There's a few things about my blog that you should know.
I go by Hopeless Romantic for many reasons, but I guess one of them would be to protect the innocent. I'm not afraid to say what I think, so that also might be another reason. Haha. So, if some person I know irl were to come here and read every single one of my entries, they probably wouldn't know it was me. That's also why I make nicknames up for people I blog about.
I'm probably a lot more different than what most people would expect someone my age to be. Sure, I love clothes and make up and I'm a huge sucker for boybands.
But, I've been told that I have an old soul (Google it). Who knows? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. But please, take me seriously. That is all I ask. I'm a girl who's never been in a relationship before, so I don't throw the word 'love' around like a hot potato.
But I'm bound to have many crushes on the way, so, please enjoy reading about my roller coaster of a life.

Name : Sarah

I'm black, age 23.

Waist length hair, baby face, social anxiety.

Likes: Daydreaming, writing, reading, learning, fashion, eating, movies, all kinds of music, the color pink, kpop/jpop, kdramas/jdramas, the hollow heart emoticon, things that are cute, making people laugh, comic books.

Hates: Spiders, clubbing and or partying, really hot weather, close minded people, bigots, extreme sports.

contact:

email : here.
[NEW]twitter: @xohplssrmntc
follow me on twitter!♡


F.A.Q.

"Where are you from?"
The United States, in the western region of the country. I used to say 'mid-west', but just so you know, I didn't actually know what it meant, and I was using it wrong. Haha.

"Who do you think you are?"
Someone who's scared of everything and who hasn't completely figured out how to live yet.

"If you're so afraid of love, why are you so obsessed with it?"
I still haven't figured that out. But aren't we all?

{ ♡ }

imboycrazy I Wrote This for You. Le Love Gala Darling Caroline Calloway Insta-Memoir
if you'd like to be listed here, let me know!
Next? Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

Hey, Internet. I have some updates for you, fresh outta the oven! And believe me, these updates are probably nothing like you were expecting.

SO, first off, and most importantly: MY BIRTHDAY. WOOOOO.

After a fun and happy, easy-going birthday, this Hopeless Romantic is now 23 years old.


(Above is the birthday cake of my wildest dreams.)

23. What? Wow. That's how old I am now? Wasn't I 17 exactly two seconds ago? What the hell, man. How did that happen?

But, yes. Long story short: birthday was great.

Full of lovely birthday wishes, family, italian food, wine, and red velvet cupcakes (which I'm eating right now!!). Not to mention two giant pink '2' and '3' helium balloons, which are amazingly still afloat and are directly to my left as I type. I also received a beautiful pink quilt which I had actually seen in a store a week prior and kept beating myself up afterwards for not having money with me when I saw it. (Thanks mom for sneaking and getting it for me.) That quilt is really gonna save my ass at night during the warm months, it'll be much less sweltering hot than my thick comforter.



Really, it was good that my birthday and the day after was so great. Because the 3 and a half days afterwards totally sucked.

The morning after my birthday I at least got to go see a movie I've been wanting to see, and so that was fun. Then, that evening, I got a migraine.

I took my migraine medicine, which has caffeine in it, resulting in me staying up until 3:45 in the morning. Then, 15 minutes after I finally went to sleep, my lovely sweet senior-aged pup had some gastrointestinal stress. Resulting: she shit all. over. my. bedroom floor.

Diarrhea everywhere. At 4 am.

So, lol. Yeah. Not so great.

After that happened, I proceeded to have severe allergies and sinus issues, which is currently still happening. NOT FUN.

But, hey. At least my birthday this year was great, and I have a positive memory of it! Soooo, moving onto less disgusting updates. (Sorry.)

Let's talk about what I know most of you are dying to hear about: Amad.



Hm. Where to start? Well, maybe I'll start with the fact that he hasn't moved yet!

Unexpected, right? Well, here's another unexpected tidbit: We haven't talked since February.

Hah...yeah. But not for lack of trying, on my part. Yep. That's right. I have texted him on two separate occasions since then, and guess what?

Nada. Nothing. Ignored. Ignored hard.

Incredibly, he's still been liking my Instagram pictures. But still can't respond to my texts. Amazing. And, you know what? I've gotten the sneaking suspicion that he really did get my text that time and really did just ignore me. Since he seems to be pretty damn good at doing that.

So...that's it, I guess. Game over.

Yeah, I mean, it's great and all that he hasn't moved yet, which I don't know the reason for, by the way. I was going to ask him why he hadn't moved yet one of the times I tried to reach out, but uh, yeah. Guess I'll never know. Guess it doesn't matter to me anymore, either.

He's made it clear he doesn't want to go out with me anymore, so I won't try to change his mind. You either like me, or you don't. That's not my problem, and it's not my job to try and convince someone else that I'm worthy of them. I already tried that once and suffered (R*cky B*bby in the 8th grade) and I have no intention of ever doing that again. I have more pride than that.

At first I was annoyed and confused. Now I'm just tired of whatever this was. I'm over it.

So long, Amad. Not sure why you decided to pull the disappearing act after being so into me, but I'll live.



I feel like I have done this little thing called moving on about a thousand times already. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it really sucks, and sometimes it's hard. But I have to do it, and so I'll keep doing it when I need to. As many times as it takes.

He wasn't what I thought (or hoped) he'd be. He really was the immature little asshole that I'd hoped he wasn't. He disappointed me. And that's alright. That happens. Sometimes that's just the way it goes. That's life.

So, as I move on, I'll continue to swipe on Tinder--mostly to the left, along with eye rolling and and heavy sighs.

Onto some other news: MY JOB.

Watching Sally in February turned out great, she was a sweet puppy. After that, I had a few more meetings with potential clients that didn't turn into a real sitting opportunity because of certain aspects not working out.

Also, a week after I watched Sally...I had one of my trademark clumsy moments.

I sprained my knee badly one night as I was killing a bug. Don't ask me how I did it, I still have no idea!! I've been wearing a brace on my knee for a month and a half, and have also been elevating and icing it consistently. I've had an ape-like hobble of a walk for quite a while now, but I think all of this treatment is finally paying off.

It still hurts, but it's better. Not nearly as bad as it was.

But obviously, it's set me back in terms of working. I've barely been able to walk, let alone play with a dog every day and deal with sweet little fur babies slamming into my knees even though they don't mean to but bless them those little darlings are CLUMSY. So I've been taking a hiatus lately to heal, so also no money lately. Sadface.

BUT. I just had a great meeting yesterday, and the deal was sealed immediately: I watch their sweet little pumpkin the whole first week of June. Woohoo!

And if my knee is still not 100% by then (but it probably will be) then I won't have to worry about aggravating my injury, because their little dog is so close to the ground and tiny that it won't even be a problem. Yay.



