. 

A week after that, I discreetly let him know I liked him. Actually, it was so discreet, I didn't even tell him. Haha. It was actually one of my good friends, but it was actually an accident. In a conversation with him asking him if he liked anyone, she let my name slip! He didn't react like I expected him to (I expected him to puke or something along those lines). He said, "No way, really? That's crazy! I never expected her to like me. I'll definitely consider it." When my friend told me that's was he said, I nearly exploded. Literally. Boom. I couldn't believe it! This motivated me even more to let him know, not just with words, but with actions too. Even at the class camping trip, we became closer than ever. 

Then came May. Along the way, there were times when I thought I had lost all hope. Some times when I wanted to give up on him completely. Times when I even tried to stop liking him. But the first week of May, I came to a realization...it was so much stronger than that. I tried so many times, but I just couldn't let go of him. So I didn't give up. I continued to be a friend to him, and we continued to get closer. 

Then yesterday came our last day of school. I decided to get him a farewell gift, just a small something to remember me by. I got him a t-shirt that had our state name on it, and I signed the inside of it with a message. 

The message said, 'Ricky Bobby!(i didn't really write Ricky Bobby, if anybody is confused about that!) Happy Early B-Day (since his birthday is in July, I thought I should write that too)! I'm still older than you! haha. (I actually am, by a year and 4 months. who cares?) So, it sucks that you're moving. We'll all miss you! (he has no idea how much I do) I just thought I'd get you something to remember this boring state by. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know what to do.' 

He really liked it. I mean, really liked it! He must've said thank you 5 times, and he gave me a huge, long hug. And did I mention, internet, that Ricky Bobby is an amazing hugger? 

Then last night before the graduation, when I showed up in my dress (which, I must say, was a good color for me) I didn't see him at first. So i just walked around and talked with people and gave plenty of hugs. Then when my best friend showed up, I saw him walk in. He looked so amazing, I didn't say hi to him at first. My heart was pounding so loud in my ears that I could hardly hear myself think. Maybe ten minutes later, I finally pulled myself together. 

I joined the group of people he had been talking to. "Hey guys," I said casually, trying to sound calm.

"Hey Sarah!" Ricky Bobby said, holding his arms out for a hug. I had been watching him since he came, and he hadn't given anyone else a hug. Just me, and he was hugging me because he wanted to. He hugged me for a long time again (another amazing hug!) and I hoped he couldn't feel my heart racing through my ribcage. After we broke the hug, I let go of the air I didn't know I had been holding. I smiled at him and looked him up and down. That's all I could do, because if I said anything I knew I would embarrass myself. For a moment or two, we just stood there gazing at eachother. With the way he was looking at me, I thought I was dreaming. 

Breaking the silence, he said, "You look..." he paused and looked me up and down. I almost exploded again. "...snazzy." 

I blushed from my scalp to my toes. I smiled and fidgeted with my fingernails. "Haha, why thank you." After that, we all had to get ready to start the ceremony, so I left. 

The ceremony was a long one, but afterwards everyone crowded outside. I was hugging tons of people and taking pictures, but among it all I thought, 'This is it.' I walked around for a while, then i saw him. I honestly couldn't bring myself to approach him. I thought, 'If I say goodbye to him now, that's it. Forever.' I was scared. 

Then, after a while, he found me and my best friend walking together. His friends were around him, including his friend that I didn't know. First he said bye to my bff, and it was sort of brief. Then, he turned to me. He smiled in a solemn way. "Goodbye, Sarah." I don't think I've heard sadder words in my life. 

I mirrored his expression. "Bye, Ricky Bobby." 

He held his arm out for a side hug...and we side hugged. I'm not saying I was expecting more than a hug or anything, but a side hug? It was pretty short too. But while we were hugging, he whispered something. I was so overwhelmed by my mixed feelings, though, that I could hardly hear him. It was either, 'You're cool,' 'You're beautiful,' or 'I'll miss you,'. I really wish I knew, because hearing any of those from him would make me happy beyond words. But I'll probably never know. 

When we broke the hug, I just smiled the same sad-like smile. I would reply, but I couldn't. I felt like if I said anymore, I would burst into tears. It was even painful to look at him any longer, so I turned back to my best friend, then he turned around too. And that was it. 

About 15-20 minutes later, word got around. My bff ran up to me. "Ricky Bobby left. He's gone!" and then she started crying right then and there. I just stood there, watching her. I couldn't feel anything, I was numb. I didn't want to believe it was true. She looked up at me, tear stains on her cheeks. "Why aren't you crying?"

I shook my head. "I don't even know." I said.

So, right now internet, I'm locked in my bedroom with junk food and blankets again. Don't know when I'll come out. So far, I've been crying all morning. It hurts so much. In my whole 15 year old life, I've never before felt the pain of my first love moving away until now. Is this how badly its gonna hurt, how badly its gonna feel? Will I ever fall in love again?
Great start to my summer vacation, I must say.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: ricky bobby

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