♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






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Stupid Musicians.}
Friday, May 7, 2010 | 5:54 PM | 0Comment

Okay, Internet.

I know I swore to stop talking about Ricky Bobby on here (or did I not? maybe it was just a subconscious swearing?), but I have some news about him. I think you'll find it just as interesting as I found it. (Don't know who he is? Click on the 'Ricky Bobby' tag at the bottom of this entry, then scroll down to my very first entry from May 2008. And then for the breakdown and emotional roller coaster that followed, refer to every entry after that one. He's pretty frequent on here, considering he's the whole reason I started this blog.)

And hey, give me some credit. I haven't talked about him here since July. That's pretty good, I think! So, hah!

Anyway. So, onto the news. Jazz was over at my house, say, two weeks ago (I know, I've been holding out on you since then. I'm sorry!). We talked about lots of stuff, like we usually do, and out of the BLUE, Jazz says, "Hey, I heard Ricky Bobby is moving back this year."

As she said this, I was drinking a Vitamin Water, and proceeded to practically inhale my entire gulp. After a terrifying drawn-out coughing fit, I then stare at Jazz.

She stares back and says, "So...I'm guessing you haven't heard about this yet?"

That was the last thing I expected to hear from Jazz. In fact, that was the last thing I expected to hear from anybody. Ever.

She tells me that Ricky Bobby and Johnny had talked about it a few weeks back, and that not only might he move back, but he also might come back to our school (or their school. Whatever. I still always call it my school, it still feels like mine).

This is so...so inexplicably shocking to me.

Of course, it's not written in stone, yet. There's still a chance that he won't come back. But I never even expected him to want to come back.

So after she tells me everything, I change the subject, not wanting to remain too heavy on him for the conversation. Didn't want her to start thinking things, you know. But after she leaves, I log onto Facebook. This would normally be the time when I check my MySpace too, but I deleted it because 1. MySpace is clearly dying, and 2. I'd had it since 2005. Way too long. Plus, nobody logs on anymore.

So when I check my Facebook, I go to visit Johnny's page because I see that he has a new picture. By the way, did I mention everything's cool with him now? Yeah, everything's fine now. Anyway, I go to his page AND guess what I see. No really, guess. I'll wait.

Yup. Right smack dab on Johnny's wall is a comment from Ricky Bobby. Since I had recently learned that news about him, when I saw his name right there in front of me, I nearly had an aneurysm. I didn't know he even had a Facebook.

Against my better judgement, curiosity got to me, and I click on his page. Luckily for my sensible side, it's set to semi-private. Unluckily for my curious and easily distracted side, his display picture is ginormous, and I can't look away from it.

Damn. Damn damn damn. Why can't I look away? WELL, let me tell you why, Internet. In his display picture, he's on a stage, long, flippy, shiny hair and broad shoulders and all, holding a guitar, and crooning into a microphone Alex Gaskarth style. There were also other band members behind him.

Aneurysm #2. Kay. First off, I didn't even know that he could sing at all. Although, after pondering it a while later, I recalled a time when a girl named Katie mentioned that he could sing. But I guess I forgot about that.

Second off, I didn't even know he could play guitar. He'd told me once that he was learning, but I didn't know he was good enough to play in a band.

Third, band. He's in a BAND. The LEAD SINGER of a band. A band that has actual GIGS.

This is where you picture me dropping to my knees melodramatically and screaming to the heavens, "WHYYY?!"

And that's not even the WORST PART. That curious side got to me again, damn her, and I went to his band's music MySpace. I get to the page, and with a triumphant smirk and crossed arms, I think to myself, 'Well, whatever. Just because he's in a band doesn't mean they're any good. They probably suck pretty bad. Most teenage garage bands suck.'

Imagine my grave discontent and disappointment when I find out that they're AMAZING.

Their sound is like a mix between The Doors, Capra, and maybe a touch of Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the only way I could describe Ricky Bobby's voice is a mix between Jack Johnson and Michael Buble. (Aneurysm #3) I hardly recognized Ricky Bobby's voice at first, because his voice changed in Pennsylvania. It's much deeper now. A little raspy/smoky sounding. But it still has that laid back, leisurely quality to it.

...DAMN.

Don't you fret, though, Internet. No re-crushes are happening here, nope, no way no how. Not on my watch. Besides, after just about two years of him being gone, that would be just a tad bit stalkerish.

But, I'll give him credit. If sexy voices could kill, I would've been dead already.

But please OH please, let me have good karma. Please let Ricky Bobby be much happier in Pennsylvania with his band and his rock star life, let him change his mind about moving back.

I'm not bitter about him anymore-- really, I'm not-- but I have an inkling that if he moved back, some of those feelings would start to come back. Whether it would be the bitter feelings or the crush ones, I'm not sure. It would probably be both.

So, PLEASE, Internet. Let's all hope that Ricky Bobby doesn't move back, for my sake. Because if he does, I might actually lose it.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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Ends and Repeats.}
Sunday, April 18, 2010 | 6:39 PM | 0Comment

Hey there, Internet.

It's been a little while. I've been dying to update, but I've been waiting for something good to come up. Well, I waited too long, and now I have too much. Let's see if I can summarize it for you (but you know me, this entry will probably be novel-length, regardless).

My birthday was really good! No party or anything, although Best Friend Rose tried to plan a surprise party for me. I say tried because nobody was able to come, which she was really upset about. Oh well, it's the thought that counts, right? Just the fact that she planned everything and sent out invitations and everything means the world. Best Friend Rose is called Best Friend Rose for a reason, folks.

The morning of my birthday, I got woken up by my entire family coming into my room at 7:00 to sing 'Happy Birthday' to me. It was awesome. I was half-asleep for part of it, and I probably had drool on my face still, but it was awesome. They gave me a cupcake with a candle, but only one, since they said they couldn't fit 17 in it. I read all the birthday cards they gave me. They were so sweet, all 5 of them, and by the last one, I was crying. I got cash and an iTunes giftcard (hell yeah!). Then, I proceeded to watch My Super Sweet 16 (I thought the irony was amusing). And then later that day, we all went to Red Lobster, my most favorite restaurant in the world.

So, yes, my birthday was pretty mellow, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now, what else? Ah. Let's go back to Best Friend Rose. So, I think I should just stop blogging about my friends relationships for good, because I think I'm somehow jinxing them. Two days after I blogged about Rose and Freshman boy/Jakey Wakey, they broke up. Two days. They were so close to their Two month anniversary, and they broke up.

Rose said she was starting to feel the age difference between them, which was understandable. She also said that he told her he loved her, and she didn't love him. That surprised me, because I was under the impression that they were madly in love, or if too soon for that, madly in like. They were so inseparable, so attached at the hip.

