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 "This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against." 
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halloween xxii: the return of jacob (the nightmare).}
Monday, October 24, 2016 | 9:29 PM | 2Comment  Internet. I'm back. And boy, do I have an update for you. Let's just say that this update is up there right next to Phil for 'WTF'ness. Gather 'round, kids. LET'S GET SPOOKY.  So, needless to say, when I had written my last entry about Jacob, I was 1000% done with him. But, here's the thing that didn't make it into the last entry: A few weeks after we'd stopped talking, something happened. Now, I had made the unfortunate decision not to unfollow him on Instagram. Truth be told, I don't think I wanted to give up looking at his selfies. He was still really hot, unfortunately. But he hadn't unfollowed me either (unlike Amad--dude unfollowed me some time after he had moved. I mean, I get it, but ouch.), so I didn't see the harm in it really. And it's not like I ever liked his pictures anymore anyway--but this bad decision would come back to haunt me. I'll get back to that in a sec. So what happened was, because of Instagram's handy (read: horrible) function that shows you whatever activity those you follow do on the app, from likes to comments, I saw something I definitely hadn't wanted to see, even if I were purposely looking for it. Lo and behold, there Jacob was, very publicly wooing another Instagram girl with tons of followers. It was the whole nine yards: likes, heart emojis and heart EYE emojis along with thirsty comments on all her selfies, everything. I went to her feed to look at her pics. She was gorgeous, truly. I wasn't salty towards her about it. Jacob was the one coming at her full force with super concentrated interest as he had done with me, which was what had drawn me to him in the first place. I thought it was weird that he was pursing her so shamelessly, firstly because she lived 7 states away. Really, though, she was super out of his league. And she seemed to know this too, considering she barely responded to any of his borderline creepy comments. Anyway, I mean, not to be dramatic, but after this, figuratively he was pretty much dead to me. He did not exist to me anymore, basically.  So after this happened I moved on with my life, and I didn't give him another thought. That is, not until two weeks ago. Hoo, boy. So the day before The Incident, I'd had an eventful day in which I'd worn a really cute outfit. Of course I documented it with some cute selfies, because duh. And I felt pretty good about those pictures, too. All my friends liked them, and all was good. Until the next morning. The next morning, not only do I wake to unpleasantly find that Shark Week had come almost an entire week early, but it got worse. I check my phone after taking some OTC painkillers, and wow, look at that! An Instagram DM from Jacob sent at three o'clock in the morning. Yep, Internet. Jacob slid into my DMs. Just the sight of the notification on my phone is enough to send me into a blind rage. Jacob had the audacity to slide into my DMs after 4 months of not speaking? Literally right after I posted some cute selfies? What??? WHAT?!?!? WAS HE FOR REAL????? I was OUTRAGED. What could make him possibly think I wanted to speak to him again? After calming down a little bit, I finally got the courage to open up the message. And then my rage lit up all over again. What do I see first? A...picture of a flower. Let me reiterate, Internet. A. Picture. Of. A. Flower. That. Was. My. Favorite. Color. In. His. Hand. Ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA  Picture that I was laughing in hysterical, manic fury, just like Nic Cage up there. Because that's what happened. A picture of a flower? Really? Really? That was the best he had? The best he had for blowing me off the way that he did? The best he had for the way he had disrespected me and then lied right to my face afterwards? A PICTURE. OF A FLOWER. There was more to the message, you guys. But it's been nearly two full weeks since this happened and I still can't believe the audacity of that PICTURE. I mean..........at least it wasn't a d*ck pic, right? That's really the only worst thing I can think of that could've happened instead. But still. Wow. So after the picture of a flower, he sent me this long paragraph which I will paraphrase for the sake of ease: "Hey Sarah! So, it's been a while. I know we haven't talked in a while, but I kind of went through some stuff over the summer. I was hoping that we could pick things back up where they were before. I think you're an amazing person, and I'd love it if we could hang out sometime soon. *winking emoji*" Yeah...........yeah. Yeah.  