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 "This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against." 
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Trains and Goodbyes.}
Wednesday, August 17, 2011 | 7:37 PM | 1Comment  Internet, the trip was, in a word, AWESOME.
The resort we went to was in a little ski town in the mountains, and let me just say, it was gorgeous up there. Absolutely gorgeous. And when I say it was in the mountains, it was way way in the mountains. Due to traffic and an added pit stop (at Starbucks for the bathroom, and at McD's for fries because we were all STARVING.), it took about 3 hours to drive there. But every second up there was amazing. I'd never been to that part of my state before, and it was great to be able to see how beautiful it was up there. We were so high up, that the very highest mountain peaks there still had snow on the their tops. Which, of course, meant that it was much cooler than I was used to this time of year, and stupid me, I only packed one hoodie and one long pair of pants (the pants being white. White. Don't ask me please, I have no idea.) So while I was up there, I bought this pair of large fleece men's pajama pants from a thrift store (it was called Thrift Store. Gotta love small towns!) They're black and white, and they have fly fishing patterns all over them, including compasses and fish and a guy holding a net, and they're ugly, but I love them for the reason that I'll always look at them and remember Best Friend Rose's 18th birthday trip. Everybody up there is super athletic. Super super athletic. Almost everyone rides bicycles, and it's like the county-wide dress code is Nike and Adidas. And I do not recall seeing anyone even a little bit remotely overweight up there. None. It's like they all came out of the womb with 5% body fat. We all stood out with our 'city clothes', and I guess our regular muscle mass index, and there were people staring at us all the time, but part of me liked it, because they were strangers, and we were strangers to them, and we could have been anything we wanted. Anything at all. It felt good. We stayed in a condo, and me and BFR and I shared a room. It was a nice little condo, with cable and WiFi and a nice back porch with a great view. ...However, it was also directly next to a train track. So, every hour, it would chug on by, honking a honk that echoed throughout the entire area. Which is kind of cute at first. Until you're trying to sleep at 3am and all of a sudden there's a wake-the-dead honk splitting your eardrums. I swear, the entire first night we stayed, I got no sleep whatsoever. Every time the train would pass, I would have a near full blown panic attack because I wouldn't even hear it approaching that clearly until all of a sudden there would be this "CHOOOOOOOOO CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and I would jump about half a foot off of my bed. And not only THAT, but also on that first night, there was a friendly neighborhood bear searching for some food to eat in our dumpster. Only I didn't know it was a bear. Because the first thought you have when you hear a violent clanking and banging somewhere nearby at 3:30am is that a ghost/burglar/serial killer is coming to kill you. So I was laying there wide awake in a strange bed, my heart pounding hard in my chest, terrorized by this train, and terrorized by this bear/ghost/burglar/killer. The end result was me getting 1 hour of actual sleep and getting out of bed as soon as the sun came up. The other nights were better, though. I ended up sleeping with my iPod earbuds in my ears, and they worked decidedly well as earplugs. All day Saturday, we were riding the alpine slides (SO fun), playing mini golf, running through a maze, and jumping on one of those bungee trampoline things. Rosie and her nephew Adam (reference point) rode one of those round-spinning-defy gravity thingers, but I preferred to watch them shriek inside it and then laugh at them both when they came out all cross-eyed and cross-legged. We also, incidentally, spent some time at the on-site hospital they had. It turned out, on our first ride down the alpine slide, Best Friend Rose's mom went way too fast, somehow wiped out and ended up dislocating her pinkie and breaking her ring finger. We were all shocked, because apparently it's difficult to get an injury on this particular ride, but somehow she'd managed to. We all felt terrible for her, but she was a trooper and spent the rest of the day with us all with a partial cast and sling. The trip had its sad moments too, however. Very shortly before this trip, Best Friend Rose's oldest sister, Ashley (reference point) had decided that she was going to move to Texas. Soon. As in, she told everyone on Friday and then she was leaving on Monday soon. And granted, she's lived here all her life with Adam, so this came as a huge surprise. 