But, Rose admitted to me that she only thought she liked him because he liked her first. She was flattered, and she was so caught up in the excitement and rush of starting a new relationship that she didn't see any problems. Problems like, for one, their large age difference, which is 2 years, and the fact that their personalities clashed. She also mentioned that he was immature, which was also understandable. She admitted that she didn't love him like he loved her, and staying in the relationship would be unfair to him.

Freshmeat was/is apparently very upset by the breakup, and Rose mentioned that while she was breaking up with him, he begged her to give him a second chance, that he needed her, and that he could change. Talk about messy.

Despite the messiness of their breakup, I'm proud of Best Friend Rose. Most people would have just let the relationship drag on, leading the guy on. I'm proud of her for coming to make that decision and doing it for a very mature and unselfish reason. I believe our Rosey is starting to grow up, Internet. (Kidding, kidding. She's been grown up for quite a while, now.) I couldn't be prouder.

How about Jazz, you say? Well, I have good news. Jazz and Johnny are on much better terms. They aren't best friends again yet, but I'm sure they'll get there soon enough. It will probably take a while for me to get used to him again, especially after all the things he put her through. But, I'll give him credit, he did apologize to Jazz and admit that he'd been a royal jackass. About time.

As for me...well. Let's just say I haven't rescued kittens from any burning buildings lately. Or from any trees, either. The most adventure I've had lately was going prom dress shopping with Rose in the capital city mall. Though that was pretty fun.

I've mostly just been taking it easy, with reading and writing, and focusing on school at the same time. After all, the last few weeks before summer vacation are the hardest to stay focused. I've just got to concentrate on the day-to-day things, and hopefully everything will go by faster.

And during the weekends, I should mix things up a little, I suppose. I'll admit, I follow regular schedules easily and sometimes find myself following the same patterns every day. I should change it up. And maybe someday, something exciting will happen. Thanks, Sapphire! (Note to self: collect every comment from Sapphire ever made on blog and put them together in a How-to book.)

This entry was still miles long. Oh well, I tried.

Until next entry, I'll try not to be too boring. ♥

xo Hopeless Romantic

Picture taken by Miro42.

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So long, sixteen year old me.}
Sunday, March 28, 2010 | 5:27 PM | 0Comment

Hey internet!

Lately, things have been pretty mellow. This week is my spring break, and I'm going to make sure that I won't take one second of freedom for granted. As always, I'm not going anywhere, but I'm sure I can manage.

Best Friend Rose and Jazz had their spring break last week, while I still had school, so it was pretty boring for me. I was supposed to go to Texas with Rose, but since we ended up having different spring breaks, it didn't work out. I was pretty disappointed about it at first, but then I got over it.

As for Jazz, she went to Seattle for spring break (while I was sitting there, doing school work, green with envy. I've wanted to go to Washington state for a while!). She's still pretty upset about Johnny, and on Jazz's request, I've had to restrain myself from making very bitchy, very scream-y phone calls to him.

Since the breakup, he's been just as jerky and he's been avoiding her still. And in the one text message he's sent her, he told her she was 'annoying him lately', except riddled with typos and spelling mistakes, as his text messages usually are. Jazz begged me not to say anything, and it took all the restraint in the world not to.

I told her she just needs to distance herself from him. She's the only one reaching out after the breakup, and it's only pushing him away further (but then again, it's not as if we need him any closer, right?). I had hoped that their breakup wouldn't be like this, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Johnny was the same way with all of his ex girlfriends. I suppose I hoped he would treat Jazz better than that.

But, I told her to just give up. Honestly, if he was putting no effort into the 'friendship' at all, she was wasting her time with him. If he really wanted to stay friends after the breakup, he would have put at least some effort into it, and he hasn't. At all. Jazz deserves much better than that asshole.

Best Friend Rose is still going out with freshman boy, er, Jake. Apparently, things are going pretty well for them, since it's been almost two months now. That almost beats Rose's record for a boyfriend. So, right on for them! Rose deserves someone good, and if they've already been together for almost a few months, something must be going right. I approve. (Well, I semi-approved before, but I approve even more now.)

And then there's me. Internet, it's time to say goodbye to your 16 year old Hopeless Romantic. If fact, it'll be time to change my blog title soon. Tomorrow, I will officially be your 17 year old Hopeless Romantic.
It's strange. I can't believe I'm turing 17. I don't really feel like it. I don't feel old(er).
But I've kind of made a point of not saying "I'm turning 17" out loud. It kind of freaks me out. Because, if I say "I'm turning 17" out loud, then I start thinking how 17 is kind of my last year as a teenager, even though 18 and 19 are still technically in the teen years. And then I start thinking about how 17 is only 3 years away from 20. OH GOD. IN THREE YEARS I'LL BE TWENTY.
Despite other people my age, I don't really enjoy getting older. In fact, I've been having a bit of a getting-older complex on every birthday since my 13th birthday. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I realize how precious youth is, how fast it'll be gone, and once I become an adult, I'll never ever be able to get it back. I feel like it's slipping away.

Not to worry, though, Internet. Tomorrow, I won't mope around, complaining about being older. I won't look for wrinkles or gray hairs in the mirror. I'll have fun! A birthday is a birthday, and blowing out candles on a cake never gets old. Now, as long as my dad doesn't make the waiters and waitresses at the restaurant sing to me in front of everybody, I'll be good.
Here's to my last 26 hours of being a sixteen year old.
xo Hopeless Romantic
Picture taken by Jennifer Pinnell.

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Thanks for playing.}
Monday, March 15, 2010 | 7:09 PM | 0Comment

Hey, Internet. Somewhat long-time no see.

I just finished testing week, because surprise surprise, even online school kids can't escape state testing. Though, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. The private school I went to had us do SAT's since 6th grade, so these tests in comparison were a cakewalk. It was still stressful though, so I'm glad it's over with.
So, you're probably wondering how Jazz and Johnny are doing. Well, I'll make it simple. They're not.

Yup. They're over. Done with. Broken up. After a grand total of--get this--one week.

The night it happened, Jazz called me, upset and crying. It turned out that Johnny thought it was 'weird' and that he 'just wanted to be friends again'.
:I

At first, I was pissed. I told her, "What?! How? You've only been going out for a week!" Not to mention that they've been best friends for two years. I really thought they owed it to themselves to at least give it a month.

I told her, "Most relationships are awkward at first. It's not fair to judge your entire relationship on one week, you should have given it a little more time. Things probably would have gotten better after a little while."

She replied, "It's not really up to me. If he says he doesn't like it, then I won't force him to be with me."