With a healing knee and healing pride, things are looking up once again, Internet.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: amad, birthday, disappointment, job stuff, well thats the end of that

Internet!

Here comes the second part of my rambling update where I talk about ordinary things that happened in excruciating detail!

So first. My birthday. My odd, exhausting but also mostly uneventful 22nd birthday.

Now. I had planned what I wanted to do on my birthday months in advance. Not down to the very smallest detail of course, but I'm a meticulous person. I like lists, I like organization (except for in some places in my room), and I very much like planning far far ahead. I planned from the beginning that I wanted, during the day on my birthday, to go shopping at some fun stores. Then, for later on in the evening, I wanted to eat at a yummy restaurant and have yummy wine with family and at least my one friend (since Jazz and I weren't really talking around the time of my birthday last year.) and have a generally nice day.

Well. That...didn't exactly happen.

The way things tend to go wrong when you need them to go right, that is what happened on this day. I mean...pretty much everything went wrong. It would've been hilarious if it were on a sitcom and it weren't my life.

One important detail--in my family, we have one car. Let me repeat. One car. As we have had issues with several times before. When your family can only afford one car, let me tell you, it creates lots of problems. For instance, if one family member works full time (my dad) and needs the car pretty much 80% of the time, then going out and getting activities done while they're hogging the car is pretty much impossible (and since we live in the suburbs, walking to places is time consuming and would be like trekking to Mordor and back).

We had arranged ahead with my dad to let us drop him off at work, borrow the car for the day, and go shopping like I had planned. And said plans got pretty much beaten to a pulp and thrown in the trash. As our plans got pushed back, pushed back, and pushed back, and I had begun to lose hope in them even coming around at all, I started to get ready anyway.

The night before, I put my hair up in sock curlers--which I'd done at least 20 times for nights before school, and it had always turned out adorable and neat and super easy to take out and make my hair look like I'd spent 2 hours working on it. Imagine my horror when I take them out of my hair and--lo and behold--my hair turns out AWFUL. Just the frizziest, matted, greasiest-looking mess you could ever imagine.

I had seldom ever had hair as terrible as this before in my life. And it was my BIRTHDAY.

So, a frustrated, frizzy mess, I went upstairs to my mom to complain, all like, "LOOK AT MY HAIR!" And so as she calms me down, she suggests that I use heat (something I rarely do these days anymore) to fix the problem. Reluctantly, I agree, because at that point there was nothing else I could do to fix it.

So I go back down to my basement, go to my bathroom, and as I try to comb through the knots, it seemingly makes the frizziness worse. And I look at the clock and realize how much of my birthday has gone by, and that it's almost dinner time, and I was trying to salvage my hair. Then I start to panic.

Not just any old panic, however. Nope. I just had to pick my birthday to have my first panic attack in a while.

Yup. I hyperventilate. My heart feels like it's trying to beat its' way out of my ribcage. I get dizzy. I sit down on the bathroom floor. I begin to sob hysterically.

Even though part of me knows it's ridiculous and really freaking sad that I'm having a panic attack on my birthday of all days, as always, it's not something I can help. I sit there and try to fix my breathing and cry and think of how it's so fucking sad that I was turning 22 and I couldn't even get out of the house of my own choice on my birthday.

20 minutes later, the attack subsided and I pulled myself together. I flat ironed my hair, did my makeup decently enough but not the way I'd planned to do it originally because I didn't have time now, put on my birthday outfit (a cute black birthday dress I'd bought a month before, my black platform combat boots, and pink Minnie Mouse ears--but I forgot my sweater, and it was windy and chilly outside) and finally it was time to leave.

Throughout all of this mess was also the restaurant mess. My dad failed to tell me before this day that the restaurant I had chosen was too expensive, so I literally had to pull some other restaurant off the top of my head to go to instead. (Red Robin. Yeah. Not so exciting. But my only requirements at this point were 1. food that I liked and 2. alcohol. Which they have. And I needed, especially the second one, after the day I'd had.) And then I had to keep texting Jazz to let her know of all these changes and reschedulings.

I felt awful for putting through all of this, especially the day of, and when it was getting near the time to meet her at the restaurant, I could tell she was getting exasperated and I wondered if she still wanted to come at all--a thought which upset me even more because after not having a friend with me there to celebrate my 21st birthday, having a friend with me on my 22nd birthday meant a lot more than I realized. As soon as we arrived at the restaurant (after making a quick run to a store downtown to get a dress I'd seen there a week earlier, which will be the dress I wear to Jazz's wedding btw) I apologized profusely, telling her that I was embarrassed and would understand if she didn't want to be there.

She took it all in stride, though, and the dinner went mostly okay, especially after I began drinking my sangria and all the edginess and upset melted off.

As we finished dinner, I asked Jazz if she wanted to come over and have some cake, and she agreed. I rode with her in her car on the way over, and during the ride, I vented to her about the woes of that day--excepting the attack I'd had. She doesn't know that I struggle with them, and it's not something I tell people about easily. (I even refrained from writing about them on here for a while. I'll save that for another entry, though.) She understood why I was frustrated, and said I didn't have to apologize. And at that moment, I was so relieved she was there.

When we arrived at our house, we sliced into my delicious birthday cake (chocolate, with light pink and white frosting, strawberry halves on the sides, and 'Happy 22nd Birthday, Sarah!' written in red frosting). We chatted for a bit about different things, planned to go to our favorite pottery painting place soon, and then she left.

Thus was my odd, exhausting but mostly uneventful 22nd birthday.

Thinking about it now just exhausted me mentally all over again, and I'd rather not think about it any more, to be honest. Thank God it's over, Hah.

So now here comes the last big part I need to update on: Jazz.

About a week or a week and a half after my weird birthday, Jazz picked me up and we zipped on over to our hole-in-the-wall cute pottery painting place. She introduced me to the place, and going there is the most relaxing, peaceful experience. (Except for the country music the owner plays. But hey, it's not my business.) If I could, I would spend all my time between there and the library and my favorite bubble tea cafe.

So I painted a cool bowl-mug type thing, and she made a glass jewelry necklace type thing, and enjoyed each other's company without feeling like we need to talk, which I've always liked about Jazz.

Afterwards we drove by Starbucks so I could get a panini and a frappe, because I hadn't eaten and I was starved (also, in a weird moment, inside the cafe, I thought for a moment that I saw Rose there out of the corner of my eye--I'm pretty sure it wasn't her, but it was pretty weird). Then she had a customer's appointment to get to, so she dropped me off back home. It was an overall fun day.

The thing I need to talk about though is this: the wedding.

The impending date seems like it's coming faster and faster. Now it's in approximately a month, when it seems like they just got engaged yesterday. They sent out invitations already, with a prim and neat engagement photo on the inside of it.