So, seeing as she had to move down there soon to get Adam to his new school, which started on Tuesday, they had to leave early, on Sunday, instead of Monday like us. Sunday was an emotional day for everyone. Basically, from breakfast on, it was nonstop tears. Even from me, which surprised me, because even though I've felt close to Ashley and Adam, I didn't really think I'd cry. But after we all started talking about them leaving, like actually leaving, it hit me that they weren't just my best friend's family members, they were like my family too. And that I would miss them. A lot. When it was time for them to leave, at first Adam refused to leave with his mom, begging not to leave, crying. Have you ever seen a 10 year old boy cry? I don't recommend it. Because it's heartbreaking. Truly heartbreaking. So we all said our goodbyes by their car, all of us still crying. I tried very hard to hold it together, because I felt like I didn't deserve to be so sad. After all, I was close to them, but for Rosie, that was her family. Adam is practically her world. I've never seen her love any child like she loves Adam. And Rosie's mom was losing a daughter and a grandson. But I could hardly look either of them in the face as I hugged them and said goodbye, because it hit me that I really was saying goodbye. And if there was anything I learned about this trip, Internet, it was that I'm awful at goodbyes. After they left, the three of us settled in the condo living room and watched chick flicks for the rest of the day. And it was just what the doctor ordered. The last day, it mostly consisted of running around and packing everything up, making sure to clean this and clean that. And I took pictures of everything, because I had finally grown fond of everything, and I wanted to make sure I didn't forget it. I even wanted to take a picture of the train by the end, but ironically, the one time I wanted to hear and see it again, it didn't show up. So after all was said and done, we drove home, and left that small ski town behind. It was a short trip, but it was great. I don't regret any second of it, and I couldn't have asked for a better way to end my summer. And thanks to it, I can add a few more items to my list of firsts from this summer:
Goodbye, Summer 2011. You were good to me. xo Hopeless Romantic Labels: firsts, goodbyes, summer, trips British Doctor Man.}
Wednesday, August 10, 2011 | 8:54 PM | 1Comment "Hey there. I'm Max*. You sound pretty rad--though I've been a bit intimidated to message you, seeing as how I don't do much reading. (I assume by reading you mean reading novels. In this case, the last book I read was Crime and Punishment and that was quite awhiles ago. I'm sad to say it but I mostly read technical literature.) I decided to get over it, though. Your being pretty is a good motivator. How much High School do you have left?" Hello, Max/British Doctor man. When I looked at your profile after we began talking for a while, I was very impressed to see that you're studying in London for your Ph. D. Very impressed. And don't ask why I gave you this nickname, seeing as you're not really British and you're not a doctor yet. Just roll with it. However, I also saw that you're leaving my city to go back to London to continue studying in a matter of a week. Thanks for asking me to coffee. You're very nice, and cute, and polite, and I wish you all the luck in the world for your Ph. D. But dude, come on. You're going back to England. Even if we hit things off and we decided right on the first date we wanted to have a white picket fence and hordes of 75% black 25% white children, long distance is a killer. You'll be living your fabulous London 21 year old college life, and I'm a mid-western homeschooled High School girl with no driver's license. Of course, you don't know this yet, and something tells me all of this wouldn't go very well. So I'll have to say no this time. But I hope you find a British girl that tickles your fancy (was that inappropriate in this context?). Go get 'em! Sincerely, Sarah PS: And to Drew, whom revived his OKCupid profile a little while ago not-so-subtly, please stop creeping on my profile. I can see when you visit it, which is every day since you brought back your account, and quite frankly, it's weirding me out. Thank you. Labels: british doctor man, drew, okcupid Jazz/Happenings/Sleeping Problems, etc.}
| 6:48 PM | 0Comment  GREETINGS.