This broke my heart. And made me want to beat Johnny into a bloody pulp.

Since then, Jazz has put on a fake happy face and told Johnny that 'it wasn't a big deal anyway' and that 'she's over him'. Stupidly, Johnny believed her (Jazz is the worst liar, how could he possibly believe that?) and he's gotten back together with one of his exes. A week after they broke up. Just like that. He didn't even wait a little longer to maybe, I don't know, spare Jazz's feelings a little.

And he's gone back to flirting with other girls in front of her. It makes me sick to know he's doing this to her, and I can't be there to help her through this. Well, over the phone I can. But Jazz spent all her time with him at school even before they started going out, and now he's avoiding her purposely. A-hole, right?

Me and Johnny aren't nearly as close friends as we were last year, and I'm kind of relieved. After watching this unfold in front of my eyes, I see what a douche bag he's become since I left the school.

Meanwhile, Best friend Rose and Jake are still together. I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of surprised. (Mostly because of the age difference.) Especially since I predicted that Jazz's relationship would last longer. I guess I shouldn't assume stuff about people's relationships like that. Only the two people involved could know how long it'll last.

Anyway. I'll be over here, helping put my broken-hearted best friend back together. Simultaneously, I'll be looking for a ninja assassin to invade Johnny's house. Anyone wanna help?

xo Hopeless Romantic

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Normalcy.}
Friday, February 26, 2010 | 8:19 AM | 0Comment


Hey, Internet!

So after my eventful Valentine's day, things are slowly going back to normal. Well, sort of. But I'll get to that in a minute.

Whatever that thing was between me and Jack, which was pretty much nothing, it's back to before now. We talk and have boring normal conversations again, mostly no flirting involved. Every once in a while, he calls me gorgeous, but I just take the compliment and change the subject. He's one of those people that are naturally flirty towards everybody, so I don't think anything of it anymore.

Besides, he talks to another girl from his school that I can tell he likes. He sends her flirty messages and love lyrics and songs. (I follow her too, but she followed me first! And besides, it was before I knew they knew eachother, so it doesn't count as creeper-ish.) But whenever he does, she usually jokes it off or changes the subject. It's surprising to me that she could so easily resist his advances, but hey, maybe that's why he likes her. You know what they say about girls that play hard to get.

So, for me, everything's back to normal again. I'm glad, because I was seriously starting to question my sanity.
As for Best friend Rose, her and her freshman are still together. A girl from school told me that they're together all the time. Like one of those couples that are somehow unable to function without the other there, the ones that you see in public that cling to eachother as they walk. But, as long as they're happy, right?

My other best friend, Jazz (I never talk about her on here! I'm not sure why. Maybe its because Rose always has all the boy troubles) tells me that its almost gross how much they're together. Even though he's a freshman and she's a sophomore, they seem to find a way around that.

Speaking of Jazz, remember Johnny? Well if me and Johnny are close friends, Jazz and Johnny are peas in a pod. They have the closest boy girl best friend friendship I've ever seen. The three of us always hung out in school last year, and we had the best times. But out of the three of us, Jazz and Johnny were definitely closer than Johnny and I were.

Notice how I say were? Well...somehow, in the time that I've been gone, Jazz and Johnny's friendship turned into something more. Yup, they're dating.

I can't say I wasn't surprised, I was. when Jazz called me to tell me, I spent an entire five minutes freaking out. I was shocked. But then again...as I sat and thought about it...I wasn't that surprised. Boys and girls that are that close of friends have to be romantically linked at some point. It's just an unwritten rule, it always seems to happen.

But I'm so happy for them. Johnny always seems to go through girls like tissues, but Jazz isn't his usual type at all. Maybe he's changed.

And I'm not so wary of Jazz's relationships. Jazz has only gone out with one person, and they were together for about six months. She takes relationships seriously(as does Rosie, actually), and even though she's only 15, she's much more mature than one would expect. I always forget that she's slightly younger than me, I have to remind myself that she is. It's never bothered me, though.

Anyway, so, for the most part, everything's back to normal. And since I've been working on a huge research paper for school lately, I'm glad it's been normal. Normal I can handle, normal is nice. Normal doesn't stress me out.

I'll keep you updated, folks!

xo Hopeless Romantic

PS: I fixed the playlist! And sorry about the header, it's only temporary. I have the old one back soon. ♥

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Single Awareness Day.}
Monday, February 15, 2010 | 9:32 AM | 0Comment


Ahh. Valentine's Day. My mortal enemy.


Curse you St. Valentine.


I have so much to tell, Internet. Where to start? To make things make more sense, I think I'll start with a few days before Valentines Day, aka, a few days ago.

The day after I wrote the last entry, I was talking to Jack. He had taken a Twitter break the day before, and I was way too excited when he logged on again. Way. Too. Excited. Heart pounding, giggling, the works. I swear, I almost had to slap myself in the face to calm myself.

I had included him in my Follow Friday, and I knew he would thank me for it, since he always does. He also included me in a special Valentine's day tweet, reading:

"( my username here) (Jordan's username here) ( His chick best friend's username here) They have me suicidal! lol FOLLOW THEM. ♥ "

I was both surprised and shocked to see my username first, considering he flirts with Jordan like mad, and him and his best friend are really close. But, I thought, most likely just a coincidence. I had to stop reading into things. So, I reply:
"Don't be suicidal, silly head. And thanks for the FF! :D"

And he says:
"lol Well you're just too gorgeous, you know? Making me go crazy this Valentine's Day :D lol"

And then I proceed to have some sort of seizure. Yes, he put 'lol' twice and he said it in a joking manner, but to me at this moment, these two sentences somehow translate into something like "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, MARRY ME RIGHT NOW."

After my freak out, I reply, "Hahaha awww thats the sweetest thing I've heard all week. ♥ ♥ Thank you, darlin!"

Yes, I said darlin'. Slap me right now.
Then he said, "Haha, i was just listening to Beautiful Girls and I was like, I'm gonna make my FF special for certain people. :) For V-Day!"

I couldn't concentrate. He thought I was gorgeous?
I agonized over what to say for my next reply, "Aw, thats a sweet idea! I should've done that. Or I would have done one for my Valentine, but I don't have one. D:" 'Cause, you know, saying that doesn't sound desperate or obvious at all.

I assumed he would just say, 'Oh, I'm sorry.' But instead, he said, "lol I don't got one either... [scoots over to you] [nudges you] How YOU doin'? ;)"

I giggled like a crazy person and then said, "Hahaha. Well, if you don't have a valentine...and I don't have a valentine...hmm. Funny how that works out. ;D"
Was that flirty? I don't know. I thought it was, but while typing it out again just now, it just sounds lame.

