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halloween xxii: the return of jacob (the nightmare).}
Monday, October 24, 2016 | 9:29 PM | 2Comment



Internet. I'm back. And boy, do I have an update for you.

Let's just say that this update is up there right next to Phil for 'WTF'ness.

Gather 'round, kids. LET'S GET SPOOKY.



So, needless to say, when I had written my last entry about Jacob, I was 1000% done with him.

But, here's the thing that didn't make it into the last entry: A few weeks after we'd stopped talking, something happened. Now, I had made the unfortunate decision not to unfollow him on Instagram. Truth be told, I don't think I wanted to give up looking at his selfies. He was still really hot, unfortunately.

But he hadn't unfollowed me either (unlike Amad--dude unfollowed me some time after he had moved. I mean, I get it, but ouch.), so I didn't see the harm in it really. And it's not like I ever liked his pictures anymore anyway--but this bad decision would come back to haunt me. I'll get back to that in a sec.

So what happened was, because of Instagram's handy (read: horrible) function that shows you whatever activity those you follow do on the app, from likes to comments, I saw something I definitely hadn't wanted to see, even if I were purposely looking for it.

Lo and behold, there Jacob was, very publicly wooing another Instagram girl with tons of followers.

It was the whole nine yards: likes, heart emojis and heart EYE emojis along with thirsty comments on all her selfies, everything. I went to her feed to look at her pics.

She was gorgeous, truly. I wasn't salty towards her about it. Jacob was the one coming at her full force with super concentrated interest as he had done with me, which was what had drawn me to him in the first place. I thought it was weird that he was pursing her so shamelessly, firstly because she lived 7 states away. Really, though, she was super out of his league. And she seemed to know this too, considering she barely responded to any of his borderline creepy comments.

Anyway, I mean, not to be dramatic, but after this, figuratively he was pretty much dead to me. He did not exist to me anymore, basically.



So after this happened I moved on with my life, and I didn't give him another thought.

That is, not until two weeks ago. Hoo, boy.

So the day before The Incident, I'd had an eventful day in which I'd worn a really cute outfit. Of course I documented it with some cute selfies, because duh. And I felt pretty good about those pictures, too. All my friends liked them, and all was good.

Until the next morning.

The next morning, not only do I wake to unpleasantly find that Shark Week had come almost an entire week early, but it got worse. I check my phone after taking some OTC painkillers, and wow, look at that!

An Instagram DM from Jacob sent at three o'clock in the morning.

Yep, Internet. Jacob slid into my DMs.

Just the sight of the notification on my phone is enough to send me into a blind rage. Jacob had the audacity to slide into my DMs after 4 months of not speaking? Literally right after I posted some cute selfies? What??? WHAT?!?!? WAS HE FOR REAL?????

I was OUTRAGED. What could make him possibly think I wanted to speak to him again?

After calming down a little bit, I finally got the courage to open up the message. And then my rage lit up all over again.

What do I see first? A...picture of a flower.

Let me reiterate, Internet.

A.

 Picture.

 Of.

 A.

 Flower.

 That.

Was.

 My.

 Favorite.

 Color.

 In.

 His.

 Hand.

Ha.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA



Picture that I was laughing in hysterical, manic fury, just like Nic Cage up there. Because that's what happened.

A picture of a flower? Really? Really?

That was the best he had? The best he had for blowing me off the way that he did? The best he had for the way he had disrespected me and then lied right to my face afterwards?

A PICTURE. OF A FLOWER.

There was more to the message, you guys. But it's been nearly two full weeks since this happened and I still can't believe the audacity of that PICTURE.

I mean..........at least it wasn't a d*ck pic, right? That's really the only worst thing I can think of that could've happened instead. But still. Wow.

So after the picture of a flower, he sent me this long paragraph which I will paraphrase for the sake of ease:

"Hey Sarah! So, it's been a while. I know we haven't talked in a while, but I kind of went through some stuff over the summer. I was hoping that we could pick things back up where they were before. I think you're an amazing person, and I'd love it if we could hang out sometime soon. *winking emoji*"

Yeah...........yeah.

