There's a few things about my blog that you should know.
I go by Hopeless Romantic for many reasons, but I guess one of them would be to protect the innocent. I'm not afraid to say what I think, so that also might be another reason. Haha. So, if some person I know irl were to come here and read every single one of my entries, they probably wouldn't know it was me. That's also why I make nicknames up for people I blog about.
I'm probably a lot more different than what most people would expect someone my age to be. Sure, I love clothes and make up and I'm a huge sucker for boybands.
But, I've been told that I have an old soul (Google it). Who knows? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. But please, take me seriously. That is all I ask. I'm a girl who's never been in a relationship before, so I don't throw the word 'love' around like a hot potato.
But I'm bound to have many crushes on the way, so, please enjoy reading about my roller coaster of a life.

Name : Sarah

I'm black, age 23.

Waist length hair, baby face, social anxiety.

Likes: Daydreaming, writing, reading, learning, fashion, eating, movies, all kinds of music, the color pink, kpop/jpop, kdramas/jdramas, the hollow heart emoticon, things that are cute, making people laugh, comic books.

Hates: Spiders, clubbing and or partying, really hot weather, close minded people, bigots, extreme sports.

contact:

email : here.
[NEW]twitter: @xohplssrmntc
follow me on twitter!♡


F.A.Q.

"Where are you from?"
The United States, in the western region of the country. I used to say 'mid-west', but just so you know, I didn't actually know what it meant, and I was using it wrong. Haha.

"Who do you think you are?"
Someone who's scared of everything and who hasn't completely figured out how to live yet.

"If you're so afraid of love, why are you so obsessed with it?"
I still haven't figured that out. But aren't we all?

{ ♡ }

imboycrazy I Wrote This for You. Le Love Gala Darling Caroline Calloway Insta-Memoir
if you'd like to be listed here, let me know!
Next? Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

Internet. Here it is. Explanations and updates.

Basically, let's cut to the chase: 
1. Decent first kisses with someone doesn't guarantee a thing. 
And 2. Being super freaking crazy attracted to someone doesn't make them less of an asshole.

Let's start with number 1. Luke.

I wanna make this very clear: Things were going great at first. Truly. We had great conversations, we got along fantastically. Our kiss was (though I have no frame of reference) very nice. I'm super happy with the fact that my first kiss ever was such a sweet, pleasant memory. (Especially after waiting so damn long for it to happen.) And he was really good at touching my face and smoothing my hair the way it turns out I reaaaaally like. (Like, really really really.)



But...here's the thing. Things kinda just...dwindled afterwards. We had actually originally planned for a 2nd date the same weekend I met Jacob, but Luke's dog fell really ill and ended up needing surgery, so he needed to take care of him. I completely understood, and I also felt horrible for his puppy and wished him a fast recovery.

During that whole thing, I texted him a lot less and gave him space, considering he was having a hard time. And so, just before that time of less talking, I matched with Jacob on Tinder. (More on him soon after this, promise.)

We talked. And the more I talked to Jacob, the more interest I had in him, and the less interested I was in Luke. Being really, truly honest here. And yes, I felt guilty about losing interest in Luke, especially since the only reason we had cancelled our date at the movies was because of his poor doggy.

But to be fair, I didn't really have any feelings for Luke. I tried to, I really did. I had nice kiss feelings, and wow-we-have-a-lot-in-common feelings, but nothing beyond that. It was like Brennan all over again (minus the kiss). That was why I was going to give a 2nd date a shot for the very first time--to see if there was potential for any feelings at all to develop. But after that 2nd date was cancelled, it was never rescheduled. So, really, there was no reason for me to feel guilty anyway, seeing as he'd likely changed his mind too.



No harm, no foul. It just didn't work out. But Luke gave me a pleasant 'first kiss' memory, and he never treated me badly. I'll always appreciate that.

So long, Luke. Good luck to ya.

Now onto number 2: Jacob. Ugh. Here we go.

Like I said, me and Jacob started talking sometime after my first date with Luke, and we set up a date for the day Luke and I had originally planned to go out.