And then, being cute as he is, he said, "Well then uh... [clears throat] Sarah, will you do me the great honor of being my first Twitter Valentine? :D"

Unable to possibly contain my excitement, I say, "Hahah I'd be honored! ♥ "

Something comes up, and he has to leave quickly, so he says, "AHH g2g! (my username here) I'll be on later! Sorry, lol. Well continue this later...:D" I quickly say bye, and then I sit there, reading all of our tweets again. I couldn't allow myself to get so overly excited. It was a stupid, meaningless, internet thing. It meant nothing to him, so it was nothing to me....Or not.

I couldn't help myself. I was floating on a cloud the rest of the night.

The next day, he logged on bright and early, and I slept in. I wanted to kick myself in the face for missing him, but when I saw that he announced on his twitter to everyone that I was his Twitter Valentine, I was happy again.

We didn't talk that much that day, because I ended up writing the entire day (remember the manuscript of the novel I wanted to write? My inspiration came back!). And when we did...well. Trust me when I say it's not worth talking about here. Haha. Just boring, casual conversation.
Also, Best Friend Rose slept over, and we talked about this whole thing. She agrees with me when I say I'm going insane , as she should.

Then, the next morning, I log onto Twitter with this tweet from him. "VALENTINE!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY MY SWEETS :D"

This one message made my day so much brighter. I'm not going to lie, I melted. Deceivingly so, but I'll get to that in a second. I replied, "VALENTINE!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Sorry I missed you, darlin!"

To which he replied, "It's all right, darrlin. :) How are you today? :D"

Me and Jack talked on and off all day, and I spent the whole day with Rose. We went to her house in the morning, and then me, her, her older sister (let's call her Laura) and her mom went to go pick up her new guy, Jake. This was my first time meeting Jake, considering he goes to school with her. He's a freshman, and he's surprisingly tall, 6'4, or something. He was actually pretty nice, so I didn't have to play the hostile best friend card.

Anyway, we all went bowling, along with Rose's other sister, and lets call her Ashley. She's much older than Laura, and has a 9 year old son, and let's call him Adam. I love that kid. I suck at bowling, badly, but it was really fun. Whenever Rose and Jake would hug or kiss or anything of that nature, though, I found myself looking away, and I didn't know why.

Even after we took Jake home, and after hearing Rose gush about him and their first kiss, and even while being at the movie theatre to go see 'Valentine's Day' and seeing every couple in the freaking world surrounding us, I kept up my happy ignorance. The movie was very cute, and I wanted to enjoy it. I could just pretend it was any other day.

It wasn't until after I got home at 9 at night and after Jack had to log off of Twitter that the loneliness kicked in.

I put my hair up in a messy ponytail, took my makeup off, put my sweats on, got a buttload of chocolate, put on a sappy movie, and then I cried.

It had been something lurking inside of me the entire day, something that usually keeps me company during Valentine's Day, and somehow, it hardly felt like V-day without it. Towards the end of the day, I had begun to wonder why I didn't cried at all that day. Turns out I'm very good at lying to myself. I thought seeing all the couples and everything didn't really bother me. But turns out, it did.

So I cried. I cried for a good hour, thinking about how single I was and how I was almost seventeen and out of all of my friends, I was the only one who had never had a boyfriend their entire life. And I have quite a few friends.

During this mopey time, I thought all the normal things a single person that mopes usually thinks. 'Why did I bother getting so excited over Jack? He doesn't care about me. It was all fake, and I knew that.' 'Is there something wrong with me? There must be, or someone would want me.' 'Am I not pretty enough?' 'Am I too this? Am I too that?' 'I'm so pathetic.' 'My friends always have boyfriends.' 'No one ever likes me.' 'Why is it never me?'

And then I finally stopped. I know I'm not ugly. I know I'm smart, and I suppose, all around decent. There was no reason for me to think like that.

And I remembered how I told myself that I don't have time for a relationship right now. When I love someone, I love them with my entire being.

Everything that happened with Ricky Bobby two years ago wasn't real love. He was my first unrequited love, yes, but it wasn't the kind of love where someone loves you back. That was just a peek of how it would be. If I find someone who loved me with that same kind of intense love that I felt for them...I can't even imagine how it will be. My every thought, my every second of every day, my world will revolve around them, that much I know.

And now just isn't the right time for that. I have things to focus on. I have school, my friends, my family, my future. And a relationship would be a huge distraction from all of that.

So last night, I decided something. No more crying over this. This would be the last time I cried over loneliness as a teenager. I promised myself that. I'm strong, and if I can handle my dad going to jail for something he didn't do (he's back and everything's okay now, but that was a very hard time), my house being foreclosed, and my only grandpa dying all in these past two years, I can handle being single.

I already have been single my entire life, so why should it make a difference now? Of course, I know that if I do eventually get in a relationship, I'll probably cry about different things then. It's understandable.

But, I swear on everything, last night will be the last night I cry over being single.

My life won't start when I finally get a boyfriend. My life, as is, is right here, right now. I'm not going to walk around like a zombie, waiting for my life to start again. I need to live it.

I hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day. Despite the last part of it, mine was surprisingly good. Maybe I should actually stop dreading every Valentine's Day and make it memorable, like this one was. This will definitely be one I remember.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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Damn future and its damn technology advances.}
Tuesday, February 9, 2010 | 9:10 PM | 0Comment


Internet. What is happening to me?

I'm, surprisingly, not talking about my online school this time. That's going surprisingly well. I'm all caught up, and I switched from Japanese to German (my Japanese teacher always went insane with the homework load. Actually, I just think she was insane herself). And I have all A's and B's. Not bad, not bad at all.

But that's not what I'm talking about. No, no. That was completely normal. This, though...oh God, I've lost it. I really have.

Something that I promised myself when I started online school was that I would not- I repeat, will not resort to internet boys to deal with my loneliness. Not only is that completely pathetic, but it's wrong to use an innocent little internet boy to quench my social thirst.

Don't get me wrong, Internet, there's nothing wrong with your boys. I'm sure they're normal and very charming (well...some of them.). But me, a lonely teenage girl desperate for human contact, should NOT take advantage of the availability of an 'internet romance'.

Really. Internet dating is for old, desperate people who can't meet people in real life. Honestly. eHarmony is becoming the equivalent of being a cat lady. Or, who knows, maybe there's a lot of cat ladies on eHarmony. I wouldn't know!

A teenage girl should have PLENTY of chances to find love in everyday life.

...But I don't.

I should have known this would happen. And I am ashamed down to my core that I've let myself fall into this.