Yeah.



He went there. I mean he really went there.

You know what's HILARIOUS, Internet? I had actually predicted this happening.

The moment I had seen Jacob pursuing that Instagram girl, I knew she would reject him hard and he'd come crawling back to me. I told all of my friends as such. And look what happened. Exactly what I said.

So now we have the next phase of the story: my reaction.

All of my friends and I had a good laugh over all of this. Then, they helped me deal with it. The first solution we decided on was to simply ignore him and leave his message on read.

I had so much I wanted to say. I wanted to curse him out, call him every name in the book. Send him insulting ironic memes. I WANTED TO DO IT ALL. But as one of my friends so artfully pointed out, sometimes having your sincerity ignored is the biggest punch in the face of all. (After all, I would really know about that, wouldn't I?)

So I ignored him. And the rest of that day, the situation seemed to have ended. But no. Ohhhh no. The fuckery was just beginning.

The next day when I wake up, I have another Instagram DM notification from none other than Jacob again.

What did it say? Just a lone heart emoji. The red one.



Okay. Weird. Who sends someone a heart emoji to someone ignoring them? This guy, apparently.

Time for another solution, my friend and I decided. It was time to be petty. It was time for a subpost.

Now, usually I'd say I'm above these tactics. Subposts are immature, for sure. But I had to get this guy off my back, and ignoring him clearly wasn't cutting it.

After I had opened up the heart emoji DM, just to get rid of the notification really, I got another message half an hour later. This one was even creepier.

"I'm serious, you know!"

Wow. Ominous. I don't know if it was because of his insistence, or the slightly pushy tone of his 3rd consecutive DM, but at this point I was seriously getting uncomfortable.

Also at this point, I was SO glad I hadn't told Jacob where I lived.

Luke was the one who had driven me home, and to this day to me remains a model example of Guys Who Are Dateable (even if I didn't have feelings for him myself, I still seriously respect how he treated me before, during, and after our date. Just a good guy all around. He'll make some girl out there super happy).

Thankfully I had gotten rides to and from the Starbucks Jacob and I had met at. And I'm so glad that I had insisted on getting my own ride, because Jacob had even offered to pick me up from my house and drive me home. I'm so glad my own carefulness paid off.

Internet, without a doubt, if Jacob had known where my house was, he would've showed up here. 100% he would have. And when I realized this, I was even more creeped out. (Actually, that night, I had a nightmare where he showed up at my front door. No joke.)


(Mike? Is that you? Are you actually Jacob?)

So I finally hurried up and chose a suitably shady meme to post to my Instagram where he could see, complete with Queen Bey Lemonade lyrics for the caption, because of course.

But literally AS I WAS GETTING READY TO POST IT, he messaged me another heart emoji. THE THIRD ONE. Okay! Really freaked out now! Supremely freaked out!

I post the damn meme before he can send me anything else. All my friends like it, fully supporting my call out of this utter creep. And then...crickets. Finally, the DMs end. For a few hours there's peace.

And then, hours later, he likes it. HE LIKED THE SHADY POST ABOUT HIM.

I'm just thinking ok, it must be sarcastic. It must mean he knows it's about him and now he's going to leave me alone. I go to his page and unfollow him. That's obvious enough, right? He'll understand that, and it'll be the end of it for good.

Right? RIGHT???

Haha. Nope.

The next day, I post another random, unrelated picture. He likes it.


I don't know if he was just too daft to get that I was rejecting him, or if he was choosing to ignore it altogether to continue to try to woo me again, but enough was enough.

Alright, I decide. That's it. No more of this. I block him. And finally, FINALLY, that is the end of things.

I'M FREE.

This whole thing was so absurd. This was 'Phil texting me on Thanksgiving Day for the first time in 6 months to tell me that he's in love with me and then chickening out of it 30 minutes later' LEVELS OF ABSURD. And I didn't think anything could match that!! (7 years later and that whole thing still pisses me off.)

Not only was this laughable, and outrageous, and creepy, and transparent, and a whole bunch of other things. But man...it's just plain sad.

