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...time for another...

BULLETPOINT ENTRY!!!!!

• Kay. First things first: BFR's birthday. It wasn't nearly as awkward as I'd anticipated, and honestly I think that sometimes things are so much more awkward in my imagination then they actually are. (I need a label for my mind that reads: WARNING - Objects in the future may be less terrifying then they appear. trolol *bricked*) Jerry is much nicer than I remembered, although we did have some awkward moments, though that's just because we've never been particularly in the same circles before and basically barely know each other. But other than that, it was a fun time. And the restaurant was really fun and had great food, I really don't know what the hell I was talking about before. Maybe I was confusing it with a different place? Hahaha. It was about 60 miles away from our city, but I rode in Jerry's car with Rose up there, and it was pretty fun, aside from Siri giving us the wrong directions about 3 times and getting us lost a little (although Jerry's car has a broken window in the back that won't close, and me being me I sat in the seat right next to it. Afterwards my hair looked like Ke$ha's after going through a tornado.). After dinner, Rosie jokingly suggested we go clubbing in one of the high-end inner city clubs, and I imagine that because of the look of horror on my face was so obvious that she didn't even bother bringing it up again, haha. I feel kind of bad about that, but honestly? Me in the club? In my long, bohemian maxi dress and my 14-year-old-esque face with my 11-year-old-stature? No way I'd be let in. No freaking way. And plus even if I was let in, I'd probably have a mental breakdown, or get eaten alive by regular club goers. Gulp.
• Due to some pretty intense persuasion (along with some may-or-may-not-be-rhetorical threats) from Best Friend Rose, she convinced me to reactivate my Facebook. Sigh. Yup. Well, what can I say? I lasted 10 months without a Facebook. I lasted more than some people, at least. But I decided that I shouldn't have to suffer and therefore decided on impulse to delete more than 200 people off of my friends list, only leaving people that I actually talk to, really like, appreciate, and family members. It was like freeing myself from shackles. I only have 44 friends now, but considering they're all people I love having in my life, that's all I need.
• Speaking of friends, Jazz is sort of getting on my nerves again. It's not at the point where I don't want to be her friend (you know, like all that drama last time) but it's just little things lately. Like how she's spending every waking hour with her boyfriend and honestly never stops talking about him. Ever. Which I find annoying, regardless of who it is. And I'm not just nit picking here. A few weeks ago, she decided to introduce him to my parents. So unannounced, she randomly shows up at my house with him. Yup. Just strolls on in with her bf to introduce him to MY PARENTS. Don't get me wrong, he is a cool dude, and I like him, but COME ON. And not only that, but a week ago, she brought him over again to try to sell me and my parents this vacation club membership--Which, not gonna lie here. That kinda pissed me off. Because if she had any idea of the kind of summer I had, she would realize that my family doesn't even have the money right now to send me community college (but more on that in a minute). We're still recovering finances from moving last month, so much so that we're currently living paycheck to paycheck. Where the hell would we get the money to blow on vacations?? My family has been in debt for the last decade or so, and I haven't been on a vacation since I was 7. I get her intent was good, and I get that she's just doing what the job requires (she works for this vacation company), but I just think it was a little inconsiderate. Anyway, that's that. Perhaps a tiny break from Jazz will do us some good for now.
• Last week was particularly hellish, and I'll write a separate entry for it because holy wow. Not to worry though, things are much much better now because:
• IMPORTANT THINGS COMING UP: Ballet lessons. AND POSSIBLY A JOB. And then college in the spring.
• We found this great little dance studio that only has lessons for $48 bucks a month, so we're currently scraping together money for my first month and my dance gear. But we're signing me up this weekend, and then it's official. I'll officially be taking ballet lessons. First lesson is next Friday. SO EXCITED YOU HAVE NO IDEA. 
• AND AND AND. This Friday, I have my first job interview ever. EVER. It's for the pet store that's in the shopping center literally right behind our house, and they sell organic pet food and offer pet grooming. You guys have no idea how excited I am to work at this place. A few weeks ago, almost a month ago in fact, I'd walked in and asked if they were hiring. The owner told me that they weren't at the moment, but handed me a business card and told me to email her my resume and she'd contact me if there was an opening. I emailed it to her, and literally a few days ago, she emailed me back telling me they may have an opening and asked if I could come in for an interview! SO, we scheduled my interview for this Friday at 3:00pm. Guys. GUYS. I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW. A. JOB. INTERVIEW. ME. GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NECESSARY INCESSANT EXCLAMATION POINTS AND CAPSLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
• So I've definitely 100% decided on starting college in the Spring instead of this month, if that wasn't obvious, considering I haven't even written about school and August is nearly over, haha. But do to financial reasons, and also personal reasons, I decided it would be best to start in Spring 2013. Which  gives me the break I had somewhat originally intended myself to have in the first place. It gives my family more time to get together the funds necessary for school, and I'll have some experience with a job before starting school. I think it'll be a great experience for me this way. I have to say, though, it's so weird seeing all the back-to-school commericals and thinking they apply to me...then realizing they don't. At least not right now. This is the first time in 12+ years that I haven't had to start school in August. Not gonna lie, it's pretty awesome. And I'd better not forget how awesome it feels, because I won't experience this again until I finish college, lol.