So, Internet, here's the story. I have a Twitter account. And I have about 300 followers (wooo, go me. I'm social. : ) . And I can admit, I've tried to make up for some of my social depravity for talking to people on Twitter. I've actually made a few close friends there, friends my age, and that makes me feel a lot better about being a hermit.

And, a few weeks ago, a friend of one of my Twitter friends followed me. I always follow back on Twitter, because I'm nice like that. After I follow them back, I notice, hey. Hot guy. But I don't think much of it at all. Yeah yeah, a hot guy on the internet. That's not news. I even ignored him when he tweeted me (yeah, kind of prudish. I think I was in a bad mood that day anyway).

But then, on a better day, he sent me another tweet. I replied, and we talked for like, fifteen minutes. Just a normal, casual, short conversation. He was nice, I decided.

But I had plenty of nice friends on Twitter, so, not a big deal. We started talking more often. Again, not a big deal. I talk to people on Twitter way too much, it's addictive.

But then, one of my other Twitter friends, really cool chick by the way, follows him after I mention him in a Follow Friday. Then they start talking, and she starts flirting. I can't help but notice. And I think this was finally when I started to notice his appeal. Okay, he was really hot. And -get this- he isn't a douche bag! Shock, right?!

So when he starts to flirt back with her, I start to feel..........jealous.

I know!! So ridiculous! I'm banging my head on the keyboard for just admitting this embarrassing piece of information!!

But I mean, who wouldn't be jealous of a girl that a guy that awesome is flirting with? Come on! Back me up here! He's nice, funny, slightly older than me, mature, gorgeous, and CANADIAN.

...The fact that he's Canadian doesn't really have to do with anything, I just felt compelled to add that.

And so I start to talk to him more, by no complete fault of my own, by the way. Sometimes I talk to him first, but it's usually him that talks to me first! I can't just bring our conversation to a screeching halt, going, "SORRY, I have to stop talking to you now, because the fact that I may be somehow developing a completely ridiculous impossible internet crush on you is freaking me out a little bit. GOODBYE."

But here's the thing. Cool twitter friend chick (let's just call her Jordan) is talking to and getting to know hot internet guy too (let's call him Jack). And a lot quicker and more effective than me.

See, Jordan's a good flirt. Lord knows I couldn't even flirt with a brick wall. It makes me all nervous and squirmy AND, unlike gorgeous and witty heroines in books and movies, I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I always avoid talking to boys on Instant Messaging, because it takes me a thousand years to come up with something remotely flirty and or clever. I honestly wouldn't blame him if he ended up liking her back, because I know she likes him. It's so obvious.

And I've thought about this over and over again. I've screamed in my mind to "stop this right now, it's stupid to get caught up in internet drama." "He's just a stupid boy from the internet. What are you hoping for? Hoping that he'll want to start an internet relationship with you and hoping it will go further than that? At all? He lives in Canada for God's sake, he doesn't give a crap about a random internet girl he talks to sometimes. He has girls in front of him, all around him all the time that he can choose from. He has a life. Don't be so stupid, Sarah."

I've thought this to myself over and over and over again, even sometimes saying it out loud to burn it into my memory.

But Jordan and Jack are getting closer and closer every day, constant flirting and banter, and even some meaningful, deep conversations. And it's slowly starting to bug me more.

Sure, me and Jack are still talking everyday as well. There are tiny moments when I think he could possibly be flirting with me, but then again, I know nothing about boys in the first place. Maybe calling your close girl friends 'hun' is a normal, everyday occurrence. Maybe it's even patronizing, because he's 18 and I'm 16.
But our conversations aren't meaningful. They're fun, sure, and he's easy to talk to, but I just don't know where to start. You can't force a connection.

Did I mention that Jordan is only 14?! 14, dammit! Shouldn't I have the better advantage, here?!

But I've decided to back off a little. This is bordering on crazy. I'm not going to play tug of war over a guy from the internet with a 14 year old. It's ridiculous. I'm stopping this before it begins.

I'm not going to put myself in this vulnerable position again. I'll just end up the one being hurt, no matter what the outcome, so this ends now. Jordan and Jack can have their little internet romance, and I won't stand in their way.

Meanwhile, I'll be over here, in this corner, questioning my sanity. Anyone know a good therapist?

xo Hopeless Romantic

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The Biggest Reason I Need A Car.}
Wednesday, January 27, 2010 | 5:32 PM | 0Comment


Internet.

Shoot me. Shoot me now. 'Why', you say? 'Why would I do that? You're a sixteen year old, and still have the rest of your life ahead of you!'

Well, Internet. If my dad continues to repel boys from me, I might as well just stop here.

Let me explain.

So, today I went to the bookstore with my parents. I was going so I could get the last book in the Mortal Instruments series (which I wholly and completely recommend, by the way. Incredible books). So anyway, we get there, and I venture off to find this last book. I find it, and I go to the magazine section to meet up with the parents.

On the way, however, I pass by the manga aisle. There in that manga aisle was the most gorgeous teenage male I've ever seen. My exact type. Longish scene-hair, tall, and skinny jean-wearing. As soon as I saw him, I literally stopped in my tracks and just stared. It was a good thing he wasn't looking, because my face probably resembled this: >:O

So anyway, I pull myself together and keep walking, and as I pass by this boy, I can feel him looking at me. Looking. At me!!!

And I'm very excited about that. So, after I meet up with my parents, I tell them I'm going to go look at the manga. I go back to the manga aisle, and hot guy's still there. So I stand five feet away from him, pretending like I'm looking for a particular manga. I'm SUPER nervous. My hands are shaking, and my heart is pounding. I don't even remember the last time I felt like this. Then again, I don't even remember the last time I saw someone so attractive.

I feel him glance up, and he holds his gaze on me. My heart starts pounding ever louder. Should I talk to him? Is he going to talk to me? What should I do?

When he looks away, I look at him again. God, he is so hot. I look away when he looks up, and we do this about two more times. Then finally, he stands up from the floor he's sitting on, and I feel him look at me again.

Oh God, I think. Oh God. He's going to talk to me.

By the way, this entire time, there's this undeniable tension in the air between us. I hate to sound cliche, but really, you could cut it with a knife. My heart races faster, and-

BAM. My dad comes OUT OF NOWHERE and goes, all the while pointing hugely, "Oh, HI honey! There you are! Hey, (insert mom's name here)! I FOUND HER. NO, SHE'S RIGHT HERE." I wrote that in capslock because it was that obnoxious and loud.

I reluctantly look at hot guy, and he's already walking out of the aisle, if not power-walking. He'd probably jog away, or even sprint if he could. I grimace.