I hadn't expected much from Jacob, truthfully--our conversations over text were boring and kinda shallow. He could decently hold a conversation over text, though (no one-word answers) so I figured it couldn't hurt to meet him.

I met him in the same Starbucks I'd met Luke at, and...well. Let's just say I'd greatly underestimated how attracted I would be to him. By liiike, a LOT.

I was GOBSMACKED by how attractive Jacob was. Holy freakin' hell. Remember Andy Sixx? Yeah. THAT hot. (Yup. I can still admit this now, though things between us imploded and rained down upon the earth in flaming pieces. But more on that soon.)
I didn't think the alt/scene look was still A Thing, but apparently it is. Or maybe it's coming back. And as it turns out, I still think it's hot as hell. And the whole thing--long hair, tight pants, and tonnnnnnns of tattoos, yeah. He pulls it off.  And inner 16 year old me couldn't believe someone this super fucking hot wanted to go on a date with ME. My mind was blown.


(Also, I didn't mention this: before we even met, he'd also asked me if I wanted to go see Suicide Squad...which at the time, wasn't coming out for 2 and a half months. Dude was so excited to date me he wanted to schedule dates almost 3 months in advance. Sheesh. Slow your roll, man.)

He was hot in his pictures, too, but honestly I'd thought they were maybe edited. When we first matched, I'd actually shown all of my friends his pictures, because I was positive that it was a fake profile and that someone was Catfishing me.

In person, I was positively SHAKEN by how hot he was. I kept my composure pretty well, I think, but geez Louise. I wasn't ready.


And that is how my last update came to be--cryptic and deep.

One time meeting this guy, and my immediate attraction to him had me thinking that I'd finally found someone I genuinely wanted to date, for the first time in freakin' years. I hadn't been immediately attracted to someone like that since Kenneth--and even crazier, we had a great time at Starbucks. We got along great, conversation was fun and easy.

That's where that RB comparison came from--I hadn't felt that way since him. And we had a lot in common, too: our love of comic books, Japan, and the fact that both of us were in online school in high school. YES INTERNET. HE WAS IN ONLINE SCHOOL TOO. That HAD to mean something, right?! That had to mean it was fate!!

...So, understandably, I got ahead of myself.

So that brings us to where this went on a flaming fat rocket to the seventh layer of Hell.

Jacob and I had planned to go the movies the very next weekend (suggested by me...I'm not great at date ideas, okay?), and once again this would've been my first 2nd date ever. He was enthusiastic about the idea and immediately said yes.

We hadn't planned out the finer details of everything yet, and conversation over the week was light and not as often, which I figured was normal. But then the day before our date came, so I texted him to schedule out the final stuff--what movie we were seeing, what time would be best for both of us, etc.

And...no reply.

Hours later, I try to text him a second time, thinking he just hadn't seen my first one. And...still nothing. Zip. Zero.

Since I had been through this same song and dance earlier this year with Amad, I knew exactly what was going on. I was being blown off. AGAIN.



I waited 4 more hours. Still no response. By now I'm really getting agitated. In my annoyance, I decide to open Instagram and scroll through it to calm down. Before I start scrolling down my timeline, as always, I check my activity feed to see who else is on Instagram.

And lo and behold, who do I see?

Yep. Jacob.

But he is not just on Instagram, which means that he was on his phone and had been for a while, he was liking girls' pictures. But not just any girls. Lingerie models. And nude models. By the droves. He was liking so many of them, and multiple pictures from each account, that now that I think about it, I'm convinced he was trying to get their attention so they would follow him back.

Hah. HAH. HAHAHA.

I exploded, y'all. On the inside, of course. Not on the outside. But I EXPLODED.

Not only was I being blown off by him, the night before our daytime date, but I was being ignored in favor of lingerie and nude models, with hundreds of thousands of followers, that will literally never in his life give him the time of day.

OH. HELL. NO.

So from there, I already knew what I had to do. My weeklong crush on him was officially dead and buried.



