May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
November 2012
December 2012
March 2013
June 2013
August 2013
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
September 2014
December 2014
January 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
October 2015
December 2015
January 2016
February 2016
April 2016
May 2016
June 2016
July 2016
October 2016
December 2016
September 2017
December 2018

So, the reason I haven't written about my OKCupid experiences in a while is because...well. I've had none. Haha.

And the reason I've had none is just because I've become very disenchanted by it as of late. I don't really take it as seriously as I used to (which isn't really saying a lot, because I didn't really take it seriously to begin with). I haven't replied to anybody on there in about two months now, and the last guy I talked to I wasn't that interested in talking to anyway.

BUT. I'd be lying if I said that the whole Drew thing didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth, even months and months later.

He was my first impression of online dating as a legal adult, and to be frank, it wasn't exactly a good impression. It also led me to think that perhaps online dating isn't my thing. The biggest problem with Drew and I was that all we did before we met was text. And before we texted, all we did was message each other on OKC. And that's all.

I've heard of people going to meet the people they talk to online in person right away, so they have a better grasp of who they're getting to know. And that was the problem with Drew and I. We met in person an entire month after we started talking, an entire month after talking almost every single day, conversations in which we already began forming expectations and opinions of one another before we'd even stood face-to-face.

I think even talking on the phone or Skyping (hypothetically speaking of course, considering I don't even have a webcam) would have helped with that a little bit. But we didn't do that. We only texted. And it's not that I'm purposely a completely different person over text, because I'm sure he didn't do it purposely either. But it's very hard to truly know someone through typed words on a screen.
Even if a person is 100% themselves online or over text, you probably still don't know their exact sense of humor. You probably don't know what kind of jokes they don't like. You don't know the faces they make while they talk to you about something sad, or about something serious, the kinds of things that annoy them slightly or even the way they sneeze or how they act in the morning before their morning coffee.

I thought I knew Drew, but the moment I first saw him in that bookstore, it occurred to me that I was walking up to a total stranger.
And that's why I feel like online dating isn't for me. For me to like like someone, I have to know them in a platonic way first. That's why it was so easy for me to get a crush on someone at my old school. I saw them everyday and knew them reasonably well, because I went to a private school and everyone was familiar to everyone. Even if I'm not particularly good friends with a person, if I feel like I've taken enough time to get to know them, then I can develop that crush.

But with online dating, it's already called 'online dating' to begin with. Actually, just dating, in general. Someone hits on you, tells you plainly that they're interested. That's great, but the expectations of finding someone to be in a relationship are already there, and so it sort of feels like...I don't know. Like hunting, or something. Find the best person with the most potential, hunt them down and claim their attention, and then...what? Hope for the best? And then if it doesn't even come close to working out, cross your fingers for the next potential mate, and if not that one, then the next one? What's so great about that? Sounds like a job, or something.

So. Personally, the idea of 'dating' sounds tedious. I'd much rather meet someone, become friends with them, and then if I start to see them that way, develop feelings for them on my own time. No expectations, no pre-set goals or obligations. Just to let it happen. That sounds like the best thing to me.

So despite Drew leaving me a crappy impression of this online dating thing, I haven't deleted my OKC account. I still have it, and log on from time to time to read any messages I've gotten. Like I said before, I haven't replied to any in a good while, and the one that I did (yeah. Literally. One.) was nice and all, but I didn't find it terribly interesting.

However, there was one that I received two days ago that I found interesting.

"Hey Sarah! Your mischievous smile is awesome! I am a book nerd and a band geek/nerd. (Note: if you're wondering, that was in response to one section of my profile where I say if you were any sort of nerd, I'm interested in talking to you. Haha. This is me we're talking about, here. Nerds are my people.)
I know I'm probably out of your age range, but I saw that it said you were just interested in friendly chatter so I thought it would be ok to say hiiiii.
You should be proud of your maturity. I have to say, I'm impressed with your writing skills. I'm an English teacher, and I can tell you that your level of writing skill is very uncommon in high schoolers. Good for you."

Okay. First off, I had no idea I smiled mischievously. Second off, he's only 25. Which, objectively, isn't old. It's actually pretty young. And after some urging from Best Friend Rose, I went to his profile and read it, and looked at his pictures.

He..............is................hot.

So hot that at the first picture I saw of him close up, my entire face turned red. Yes. That hot.

But...............................HE'S A TEACHER.

I'm still a senior in high school. And admittedly, I won't be able to look at any teachers in any other way besides being a teacher until I'm out of high school. And even though I'm in online school, and I even have to talk to my teachers on the phone, they're still teachers.

And for God's sake, my English teacher last year was only 26!!

I'll admit, I am a Pretty Little Liars fan. And not even gonna lie, I love the Ezra and Aria storyline. As forbidden as it is, they're so adorable together. And he's really hot. And to be fair, she started dating him before he even became her English teacher, so I still support it (yes, I'm aware I'm talking about fictional characters like they're real people. Happens to me a lot, actually.)

But dammit, this is real life! English Teacher...he's smoking hot. English teachers should not be that hot.

Because! He's a teacher, a teacher!!

A TEACHER.

Not my teacher. BUT SOMEONE'S TEACHER. HE STANDS AT THE FRONT OF THE CLASS AND TEACHES THEM THINGS AND GIVES THEM HOMEWORK.