This was the only attractive male I'd seen in months. Months. And I don't remember the last time I was this embarrassed about anything. If there were a window anywhere near that manga aisle, I'd probably jump out of it. I could not get out of that bookstore fast enough.

If I had been at that bookstore by myself, this would have never happened. Hot guy maybe would have talked to me, and I would have at LEAST got the chance to embarrass myself some OTHER way. Or at least find out his name. For God's sake, I didn't even find out his name!

But no. I'm sixteen and I still have to rely on my parents to drive me places! Places where they have to go with me! I'm sixteen, dammit, not twelve! I'm old enough to drive now, I should have my license! It's my ticket to freedom!

Freedom from the house! Freedom from un-walkable long distances! Freedom from embarrassing dads that scare boys away from me!

I'm even more determined to get my license now. I'm starting my driving classes ASAP. My love life and mental state of being depend on it!
xo Hopeless Romantic

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Just a minor obsession.}
Thursday, January 7, 2010 | 11:47 AM | 0Comment


Hey, internet!

Happy New Year! Ah, my first blog post in 2010. 2009 was really boring for me, but I'm okay with that. It's better than having a crappy year, right?

It's a new decade, can you believe it? Ten years ago.....I was in Kindergarten. Hah. My, how things have changed. Especially in the past year. And I think it's time I fess up about something: I have a new obsession.
Well, not super new. It's actually been three months. But I think it's time I talk about it.

This Hopeless Romantic is obsessed with Tokio Hotel.

Never heard of them, you say? Well you could leave the page and Google them, but that takes too long, so I'll just do you a favor and tell you about them. They're a largely successful band from Germany, and their first album came out in 2005. They're huge in Europe. Huge.

Bill Kaulitz and Tom Kaulitz, the lead singer and the guitarist, are identical twins. Not to mention the beautiful twins I've ever laid my eyes on. Georg is the bassist, and Gustav is the drummer. They record songs in German and English.
The past three months, they're all I've been able to think about. I've never been this obsessed over a band. Never.
Not even when I went through my Jonas Brothers phase when I was 15 (by the way, Best friend Rose isn't too happy that I'm not obsessed with JB anymore. I liked them when they weren't so commercial, but now that Disney mickey moused all over them, they're not the same. A little disappointing, actually.)! And I'm especially obsessed with Bill. Oh my God, his voice. His hair. Oh my God.

One of my goals in 2010 is to see them live. They're amazing live, and I even watched the live online stream of the EMA's during my school hours just to watch their performance and see them win Best Group, which I had spent hours upon hours voting for online with the other fans.

I. Love. This. Band.

So while I waste my life away doing Homeschooling, at least I have something to look forward to and be passionate about. Despite being locked in my house all the time, I've already made friends with fans from all over the world because of it. I almost feel like a normal teenager again. Tokio Hotel makes all this time by myself worth it.

So far, this New Year has been great. Here's to hoping that all of you have a wonderful 2010.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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Breakthrough.}
Wednesday, December 23, 2009 | 5:43 PM | 0Comment


Hello again, internet.


Well, I've recovered from my traumatizing Thanksgiving Day. I still don't understand how all of it happened, but it's over now. I think I made it pretty crystal clear to Phil that I don't put up with immature, 5th grade antics. I sort of feel sorry for the guy, in a way. I mean, he was terrified to talk to me when he 'liked me'. Now that he probably thinks I hate him, I can't imagine how petrified he is of me now.

But going through that ordeal really brought some things about myself to my attention. Last year, if a boy would have told me he liked me, I would be overjoyed. I would be so giddy, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

But now that I've gone through that, I get it. It's not just always about someone 'liking you'. If they don't even really know you, and they claim to 'like you', they don't really like you. They like your face. Or another preferred body part.

With Phil, I was constantly the one initiating conversation. He never initiated it. And even when we did talk, the conversations weren't real. I mean, they weren't meaningful. I could tell you some things that I learned about him right now: 1. His favorite colors are purple and green. 2. His family is filthy stinking rich and they take a trip to Europe every summer (which he happened to reiterate to me several times. I think he thought I would be impressed by his money. What kind of girl does he think I am?). 3. His mom drives an Audi.

There. Not very impressive, right? That's because all of our conversations (hah. All. I should say all 6 of them, total.) were like that. And if they weren't that, then they were this: Hi. Hi. How are you today? Good. That's good. (Then an awkward silence. Notice how he doesn't even ask how I am in return? Yeah, I'm fantastic, thanks for asking.)

I need in-depth, meaningful conversation. You know, the kind when you're talking to someone and they actually care about what you're saying, not just watching your mouth (or something much lower down that rhymes with moobs) when you talk. I need someone who understands me, or at least someone I can relate to. Not some lusty, immature teenaged boy.

Somehow, this new expectation of mine doesn't surprise me. I've always kind of felt like I was older than I really am, watching people my age parade around doing stuff that I find completely pointless. When I was three, I started calling my parents by their first names. I didn't start calling them 'mom and dad' again until I was five. I never drew on the wall or threw paints on the floor. I never tore the pages out of books or drew in them.

And I know that at this age, I'm expected to be parading around the mall, drinking or smoking, dating a new boy every two months or so, screaming at my parents that I hate them and that they don't understand me. But I'm not like that.

That's why I've been thinking lately that maybe I'm not destined to be dating right now. Sorry, that sounds really New Age, but I couldn't find a better way to put it.

I thought about how Phil never talked to me, and maybe he was intimidated by me. Maybe all the guys I know right now are intimidated by me. I don't look or act promiscuous, and I'm not willing to go make out with someone just because they think I'm cute(which, of course all of you know by now that I never get opportunities like that, but you get my point), I'm different, and I think that freaks them out. I know that's the standard of girls that get attention from guys, and I'm not willing to change myself just to get attention from boys. That's not me.

I would rather have someone to be completely interested in and attracted by who I am right now, not some girl who I pretend to be. I'm starting to realize who I am, and I never want to change the girl I'm just getting to know for some stupid boy.

And I guess it's not fair to say that all teenaged boys are like that. Just most of them. And I'm thinking the ones that aren't like that are some sort of rare breed of boy, one in a million. It might take a while and a few more life experiences to find that boy of mine.

So, I'm going to live my life until then. Occupy myself. Focus on things that are really important. Since I'm locked in the house 24/7, maybe I should work on my novel. (Did I mention that I'm trying out writing a novel? How would you guys like this...The Life of a 16 Year Old Hopeless Romantic: THE NOVEL. I think I like the sound of that.) I've also been taking advantage of being in the house all the time by taking better care of my hair(my dream length is waistlength. Long, gloriously healthy, jet black, waistlength hair.) and not using a flat iron on it everyday has done wonders(no more split ends!). I also need to go take my driving classes so I can get my freakin' driver's license already.