I can't believe I thought Jacob was hot. I can't believe I was ever attracted to him. On his Instagram bio, he said he's 'Forever Single'. Um. Gee. I wonder how.

I mean, I've always been single too. And it wasn't always by choice, but it sure as hell is by choice now that I've been out in the dating world and gaped in horror at my choices. (Exaggeration, but you get me.) But Jacob...he's desperate. He's a 26 year old man and he acts this way with women. Lusts after them when he's lonely like they're objects. Like a teenaged boy. And it's pathetic. Truly pathetic.

Gross. Grooooooss. I can't believe I ever compared him to Andy Sixx. What an insult.

Anyway. So yeah, Internet. There it was. My creepy true Halloween story. Did it spook you? Yeah? Me too.

But it looks like the nightmare is over for good now.


As for my actual Halloween plans this year, it looks like I may be marathoning creepy movies with one of my baby cousins (who turned 15 this year...wtf? Wasn't she 12 like two seconds ago?) on All Hallows Eve. Still don't know what my costume's gonna be, though.

Maybe I'll go as an old brief flame raising from the dead to show up unprovoked, sliding into your DMs. Ooooh. Scary.

And for my plans after Halloween, I plan on participating in NaNoWriMo again this year, as well as diving headfirst into Xmas movies and Xmas music to fully avoid the rest of this hell-on-Earth election.

Ugh. Can't wait.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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boy, bye. (more like 'boys'.)}
Saturday, July 16, 2016 | 9:07 PM | 0Comment



Internet. Here it is. Explanations and updates.

Basically, let's cut to the chase: 
1. Decent first kisses with someone doesn't guarantee a thing. 
And 2. Being super freaking crazy attracted to someone doesn't make them less of an asshole.

Let's start with number 1. Luke.

I wanna make this very clear: Things were going great at first. Truly. We had great conversations, we got along fantastically. Our kiss was (though I have no frame of reference) very nice. I'm super happy with the fact that my first kiss ever was such a sweet, pleasant memory. (Especially after waiting so damn long for it to happen.) And he was really good at touching my face and smoothing my hair the way it turns out I reaaaaally like. (Like, really really really.)



But...here's the thing. Things kinda just...dwindled afterwards. We had actually originally planned for a 2nd date the same weekend I met Jacob, but Luke's dog fell really ill and ended up needing surgery, so he needed to take care of him. I completely understood, and I also felt horrible for his puppy and wished him a fast recovery.

During that whole thing, I texted him a lot less and gave him space, considering he was having a hard time. And so, just before that time of less talking, I matched with Jacob on Tinder. (More on him soon after this, promise.)

We talked. And the more I talked to Jacob, the more interest I had in him, and the less interested I was in Luke. Being really, truly honest here. And yes, I felt guilty about losing interest in Luke, especially since the only reason we had cancelled our date at the movies was because of his poor doggy.

But to be fair, I didn't really have any feelings for Luke. I tried to, I really did. I had nice kiss feelings, and wow-we-have-a-lot-in-common feelings, but nothing beyond that. It was like Brennan all over again (minus the kiss). That was why I was going to give a 2nd date a shot for the very first time--to see if there was potential for any feelings at all to develop. But after that 2nd date was cancelled, it was never rescheduled. So, really, there was no reason for me to feel guilty anyway, seeing as he'd likely changed his mind too.



No harm, no foul. It just didn't work out. But Luke gave me a pleasant 'first kiss' memory, and he never treated me badly. I'll always appreciate that.

So long, Luke. Good luck to ya.

Now onto number 2: Jacob. Ugh. Here we go.

Like I said, me and Jacob started talking sometime after my first date with Luke, and we set up a date for the day Luke and I had originally planned to go out.

I hadn't expected much from Jacob, truthfully--our conversations over text were boring and kinda shallow. He could decently hold a conversation over text, though (no one-word answers) so I figured it couldn't hurt to meet him.

I met him in the same Starbucks I'd met Luke at, and...well. Let's just say I'd greatly underestimated how attracted I would be to him. By liiike, a LOT.