Here's some updates for you. The whole thing with Jazz was...okay. I mean, it wasn't awful or terrible, but it wasn't particularly great either. Like I said last entry, at the beginning, it was so weird between us. Before when we'd hang out, everything was comfortable and we always had a blast. This time, though, we were strangely quiet and mostly just watched TV at the beginning. And when we did talk, there was certain look on her face that made me feel like she was silently uninterested. Jazz has been hanging out with other people since the beginning of Junior year, and it shows. You know how sometimes the people you hang out with the most tend rub off on you? Well, the girl that Kaylee has been hanging out with (another Sarah, incidentally) is apparently her 'best friend' now. It was peculiar to me, considering how Jazz tended to go on and on about she hated this Sarah and thought she was insane, but in a year's time, they became best friends. But you never know who you can become friends with, I suppose. So, after we finally started to warm up to each other again, little things she did started to get on my nerves a bit. Like for one, we'd be sitting down and watching something, and then she'd suddenly get up and leave. Ten minutes later, I'd go downstairs and find her striking up a conversation with my parents. My parents. I understand that she likes my parents and all, and this would've been perfectly fine had she done it once. Well, she didn't. She did it FOUR TIMES. The first time was fine, but the rest gave me the impression that she thought I was boring. That my parents were better company than me. And throughout the night, people kept calling her, and not only did she answer all of these calls, but she would proceed to talk to these people for maybe 15-20 minutes at a time. I would get it if they were extremely important calls, but they were 3 of the same people, calling her over and over again, asking to hang out. They knew she was at my house, but they kept offering to come and pick her up to go hang out. To hell with me, I guess. This really grinded my gears. Then, there was the whole outdoor movie thing. We were supposed to go to this parking lot/lawn chair/outdoor movie thing with Best Friend Rose, mostly because I'm crap at planning and I accidentally planned to go to the movie thing and having Jazz come over at the same time. So, after I told Rosie about how I screwed up, she suggested that I bring Jazz to the movie thing and Jazz could just sleep over at my house afterwards. SHE suggested it! Not me! But when I told Jazz about it, she agreed, but didn't seem enthusiastic about it. So when the time comes for us to start getting ready so we can leave, Jazz looks outside and comments that it looks like it's going to rain. I look outside. Just some dark clouds, but we hadn't heard any thunder or anything. "Yeah," I say, and shrug. "But we should be okay." Because even if it rained at my house, it wouldn't have rained at the park where the movie is. Then, for the next ten minutes, Jazz keeps going on and on about the weather and the weather. So finally, I look up the weather. There was a rainstorm warning, but not for the part of down where the park is. So we would be okay. I tell Jazz. The storm, she moans, the storm. My mom pipes in with her complaining. Great. I text Rosie and ask if the movie coordination people are cancelling. She says they never cancel, says that one week it was pouring cats and dogs and the movie still went on. I tell Jazz that they aren't cancelling. "Can't we just go another time?" She asks. "I just really don't want to go anymore. I don't want to be there if it's raining." I'm somewhat disappointed, but what can I do? Drag her there? If she didn't want to go, she didn't want to go. I wasn't going to force her. So I tell her we can just watch movies at home, and then I text Rosie to tell her we can't make it. Her reaction is a bit unexpected. Me: Well now Jazz says she doesn't wanna go. Rosie: Well too bad. Me: Just because of the weather. But, what can you do. Rosie: It's (enter state here). It'll pass in like 10 minutes. Me: I know, right? It's just rain. And it's not even raining right now. Rosie: So you're not coming. And around this time, Rosie directly texts Jazz to ask her why we're not coming. This is obviously not going well. Me: No, because Jazz doesn't want to. Kind of annoyed, but oh well. Rosie: Well idk why you let her. Whoa whoa whoa, HOLD UP NOW, wait a second! How is this my fault now?! Me: Well it's not like I can force her to go if she doesn't wanna be in the rain. Plus, my parents listen to her too, and they're our ride. So. Pretty much no choice here. (How was this reasoning so irrational?!) At this time, Jazz told her why we weren't coming, and Rosie told her it wasn't even raining. Then, Jazz proceeded to respond with, 'Chill dude.' Oh. Oh. Oh snap. If I know anything about Rosie, (and trust me, I know EVERYTHING about her) I know that you NEVER tell her to calm down or she'll rip out your jugular with her bare hands. Even if you think you should tell her to calm down, you just don't do it. You're as good as dead if you tell her that. When Jazz told me she sent that, I mentally did a big giant facepalm. Almost immediately, I got this text: "Hahahaha she just told me, 'chill dude'. Wow." I could almost feel the rage tangibly coming through my phone's screen. I just sent, "Ugh, I'm sorry. This backfired. :(" and told