I'm going to stop expecting something to happen with a boy and just let things happen as they may. Meanwhile, no fear, internet. I'll still be your royally honest Hopeless Romantic. I'll talk about other relationships and my single life instead.

So, thank you Phil. You actually taught me something. I will never, ever settle for someone who settles for me. I want to be wanted.

Yours,


xo Hopeless Romantic
p.s. Happy Holidays! xo
p.p.s. Sorry about the music player...it's henious, I know! I'm working on it!

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I hate confrontation.}
Thursday, November 26, 2009 | 6:23 PM | 0Comment

So, Internet, we meet again.

Here's the thing, the story I have for you is much too long (you know how I can go on and on about something, and this entry is an EMERGENCY, and I don't have time for long!!) , therefore, I will use bullet points.

  • Remember Phil? He's back. And with drama.
  • Turns out he wasn't as uninterested as I thought he became.
  • A month and a half ago, one of my friends, Colbie, told me she talked to him and he said he still liked me. Alot.
  • Skip ahead two weeks to football game, he doesn't talk to me at all. Not even a hi.
  • Skip ahead a few more weeks to today.
  • I get a text from him this morning saying 'Hey suo'. I wasn't sure what 'suo' meant, and I even asked my cousin, whom I was talking with. I was then pretty sure it was a typo, so I let it go and replied, 'Oh hey! Happy Thanksgiving. :))'
  • Then basically, we talk about how we've been and school and crap. Really casual, boring stuff. And it lasts through to the early evening. How it lasted that long is a mystery to me, he's not very good at conversation.
  • I don't know why I'm still using bullet points, this is still long.
  • Anway, eventually I stop replying, because the conversation is going nowhere anyway.
  • Then, he sends me another text an hour later, saying these exact words, I swear on my life: 'I love you. Sorry i didnt say it before'.
  • ">:O" was my face after reading that.
  • I then proceeded to text Best Friend Rose, caps lock and a million exclamation points included, and then proceeded to forward the text message from Phil to her.
  • She then proceeded to reply with the words, 'AHHHHHHHH HOLY S**T WTF!?!?!????!?! KDHDNDBZ'. It sort of resembled the one I sent.
  • Then, while we were discussing what I should say to him, which took about half and hour, he sent me another text, saying 'Well, not love, love is a strong word. I meant i like you.'
  • .......Okay then. Like. Like is easier to swallow, easier to wrap my mind around. But I'm still kind of freaking out here.
  • So then I proceeded to forward that text to Rose as well. She said, "He only said that cuz you took so long to replyy!! Whatta tard. Umm, okay, just be like, 'Really? Cause I haven't seen you in so long.'"
  • So that's what I said. And he said, 'I know'......okay. So then Rose tells me to say, "So, why do you still like me?"
  • I hesitated before sending that one. It seemed a little harsh to me. But I wanted to know, so I did.
  • No answer.
  • This would have been okay if he had said he liked me in the first place. Like. But no. He said LOVE. And I knew that he said like afterwards because he chickened out.
  • So then, an hour later, I text him again and say, "Because I honestly thought you stopped liking me a while ago."
  • Then, Phil replies and says, 'Ohhh my sister is sooo stupid she did that I am so sorry'.
  • ........
  • WHAT. THE. F**K?!
  • First of all, that was the dumbest excuse I've ever heard in my life. Even my grandmother would know that that is the most over used, uncreative and cliched excuse known to man.
  • Second of all, does he really think I'm that stupid?
  • Third, all this just because he chickened out of telling me he loved me? How immature is that? What, are we in the sixth grade?
  • If a guy is gonna tell me he loves me, I at least want him to have the balls not to back out of it 30 minutes later.
  • Besides, if he backed out of it so fast, it wasn't real love anyway. And I don't need that. I need passion.
  • I feel like I got cheated out of a first 'i love you' from a guy. I'm livid. Seriously.
  • I didn't realize how immature he really is until this. I thought maybe he had a little more maturity than he gave off, but come on. This is like, a rediculous amount of immaturity here. I didn't know High School boys were capable of such immaturity.
  • Then again, it is High School boys that we're talking about here.

So, there we go. The longest, most complicated, bullet-pointed entry ever. I think I'll go stuff my face with leftover stuffing and mashed potatoes now. Happy Thanksgiving.

Cheated out of her first 'I love you',

xo Hopeless Romantic

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New Views and a New Season}
Saturday, October 10, 2009 | 12:37 AM | 0Comment

Why hello there, Internet.

It's been awhile....again. But I promise you, I have a good excuse this time! How can one blog when nothing happens?

D:

No, seriously, I feel like my days have been on repeat lately.
Wake up. Get breakfast. Log-in to school. Work. Take Lunchbreak. Work again. Finish work, watch Gilmore Girls. Check e-mail, Facebook, Myspace and Twitter. Have dinner. Take shower. Go to bed. Sleep. Repeat.

AUGH.

Day after day. I feel like I've already started a boring, cubicle-bound career, never to be released. And I'm only a sophomore.

I honestly hoped I could blog an update exciting enough to tell you guys, but seriously. Nothing.

Okay, well actually, two weeks ago, I went to a party. It was Jessica Simpson's 16th birthday party, actually. There was girls and boys and food and loud music and dancing...and it was surprisingly boring. To be truthful, it was first official High School party. I was kinda disappointed. And it wasn't Jessica Simpson's fault, she's a great party-thrower, let me tell you. She had all the elements, and she's always the life of the party.

The only problem...it was chaperoned.

And a lot of people didn't like that. There supposedly was about 150+ people invited, but people came and left the entire time. Many people left at one point just because they found out there wasn't booze. Sigh.

I was really frustrated with them. Tons of people refused to dance, and it made the whole atmostphere still and formal, even with the flashing lights and pulsing music. Everyone refused to eat the food. When Jessica Simpson asked people if they wanted cake, everyone said no. I actually though it was kind of rude. And besides me and Best Friend Rose, only three other people bought her a present. And the party was supposed to officially end around 2 AM, but so many people left by 12:30, the DJ started packing up by then.

I felt bad for Jessica, I didn't think she deserved all that. So really, it wasn't her fault the party was so bad.

So besides the party that nobody talked about afterwards, I have also been to two home football games. The first one, a lot of people in our grade were there, and I got a lot of hugs and excited people greeting me. It was actually pretty nice, considering maybe half of them hardly talked to me the year before. I had a feeling that would happen, since you know, distance makes the heart grow fonder and something or other.
I had also dyed my hair black since I saw them (don't worry, I'm not gothic now. I'm still the one and only Hopeless Romantic. It just goes with my skin tone better, is all.) and a lot of people commented on that. It cheered me up a little.