I texted him one last time. Knowing I couldn't call out him blowing me off without sounding psycho, I settled on passive aggressive cordiality. The message I sent him went something like, "Alright, I understand. No hard feelings. Have a nice Sunday! *smiling emoji*" After sending it, I turned my phone off, left it across the room, and went to bed early.

The next morning my phone was flooded with Jacob's half-assed apology--yeah, the next morning--and, because he just couldn't bear to be real with me, it was sprinkled with a lie. He claimed that he'd been asleep when I'd texted him, when in fact I'd texted him THREE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE DAY, and during the last of the 3, I had visual proof of him not being asleep.



So now, not only had he blown me off my scheduling our date to j*ck off to girls he'll never ever meet, but now he'd also LIED TO ME.

Yup. Yup. I was so done. I was so done that you couldn't stick a fork in me if you tried--I was solid, burnt, ruined food levels of DONE.

Calmly, I replied, telling him that since he hadn't answered me, I'd assumed that he'd changed his mind and decided to make other plans. (Plans to wrap myself up in blankets and pillows and read a book for the entire day, that is.) I told him if he wanted to make plans some other time, we'd have to schedule it ahead of time, since I was busy working the next weekend.
Notice the lack of any specific mention of rescheduling. He certainly did. He asked if we could do something the weekend after, and all he got was a 'we'll see :)', which meant 'definitely no, never, not on your life.'

I immediately deleted his number. After 4 unreturned likes on Instagram, he's finally gotten the point and left me alone.

You blew it, Jacob. See ya never. Good luck on your valiant mission to make your Instagram The Instagram Account With The Most Amount of Selfies With Literally 60 Hashtags Underneath Each One.

Needless to say, I've been listening to Lemonade nonstop lately. Ahh. It's like therapy. Thanks, Queen B.



I was left so angry and annoyed by this entire ordeal that I decided to delete my Tinder account 2 weeks afterwards.

I was tired of being blown off by these guys like my attention and time meant nothing. Jacob's lying to me was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

So...that's the whole story, Internet.

I think I'm done with dating for a while again, guys. This last stint has left me exhausted and annoyed by how impossible dating seems to be. It's shown me that, even when I don't run away and act like a coward (like I did with Brennan), even when I'm totally honest, totally myself, and totally open minded, things usually still don't work out. That's just how it is.

I've had my fill for this year. The rest of 2016, I'll only be focused on me.

I'll be focused on me, my dog-sitting doggies, my writing (which I'm doing right now, as a matter of fact. Doing the same summer writing challenge that I did last year!), my books, and possibly my return to school in the fall. Sounds pretty great to me.



xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: dates, disappointment, jacob, luke, online dating, tinder, well thats the end of that

Hey, Internet. I have some updates for you, fresh outta the oven! And believe me, these updates are probably nothing like you were expecting.

SO, first off, and most importantly: MY BIRTHDAY. WOOOOO.

After a fun and happy, easy-going birthday, this Hopeless Romantic is now 23 years old.


(Above is the birthday cake of my wildest dreams.)

23. What? Wow. That's how old I am now? Wasn't I 17 exactly two seconds ago? What the hell, man. How did that happen?

But, yes. Long story short: birthday was great.

Full of lovely birthday wishes, family, italian food, wine, and red velvet cupcakes (which I'm eating right now!!). Not to mention two giant pink '2' and '3' helium balloons, which are amazingly still afloat and are directly to my left as I type. I also received a beautiful pink quilt which I had actually seen in a store a week prior and kept beating myself up afterwards for not having money with me when I saw it. (Thanks mom for sneaking and getting it for me.) That quilt is really gonna save my ass at night during the warm months, it'll be much less sweltering hot than my thick comforter.



Really, it was good that my birthday and the day after was so great. Because the 3 and a half days afterwards totally sucked.

The morning after my birthday I at least got to go see a movie I've been wanting to see, and so that was fun. Then, that evening, I got a migraine.

I took my migraine medicine, which has caffeine in it, resulting in me staying up until 3:45 in the morning. Then, 15 minutes after I finally went to sleep, my lovely sweet senior-aged pup had some gastrointestinal stress. Resulting: she shit all. over. my. bedroom floor.

