♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

♡

Welcome \
♡


"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






Shout |
Questions? Concerns? Random observations?
Leave me a message here, or email me here. ♥



Credit ]
Full credit to the creator of this skin.

©Template make by Adila. Base code Zaty. Some code from Jaera.



refresh profile affies follow?♡

Breakthrough.}
Wednesday, December 23, 2009 | 5:43 PM | 0Comment


Hello again, internet.


Well, I've recovered from my traumatizing Thanksgiving Day. I still don't understand how all of it happened, but it's over now. I think I made it pretty crystal clear to Phil that I don't put up with immature, 5th grade antics. I sort of feel sorry for the guy, in a way. I mean, he was terrified to talk to me when he 'liked me'. Now that he probably thinks I hate him, I can't imagine how petrified he is of me now.

But going through that ordeal really brought some things about myself to my attention. Last year, if a boy would have told me he liked me, I would be overjoyed. I would be so giddy, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

But now that I've gone through that, I get it. It's not just always about someone 'liking you'. If they don't even really know you, and they claim to 'like you', they don't really like you. They like your face. Or another preferred body part.

With Phil, I was constantly the one initiating conversation. He never initiated it. And even when we did talk, the conversations weren't real. I mean, they weren't meaningful. I could tell you some things that I learned about him right now: 1. His favorite colors are purple and green. 2. His family is filthy stinking rich and they take a trip to Europe every summer (which he happened to reiterate to me several times. I think he thought I would be impressed by his money. What kind of girl does he think I am?). 3. His mom drives an Audi.

There. Not very impressive, right? That's because all of our conversations (hah. All. I should say all 6 of them, total.) were like that. And if they weren't that, then they were this: Hi. Hi. How are you today? Good. That's good. (Then an awkward silence. Notice how he doesn't even ask how I am in return? Yeah, I'm fantastic, thanks for asking.)

I need in-depth, meaningful conversation. You know, the kind when you're talking to someone and they actually care about what you're saying, not just watching your mouth (or something much lower down that rhymes with moobs) when you talk. I need someone who understands me, or at least someone I can relate to. Not some lusty, immature teenaged boy.

Somehow, this new expectation of mine doesn't surprise me. I've always kind of felt like I was older than I really am, watching people my age parade around doing stuff that I find completely pointless. When I was three, I started calling my parents by their first names. I didn't start calling them 'mom and dad' again until I was five. I never drew on the wall or threw paints on the floor. I never tore the pages out of books or drew in them.

And I know that at this age, I'm expected to be parading around the mall, drinking or smoking, dating a new boy every two months or so, screaming at my parents that I hate them and that they don't understand me. But I'm not like that.

That's why I've been thinking lately that maybe I'm not destined to be dating right now. Sorry, that sounds really New Age, but I couldn't find a better way to put it.

I thought about how Phil never talked to me, and maybe he was intimidated by me. Maybe all the guys I know right now are intimidated by me. I don't look or act promiscuous, and I'm not willing to go make out with someone just because they think I'm cute(which, of course all of you know by now that I never get opportunities like that, but you get my point), I'm different, and I think that freaks them out. I know that's the standard of girls that get attention from guys, and I'm not willing to change myself just to get attention from boys. That's not me.

I would rather have someone to be completely interested in and attracted by who I am right now, not some girl who I pretend to be. I'm starting to realize who I am, and I never want to change the girl I'm just getting to know for some stupid boy.

And I guess it's not fair to say that all teenaged boys are like that. Just most of them. And I'm thinking the ones that aren't like that are some sort of rare breed of boy, one in a million. It might take a while and a few more life experiences to find that boy of mine.

So, I'm going to live my life until then. Occupy myself. Focus on things that are really important. Since I'm locked in the house 24/7, maybe I should work on my novel. (Did I mention that I'm trying out writing a novel? How would you guys like this...The Life of a 16 Year Old Hopeless Romantic: THE NOVEL. I think I like the sound of that.) I've also been taking advantage of being in the house all the time by taking better care of my hair(my dream length is waistlength. Long, gloriously healthy, jet black, waistlength hair.) and not using a flat iron on it everyday has done wonders(no more split ends!). I also need to go take my driving classes so I can get my freakin' driver's license already.

I'm going to stop expecting something to happen with a boy and just let things happen as they may. Meanwhile, no fear, internet. I'll still be your royally honest Hopeless Romantic. I'll talk about other relationships and my single life instead.

So, thank you Phil. You actually taught me something. I will never, ever settle for someone who settles for me. I want to be wanted.

Yours,


xo Hopeless Romantic
p.s. Happy Holidays! xo
p.p.s. Sorry about the music player...it's henious, I know! I'm working on it!

Labels: , ,