The football game I went to tonight was the Homecoming game. Not only was it extremely cold, colder than I'd ever been in my recent memory (thank you, cold front.), but there were tons of people there. Definitely didn't get as many greeters as last time, but not alot of the same people were there, so it was understandable.
I was supposed to go to the Homecoming dance with Johnny, as friends of course, but he dropped out last minute because he couldn't go. Then I was supposed to go with Best friend Rose, but she ended up not wanting to go because she told some guy that asked her that she wasn't going, and it would be awkward if she showed up and he was there.

I'm not upset, really. I guess all the hype goes with actually being in the school in the weeks leading up to Homecoming, because I wasn't all that excited anyway. At least I hadn't already bought a dress.

And anyway, I've spent the last month cooped up in the school room, trying to catch up on all the assignments I missed. It turns out, I enrolled late, and I was way behind. I'm still catching up, it's kinda stressful. But I'll catch up eventually, I'm sure.

It's just that this past month, I've thought about stuff. Alot. I mean, you have alot of thinking time when you're by yourself and the dog all the time. And I finally figured out that there are a few perks of this whole online school thing.

Like for one, I can do school in my pj's, and nobody will stare. Be jealous.

And I can do the work at my own pace, on my own time. So I can sleep in if I want to!

And I can read as loudly as I want and reply sarcastically to the computer screen/lesson without getting in trouble.

But I mean, it's still really weird. Really weird. My teachers keep calling my cell phone. How did they even get my cell phone number? I never answer when they call me, because it's just too weird. I don't even talk on the phone with my friends, I text them. So then why would I want to talk to my teachers on the phone? D:

And at first, it was kinda hard to focus on the work. I'm starting to associate the other room with schoolwork now. The school sent me a special school computer and school books and everything, so it's all in that room.

I learned that I love to read. It was something that I love to do endlessly as a kid. In elementary school, I read Junie B. Jones books and Cam Jansen books and Jigsaw Jones books and Goosebumps books all the time. I also read every Mary-kate and Ashley book ever written. I think it went away for a while because it was seen as 'uncool' to read in middle school. And I guess it still kind is, but I honestly don't care anymore. It's something I've rediscovered lately. I read nine novels this summer, and that's more than I read the entire year last year.

And I also learned that I'm maybe smarter than I thought I was. Since I was in a Private school ever since Preschool, one with kind of advanced learning, I forgot I was kind of ahead of Public schools in my area. The online school is based on Public school studies, so in a way, I'm kind of ahead. Everything I'm doing in lessons are so familiar to me, like I'd done them already, and I'm in a Junior science class. I have all A's. I feel like such a nerd.

And you know why? I realized I want good grades. Before, I was just kind of like, 'Oh, well, I'll do as well as I do on this test. Who cares if it's a B or C or whatever.' But now I want it to be an A. I'm disappointed with anything else.

Oh my God. What's happening to me?!

It can't be that I've already matured more in a month's time. I've only been doing this a month. I keep finding out more and more things about myself.

I just hope this can be what finally helps me find who I am. I've been struggling with that lately. I hate it when everyone just expects you to know your limits, know your priorities, know what you want. But what if you don't know who you are?

For some people, it takes their whole life to find out who they are. I don't want that to happen. I want to find out the real me, find her before something else happens and she gets more and more hidden from me. I feel like if I finally get to figure that out, more things will make more sense. I won't have to question myself, or the things I do. Because I hate that.

So, I'm thinking this could be the key to bringing me a step closer to that.

Meanwhile, though, Internet, I am simply going mad without human contact.

Mad.

Because it's not like I can just call one of my friends and go, "Heyyyy, what's goin' on? :D" because they're all in class. And then I'll try talking to my dog, but she just stares at me. Plus, that's kinda weird. And she's not human.

And I see my parents, of course, but I see them all the time. There's a difference. Haha.

And honestly, Internet, that's it. No boy news as of yet. And I don't see how any could start any time soon. Unless I get a new hot neighbor, which seems unlikely, I wouldn't expect any soon.

Okay, sorry for this long post. I felt like since I hadn't written in forever, I owed it to you. Hahaha.

Waiting for life to start,

xo Hopeless Romantic

PS: Thank you Shayne and Alex! Your words were so inspiring.

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A Brand New Season Begins.}
Tuesday, August 18, 2009 | 9:14 PM | 0Comment

"So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly." -November, Azure Ray


It's crazy how much can happen in a month, Internet.

You won't believe all the changes I'm going to face in this school year. Where to start?

Well, for one, I'm not even going to the same school anymore.

Yep.

Long story short, my family is going through major financial pressures this year, and right now, we just can't afford Private school. I've gone to that Private school my entire life.

And all my friends and my entire life there is moving on without me.

And not only am I not going there anymore, but instead, my parents want to enroll me in an online high school. Online. No teenage human contact, ever.

My summer of indoors has turned into a Fall and Winter of indoors as well.

And it's official now. I've sort of come to terms with it, somewhat. I'm still going to miss normal school life and all my friends like crazy. I'll definately miss getting ready in the morning and feeling the thrill of the first day of school. I'll miss taking the time to do my hair and makeup and hoping that someone will take notice of me.

But that's just it.

Maybe I needed a break from all that.

A few months ago, during the few last weeks of school, I couldn't wait to get out of there. Everyone and everything about that place was driving me to insanity.

Maybe I need an extended break. Maybe this will be good for me.

Maybe it will be somewhat of a learning experience.

Maybe I'll come back more mature, prettier, even. Maybe then, people will look at me differently after my extended absence.

All my friends start school tomarrow. I'm not going to lie, everytime I look at someone's status update on myspace or facebook and see something mentioned about the first day of school, it gets to me. But I'll be okay.

Something I won't miss is the drama. I hate the drama. I loathe the drama with every fiber of my being. And I hate the snooty upperclassmen. I hate the shallow, judgemental girls. I hate the douchebag, equally shallow boys.

So maybe I need this.

And it's not for forever. I don't need to worry about missing Junior or Senior Prom, or Graduation. I plan on going to the football games. And my parents said they fully intend on getting me back there once we get all caught up on the stacked-up bills. They even said I could possibly be back by 2nd semester.

So, let's hope, Internet.

But until then, I'll be okay. I just have to deal and quit wallowing in self-pity. Everything happens for a reason, right?

However, though, one thing's for sure.

This Hopeless Romantic is even more hopeless now, because no normal school = no boys.

Oh God, help me.

xo Helplessly-Hopeless Romantic

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