No no no no no. I can't...no. I can't do this. I just...I CAN'T DO THIS. If he had any other profession, I wouldn't be so creeped out. Even the fact that he's 25 doesn't freak me out that much, although maybe it should, because that's seven whole years difference. Same as my parents, but the difference is that I'm just now a legal adult and he's been one for quite a few years now. So...okay well that is sort of weird.

God. When I was 10...he was 17.

When I was in the fourth grade...he was a junior or senior in HIGH SCHOOL.

OH GOD OH GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD ALRJFLAJFRLASJFALFJ

Yeah, no. Sorry English Teacher. You may be hot and a book nerd at the same time which is admittedly rare, and I might reply to you just to thank you for complimenting my writing skills (because that was awfully nice of you) but I can't pursue this. No, no. You just...you just stop flaunting your hotness around and act like a proper authority figure and I'll act the complete opposite of jailbait as possible, and we'll just keep this nice and platonic. Just like you said.

Okay. Yeah. Sounds good to me.

xo Hopeless Romantic

(ps: Two entries in one day! Told you my writer's block was gone! By the way, happy 100th entry to me!)

Labels: 100th entry, drew, English Teacher, okcupid, online dating, senior year

...she updates.

Interneeeeet. Can you guess who's so relieved to be on Winter Break? Uh. THIS GIRL.

Due to some catching up I had to do in Science due to some technical problem (I couldn't do Science lessons for about 2 weeks straight for some reason, and then when they finally decided to fix it, it was the very last week before break. For an entire three days, I breathed and ate nothing but Nuclear Reactions.) and this hellish last-minute application for a scholarship I had to complete (my school nominated me, which was awesome, but my counselor didn't tell me until two weeks before the whole thing was due--which also included, I didn't realize until the second to last day, writen recommendations from two non-relatives. Not awesome.) But in the end, it all worked out, and these first few days of my break, I've just been taking it easy, something I clearly couldn't do in the past month or so of school.

And not to mention that because of my super-lax senior schedule, second semester doesn't start for me until January 18th. That's AN ENTIRE MONTH OFF. Yessssss.

I feel like this break was well earned, and I'm enjoying every second of it.

Here's some good news for you!

Since the last time I updated, Jazz has been over to my house four times to hang out. The first time was admittedly, a little weird still, but then by the last time she was here, about three days ago in fact, things were totally and completely back to normal. We were talking and laughing and being weirdos just like old times, and let me tell you, internet. It was a great feeling.

I'm grateful that everything's cool now, because I'd honestly I'd begun thinking that maybe I'd screwed things up. But as it turns out, me speaking up actually helped. It just took a while to get there, is all.
This has really taught me that it's okay to stick up for myself.
For a long while, I was too afraid to do just that, because I was more worried that people would think I was a bitch rather than worrying for about myself and how I'm being treated. But now that I've grown into myself a bit more, I've kind of stopped worrying what people think about me. I've stopped worrying about always trying to please everyone else, because I realized that I just need to be me. What anyone else thinks about me is irrelevant, it doesn't change the fact that I'm me, and that I'll always be me.

So, it was a hard lesson, but one that in the end I'm glad that I learned.

In other news, the past few days, I've been trying to make up for the lack of free time that I had before break. I've been writing like crazy (finally found some relief from the giant bought of writer's block I had) and reading like my life depended on it. I've also been doing some holiday stuff to celebrate the time of the year......hah. Understatement of the year.
You know me, Internet. Christmas cheesiness left and right. I've been watching all the Christmas specials and movies that I possibly can, been making cookies and listening to Christmas songs every second I can. I love my Christmas cheesiness.

Earlier this month, I decorated the tree with my younger cousins, and me and my mom gave them each these cute little ornaments we found at a store. The youngest got the Cars ornament (that little boy LOVES Cars, I swear), the second youngest got Dora, and the oldest got a Spongebob one. The youngest were so excited that they got their very own ornament that we couldn't calm them down for a few hours afterwards. It made me wonder if they'd ever had something like that before, their own ornaments on their own Christmas tree, but something tells me that they haven't. (To catch my drift, check out this entry from last Christmas.) Me and my mom agreed to include them in as many of our Christmas traditions as we could, and so far, they've really loved it, and so have we. It's almost as if we're seeing Christmas as new again, from brand new eyes. It's beautiful, truly.

So, I've been doing as many holiday things as I can possibly fit into my time. You should see my room, completely decked out in garland and candy canes and lights and SPARKLES. I also wanted to go see Santa at the mall, but unfortunately, it looks like I won't get to. (What?! I'm a teenager still! I'm still young! It'd be weirder if I went in my 20's, or something!)

I can't believe as of now, it's only four days until Christmas. This entire month flew by. It feels like I should still be eating Thanksgiving leftovers right now. (Which, by the way, was great. And as for leftovers this year, they were gone faster then they usually go. I guess that's what happens when you have 8 people in one house.)

Lately, things financially have been especially tight, so I'm not expecting much under the tree this year. But to be completely honest, I've passed that stage in my life where I want as many gifts for Christmas as possible. I'm old enough to realize now that just being with my family and having the things we already have is enough. I have a wonderful family, a home, a bed to sleep in, and great friends. I really couldn't ask for anything better than that.

(Told you I love Christmas cheese.)

In other other news, Best Friend Rose spent the night last night, and on the floor, she's still sleeping like the dead. Considering it's still before noon, I have the feeling I'll be entertaining myself for a while longer. Sigh.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: christmas 2011, jazz, school, senior year

present

past