Jazz to leave it alone. I wanted to wash my hands of it before it escalated any more. If I learned one thing from that whole experience it was that Best Friend Rose and Jazz just do not mix. I mean, it was somewhat like that before, but holy shit. I feel like if I ever locked them in a room together they would tear each other apart like fighting chickens. But the big problem is Jazz's attitude towards Rosie. Bad weather? Please. Internet, it didn't rain. Not once. Not even a little bit. And every time I would ask her if that was really why she didn't really want to go, she would get quiet. I get not liking someone. I totally get it. But to go out of your way to completely avoid them, even in events where you should maybe just grin and bear it? A bit childish, if you ask me. I recall talking to Jazz once about Rosie, and I asked her why she didn't like her. "She just seems conceited," she said. "And she acts like she hates me." My jaw dropped open. "She's definitely not conceited," I told her. "And she totally loves you!" Rosie is the complete and utter opposite of conceited. She's one of those annoyingly oblivious beautiful people that you'll say "You are SO gorgeous" to every single day and they still don't see it. And Rosie has NO PROBLEM with Jazz at all (until now, that is). This whole Rosie vs. Jazz thing? All in Jazz's head. Completely and totally. She's basically creating it where it never even existed in the first place, and it's so unnecessary. And Rosie's even told me that she liked Jazz, on countless occasions. And I've told this to Jazz on countless occasions. But part of me thinks that it's more than just that. Jazz has always been friends with more guys than girls, and I just have this feeling that she might have a complex with girly girls. And I get that, I do. When I was going through my middle school tomboy phase, and I only wore graphic t-shirts, baggy bermuda shorts, huge hoodies, and skater shoes (even though I didn't skateboard, although I did wear a lot of surf and skate brands. Poseur to the extreme.) I hated all the pretty girls in my school. I hated how they looked pretty in anything, and I hated how much attention they got from guys. But looking back, I only hated them because I was jealous. My self esteem was at its lowest at that time, and I felt like the ugly duckling whenever I was near them, so I avoided them whenever I could. In the sixth grade, I would come home every day and cry my eyes out. I hated school because everyday I had to see the pretty popular girls and see how ugly I was compared to them. So during this time, I basically became one of the boys. I hung out with the guys, started acting like them and talking like them, and guys liked talking to me because I was cool. I was chill. And being like this was comfortable for me. But at the end of the day the pretty girls were still the ones that got their attention. To this day, I still have some trouble identifying with my more feminine side every once in a while. Acting girly and pretty scared the crap out of me, mostly just because I didn't know how. There was a time when I wouldn't touch anything with flowers or lace on it with a ten foot pole, but I wear them all the time now. I'm more comfortable with expressing my femininity, and I'm happy I can. I'd even say that now I feel pretty. But sometimes I'll still see other gorgeous girls and I feel immediately inferior. Even though I'm much more confident in myself now, I'll probably always feel that jealous inferiority when I see confident, pretty girls because of that time in my life. And as for Jazz, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. When she was over, I remember telling her how I wore dresses more often in the summer (and I do, I have 8 sundresses just for super hot weather!) and she acted strangely, if not a bit weird-ed out. Then she said, "Ew, Sarah! Don't become one of those." I didn't answer, I was too offended to for a few seconds. What's so wrong with wearing dresses if I want to? I don't see any problem with it. Maybe Jazz thinks I'm becoming the type of girl she hates. And I really hope that I'm wrong, I really hope that I can give Jazz the benefit of the doubt and that she wouldn't judge me just for changing up my wardrobe. But at the moment, I don't know if I can. And it makes me sad. So. Besides that long, long night, I've been doing other stuff with Best Friend Rose. Together over the past few weeks we've gone to The Renaissance Fair again (this time we dressed in costumes! 80% more fun, trust me.) got more feather extensions, went to an actual drive-in movie with fresh pizzeria pizza and saw a double feature; Crazy Stupid Love (SUCH a cute movie. Loved it.) and Deathly Hallows pt. 2 (AGAIN--and I bawled my eyes out, AGAIN.), actually went to the park outdoor movie thing (Toy Story 3, and I cried again during THIS ONE TOO.), and I've been sleeping over at her house almost as often as I've slept at my own. AND, on Friday, we leave to a resort in the northern part of our state for the whole weekend for her birthday. Mind you, this is the first trip I've taken since I went to a fancy hotel with my parents in the next city over for a night in the 8th grade. Therefore, this is a BIG DEAL. I'm super excited for it, and it'll be a great way to see off my summer. (I start late next week. Despair.) I'll let you know how it goes! xo Hopeless Romantic Labels: fun stuff woohoo, jazz, life, near catastrophes, summer |