On the day we hung out, she confided in me that after the wedding, they might move out-of-state for a job opportunity for her now-fiancee-but-soon-to-be-husband.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm happy for Jazz. I am. It really seems like she's found something real, and I'm happy for her.

But there's a teeny, tiny, very self centered and selfish part of me that feels like marriage might just force us to grow further apart than we already have. That my last friend here in town is going to have this whole new big married life without me in it, and she'll forget all about me.

So feeling this way, that's probably why the littlest things have bothered me lately--like her not following me back on Instagram when I've been following her for 2 whole months now, and her posts on Facebook about wedding planning and her and her fiancee signing a lease for a house together. Not going to lie, seeing those posts makes me feel...strange.

It's selfish, I know. It has nothing to do with me. It's not my business. She's starting a whole new life now, and it's not that I expect her to stay the same just for me.

But the further into my 20's I get, the more I feel like this big, clueless kid whose old friends are all growing up at the speed of light and my old life is breaking down and fading away faster than I could have ever imagined it would have.

It's scary, you guys. It's scary, uncertain, and it's left me feeling alone and like I've accomplished nothing.

But it's not my place to place those feelings on her. I have to be the happy, supportive friend. Because that's what she needs me to be now.

Maybe she will forget about me. Maybe we will drift further apart. But I don't want to be the bitter bitch who ruined her special day.

I will be here for her as long as she needs me to be.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: babies and marriage?!?, birthday, bitterness, growing up, jazz, sarah flipping a shit but what else is new, updates

Internet!!

So. I wasn't quite sure where to start with writing about all the things that have changed since I last wrote. I mean just...a lot of things have changed. A lot.

First things first...I live in a new house.

Yup. We moved. ONCE AGAIN. And this time, it's in a house with just me, my mom, and my dad (and dog). You might recall that I've lived with my grandma and young cousins for...well, as long as I've had this blog. Since the 8th grade. Basically my grandma moved into us to help us pay rent, because we could barely afford ours and she could barely afford hers, and it would be much easier for all of us if we lived together.

But after a while the dynamic in the house shifted--soon my grandma refused to help pay rent and the utility bill, and the pressure was on my parents to pay all of it. So as you can imagine, that actually made our financial situation worse. We have been very very tight on money, barely living paycheck to paycheck, for years now.

And aside from money, none of us had been very happy with living together for the past year or so. There had always kind of been tension, especially between my mom and my grandma (my dad's mother), but in 2013 it came to a head multiple times. Someone was always arguing or yelling at each other, or my cousins were always getting into mischief, leaving us to clean after them. And worst of all, for me, was that my grandma was always inviting people we didn't know over to our house without telling us. There had been many a time when a stranger would come over and I'd be in my pajamas in the living room, bed hair and all. Not only humiliating but also annoying when said stranger comes over again, sees me again but in daytime clothes, and would say, "Oh, you got dressed today!"

So around Christmas time, when we discovered that we would have to move soon because the landlord wanted to sell the house, I confronted Mom about possibly moving into separate houses now, and she could not agree more with me. So that led to both of us confronting Dad about it, and then him confronting Grandma, and well...here we are.

It took some convincing on her end, however. Until she realized that she wanted her own house again too, haha. Then we helped her find a house, and we found our new house. And it all worked out!

And here's the most hilarious part of it...we moved next door to our old house. HAHA. Literally one house over.

We were having such a hard time trying to find a place, and then we found out that the house next door was up for rent, so we looked...and it was perfect. Funny how stuff like that works out, isn't it?

SO. The new house. Just a two story, a main floor and a basement. And the entire basement is mine. Main/living space, my bedroom, my own bathroom with a door right to it from my room, and a WALK IN CLOSET.

I've never in my life had a bathroom connected to my bedroom, or a walk in closet. And as it's in the basement, it's quiet, and just as cool as I like it to be in my room. In all honesty, it's the best room I've ever had, and that includes the room I had in middle school where I had my own deck outside.

The only downside: the bugs. Inevitable for any basement, I think. We've been trying our best to keep them away, although there have been some pretty bad incidents (one includes a giant spider on the toilet paper in the bathroom, which I accidentally touched when it fell INTO MY HAND. Will never look at toilet paper the same way. Scarred for life.)  but we're working on it.

But the pros far outweigh the cons, and my stress levels have gone down significantly since moving. I think they have for all of us, even my grandma and cousins. And when we miss each other, we visit each other's houses for a few hours, and then we go home. To separate houses. And live peacefully how we want. Such a relief, I cannot even tell you.

So since we've moved to the new house, we've been very busy trying to get everything organized and looking presentable (or somewhat presentable) and my main area down here only has a folding chair, 3 bookshelves, and a TV in it, lol. But babysteps! We'll get it together eventually.

Aside from the house, some other things have changed for me as well.

• Me and Rose do not speak anymore, aside from the occasional Instagram comment or Facebook comment she leaves me. Which I'll sometimes respond to. 
• Me and Jazz don't speak anymore either, except for the time in January when I helped her out at her salon school by being a hair model (where I made the mistake of letting her chop off WAY too much of it, ack!) She was supposed to graduate her salon school in March, and I'm assuming she still did, but getting caught up with moving and my birthday, I didn't hear about it. She also somewhat recently deleted her Facebook, and as I only have her number now, I don't know what she's up to these days. Kinda sad about that, because she was the only person aside from family that lived here that really acted like she cared about me, but what can you do. 
•  Turned 21 (notice the change in the blog title!!!) in March, and I've since been enjoying an occasional drink here and there. My first alcoholic drink, on my birthday at the restaurant we went to, was a glass of Sangria, which I enjoyed so much that I drank my mom's afterwards as well. Got a little tipsy, and got my first hangover the day afterwards (hit me like a ton of bricks, good lord). I've also learned I enjoy mixed drinks, that I should not mix alcohols and that I should stay away from margaritas for a while because tequila is the devil. (Learned that two weeks ago at a Mexican restaurant, drank all of my Sangria and then thought it was a brilliant idea to drink the rest of my mom's margarita right afterwards. Threw it all up in the restaurant bathroom literally 5 minutes after finishing it. Not my brightest moment. But it tasted like a slushie! I thought I'd be fine!) So yeah, still learning. I didn't have any experience drinking in high school like most people so it might take me a while to get used to it and build up my tolerance.
• Started a diet. Now, before anything else, I want to clarify: I'm not doing it to lose weight. I've been eating a crap ton of fast food and other processed food the past 5 months or so, and I need to detox. I'd started feeling truly awful and so unhealthy because of it, so I decided to start a reasonable diet. I started this diet, the paleo diet, at the beginning of this month, so it's literally super recent. Some days I really enjoy it, others I want to put my fist through a window and then eat an entire block of cheese. But thankfully, I gave myself Saturday and Sunday to eat all the junk I want, and during my diet days I allow myself greek yogurt and hummus because I would miss them way too much.