Diarrhea everywhere. At 4 am.

So, lol. Yeah. Not so great.

After that happened, I proceeded to have severe allergies and sinus issues, which is currently still happening. NOT FUN.

But, hey. At least my birthday this year was great, and I have a positive memory of it! Soooo, moving onto less disgusting updates. (Sorry.)

Let's talk about what I know most of you are dying to hear about: Amad.



Hm. Where to start? Well, maybe I'll start with the fact that he hasn't moved yet!

Unexpected, right? Well, here's another unexpected tidbit: We haven't talked since February.

Hah...yeah. But not for lack of trying, on my part. Yep. That's right. I have texted him on two separate occasions since then, and guess what?

Nada. Nothing. Ignored. Ignored hard.

Incredibly, he's still been liking my Instagram pictures. But still can't respond to my texts. Amazing. And, you know what? I've gotten the sneaking suspicion that he really did get my text that time and really did just ignore me. Since he seems to be pretty damn good at doing that.

So...that's it, I guess. Game over.

Yeah, I mean, it's great and all that he hasn't moved yet, which I don't know the reason for, by the way. I was going to ask him why he hadn't moved yet one of the times I tried to reach out, but uh, yeah. Guess I'll never know. Guess it doesn't matter to me anymore, either.

He's made it clear he doesn't want to go out with me anymore, so I won't try to change his mind. You either like me, or you don't. That's not my problem, and it's not my job to try and convince someone else that I'm worthy of them. I already tried that once and suffered (R*cky B*bby in the 8th grade) and I have no intention of ever doing that again. I have more pride than that.

At first I was annoyed and confused. Now I'm just tired of whatever this was. I'm over it.

So long, Amad. Not sure why you decided to pull the disappearing act after being so into me, but I'll live.



I feel like I have done this little thing called moving on about a thousand times already. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it really sucks, and sometimes it's hard. But I have to do it, and so I'll keep doing it when I need to. As many times as it takes.

He wasn't what I thought (or hoped) he'd be. He really was the immature little asshole that I'd hoped he wasn't. He disappointed me. And that's alright. That happens. Sometimes that's just the way it goes. That's life.

So, as I move on, I'll continue to swipe on Tinder--mostly to the left, along with eye rolling and and heavy sighs.

Onto some other news: MY JOB.

Watching Sally in February turned out great, she was a sweet puppy. After that, I had a few more meetings with potential clients that didn't turn into a real sitting opportunity because of certain aspects not working out.

Also, a week after I watched Sally...I had one of my trademark clumsy moments.

I sprained my knee badly one night as I was killing a bug. Don't ask me how I did it, I still have no idea!! I've been wearing a brace on my knee for a month and a half, and have also been elevating and icing it consistently. I've had an ape-like hobble of a walk for quite a while now, but I think all of this treatment is finally paying off.

It still hurts, but it's better. Not nearly as bad as it was.

But obviously, it's set me back in terms of working. I've barely been able to walk, let alone play with a dog every day and deal with sweet little fur babies slamming into my knees even though they don't mean to but bless them those little darlings are CLUMSY. So I've been taking a hiatus lately to heal, so also no money lately. Sadface.

BUT. I just had a great meeting yesterday, and the deal was sealed immediately: I watch their sweet little pumpkin the whole first week of June. Woohoo!

And if my knee is still not 100% by then (but it probably will be) then I won't have to worry about aggravating my injury, because their little dog is so close to the ground and tiny that it won't even be a problem. Yay.



With a healing knee and healing pride, things are looking up once again, Internet.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: amad, birthday, disappointment, job stuff, well thats the end of that

Hey Internet!

Yes, I am alive. After my big writing challenge month, I needed some time to unwind and let the soreness leave my hands. (Seriously, I wrote 50,000 words in a month. My hands were SCREAMING.)

So! To keep things a little simpler, let me utilize some bullet points to let you know what's been going on lately.

