"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."
Questions? Concerns? Random observations?
Leave me a message here, or email me here. ♥
refresh profile affies follow?♡
the idea of an ideal type.}
Wednesday, July 2, 2014 | 6:58 PM | 2Comment
So, since my date with Kenneth, things have pretty much gone back to normal. I've been talking to my friends, working on my diet (including trying new recipes to try, I'm getting back into cooking and forgot how much how much I used to love it!) and working out.
I also talk to Kenneth once every few days, not about much really, just catching up and some small talk.
Despite all of the initial similarities to my experience with Drew, this whole thing with Kenneth has gone way better. I think it partly has to do with the fact that I'm older now, and slightly more mature and more independent than I used to be a few years ago. Part of the reason things went so downhill with Drew was that I had started to form a sort of expectation about things, since it had been the first time something like that had happened to me, I guess I was more naive about how things would work.
Also, it helped that Kenneth wasn't an ass (lol) and he actually treated me well, and that we were both clear from the start that we weren't looking for anything more than a friend.
But there's one thing that strikes me as hilarious: Let me be clear. Kenneth is an attractive man. A very, very attractive man. And in terms of all of my ideal personal preferences in terms of attraction: he's pretty much it. He works out, has a great physique, not too tall but still taller than me, sexy voice, actually knows a thing or two about my hobbies (he's Korean so he knows about kpop and kdramas and things of that nature that I'm interested in), gentlemanly, laid back, and kind.
BUT. Here's the thing. As for any sort of chemistry between us? Almost none. I'm almost 99% sure that there was 0 chemistry between us.
It's so weird because, again, for the past few years of this dry spell, if I had thought of the ideal person I'd want to date? HE WOULD BE IT. AND WE HAD NO CHEMISTRY AT ALL.
Crazy, right? CRAZY.
I suddenly have this understanding of what people who date all the time are talking about when they talk about chemistry. To be honest, I just never had enough experience with guys that were interested enough to ask me out, let alone discover if I had chemistry with someone.
And I'm starting to realize...chemistry is the thing, man. It's the foundation for feelings. If there's no chemistry...there's nothing.
Looking back, I had chemistry with Ricky Bobby. Definite chemistry with Ricky Bobby. There was always this palpable, heavy, thick, cut-the-air-with-a-knife tension between us every time we were near each other. I think he was the person I had the strongest chemistry with, even if neither of us were never willing to confront it.
And with Phil, we didn't have strong chemistry, but there was at least the nervous, butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling when we talked to each other (or should I say the few times we talked to each other face to face. About him. And mostly him. Oy.). Even if I didn't have strong feelings for him, and they were fleeting, they were there.
With Drew, there was no chemistry. None. I was nervous around him, but I think that mostly came from the fact that I was meeting a stranger for the first time. There was really no physical attraction, at all.
But with Kenneth.....still no chemistry. But I was attracted to him! Extremely! He might be the single most attractive man to ever speak to me in my entire life! But..........still.........no.........chemistry.
I'm baffled, Internet. Simply baffled.
I mean...maybe it's partly because of the age difference. Maybe because we're aware of such a gap between us, not just age but our completely different lifestyles because of our ages, we're extra cautious about it. Or maybe it's all hormones and there just truly wasn't a connection on any other level besides getting along.
Part of me really wonders if I've lost the ability to feel that way about someone. That I only got that feeling with Ricky Bobby because I was really young, and it was the first time that I'd gotten really serious feelings for somebody.
But maybe that's just what it is. It's supposed to be rare, that's what makes it so special. I guess we're not meant to have strong chemistry with everybody that's attractive to us. And let's be real, that would get really messy for everybody. And painful. And crazy. But...chemistry. Man. What an interesting concept.
There was this reality show I watched a few days ago (I forgot the name of it, it was a Korean show). The basic idea of it was that the show selected 3 people and asked them what their ideal type was. Asked for as many details of their ideal type that they could come up with, like if they had a ~dream person~, who would it be. Then, after learning about all of this, they searched for a person that came the absolute closest to their ideal type and set them up together. Then for 30 days, they had to be an official couple and see how things go. And at the end of the 30 days, if they'd developed feelings for each other, then they would stay together.
It was SO good and hilarious and interesting that I watched all of the episodes back to back and finished it in one night. What struck me as the most interesting of all was that none of the 3 couples stayed together after the 30 days. There was even one couple, who were the youngest, both being 23 (I think? Or 21?) that had GREAT chemistry from the get go and by the end of the 30 days, the girl had utterly lost interest and was even a little annoyed by him.
It was fascinating and telling I think, because it showed even more that you could have the blueprint of your perfect ideal person laid out, detail by detail, and in the end you still might not have any feelings for that person at all when you meet them face to face.
So, when it comes down to it...I guess I don't really have an ideal type.
There are definitely some standout aspects that are still very important to me in what I'm looking for (gentleman that treats me well, sweet, smart, and an overall decent person), but now that I've gone out on a date with someone that definitely would have been my ideal type physically.....I know for sure that in the end an ideal type won't matter to me anyway.
After all, all of the guys that I have been into in the past have all been polar opposites from one another. I think I've said this before: I don't have a type, I just know what I like when I see it.
And I am pretty picky, I admit, but I don't discriminate over the trivial things (eye color, skin color, ethnicity, race, etc etc etc) and when I like what I see, then that's just what it is.
This was an eye opening experience for me in more than one aspect, and I think now that I'm starting to learn these things, I would be more open to going on a few dates once in a while.
I definitely won't be doing it frequently, but here and there can't hurt, right? Nothing awful came from this date with Kenneth, and in the end I felt proud of myself for doing it and putting myself out there for once.
Baby steps, Internet. Baby steps.
xo Hopeless Romantic