♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






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it's happening...finally.}
Sunday, August 31, 2014 | 9:58 PM | 0Comment

Internet, hey!!

So. I've been pretty busy the past month, which is why I haven't updated, and guess what for?

Preparation. For. School.

Yup. You read that right. School. Me. Going to school. After waiting for two years--but really, more like 5 years. Sitting in an actual classroom, listening to an actual lecture, having actual homework. For the first time in 5 whole years.

Mind blown, right?

I started last week. It's still really surreal...I didn't think it would feel real until I stepped through the doors of the campus on my first day. It felt sort of real then, and then felt sort of real on my second day. I think it'll feel sort of real doing and then submitting my first real homework too.

I think it'll finally feel like a solid, tangible, real thing that's happening when going to class becomes routine, and I get used to it. Maybe it hasn't fully hit me yet because it still feels like a special occurrence, like a two time thing and then that's it.

But still...it's happened. After all this time, it's happened.

Let me tell you all about the craziness leading up to it:

I knew I wanted--no, NEEDED--to start school this semester, or I would go completely raving, twitching, chair throwing insane. The anticipation has been building and building inside of me since this time last year, especially considering how things collapsed and didn't work out then. Ever since, I've been thinking restlessly about it.

I'd been feeling especially...how do I put it? Kind of...pathless. I'd been feeling especially pathless lately. Kind of empty. For a bit, I was okay with my lifestyle: no school and no job to fill my time, spending it bettering myself and doing things that I liked to do. But in recent months, that wasn't enough anymore. The things I filled my time with before were fragile and shallow, and only kept me happy for so long before I felt miserable again.

Not to mention that goals I had once set for myself had disappeared somewhere along the way, making me feel like my future was non-existent. That's how I knew that it was time now for school, for real this time.

So, I worked hard.

I studied for the placement test I had to take to place me into my beginning classes, and I went to the testing center and took it. I met with a guidance counselor to help me choose classes, I applied for financial aid (all for pretty much nothing in the end, but I'll get to that in a second), I registered for classes. I got it all done.

Now, unfortunately, because of some unforeseen complication with financial aid (not having the required paperwork for it, long story short my parents have not done their taxes yet because of financial issues and got an extension, but I can't get financial aid without my parents having that done) I had to drop 2 of my original 3 classes, giving me only 1 class to start out with this semester. (So that we could afford to pay for school out of pocket, since it's a community college.) I was pretty disappointed about that at first, especially because one of the classes I had to drop was ballet, which, if you've read this blog for a while now, you'd know that I've been wanting to take that for 2 YEARS NOW, haha. But, oh well. Maybe next semester?

So now, I'm taking English Composition, and I have class twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Easiest schedule ever, right? But I think it's the perfect way to ease my way back into school; not too much at once, and with a subject that I enjoy. Plus, my professor is cool. She used to be a screenwriter, and her and her husband run a karate dojo.

 I bought a cute cheap backpack online(baby pink and floral pattern!), some notebooks and pens and a binder, and now I'm taking this one day at a time. Even if it's only 1 class, it's a huge deal for me.

I'm finally doing something real with my life now. It's small, but it's something.

Plus: I made a classmate friend, Katherine*. She talked to me first on the first day of school, told me she liked my skirt. She's 19, almost 20, and took a year off between high school and college, and spends all her free time on the internet, like me! Hahaha. We've agreed to be each other's life line to the class, in case one of us is absent one day and we need the assignment, and so on. I was worried I wouldn't make any friends at all, let alone so soon, so this is a huge relief for me, and I feel really grateful.

Big steps and little steps, Internet. Big steps and little steps.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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