Labels: birthday, change, firsts, health, jazz, job stuff, rose, shenanigans

Well, Internet. Little while no see, again! First things first: Finally updated the blog title. Because as of March 29, this anonymous blogger is officially 20 years old.

20. I'm 20. I'M TWENTY YEARS OLD.

It doesn't make sense to me even when I say it out loud to myself again and again. I'm twenty? Me? But.....what?

I mean, for me, when I was a teenager I hardly felt like I was actually a teenager. So now I'm a twenty something. God.......what? WHAT? I STILL FEEL 14 YEARS OLD INTERNALLY. HOW AM I TWENTY.

Of course I know that age is just a number but seeing it just freaks me out, ahahaha. And in the grand scheme of things, 20 is actually quite young. In the grand scheme of things, in terms of adult years, I'm still more like a kid. And hey, I still can't legally drink alcohol. So I'm not fully grown up yet, hahah.

I don't know. I don't think I'm old or anything, because I know I'm not. I'll start freaking out about getting old when I hit 40.

But it's strange. Technically this is no longer a teen blog anymore. That's weird, right? Wow.

Well, speaking of my blog, my 5 year blogoversary was a good few weeks ago, on May 24! I've had this blog for five years. The entire later half of my teenage years. That's pretty long. I'm sorry I didn't create an entry for it on the day of it, I'm still trying to figure out how to balance out all of my hobbies with being healthy, lmao. I'm working on it, though!
Anyway, those of you that have continued to read my blog, thank you so much. I honestly appreciate it. What first started out as something I made to keep my emotions straight and to keep myself sane, it has become a place where I can truly be myself. Thank you for tolerating my crazy. I love you.

So, you guys are probably wonder what the title of this post means. Let's get to that, shall we?

First, let's talk about my birthday. I'm sort of irked that I didn't write about this earlier, but I think that now that I'm writing about it much much later, I'm more rational about it after the fact. Had I written this the day after my birthday, however, I think it would have been super emo and angry, lol.

BUT BUT BUT before my birthday, a few weeks before in fact, something big happened.

Best Friend Rose came over for the first time in.....gosh, I don't even know. It had been at least a month and a half since I'd last seen her. Which I understood, because she'd been super busy with her job as a hostess at a restaurant and with school which was burying her alive. She seemed really stressed, so I didn't want to nag her about not being able to hang out. But finally, she came over for a bit, although she couldn't sleep over because she had work later that night.

We were watching TV and catching up a little bit on what had been going on the past few weeks. I got up and said I had to get something to eat because I was starving, and then suddenly she got really serious and said she had to tell me something important when I got back from getting some food.

I was immediately curious about what it could be, because I hadn't seen Rose look so serious in a long time. In fact, she's rarely so serious. She even looked a little nervous. So I said okay, left and got some food, settled back down on the bed and told her 'shoot'.

She was even more nervous now, so she took in a deep, shaky breath and came out with it. She said she had started seeing somebody.

And her name was Holly*.

I paused for a good 3 seconds before it sunk in. It was just a good few seconds of shock. "Oh," I said. ".....Oh!"

Now Internet, here's why I was shocked: Rose has never once shown any interest like that towards girls before. Like.....ever. I mean, showed in interest at all. No sexual interest, no emotional interest, not even any attraction, from what I can remember. If there had been examples of this in the past, this probably wouldn't have come as much of a shock to me.

Nevertheless, after getting over my momentary shock, I asked how they met. Rose started telling me about her, about how Holly had shown interest in her first and treated her amazingly, and about how Rose really really liked her for her personality. She did mention that she isn't attracted to her sexually, and how if they were ever intimate she wasn't sure if she would be used to it. So I do wonder about that, but honestly, she seems really happy.

I told her as long as she's being treated right, and she's happy, then I'm happy for her and I support her. After I told her that, she started crying. I can imagine it was really hard to tell me all that, especially considering the way she grew up.

She was raised in a very very strict Protestant family, and while Rose told me that she told her sisters and her mom already, and they were very supportive of her, she still hasn't told her dad. Which I completely understand.

Her parents got divorced while we were in middle school, and while I like her dad......how should I say this.....he's controlling. While I think he considers himself strict, it's more that he's a bit controlling and a bit of a misogynist. Growing up, he never hesitated to tell Rose, her sister, and his wife when they were 'getting fat', or other similar criticisms to that. He was very strict religiously, as well. He forbade his daughters from watching shows and movies that were what he called 'ungodly'. Made sure they never wore low cut shirts or shorts or mini skirts; (if I'm remembering this one correctly) if things were written on their clothes, they had to be Bible quotes. I kid you not.

So..........yeah. As you can imagine, telling her dad would be a complete and utter disaster. I honestly feel like he'd end up doing something crazy, like disowning her, or some crazy shit like that. Which is really sad, but you know how some people are. And he's just one of those people.

So I completely understand keeping this from her father. In fact I think it's the wise thing to do, tbh. And I'm happy that her sisters and mother are super supportive and happy for her, as well. Shows the kind of people they are, I think.

So yeah! Shocking, yes. I never expected Rose to be bi, like ever. (She says she still likes guys too, by the way. Holly just happens to be the first girl she's ever liked.) But I felt honored that she trusted me enough to tell me, and I'm glad that she's happy. I don't think she's ever been this happy in a relationship with a guy, which says something I think.

But while this is all well and good, we come back to the original topic.......my birthday.

Weeks before my birthday, I asked Rose if we could do something on my birthday. This idea meant a lot to me, considering the fact that my 19th birthday had been very lonely and somewhat disappointing. (Refer here.) I told her I just wanted to have a nice day and spend some time with my best friend, since I hadn't gotten to last year. We decided on seeing a movie and going to lunch afterwards, since she (awesomely!) had that day off. I was excited about doing something fun for a change on my birthday, as I hadn't done something with her on my birthday since my 18th birthday. I even kept reminder her of it, telling her not to make plans. And as the day drew closer, the more and more excited I got that I actually had birthday plans.

Then the day of my birthday came.

The day started out with me waking up somewhat late (whoops) but seeing my birthday card and birthday money from my parents (they had to go to work early) getting texts and tweets from my k-pop friends saying Happy Birthday (I'll breach this subject in another entry). And seeing them all put me in such a good mood, and I was in a breezy mood all throughout getting ready. I picked a super super cute outfit, did my makeup all pretty, and about the same time I finished getting ready, Rose and her sister arrived to pick me up.

