♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






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Best Friend Rose.}
Wednesday, March 7, 2012 | 10:23 AM | 0Comment

Hey, Internet. Guess who canceled on me on Sunday?

Yup. You guessed it. And guess who's still pretty pissed off about it? THIS GIRL.

So, I still don't know what this whole Ricky Bobby thing is about. And it's driving me absolutely insane.

And I can't really say that Rosie canceled on me, it was more that she just completely flaked out on me. She was the one who told me she wanted to get together on Sunday after canceling our last plans. Right? So then I text her at about 2 pm on Sunday, after getting no contact from her at all up until that point, asking her when she wants to do this, reminding her that I couldn't do anything late and it was already 2.

So she replies almost an hour later, asking how late I could do something, and I say 5 at the very latest. So then she tells me, Oh! I'm working right now! And I have to babysit at 5! Sorry!

And then my face looks like this: :I

Then why did you even suggest making plans if you didn't know if you'll be busy yet or not? Especially right after canceling on me before?

Okay. I get that she's going through serious shit right now. I totally and completely get it. And I want to be there for her so she can have someone to talk to, because I always have. But getting flaked on like this?

I get that she's probably really distracted by everything right now, and that she's overwhelmed, but what I don't get is how she's somehow able to make plans with and hang out with people that she sees every single day at school and yet she can't even manage to make comprehensible plans to see me at least every two weeks or so. I feel like if she really actually wanted to see me, she would at least try to, but I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick here. And I'm trying not to take this personally, but I kinda am.

And I admit I didn't handle getting blown off well, because when she tried to reschedule yet again, twice in fact, I just told her both times curtly that I was busy and when she replied with, I'm sure sarcastically, "With what?", I stopped replying. Not the best way to handle it, I know, but I was just really upset. Especially on that day, because there were all these things that I wanted to do that day, but they were all ruined because all day I was waiting for her to tell me when she wanted to hang out, which you know, never happened. And I feel like that happens to me often in this friendship.

I mean, let's be real. Best Friend Rose and I, like I've mentioned before, have been best friends for years. This year it'll be fourteen. So I've long since gotten used to her personality and behavior, and I know it like the back of my hand. And when things are great between us? They're great. Really. When things are going swimmingly between us, I often wonder what I would do without her. It feels like I'm the luckiest person in the world because she's my best friend.

But I can honestly say that every few years or so, she'll go through this period of obscurity. I mean, she'll just...go off somewhere else. Find a new exciting group or person to hang out with all the time and I pretty much get pushed out of the picture. It's happened at least six times the whole time we've been friends. And I've tried to explain to her that she does this, and how it makes me feel, but she just denies it. But I know that it's true and not just in my imagination because whenever she does, it's like I have to go and find another friend too, because I'm suddenly left in the cold.

This time, she's been spending all of her time with Jezebel, to the point where she actually moved into Rosie's house for a while because she was having some family problems, which was actually really sweet of BFR. And I actually really like Jezebel, we get along great and she's super fun to hang out with. But I just don't understand why I'm suddenly being pushed away again.

I've always sort of felt like I've always needed Rosie more than she needed me. She's always been the social butterfly, easily making new friends left and right, and I've always been the shy, slightly co-dependant one, something that always rears its ugly head whenever this happens. And whenever this happens, it just happens, and I don't say anything because I think that it'll pass eventually--I know that she's probably not doing it on purpose, it's just her personality--but usually it doesn't for a while. And I don't say anything.

And, honestly? It makes me feel like a doormat.

Part of me feels like I'll always be the understanding friend, the friend that always forgives every single time she's repeatedly squashed under someone's foot. I feel like I'm sometimes too kind and too forgiving, because then people have no problem stepping all over me, and I'm always the one that gets hurt.

And I'm even more pissed off now because I hate fighting with people--especially Rosie--and I'm starting to feel like I'm the one that will have to apologize, even though she probably should too. This time I feel like I have a reason to be mad, and yet I'm getting the cold shoulder from Rosie like I'm the one that wronged her. Like it's always okay for her to be mad at me, but then once I actually get angry at something, then it's suddenly wrong.

I don't know. I'm just so tired of this. I'm tired of being treated like her pet; awesome to have around when it's convienient for her, but when something exciting and shiny comes along I'm immediately forgotten again. This has happened so many times and I'm tired of it.

Anyway. Unless Rosie decides she wants to see me or talk to me anytime soon, or I give in and apologize, I might not know the Ricky Bobby thing for a while. Sigh. I wish Jazz would come out of her self-made acedemic cave every once in a while so I'd have someone to talk to about this.

xo Hopeless Romantic

PS: I don't know why the font formatting is so weird on these recent posts, but I can't seem to fix them. Huh.

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