I was GOBSMACKED by how attractive Jacob was. Holy freakin' hell. Remember Andy Sixx? Yeah. THAT hot. (Yup. I can still admit this now, though things between us imploded and rained down upon the earth in flaming pieces. But more on that soon.)
I didn't think the alt/scene look was still A Thing, but apparently it is. Or maybe it's coming back. And as it turns out, I still think it's hot as hell. And the whole thing--long hair, tight pants, and tonnnnnnns of tattoos, yeah. He pulls it off.  And inner 16 year old me couldn't believe someone this super fucking hot wanted to go on a date with ME. My mind was blown.


(^Andy 'The god' Sixx. Just wanted an excuse to post a pic of him tbh.)

(Also, I didn't mention this: before we even met, he'd also asked me if I wanted to go see Suicide Squad...which at the time, wasn't coming out for 2 and a half months. Dude was so excited to date me he wanted to schedule dates almost 3 months in advance. Sheesh. Slow your roll, man.)

He was hot in his pictures, too, but honestly I'd thought they were maybe edited. When we first matched, I'd actually shown all of my friends his pictures, because I was positive that it was a fake profile and that someone was Catfishing me.

In person, I was positively SHAKEN by how hot he was. I kept my composure pretty well, I think, but geez Louise. I wasn't ready.


And that is how my last update came to be--cryptic and deep.

One time meeting this guy, and my immediate attraction to him had me thinking that I'd finally found someone I genuinely wanted to date, for the first time in freakin' years. I hadn't been immediately attracted to someone like that since Kenneth--and even crazier, we had a great time at Starbucks. We got along great, conversation was fun and easy.

That's where that RB comparison came from--I hadn't felt that way since him. And we had a lot in common, too: our love of comic books, Japan, and the fact that both of us were in online school in high school. YES INTERNET. HE WAS IN ONLINE SCHOOL TOO. That HAD to mean something, right?! That had to mean it was fate!!

...So, understandably, I got ahead of myself.

So that brings us to where this went on a flaming fat rocket to the seventh layer of Hell.

Jacob and I had planned to go the movies the very next weekend (suggested by me...I'm not great at date ideas, okay?), and once again this would've been my first 2nd date ever. He was enthusiastic about the idea and immediately said yes.

We hadn't planned out the finer details of everything yet, and conversation over the week was light and not as often, which I figured was normal. But then the day before our date came, so I texted him to schedule out the final stuff--what movie we were seeing, what time would be best for both of us, etc.

And...no reply.

Hours later, I try to text him a second time, thinking he just hadn't seen my first one. And...still nothing. Zip. Zero.

Since I had been through this same song and dance earlier this year with Amad, I knew exactly what was going on. I was being blown off. AGAIN.



I waited 4 more hours. Still no response. By now I'm really getting agitated. In my annoyance, I decide to open Instagram and scroll through it to calm down. Before I start scrolling down my timeline, as always, I check my activity feed to see who else is on Instagram.

And lo and behold, who do I see?

Yep. Jacob.

But he is not just on Instagram, which means that he was on his phone and had been for a while, he was liking girls' pictures. But not just any girls. Lingerie models. And nude models. By the droves. He was liking so many of them, and multiple pictures from each account, that now that I think about it, I'm convinced he was trying to get their attention so they would follow him back.

Hah. HAH. HAHAHA.

I exploded, y'all. On the inside, of course. Not on the outside. But I EXPLODED.

Not only was I being blown off by him, the night before our daytime date, but I was being ignored in favor of lingerie and nude models, with hundreds of thousands of followers, that will literally never in his life give him the time of day.

OH. HELL. NO.

So from there, I already knew what I had to do. My weeklong crush on him was officially dead and buried.



I texted him one last time. Knowing I couldn't call out him blowing me off without sounding psycho, I settled on passive aggressive cordiality. The message I sent him went something like, "Alright, I understand. No hard feelings. Have a nice Sunday! *smiling emoji*" After sending it, I turned my phone off, left it across the room, and went to bed early.