Her sister dropped us off at the theater, and we were already late to the movie so there wasn't much catching up done at all as we power-walked into the theater just as the movie's opening credits were playing. (We saw Oz, by the way. I kind of hated it, but this isn't a movie review so ANYWAY)

Sometime during the movie, Rose leaned over and whispered that her sister couldn't pick us back up again as she'd said, so Holly was going to instead.

All I could do was whisper back, "Okay," and hope the movie wouldn't end too soon.

However, when the movie ended, and we both went to the bathroom, I asked to clarify, "Is Holly having lunch with us?"

"Yeah," she said. She looked at me with her eyebrows raised. "Why?"

Immediate unease and slight annoyance. So, she had just invited her to my birthday lunch? Without asking me first? All righty, then. "Oh. I was just asking."

At my stiff tone, she glanced at me again. "It's okay, isn't it?"

This question annoyed me even more, tbh. On the one hand, the way she had said the question had made it sound like it wasn't a question. Like she just expected me to be cool with it even the hadn't even asked me about it. On the other hand, I didn't feel like I had any choice in the matter. It wasn't like I could just say no, because this situation 1. felt like a set up just so I could meet her girlfriend and 2. felt like a true test of my 'support', which I didn't think was exactly fair. But what could I do about it? Say no and walk home?

"Yeah, sure." was all I said.

Now, let me clarify here: I wasn't uneasy and annoyed that she wanted me to meet her girlfriend. No, no no. Far from it. I told Rose I wanted to meet Holly before, and I really meant it. Of course I wanted to meet the person that was making my best friend happy. The reason I was uneasy and annoyed was because of the following reasons:

• No one else would be there. And I fucking hate being a third wheel. With every fiber of my being. Especially when Rose is involved because I'm sorry but whenever Rose is dating someone, they're always super PDA-y and nauseating and there's nothing I hate more than couples like that all up in my face, to be quite honest.
• I'm really horrible with meeting new people, and before meeting new people, I like to kind of prepare myself so I don't come off as a standoffish bitch because of my shyness.
• It was my birthday and all I had wanted was to spend some 1 on 1 time with my best friend and catch up and talk like old times. That was all I wanted, especially after my terrible last birthday. And now that was ruined. 

So, it went pretty awful. As soon as Holly arrived, they went off into their own world and Rose pretty much ignored me the entire time. When we went to lunch, Holly paid for all three of us, which I really honestly did appreciate, but right after that it was back to me being invisible. And I did try to talk to Rose, believe me, it's not like I just sat there and went "PAY ATTENTION TO ME", or anything like that. But every attempt was futile. So I pretty much sat there miserable and picked at my food and texted my other friends while they were practically on each other's laps and kissed and talked about inside jokes.

Finally when it was over, I gave Holly directions to my house, and when I got there Rose walked me to my door, I stiffly hugged her goodbye, and when I got inside my mom was home. I basically ate the rest of my food from the restaurant, told her how horribly things went, and then cried because of how angry I was.

Later that day, after going out to dinner with my family and having a much better time compared to lunch, I quickly logged onto Facebook to reply to and like the birthday posts on my wall. And it wasn't until then I realized that I'd never gotten any birthday messages from Rose. Not one Facebook post, not one text. Not even when she had greeted me that morning in person.

Not one.

And I realized something. Something that I'm honestly shocked took me so long to figure out.

There have been times that Rose has been good to me, even great to me, and our friendship was really strong. But there have also been times (that have been increasing the past year or so) when she's, honest to God, treated me like shit. This was one of those times.

And honestly? Every other person in my life that has seen how she treats me has told me this. My parents have said this to me many times. Johnny used to say this time me all the time. Jazz has told this to me multiple times over the years, the most recent time being the day we both got in the car accident last year (look here). It's what I cried about in the middle of Panda Express, because that day, for the first time, I'd realized that she was right.

So fast forwarding back to my birthday this year, after realizing that she hadn't even told me Happy Birthday at all, I felt sorry for myself. I really honestly just felt sorry for myself. Had I really been treated that way, by my own 'best friend', on my birthday? And I was just going to take it?

Of course I was going to take it, I thought. Because I always had. I was always Sweet Sarah. The Sarah that never got mad. The Sarah that was always understanding. The Sarah that always got stepped all over because people could get away with it.

And if you'll recall, this isn't the first time I've felt this way. (Refer to this whole entry.) And I'm just...really really really fucking sick of feeling like this.

I need new friends. I need friends that won't make fun of the things I like and friends that actually want to talk to me and friends I have stuff in common with and friends that won't treat me like shit. Which I have found, by the way. They just don't live here. (Again, I'll write about this in another entry sometime soon, hopefully.)

I'm sort of torn at this point because...well. It's not good timing.

I've seen Rose once since my birthday, and I told her that I was upset about my birthday and why I was upset. And I made sure to make it abundantly clear that no, it wasn't because I didn't want to meet Holly. That was why I was hesitant to tell her in the first place, because I thought she would immediately assume I wasn't supporting her relationship. I reiterated multiple times that that wasn't it, and I didn't want her to think it was.
But I still told her how much I hated being a third wheel, and how uncomfortable it made me to be one, and it didn't matter that it was me being a third wheel with Rose there because being a third wheel makes me super super super uncomfortable and nervous, regardless of who's involved.

I always was with her boyfriends before, which was why I never hung out with her alone while she was around any of them, only with other people there as well, and her being with a girl now doesn't change that fact at all. It's just part of my personality that I can't explain and that hasn't changed since Middle School, and I'll probably always feel skiddish being alone around couples. That's just how I am, and I've accepted it.

However, when I told her, she seemed to understand, but still seemed to approach it from a 'So, how can we fix this aspect of you?' angle instead of just accepting it. But at least I told her, that was what I had to do, and I felt a little better about it after I got it off my chest. Also, she said, sort of unsympathetically, that she hadn't meant to make me feel that way, and apologized (sort of half-heartedly). I still don't think she really gets why I was upset, but there. It's done now at least.

I'm just......really tired of this. I don't know if it was a combination of what happened on my birthday with the realization that she walks all over me, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. Again, this is really bad timing, and I'm torn because I don't want her thinking that I'm distancing myself from her because of her new relationship. And I can imagine she's probably going through a lot emotionally right now, because of these new changes.

But on the other hand, I'm tired of being walked all over. I'm tired of trying to be there for someone who is never there for me. Tired of being ignored for weeks at a time. I call her my best friend, but is she? Is she really? Because I can count on one hand more people I'm closer to right now than her.

