♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






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Snow.}
Thursday, February 2, 2012 | 12:16 PM | 0Comment

Well, Internet. This is when I get back up again and dust myself off.

Uncle passed away the morning of Friday January 20th, and we were informed later that day. His wife said he had passed peacefully, and that he said he loved our family very much. He also said that I was like another granddaughter to him.

The past few weeks, I've just been coming to terms with it. I'm still sad that he's gone, but I'm happy that he doesn't have to be in pain anymore, and that he left this world peacefully.

We went to his memorial last week, and yesterday was his funeral. Both were very hard, and very sad, but that's to be expected. But after yesterday, I feel something like a sense of peace.

Lately, I've been okay. At first I felt like I wouldn't be, but I am now.

When deaths happen, you really do realize how fragile life is. I don't think I'll ever not be afraid of death, but something I'm starting to learn is that worrying about the future won't help anything. People drive themselves crazy worrying about things that they can't change. Instead, I need to focus on what I'm doing now.

Instead of always thinking things like 'Oh my god, I'm going to die one day!!!'--which by the way, I know is a ridiculous thing to worry about at this age. I'm not even in my twenties yet!--I'm going to think about how I can make the present useful.

Everyday is a new day, and a new opportunity to do awesome things. I become so comfortable with routine, but I'm realizing I should start to challenge that. Anything is possible. Why settle for ordinary?

So lately, I've been okay. And you know what? That's more than enough.

I finally got out of AP Literature. Considering the recent events, I didn't end up finishing all the coursework, like I'd wanted. But, by the due date, I just didn't see the point.

Especially since the two research papers--which by that point, I had five days to do--were 900 points combined or something crazy like that, and it required all this crazy insane college-level stuff that I'm positive I could barely handle doing in two weeks, let alone less than one. And by then, even if by some miracle I DID finish them, I probably wouldn't have had time to do the final exam, and I would've failed anyway. So. I just decided, you know what? I screwed up royally. And at this point, I really can't do anything to salvage my grade in this class. So I'm done.

And I called my counselor and explained to her what happened, every single detail, and she totally understood. And she signed me right up for the other semester of Honors English. Even got my old English teacher on the line to give me some words of encouragement (he said I was a rock star--I knew I always liked him!)

So I've already started both semesters at the same time, and you know what? I LOVE IT. In fact, I'm happier with my classes right now than I've been all year. I feel like I look forward to English class again, just like before. And it's such a relief.

SO. Needless to say I'm feeling much better as of late. No stress migraines. No lack of sleep. No stress rash. I'm okay.

Lately, I haven't gotten to see much of Jazz or Best Friend Rose but we've all been pretty dang busy. I've only seen Jazz once since Christmas, but she stopped by after school one day and we chatted a little, so that was nice.
I've seen Rose twice though, once to see Beauty and The Beast in 3D (always flawless, tbh.) and the other to have "coffee" and I put quotes because every time we go to "coffee" we just sit and talk at Starbucks and drink nothing because we're both broke. But it was time together nevertheless, and that's always welcomed.

Right now, I'm just getting back into the routine of regular everyday stuff (which was at first hard to do with all the residual AP stress and all). I always forget how much I hate finals until I get back to normal everyday lessons and realize how much I missed them.

Today it snowed, which is actually my favorite type of weather, over sun and wind and rain. I swear. I love the cold. I love it. It hasn't snowed here since a huge storm a few days before Christmas, and I've missed it.
And when it started to snow today, which was probably the calmest day I've had in quite a while, it kind of felt like a sign, like everything would be okay. And it will. And sometimes it's hard to see that that's true, but in the end, things do get better.

And even if they're not better right away, with some time, they will be.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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