Labels: ballet, best friend rose, bulletpoint entry, jazz, summer, updates, work

But stumbling across this Wikipedia page set off more than one alarm in my head. I know it's just Wikipedia, and I shouldn't let it freak me out, but I digress. I think if I only related to one thing on this list, or a few things, I would disregard it and move on. But every single one of these immediately reminded me of me.

From Wikipedia:

Signs and symptoms

• Hypersensitivity to rejection/criticism
• Self-imposed social isolation
• Extreme shyness or anxiety in social situations, though the person feels a strong desire for close relationships^[10]
• Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus
• Feelings of inadequacy
• Severe low self-esteem
• Self-loathing
• Mistrust of others
• Emotional distancing related to intimacy
• Highly self-conscious
• Self-critical about their problems relating to others
• Problems in occupational functioning
• Lonely self-perception, although others may find the relationship with them meaningful
• Feeling inferior to others
• In some more extreme cases — agoraphobia
• Utilizes fantasy as a form of escapism and to interrupt painful thoughts^[11][12]

Labels: life, sarah flipping a shit but what else is new, therapy

At first she'd told me that she wasn't planning anything for her birthday. At first meaning 5 days ago when she spent the night.

Then, literally hours ago, she texted saying that we were going out to dinner tomorrow in the next town over in a popular restaurant with her mom, her sisters, Jezebel, and Jerry (who Rosie's pretty close with these days, interesting considering their history. I've written about him before I'm sure, but only briefly. Long story short, Jerry and Rosie and a slight thing freshman year of HS but never dated.). WAY last minute.

Internet, you should know by now my aversion to last minute plans, and apparently after 15 some years Rosie hasn't. So yeah, I was super annoyed that she didn't tell me sooner at first, (and still kinda am, but I'll be over it by tomorrow), but I would be a pretty terrible friend if I decided to bail on her on her birthday just because I didn't feel like going.

So I'm going to suck it up and go even though the restaurant we're going to has awful food and screaming little kids everywhere and I don't really like Jerry all that much. Besides, its been a good while since I've actually gone out somewhere for a special occasion. So hey, should be fun. Hopefully.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: best friend rose

I'm right here!

Yup. Lives across the country from me, and is a bit slow to reply to messages sometimes (considering he messaged me first), but understandable, because damn. Daaaamn. I haven't seen someone so attractive on OKC for a long time, possibly ever. The amount of lady fans he must have, wow.

And I mean, look at his profile. Pokemon master. Straight edge. The Great Gatsby. Good literature. Comic books. Edgar Allen Poe. Tattoos, gauges and other various piercings. And he's clever.

Mother of GOD. Move across the country and marry me now, please. PLEASE. Like really. Right now.

Usually I don't even reply to guys that aren't from my state at least, but clearly I'll make an exception here. And a little hipster-y, which is weird because I'm usually not really into hipster guys, but also clearly making an exception here, because wow. Just. Wow. WOW.

I know that absolutely nothing will come of this, but hey. If anything, I'll have another nice online friend to talk to for a little bit. And it's not like he's bad to look at either, if I haven't mentioned that yet. Whew. We'll call him Gatsby.

Labels: Gatsby, okcupid, online dating

present

past