I think it just happened gradually, and I'm only really starting to notice it now. As of late, I feel like I can't talk to her like I used to, because we have nothing in common anymore. We used to talk about reading and books and movies and manga and concerts and boys.
She doesn't read at all anymore. She doesn't like movie marathon nights and sleepovers anymore. She just wants to party and get drunk and go to bars all the time when she's not working. She hates 'anything asian', as she calls it; she used to watch anime and read manga with me all the time, and now she has this prejudice attitude towards anything remotely from Asia, even says she doesn't like Asian people which....doesn't fly with me for many reasons. (One being that Asian pop culture is like...my whole life basically? And another being that saying you don't like an entire race of people is entirely ignorant and borderline racist and completely not okay to say at all.) We don't even like the same music anymore.

By the way, did I mention Holly is 25 and has a 3 year old? Oh. Yeah. I left that important fact out. She's a mom. And Rose is completely gung-ho about becoming a step-mother figure already. At age 19. She already spends all of her time with this kid, and they're all basically a family already. Which is something else I can't really relate to.

I mean, if she's happy, that's good. I'm glad she's happy. But at this point it's like....it's like we're not even at the same point of our lives anymore. And I've hung out with her four times in the past six months. I just...don't even know who she is anymore.

We're still friends. Of course we're still friends. We've known each other since we were 4 years old. We'll probably always be friends.

But best friends? ...............................No. I have to be realistic about this. We're not best friends. Not right now. Maybe we will again someday, but not now. Maybe not for a while.

I know this happens. I'm mature enough to realize that people grow apart after High School. It happens to everybody. It's not this huge disaster, it's just a part of growing up. Plus, considering all the time we spent together in High School, and in Middle School before that, and in Elementary School before that, it's just time. I think it was only a matter of time before we'd start to grow apart, and it just so happens to be now. But I think this will be good for me.

Because to be perfectly honest, she was a huge part of my childhood. And I'll cherish the memories that we have already had, and they're wonderful memories. But it's time for me to grow up now.

I need to learn about who I am without her. I need to make new friends that I didn't grow up with. I need to find out who I am. And maybe that will be without her for a while.

And that's okay.

We'll probably still hang out every once in a while like it is now, but the other day I was thinking about this. I realized how all throughout online school I basically...relied on her to have a life outside of schoolwork. Whether I left the house or not, whether I did fun things or not, where all dependent on her. I basically revolved my whole life around whether she was free or not.

Do you realize how sad that is? No wonder I was practically miserable all the time.

SO, yes. Growing apart. But it's natural. And to honest...it's needed. And now it'll give me room to find other friends, and people that will actually be there for me as much as I'm there for them.

It's scary making new friends at my age, lmao. Now it's much more beyond just asking someone to push you on the swingset or sharing your chips with them at lunch. But I can do it. Life goes on after High School, you know.

xo Hopeless Romantic 

Labels: age, anniversary, best friend rose, birthday, friend issues, growing up, jazz, rose

Internet. Guess who's officially nineteen years old?

I AM. WOOOOOOOOO. Looks like it's time for me to change the blog title again. My last teenage year. Kind of boggling.

My birthday crept up so quickly this year that the on the 28th, I was doing something and I suddenly stopped and said to myself, 'Whoa. Tomorrow's my birthday.'

It came up SO quick, in fact, that I never even planned anything for it. Originally, about two months ago, I was thinking that it would be nice to go to a sushi place with Jazz and Rosie for a nice dinner (since I've basically gone to Red Lobster every birthday since my 10th. I.....really like Red Lobster, okay.) buuut that was thrown under the bridge when 1. Jazz told me she was going to California for spring break and couldn't go and 2. when Rosie told me on the day before my birthday that she was going to New Mexico. Sooo, yeah. That plan was pretty much demolished.

But then when I found out about this, I told my mom and she promised to take me shopping on my birthday. Which was then promptly destroyed also because of our car deciding to develop problems and stop running later that day.

Yeah, I know. It sucked.

When my birthday finally arrived, I was a little bummed that I wouldn't get to do anything special for my birthday (let alone leave the house at least), but later on me and mom had a mini kid/animated movie marathon, and I felt better. (But we didn't watch Toy Story 3, because I'm fairly certain that if I cried every other time I've watched that movie, I'd be weeping my eyes out watching it on my 19th birthday. Mercy.)

So then when my dad got off from work (he drove a rental all day) he was awesome enough to let me call in a Red Lobster order and then went to go pick it up, along with four chocolate cupcakes with cookies and cream whipped cream frosting (my favorite ever). SO, that was plenty enough for me, to be honest. Plus, I got happy birthday texts from my family all day and birthday tweets from my friends, and that really made my day too.

(But, cough cough, as for my best friends, I only got a birthday text from Rosie. Jazz didn't send one. And...still hasn't a whole week later. Ahem.)

Oh, and I also got $75 dollars in birthday money. Yay for not being broke! But I will be again soon because this weekend I'm going shopping with it, haha. Bye money. Prepare to be spent on books and spring clothes.

SO. Some updates. A few weeks ago, I went to Rosies house and we talked about a bunch of stuff. Like the Ricky Bobby thing.

Which........turned out not to be a Ricky Bobby thing after all. Hah. At least, not THAT Ricky Bobby.
Relief, right??

Well, this had to do with a different Ricky Bobby, and incidentally, it's the same Ricky Bobby that caused me and Rosie to have the biggest fight of our friendship back in the seventh grade. I mentioned him before in this entry. For the sake of no confusion, though, let's just call him Pre-RB. As in, the ricky bobby before THE Ricky Bobby.

I guess it was this whole thing with Rosie and her group of friends starting to hang out with Pre-RB and some of his buddies regularly after school, and Rosie started to develop a small crush on Pre-RB (which honestly I'm repulsed by the thought of, not because I have any residual feels left for him but just because I cannot even FATHOM what I'd seen in him. Seriously, he's an asshole. What were you thinking, Fifth Grade through Seventh Grade Sarah?!)

So then Rosie tells Jezebel this, and then a few days after that, Jezebel confronts Rose and basically says, 'I didn't want to tell you this, because you're my best friend and I don't want this to come between us, but I like Pre-RB too.' Which is, you know. Bad. But, Jezebel then tells Rose that she WILL NOT (capslock underline italics, NOT) go after him or try anything, promises her. And so things are fine for a while. Like for a month or so.

You know, until Rosie finds out that Jezebel did the exact opposite thing she promised she would.

Yup. Not only does Jezebel begin dating Pre-RB behind Rosie's back, but she also TELLS Pre-RB about Rosie's crush on him. So while Rosie, unaware of this whole thing and thinking that she's slowly getting closer and closer to her crush, Jezebel is lying to her face the whole time.

Messed up, right? Especially considering that that's almost the exact thing that happened to Rose and I with Pre-RB in the seventh grade. But, yeah. Same guy. Same girl. Another friend.

This is why I don't mess with no Ricky Bobbies no more. NO MORE.