I:

• Finished the writing challenge successfully, with 50,000 words accomplished
• Felt super jazzed and excited, then a little dumbfounded for a couple days after I finished--kinda like, "Welp. I finished this big giant thing, What now?"
• Began editing the first draft I wrote
• Thought about Jazz's wedding a little more, realized her and her hubs have been having weekend grillouts in their backyard that I knew nothing about and wasn't invited to. Oh.
• Began saving up money for my first official piece of furniture in my main/living room, which will enable me to finally use that room more than I have for the year and a half I've been in this house. (A futon. Next will be a microwave. Movie/k-drama nights will be upgraded by 1000. Can you say a comfy seat curled up with blanket, some popcorn, hot cocoa, or bowl ramen? And in my own living room! Woo!)
• Also started thinking more about the Brennan thing, then started...feeling...bad? Yep. And a little sad.
• Got some bad news about school and had to deal with the emotional aftermath.

Labels: brennan, college, disappointment, fear, jazz, okcupid, social media

Hey, Internet.

So, first things first, I want to apologize if I worried you guys with that last entry. I was feeling emotionally charged while I wrote it (hence the numerous typos and errors) and I wrote it on impulse on my phone. Plus, needless to say, I was upset, and I needed to rant. I really appreciate all of your encouraging words, and your concern. Thank you. I'm so sorry if I worried you guys!

SIGH. So. I think I should offer a little more explanation after the fact other than just "ugh i'm such a loser mY LIFE IS OVER JHSFDJHFSD". So here goes.

Basically, this is what happened: Less than a week before we were set to leave, somebody in the IRS or someplace like that (I'm still iffy on the details of taxes and all that stuff) found a huge, unpaid sum from years back that my dad forgot to pay, and decided "HEY, now would be the perfect time to take money from this guy!" so they took $600~ from my dad's paycheck.
Mind you, we are not well off financially at all, and my dad had worked double his hours just so we could get the money to go on our trip from that paycheck.

That $600~ was our hotel money, along with most of our gas money to get us there. All gone. And the time that we were set to leave for the trip, would be right before my dad was to get his next paycheck, which would not be on time, and even if it was on time, it would not be nearly enough.

So, yeah. No money,  no trip. And that was that.

The day that I wrote my last entry, Monday, was the day my dad had told me. I had spent two hours before that picking out clothes for the trip. 8 tops, 7 bottoms, including shorts and skirts. My bathing suit for the beach. A cardigan, just in case. I hadn't decided on my shoes yet, but as it turns out, that was for the best anyway. And, lazy ass that I am, I hadn't even started packing yet. Which was also good in the end I guess.

Yeah. I was...well, devastated. I told all my friends that night too, and they were just as upset as I was. They offered me encouraging words as well, which didn't help but I still appreciated them none the less. And then I logged off and lapsed into a sad, teary, catatonic coma for three days.

Granted, the next morning I started my period lol, so then at least I had an excuse to lie in bed and cry and be miserable for a few days. When I wasn't crying, sleeping or zoning out, I watched movies. That's all I really remember, which is kind of unsettling, but that's how I usually spend my periods anyway, minus the complete misery. I didn't even touch the Internet, which is also unsettling.

But eventually, by Thursday, I was feeling slightly better physically and emotionally, so I got up and tried to function as a normal human being again. I got back on Twitter as usual, reassuring my friends that I was okay, because they were worried when I didn't come online for 3 days straight (a true rarity for me).

The days of the convention and the concert, I spent it like I had spent them last year, on the Internet, waiting for live updates from my friends that were there. I think I actually handled it pretty well, to be honest. I think the mourning period was necessary for me, and in the end I still wanted to be happy for my friends that got to go. So other than the occasional, moderate pangs of jealousy that hit me every once in a while, which I kept to myself, I did okay.

I think the hardest part for me was knowing that above all, my favorite band, that at some point I thought I was going to get to see, was finally in the same country as me, something that rarely ever happens for foreign groups like this.
And they were still thousands of miles away from me, and there was nothing I could possibly do to see them. Before, when they're in Korea or China and I can't see them, it really sucks but it's not like there's anything I can do about it anyway. But when they're here? In America? And going to see them is more reasonable? And when I was doing to see them, had the ticket to go see them, and it was taken from me? Yeah. That's pure and utter shit.

