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Why hello there, Internet.

It's been awhile....again. But I promise you, I have a good excuse this time! How can one blog when nothing happens?

D:

No, seriously, I feel like my days have been on repeat lately.
Wake up. Get breakfast. Log-in to school. Work. Take Lunchbreak. Work again. Finish work, watch Gilmore Girls. Check e-mail, Facebook, Myspace and Twitter. Have dinner. Take shower. Go to bed. Sleep. Repeat.

AUGH.

Day after day. I feel like I've already started a boring, cubicle-bound career, never to be released. And I'm only a sophomore.

I honestly hoped I could blog an update exciting enough to tell you guys, but seriously. Nothing.

Okay, well actually, two weeks ago, I went to a party. It was Jessica Simpson's 16th birthday party, actually. There was girls and boys and food and loud music and dancing...and it was surprisingly boring. To be truthful, it was first official High School party. I was kinda disappointed. And it wasn't Jessica Simpson's fault, she's a great party-thrower, let me tell you. She had all the elements, and she's always the life of the party.

The only problem...it was chaperoned.

And a lot of people didn't like that. There supposedly was about 150+ people invited, but people came and left the entire time. Many people left at one point just because they found out there wasn't booze. Sigh.

I was really frustrated with them. Tons of people refused to dance, and it made the whole atmostphere still and formal, even with the flashing lights and pulsing music. Everyone refused to eat the food. When Jessica Simpson asked people if they wanted cake, everyone said no. I actually though it was kind of rude. And besides me and Best Friend Rose, only three other people bought her a present. And the party was supposed to officially end around 2 AM, but so many people left by 12:30, the DJ started packing up by then.

I felt bad for Jessica, I didn't think she deserved all that. So really, it wasn't her fault the party was so bad.

So besides the party that nobody talked about afterwards, I have also been to two home football games. The first one, a lot of people in our grade were there, and I got a lot of hugs and excited people greeting me. It was actually pretty nice, considering maybe half of them hardly talked to me the year before. I had a feeling that would happen, since you know, distance makes the heart grow fonder and something or other.
I had also dyed my hair black since I saw them (don't worry, I'm not gothic now. I'm still the one and only Hopeless Romantic. It just goes with my skin tone better, is all.) and a lot of people commented on that. It cheered me up a little.

The football game I went to tonight was the Homecoming game. Not only was it extremely cold, colder than I'd ever been in my recent memory (thank you, cold front.), but there were tons of people there. Definitely didn't get as many greeters as last time, but not alot of the same people were there, so it was understandable.
I was supposed to go to the Homecoming dance with Johnny, as friends of course, but he dropped out last minute because he couldn't go. Then I was supposed to go with Best friend Rose, but she ended up not wanting to go because she told some guy that asked her that she wasn't going, and it would be awkward if she showed up and he was there.

I'm not upset, really. I guess all the hype goes with actually being in the school in the weeks leading up to Homecoming, because I wasn't all that excited anyway. At least I hadn't already bought a dress.

And anyway, I've spent the last month cooped up in the school room, trying to catch up on all the assignments I missed. It turns out, I enrolled late, and I was way behind. I'm still catching up, it's kinda stressful. But I'll catch up eventually, I'm sure.

It's just that this past month, I've thought about stuff. Alot. I mean, you have alot of thinking time when you're by yourself and the dog all the time. And I finally figured out that there are a few perks of this whole online school thing.

Like for one, I can do school in my pj's, and nobody will stare. Be jealous.

And I can do the work at my own pace, on my own time. So I can sleep in if I want to!

And I can read as loudly as I want and reply sarcastically to the computer screen/lesson without getting in trouble.

But I mean, it's still really weird. Really weird. My teachers keep calling my cell phone. How did they even get my cell phone number? I never answer when they call me, because it's just too weird. I don't even talk on the phone with my friends, I text them. So then why would I want to talk to my teachers on the phone? D:

And at first, it was kinda hard to focus on the work. I'm starting to associate the other room with schoolwork now. The school sent me a special school computer and school books and everything, so it's all in that room.

I learned that I love to read. It was something that I love to do endlessly as a kid. In elementary school, I read Junie B. Jones books and Cam Jansen books and Jigsaw Jones books and Goosebumps books all the time. I also read every Mary-kate and Ashley book ever written. I think it went away for a while because it was seen as 'uncool' to read in middle school. And I guess it still kind is, but I honestly don't care anymore. It's something I've rediscovered lately. I read nine novels this summer, and that's more than I read the entire year last year.

And I also learned that I'm maybe smarter than I thought I was. Since I was in a Private school ever since Preschool, one with kind of advanced learning, I forgot I was kind of ahead of Public schools in my area. The online school is based on Public school studies, so in a way, I'm kind of ahead. Everything I'm doing in lessons are so familiar to me, like I'd done them already, and I'm in a Junior science class. I have all A's. I feel like such a nerd.

And you know why? I realized I want good grades. Before, I was just kind of like, 'Oh, well, I'll do as well as I do on this test. Who cares if it's a B or C or whatever.' But now I want it to be an A. I'm disappointed with anything else.

Oh my God. What's happening to me?!

It can't be that I've already matured more in a month's time. I've only been doing this a month. I keep finding out more and more things about myself.

I just hope this can be what finally helps me find who I am. I've been struggling with that lately. I hate it when everyone just expects you to know your limits, know your priorities, know what you want. But what if you don't know who you are?

For some people, it takes their whole life to find out who they are. I don't want that to happen. I want to find out the real me, find her before something else happens and she gets more and more hidden from me. I feel like if I finally get to figure that out, more things will make more sense. I won't have to question myself, or the things I do. Because I hate that.

So, I'm thinking this could be the key to bringing me a step closer to that.

Meanwhile, though, Internet, I am simply going mad without human contact.

Mad.

Because it's not like I can just call one of my friends and go, "Heyyyy, what's goin' on? :D" because they're all in class. And then I'll try talking to my dog, but she just stares at me. Plus, that's kinda weird. And she's not human.

And I see my parents, of course, but I see them all the time. There's a difference. Haha.

And honestly, Internet, that's it. No boy news as of yet. And I don't see how any could start any time soon. Unless I get a new hot neighbor, which seems unlikely, I wouldn't expect any soon.

Okay, sorry for this long post. I felt like since I hadn't written in forever, I owed it to you. Hahaha.

Waiting for life to start,

xo Hopeless Romantic

PS: Thank you Shayne and Alex! Your words were so inspiring.

Labels: life, sophomore year

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