So yeah. And the funny part is that when Rosie caught them, Jezebel was the one acting most upset, not Rosie.
I had a feeling this would happen again. Because that's the thing, this isn't the only time Jezebel has come between Rose and a guy she liked. In fact, this is the third time. THE THIRD TIME. Rosie tells Jezebel she has a crush on some guy, Jezebel acts happy for Rose, Jezebel swoops in on the guy and dates/has sex with him, Rosie's left dumbfounded and stabbed in the back. Repeat two more times.

I don't know how Best Friend Rose has put up with this, honestly. And with all the other things Jezebel has put her through, I would have lost my mind. I would have left at the first sign of backstabbery. But, Rosie can be a bad judge of character sometimes. Well, a lot. Well...most of the time. Haha. But I just hope that this really is the last straw, that she doesn't stick around only to have this happen again. She has a new boyfriend (not official yet, I think? but from what I've heard, he's really great. She met him on OKCupid, actually!) and she plans on not telling Jezebel about him at all.

SO. Speaking of Ricky Bobbies. I woke up this morning pretty disturbed. Because why? You guessed it. A Ricky Bobby dream.

You know, I haven't had one in a while. A really long time, actually.

Actually no, that's a lie. I had one like a month ago, and he was in it, but I only vaguely remember that it wasn't romantic, and that he only appeared for a little bit and then disappeared again. So yeah, there was that one.

But THIS ONE. Ugh. This one. I don't exactly remember how it started out, but I was hanging out with Rosie somewhere, with her car, and for some reason my dog Sandy was there. And then we bump into Johnny and Ricky Bobby, somehow. So we all hug and exchange pleasantries. Apparently me and Rose were on our way into the mountains for a trip or something. And Johnny tells us, hey, we were on our way up there too! So he suggests to us all that we go together. Meanwhile, I feel Ricky Bobby staring at me. We all agree, although my agreement was sort of hesitant.

Somehow, it's like my subconscious has no patience for the details, because next thing I knew we were in the mountains already. We arrive at a big fancy resort, and after (I guess) settling all our things in our respective rooms at the hotel, we all walk around and look at everything. I'm walking Sandy around on her leash, maybe something to help distract from the fact that Ricky Bobby keeps trying to start a conversation with me, because for whatever reason I don't want to talk to him at all. In fact, I keep trying to avoid even looking at him.

Anyway, it's getting later into the afternoon, and we're sitting at an outdoor table in front of a restaurant or something. I had loosely tied Sandy's leash to the bench of the table so I wouldn't have to hold it, and then something exciting catches her attention, and she shoots off like a rocket. I scramble up from the table and call her, but she doesn't slow down, so I sprint after her. She runs into this huge shopping center thing, and it's super crowded, so I start to lose her.

Up until now, I didn't even realize that Ricky Bobby had ran after me, but then I pause and turn around and he's right behind me, panting. Bewildered, I ask him what he's doing, and he says he's helping me get my dog. So we run around for a bit (which by the way, I have NO idea how Sandy was so fast in this dream, considering in real life she's super chubby and middle aged. Lol.) and then we finally spot her laying down on the sidewalk by a restaurant, panting and enjoying being petted by the surrounding strangers.

I snatch up her leash and hesitantly thank Ricky Bobby, who seems enamored by my dog as well. (Why did I bring her, anyways? Who brings their 100 pound lab on vacation?!) He humbly tells me I'm welcome, and then we both head back to our friends in silence. Later, I guess we all decide to go out for dinner, and when were in the restaurant, Ricky Bobby sits down across from me, and he stares at me then, too. (Maybe a parallel to the Noodles trip irl?)

Skip to the next day, and the whole day, Ricky Bobby walks right next to me, talks to me, tries to get my attention. I get the sense that he knows that I don't want to be around him, and that he knows why, and that it's making him sad. At some point during the day, I finally get a good look at him, and realize how much he's changed. He looks like Ricky Bobby still, but more refined in a manly way, taller and more rugged, and devastatingly gorgeous. Looking at him directly brings back a whole wave of emotions that I hadn't wanted to confront, but--as always, it seems--it's like I fall victim to his spell and I can't stay away from him.

By the end of the trip (I don't remember how long it was, days maybe?), RB and I had spent the whole time practically attached at the hip (lol I don't know what BFR and Johnny have been doing during all this.).
Apparently me and Rose have to leave before Johnny and RB do, so we're saying our goodbyes in the hotel lobby. After I say goodbye to Johnny and hug him, when I go to say bye to RB, we just kind of stand there awkwardly, no hug or anything. And then, quietly, says to me that we should do it again sometime, and I shyly agree.

And then I woke up.

So...yeah. Probably doesn't mean anything at all, but interesting anyway.

I'll be spending my first month of being 19 busting my ass for school. But I have more I want to write about, so expect to hear from me anyway!

xo Hopeless Romantic

(PS: Wrote this in IE. Crap. I'll fix the format later. No picture for now~)

Labels: best friend rose, birthday, dreams, johnny, pre-rb, ricky bobby

Internet, so much has happened in my first month of being 18 that I can't even begin to tell you.

Lol okay, not really. Nothing too exciting, per say,(as in any boy news and such) but you know me, I'm gonna tell you anyway.

First, my birthday. It was probably the best birthday I've had since my 15th birthday (15th was an 80's theme, I kid you not. 8o's music galore, big hair, a basement decorated with so many balloons and streamers you would not believe it, and 13 Going On 30. Best birthday party ever.)
I didn't have a party, but I kind of hate parties now, so. (I used to love parties. Now I cringe when I hear the word. I think it was High School that made me hate them and all things associated with them.)

BUT, I did 1.) Go to the bookstore. My freaking haven. I would have been satisfied with just this alone, seriously.
2.) Go Chick-Fil-A for lunch, mostly just so I could have their glorious fries.
3.) Get a new rug and lamp for my room. I'm just finishing redecorating it, and it's red and black and epicness.
4.) Get a freaking IPOD TOUCH. Which is a relief, as well as being exciting, because my old grandpa iPod had lived with me since the 7th grade and it was slowly approaching the last of its days. I could barely listen to music with it off the charger, and the battery would die within 45 minutes. Sad to see it go (I get sentimental, okay? Haha), but I love my new iPod. It's all touch-screeny and high tech. I feel like I'm finally in 2011 now. Yay for technological advances!
5.) Have dinner at Red Lobster (my favorite restaurant forever) with Best Friend Rose, Jazz (more on that later), and my parents. Delicious. And it was awesome of them to come even with school the next day, since we had different Spring Breaks.
6.) Have a cookies and Cream ice cream cake with a big fat '18' candle on it.
7.) Get a new big fat bow headband, new leggings, Hello Kitty lights and a Harry Potter notebook from Best Friend Rose. (I practically screamed from joy when I saw them. She knows me so eerily well sometimes, it freaks me out. Seriously. But in a good way.)
8.) Watch k-dramas until I fell asleep.