Especially when it was my favorite. My Michael. Michael isn't his name, but I'm going to call him My Michael because when I described him I called him my Michael Jackson, and he loves and idolizes Michael Jackson, so I'm going to call him that. My Michael was here. He was here, and I swore that I would do anything to see him. Bought a ticket, for a concert in California, to try and get the chance to see him. And then it blew up in my face.

You know, I kept thinking, in the time leading up to the trip, that I wouldn't even need to talk to him. I just wanted to see him, once. Once in my lifetime. To see him once, in the flesh, would be enough for me. I would never need to talk to him or touch him or anything. If I could just see this person that I love so much, it would be enough. I would never even need to see him again. I would have been content with just that.

Also, I never touched on this before, but much much earlier this year, in January, I bought him a birthday present. I swear to God, I did. I'm a member of one of his Korean fansites, and this fansite was organizing a birthday event where people could send gifts and letters to the leader of this fansite and she would deliver them to his company's building all together on his birthday in one giant supergift. Korean fans are srs bsns, man. They're like a corporation, I'm telling you.

So yeah. I bought him a gift. Nothing extravagant or fancy or expensive, just something small I could afford. I found two cool handmade graphic t-shirts on Etsy for less than $20, with two cool designs that I thought he would like, and in his favorite colors. Then, I hand wrote a short but sweet fan letter, in Korean (which took me forEVER to translate correctly with the help of my friend who's semi-fluent, then took another millennium to practice writing the characters at least 20 times each just so I could get them right) and put it in the package too, and then sent it with love to Korea.

My fan gift, along with my labor-of-love letter, never made it to Korea. I don't know what happened to it. I tracked the package, and it showed it leaving America via Los Angeles, and then after that, ziltch. Nada. You can't track foreign packages going to Korea once it leaves your country, apparently. So it never arrived. Maybe it fell off of the airplane and fell into the ocean, where a shark ate it. WHO KNOWS.

But yeah. At this point I'm just like, WELL, JESUS. Maybe I'm never meant to ever make any form of contact with this man. Just, ever. The universe, fate, stars, what have you, clearly want to keep this from happening. Fan gift? NOPE. UNACCEPTABLE. Concert ticket? NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Sigh. So, that's another reason I was so upset. But hey. At least now I know never to try to send a package to Korea again.

There are a few things I'm relieved to have avoided last weekend, however.

Apparently the convention was a disaster. This year was the second year of this convention running, ever, so yeah, they still had some kinks to work out. Last year I remember hearing it was DREADFUL, and unfortunately, I haven't heard much different this year. For instance, people that paid for the most expensive tickets, the tickets with meet and greet passes, artist autograph session passes, etc etc etc, essentially didn't get any of that. They got special access to getting a pass to sit in the audience during a Q&A session, and a red carpet thingy, and that's it. They canceled the meet and greet, and they canceled the signing thing and instead gave the audience already-signed slips of paper. So they paid hundreds of dollars for a ticket where they basically didn't get what they paid for. Ahem.

At least I didn't fork out the money for one of those tickets, but I feel bad for those who did. Aside from getting first row at the concert, they were ripped off. Most people who I've talked to who went said the convention was terribad. Hearing stuff like this, it made me almost...relieved. And I think all of this is what helped ease my earlier upset and jealousy. From what I heard, I didn't miss much. Which is a relief.

The only thing I'm still pretty jealous of was the concert. I heard that was the best part, and that it was amazing. And from the fan videos I've seen from it, I'd have to agree. BUT, if I had gone to the concert, I would have missed something else great going on that night-- THE NSYNC REUNION PERFORMANCE. Yes, it was like 2 seconds. I DON'T CARE. It made my whole night. NSYNC is basically the reason I'm still in love with boybands, at age 20. I still listen to their Celebrity album on a weekly basis. It is that serious.

SO. If I had missed that reunion, I would have been pretty upset. Even if it was for my favorite band now. And that completely made me forget I had been missing the concert, for at least an hour. How NSYNC can still manage to make me so happy, even ten years later, is beyond me. I felt like I was 10 again.