The next morning my phone was flooded with Jacob's half-assed apology--yeah, the next morning--and, because he just couldn't bear to be real with me, it was sprinkled with a lie. He claimed that he'd been asleep when I'd texted him, when in fact I'd texted him THREE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE DAY, and during the last of the 3, I had visual proof of him not being asleep.



So now, not only had he blown me off my scheduling our date to j*ck off to girls he'll never ever meet, but now he'd also LIED TO ME.

Yup. Yup. I was so done. I was so done that you couldn't stick a fork in me if you tried--I was solid, burnt, ruined food levels of DONE.

Calmly, I replied, telling him that since he hadn't answered me, I'd assumed that he'd changed his mind and decided to make other plans. (Plans to wrap myself up in blankets and pillows and read a book for the entire day, that is.) I told him if he wanted to make plans some other time, we'd have to schedule it ahead of time, since I was busy working the next weekend.
Notice the lack of any specific mention of rescheduling. He certainly did. He asked if we could do something the weekend after, and all he got was a 'we'll see :)', which meant 'definitely no, never, not on your life.'

I immediately deleted his number. After 4 unreturned likes on Instagram, he's finally gotten the point and left me alone.

You blew it, Jacob. See ya never. Good luck on your valiant mission to make your Instagram The Instagram Account With The Most Amount of Selfies With Literally 60 Hashtags Underneath Each One.

Needless to say, I've been listening to Lemonade nonstop lately. Ahh. It's like therapy. Thanks, Queen B.



I was left so angry and annoyed by this entire ordeal that I decided to delete my Tinder account 2 weeks afterwards.

I was tired of being blown off by these guys like my attention and time meant nothing. Jacob's lying to me was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

So...that's the whole story, Internet.

I think I'm done with dating for a while again, guys. This last stint has left me exhausted and annoyed by how impossible dating seems to be. It's shown me that, even when I don't run away and act like a coward (like I did with Brennan), even when I'm totally honest, totally myself, and totally open minded, things usually still don't work out. That's just how it is.

I've had my fill for this year. The rest of 2016, I'll only be focused on me.

I'll be focused on me, my dog-sitting doggies, my writing (which I'm doing right now, as a matter of fact. Doing the same summer writing challenge that I did last year!), my books, and possibly my return to school in the fall. Sounds pretty great to me.



xo Hopeless Romantic

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*womp-womp trumpet sound from cartoons plays* sigh.}
Wednesday, June 29, 2016 | 6:21 PM | 0Comment

Sigh. Internet...I got some 'splanin' to do.

I'm going to update soonish. With a big giant update post. And when I do, I will explain the last post, as well as the mess of what happened afterwards, and then I'll explain what happened to Luke.

One thing's for certain: I'm done with online dating for a while again. Hoo boy, am I done.

 xo Hopeless Romantic

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instinct.}
Sunday, May 22, 2016 | 9:23 PM | 0Comment

Internet.

You know how some things aren't that hard to figure out? You immediately just instinctively know?

 Think about the first time you ever had pizza (or, if you're one of the rare breeds of human out there that hates pizza, substitute this for another food that you could not live without). It was instant, right? Like, "Holy shit. This pizza thing. I love this stuff. I need more of it. I need endless pizza forever."

Or think about the first time you ever saw your favorite movie. The score tattooed itself on your heart the moment you heard it, and your favorite lines imprinted into your brain. The bittersweet moment the end credits started, you were filled with the overwhelming need to watch it again...and again and again and again.

Some things are just undeniable like that. You experience it and, right away, you like it. You know you without a doubt need more of this thing in your life or you will positively explode.

Some people are the same way. The moment I got to really know R*cky B*bby, it was like that. When I met some of my closest friends, it felt that way too.

Enter Jacob*.

Holy shit, Internet. This guy.

I don't have time to go into details and explanations just yet, but here are the need to knows: I had a first date with this guy, Jacob, this morning. After talking to him for a week.

And that feeling I was talking about? Yeah. So overwhelming that I had to write this short entry trying to put what I'm feeling into words and wrap my head around this.

Don't worry, more details are coming soon. But first I need to get some actual sleep, and calm all of these butterflies in my stomach. Hang tight.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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