It was seriously THE BEST birthday I've had since my 15th. Beats my birthday last year by a long shot. I just remember going to bed with the biggest smile on my face. And it meant even more because things are particularly tight for my family right now (well, things are always tight, but even more right now) and it meant the world to me that even though we're going through a rough time financially, my parents still put in all this effort for me to have a good birthday.
It meant the world.

So, AWESOME birthday. Then came four days later when I got the stomach flu for the second time in six months.
Yes. I somehow got the stomach flu again. And it was waaaay worse this time. I survived, obviously, but man did that suck.

You know what else sucks? Doing the ACTs within days of having the stomach flu.
YES INTERNET. I had to do my ACTs the weekend after being sick, meaning that I had just begun to stop feeling like a sore, dizzy stick figure. (I lost 8 pounds when I was sick. I looked like a lollipop having a terrible hair day. Assuming I would have hair as a lollipop, for some reason.)

I think I did decently, well hopefully. It's all kind of a blur. But I did happen to see a guy there that went to my old school, who I've known since the 6th grade, and we sat together and talked during break. It was a nice surprise to see someone I knew there, and it was sweet of him to even come over at all. It was very nice.

So after that nightmare, a few days later, I went shopping for spring clothes with giftcards that I got for my birthday. Shopping is always relevant, period.

And so since all of that, I've been busy catching up from being sick for 3 days and keeping pace with my schoolwork. And it's been good.

One thing that's (kind of) notable, though, is the voicemail from Johnny and Ricky Bobby from last entry. I haven't talked to either of them since November, so it really came as a surprise to me. A pleasant surprise, actually. I thought they'd forgotten all about me.
I also got a birthday wall post from Ricky Bobby, one that said, "happy birthday, sarah!!!!!!!" with that many exclamation points. It was cool of them to remember, or see the notification on Facebook, at least. (Which I only recently found out, like within the past hour, that RB deleted. Yup. Deleted his Facebook. He goes through these love/hate stages with social networking sites, he deletes his and then makes a new one like three months later. I swear. Don't ask why, I have no idea. But that was my last means of contact with him, besides Johnny, so idk.)

I didn't call Johnny back, so now he probably things that he didn't have the right number in the first place, but oh well.
I can tell what you're thinking, Internet. I'm going to blow this way out of proportion, like last time. (see entries from last april through july-ish) I'm going to over-analyze everything and pick apart every word from that voicemail. Right? Am I right?

Well, I surprisingly haven't. After I got it, not gonna lie, I thought about it a little while, but then I moved on.

I'm doing pretty dang okay, Internet. I'd say I'm doing pretty dang okay.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: birthday, johnny, junior year, ricky bobby, school

Johnny: SARAH. SARAAAAH. Okay say what you want to say to Sarah.
Ricky Bobby: Saraaaah. Happy birthday.
Johnny: Yo so I never wished you Happy Birthday, but here's my late like re--my like--my re--oh, Ricky Bobby says hi. But I say happy birthday. Ricky Bobby says--Eli says--(huffs impatiently) there's too many people talking. But we all say hi and Happy Birthday.
Ricky Bobby: (mumbling incoherently to Johnny in the background)
Johnny: And um, we gotta--(to Ricky Bobby)make out or hang out?--hang out. Yeah.
Ricky Bobby: (telling Johnny to say something)
Johnny: And--(snickering) She has to buy porn for Ricky Bobby. (Aside from the phone) Dude there's a penis still on my roof. (Into the phone) OH I'm still on the phone. Hahaha. (Aside again) Oh you know I saw Jessica at that dinner thing. Yeah like, yesterday, actually.
Someone in the background: (talking to him)
Johnny: Oh! Hahah (In the phone again) Anyway um, yeah. So, call me back. I hope this is still your number. (laughing in the background) Kay bye! (click)

Labels: birthday, johnny, junior year, ricky bobby, shenanigans

INTERNET I MISSED YOU.

I mean, hi.
SO. I have a legitimate excuse for not updating for a million bajillion years. Me, your normally socially awkward and beloved Hopeless Romantic, has been busy.

...No, really! Me! Busy! HAVING A LIFE!

I know!!

Since Valentine's Day, I've been going over to Best Friend Rose's house every single weekend, and one of them I basically just stayed there the entire weekend. We had two--count em'--TWO Harry Potter marathon weekends in a row, and then after that we watched marathons of other things like Pretty Little Liars and Vampire Diaries (guilty). Eating junk food and stuff. Yes. Amazing basically.

And then during school weeks I've been basically working my ass off everyday so I can catch up, because I had this ridiculous bought of laziness for like a week a while back and I didn't feel like doing any of my school work. Thanks to my hard work, I'm all caught up, and I brought my grades back up, but I'm definitely never doing that again.

That's one downside of homeschool/online school, there's nobody leaning over your shoulder and forcing you to do your schoolwork and learn. You have to do it yourself. The motivation can run low some days, but in the end you just have to kick yourself in the back and get to work, whether you want to or not.

So anyway, with all of that lately, I've barely had time to relax, let alone get on the computer for leisure. (What's that? This Internet addict staying away from the Internet? Trust me. I could barely even stand to TOUCH Facebook and Twitter.)

BUT. It's finally my spring break, and I'm reveling in it. The moment I finished school Friday evening, I thought I was going to burst into tears from relief.

I finally get to do all that I couldn't for about a month and a half! I can read! I can write and revise for leisure! (Lol.) I can sleep in and watch my favorite Asian dramas! (It sounds weird, I know, but if you ever get curious, Watch Boys Before Flowers on Hulu. So AMAZING. Just. Do it.)

And the best part is, my birthday is tomorrow. I know. Already. Can you believe it? I can't. Internet. I'm going to be eighteen.

It's so weird, because I don't feel that old. Like, I don't feel like a legal adult. Hell, I don't even feel like a teenager, really. I never really have. So suddenly being branded as an 'adult' is going to be so weird.

I'll still be myself, no matter what age I am, it's just going to be weird knowing that I'm a legal adult. Ew. It's weird even typing it.

Being 17 was fun. I enjoyed it, and I grew a lot (figuratively, though. Still only 5'3 and a size 6 shoe, and probably will be forever. That's okay, though. Short is cool. People can pat you on the head and people at restaurants ask if you want a kids menu. Yeah. It's awesome.) I didn't have a boyfriend or even go on a date during my seventeenth year, and I am completely, 100% happy with it.

Here's to eighteen being even better! Say hello to your new 18 Year Old Hopeless Romantic. (Still weird to type.)

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: birthday, junior year, spring break

Hey internet!

Labels: birthday, sophomore year, spring break

present me past me