Sorry, getting off topic again. ANYWAY.

In retrospect, I guess I dodged a few bullets. And maybe it was better that I never went. Also on the brighter side, I sold my ticket to someone else that had the means to go, so I hope they had a good time (at the concert, anyway.) And with the money I got back from my ticket, I bought something that I've been wanting for a while. So there you go. With every door that closes, another opens, silver lining, and so on and so forth.

Even though I lost this opportunity, and also the opportunity to start community college this fall, I'm looking towards other opportunities. I'm starting my job search again, and I'm looking at a local scrapbooking store that might be a nice place to work. I'm submitting my application next week, so we'll see.

Also, my parents have felt so guilty about the trip falling through, that they sat me down and promised me--promised--that the next available kpop concert I want to go to, they'll definitely let me go, and that they're going to help me start saving up immediately.

That's another reason for the job search--money. Because this last minute money issue thing isn't happening again, not if I can help it, and I certainly can. And if this scrapbook store doesn't hire me, I'll search elsewhere.

From big steps to new steps. That's what everyone has to do at some point, right? I can't give up. I won't give up. I can do this.

xo Hopeless Romantic 

Labels: california, disappointment, fandom ish, job stuff, my michael, progress, trips

First of all, Internet, let me just say that this is probably the quickest time that someone has lost interest in me. Probably record breaking, actually.

Not that that's saying much, though, because I think that brings the grand total of guys that have had interest in me to 5 since the beginning of middle school.

Let me explain. Remember last entry, when I said that there had been something related going on that I'd talk about later? Well. Here it is.

And I'm at least 96.99% sure that I'm not overreacting this time. Because here's the thing. Before Drew and I's meeting, or date (which I'm starting to think that maybe it wasn't a date in the first place--back to square one) he texted me first everyday, or at least every other day. And every once in a while I texted him first. And he always constantly seemed genuinely interested in talking to me, asking me questions about myself, stuff that shouldn't even matter, but it mattered to him.

Now, after our date, he texted me once right after I got home, apologizing for 'being boring because he was exhausted'(on account of the late night shift he works at a hospital), which I assured him was fine, and that I had a great time.

After that? Nothing, basically.
The day after that, I texted him first, and his answers were short and distracted. Which I got, really, since he said he was hiking. So after a few exchanges, I left it at that, because I didn't want to bug him. Then passes two more days without a text from him. A little odd, considering how he had wanted to talk to me so much before, even if it was irrelevant and pointless conversation.

By now, it's Thursday. After I write the last entry on here, I text him to see how he is. Conversation seems a little more normal than the last time we talked. He mentions that he's been sick and super busy.
Which seems perfectly acceptable to me, except after the conversation ends (abruptly and two hours later, which probably meant he fell asleep, but doesn't settle well with me that much either because he used to say goodnight before he went to bed before) when I think about how he'd been plenty busy before and still at least tried to talk to me.

So now it's five days later. I've waited to see if he would get curious enough about how I'm doing to text me, but he hasn't. I would text him first again, but by now I think I would come off as a bit desperate.

I suppose, Internet, that this is Drew's way of telling me he isn't interested anymore. Or maybe he wasn't even interested to begin with, I don't know. I just wish he'd tell me if he was or not, I hate beating around the bush about these things, and I really can't take a hint. I need to hear it for myself. I feel like I deserve that, at least.

Either way, I'm disappointed. Up to last week, I had kept my hopes back, knowing that it could go either way, but I suppose they got away from me. Though, I don't really know how they couldn't have, I thought the date(or non-date) went well, to be honest.

I mean, after a good first date, can you blame me? I admit, I got hopeful. But maybe it didn't go as well as I thought it did.

I knew there was a possibility that it could all end, I just didn't think it would end so soon. But at least we weren't together at all. I think it would've been worse that way.

Well, Internet. It begins again. Here's to the single life.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: disappointment, drew, summer, well thats the end of that

Hey, Internet. Somewhat long-time no see.

Labels: disappointment, sophomore year

present me past me