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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






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And just when you thought she was gone...}
Sunday, February 13, 2011 | 9:20 PM | 0Comment

Hello, Internet! Long time no see.

I've since gotten over my cold since last entry, and after life decided to throw me down and kick me in the stomach, I've bounced back and I'm back to 100%!

...well at least I was, until I realized it was February. February. The bane of my mother effing existence.

And I'd pretty much handled it well up until today. You know, all the Valentine's Day sales ads, triple the amount of jewelry store commercials, so much pink and purple everywhere that it looks like an army of Carebears threw up. I was taking it surprisingly well up until now.

Today me and Best Friend Rose decided to do our Valentine's Day early, since the real V-day this year is on a Monday and it would be weird to try and do something after school. So as soon as I woke up this morning, I had breakfast and got dressed so I could go to Walgreens and get her gift. I picked out some gummy roses, a cute heart picture frame, and a Disney Princess card(it was Snow White, just an FYI.)

Right after that, me and Mom went to pick Rosie up so she could hang out for a few hours at my house. We had originally planned to have Ashley (Rosie's oldest sister) pick us up from my house to go see Burlesque at the dollar theater around 6, but we decided to go to the mall first before the movie. SO, we went to the mall around 4.

Now. I was dressed pretty casually, in a gray heart sweater and a high rise skirt (doesn't sound very casual, but for some reason skirts+tights/leggings have become the norm for me these days. Funny, because in Middle School I wouldn't touch a skirt with a 10-foot pole.) I also had very minimal makeup on, which I've been doing a lot more these days for no reason in particular, just because I guess. But I obviously wasn't looking for any attention (even just the word 'attention' gives me hives, okay.) I think that's part of the reason why this happened like it did.

Let me start from the beginning. So. We're at the mall. And by some insane twist of fate, we're there at the same time as one of Rose's exes, one of which their break-up did not go well at all. So after we spot him and his friend, we basically play the avoid-an-awkward-meeting-with-the-ex game and try to stay as far from them as possible. So while we were doing this, I suggest, 'Hey! Why don't we go into Hot Topic!' partly because I figure it wouldn't be his type of store, and partly because I haven't been there in forever, so we go in.

I'm oohing and ahhing over everything I see, and Rose trails me around the store patiently. I finally decide on a really cute headband with a huge sequined bow on it, and I go stand in line to pay. Totally normal. Right? I was perfectly fine. Until I got up to the register.

Why? Oh, nothing. Except register-guy is fine. Like, FOINE. And I very rarely use that term seriously.
Tall. Blonde hair with brown highlights, long and spiky. Lip ring. Totally hot. And it's weird because I thought I stopped being into that 'type' a while ago, but I mean, wow.

And I did okay at first. I did acknowledge that he was attractive, yes, but I held it together pretty well. He asked how it was going, quietly, and I responded with a 'fine' and reciprocated the question.

He gestured to the headband I was purchasing and asked if my fashion inspiration was Lady Gaga, and that he bet that I got compared to her a lot. I chuckled and said that he'd be surprised at how often I didn't get compared to her. Good so far, right? I had just the right amount of equal parts flirty and seemingly uninterested. I was doing good.

But then he asks, "So, are you in school?"

Somehow it feels like I've been found out. My resolve and confidence waver a little. "Uhm, yeah. I'm a junior." I almost say 'I'm a junior in high school', but don't want him thinking that I think he's dim, do I?

He nods like he hadn't expected that answer, but that he was cool with it. And I think about how hot his lip ring is. And then he says something else. But I totally don't even hear him because I'm ogling his lip ring.

And when I snap out of it and see him looking at me expectantly, I lose my cool. I mean, if I had any cool at all to begin with, I lost it. I lost all of it.
I suddenly get jittery and answer with the most generic answer, 'yeah', because one that could easily fit with any kind of question, although that's not necessarily a good thing. For all I know, he could of asked, 'So what do you think about airline food?' and 'Yeah!' isn't really a good answer for that.

And I could tell that 'yeah' didn't make sense with what he had asked me at all, because he just looks at me blankly, like he was maybe questioning himself if I was mentally retarded. So I scramble to cover up my mistake, and after a second of thought, I realize that he possibly could have asked which school I go to, which makes sense, right?

So, I speak again. "Well...uh...yeah....I uh....I used to go to her (pointing to Rosie, who's just staring at me from five feet away, probably listening to all of this happening with pity) school, but um...now I'm homeschooled...and...yeah..." I glance at his facial expression, which hasn't changed since I started talking, which I decide is probably bad, so I keep talking for some reason that I cannot even fathom. "It's uh...not that bad. Yeah...not as bad as people think it is...it's cool..." (Meanwhile he's probably confirming all of those rumors about homeschooled kids in his head right now.)

He just nods without saying anything--bless that man's soul for sparing me, because I was already embarrassed enough as it was--and he hands me my receipt and change, which I almost drop because my hands are shaking. He then hands me my headband because I very nearly forget it in a rush to get the hell out of there.

I take it, smile shakily and say as I turn around, 'Have a nice day', even though IT'S ALREADY NIGHT (though, bless his soul again, he said it back, probably to humor me), and I nearly walk straight into Best Friend Rose.

AND THEN I GOT THE HELL OUT OF THERE AND CURLED UP IN A BALL AND DIED THE END.

I have to say. This tops my record of embarrassing moments. In fact, I think this beats every one of my records, in the past and future, for the rest of my life.

I have never in my life been that nervous around a guy. Ever. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I've never been caught shamelessly ogling a guy while I'm supposed to be having a conversation with him. And maybe it also had something to do with my bad habit of zoning out while guys talk to me because I get too deep in my thoughts. (See entry Noodles and Butter Knives, Oct 2 of last year.)

Either way, it was my fault. Maybe this'll teach me once and for all to actually listen to guys when they talk, instead of creating a narrative in my head.

And so. After that, we went to go see the movie (which I loved, by the way), and I started to feel a little better again. Until I got home and started writing this entry. Hah.

At least I can take comfort in the fact that I'll most likely never see him again, especially since I live in a big city, and I never go to the mall.

And at least I can spend my usual Valentines Day (eating and watching sappy things while simultaneously hating every second of them) knowing that yes, I'm single, but at least I don't have to deal with any guy drama. I don't have to worry about why a guy didn't talk to me that day, or why he didn't text me, or why he doesn't like me. I can live my life without worrying about these things.

Here's to a decent Single Awareness Day, Internet. If you're taken, have a grand ol' time with your significant other, and if you're single like me, screw the romance, just have fun. (And don't talk about your homeschooling when nobody asks about it and don't say 'Have a nice day' when it's already nighttime.)

xo Hopeless Romantic

(PS: Plus, I get to spend a good part of my Valentine's Day writing a research paper. How's that for romance, hmm?)

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