He went there. I mean he really went there. You know what's HILARIOUS, Internet? I had actually predicted this happening. The moment I had seen Jacob pursuing that Instagram girl, I knew she would reject him hard and he'd come crawling back to me. I told all of my friends as such. And look what happened. Exactly what I said. So now we have the next phase of the story: my reaction. All of my friends and I had a good laugh over all of this. Then, they helped me deal with it. The first solution we decided on was to simply ignore him and leave his message on read. I had so much I wanted to say. I wanted to curse him out, call him every name in the book. Send him insulting ironic memes. I WANTED TO DO IT ALL. But as one of my friends so artfully pointed out, sometimes having your sincerity ignored is the biggest punch in the face of all. (After all, I would really know about that, wouldn't I?) So I ignored him. And the rest of that day, the situation seemed to have ended. But no. Ohhhh no. The fuckery was just beginning. The next day when I wake up, I have another Instagram DM notification from none other than Jacob again. What did it say? Just a lone heart emoji. The red one.  Okay. Weird. Who sends someone a heart emoji to someone ignoring them? This guy, apparently. Time for another solution, my friend and I decided. It was time to be petty. It was time for a subpost. Now, usually I'd say I'm above these tactics. Subposts are immature, for sure. But I had to get this guy off my back, and ignoring him clearly wasn't cutting it. After I had opened up the heart emoji DM, just to get rid of the notification really, I got another message half an hour later. This one was even creepier. "I'm serious, you know!" Wow. Ominous. I don't know if it was because of his insistence, or the slightly pushy tone of his 3rd consecutive DM, but at this point I was seriously getting uncomfortable. Also at this point, I was SO glad I hadn't told Jacob where I lived. Luke was the one who had driven me home, and to this day to me remains a model example of Guys Who Are Dateable (even if I didn't have feelings for him myself, I still seriously respect how he treated me before, during, and after our date. Just a good guy all around. He'll make some girl out there super happy). Thankfully I had gotten rides to and from the Starbucks Jacob and I had met at. And I'm so glad that I had insisted on getting my own ride, because Jacob had even offered to pick me up from my house and drive me home. I'm so glad my own carefulness paid off. Internet, without a doubt, if Jacob had known where my house was, he would've showed up here. 100% he would have. And when I realized this, I was even more creeped out. (Actually, that night, I had a nightmare where he showed up at my front door. No joke.)  (Mike? Is that you? Are you actually Jacob?) So I finally hurried up and chose a suitably shady meme to post to my Instagram where he could see, complete with Queen Bey Lemonade lyrics for the caption, because of course. But literally AS I WAS GETTING READY TO POST IT, he messaged me another heart emoji. THE THIRD ONE. Okay! Really freaked out now! Supremely freaked out! I post the damn meme before he can send me anything else. All my friends like it, fully supporting my call out of this utter creep. And then...crickets. Finally, the DMs end. For a few hours there's peace. And then, hours later, he likes it. HE LIKED THE SHADY POST ABOUT HIM. I'm just thinking ok, it must be sarcastic. It must mean he knows it's about him and now he's going to leave me alone. I go to his page and unfollow him. That's obvious enough, right? He'll understand that, and it'll be the end of it for good. Right? RIGHT??? Haha. Nope. The next day, I post another random, unrelated picture. He likes it.  I don't know if he was just too daft to get that I was rejecting him, or if he was choosing to ignore it altogether to continue to try to woo me again, but enough was enough. Alright, I decide. That's it. No more of this. I block him. And finally, FINALLY, that is the end of things. I'M FREE. This whole thing was so absurd. This was 'Phil texting me on Thanksgiving Day for the first time in 6 months to tell me that he's in love with me and then chickening out of it 30 minutes later' LEVELS OF ABSURD. And I didn't think anything could match that!! (7 years later and that whole thing still pisses me off.) Not only was this laughable, and outrageous, and creepy, and transparent, and a whole bunch of other things. But man...it's just plain sad. I can't believe I thought Jacob was hot. I can't believe I was ever attracted to him. On his Instagram bio, he said he's 'Forever Single'. Um. Gee. I wonder how. I mean, I've always been single too. And it wasn't always by choice, but it sure as hell is by choice now that I've been out in the dating world and gaped in horror at my choices. (Exaggeration, but you get me.) But Jacob...he's desperate. He's a 26 year old man and he acts this way with women. Lusts after them when he's lonely like they're objects. Like a teenaged boy. And it's pathetic. Truly pathetic. Gross. Grooooooss. I can't believe I ever compared him to Andy Sixx. What an insult. Anyway. So yeah, Internet. There it was. My creepy true Halloween story. Did it spook you? Yeah? Me too. But it looks like the nightmare is over for good now.  As for my actual Halloween plans this year, it looks like I may be marathoning creepy movies with one of my baby cousins (who turned 15 this year...wtf? Wasn't she 12 like two seconds ago?) on All Hallows Eve. Still don't know what my costume's gonna be, though. Maybe I'll go as an old brief flame raising from the dead to show up unprovoked, sliding into your DMs. Ooooh. Scary. And for my plans after Halloween, I plan on participating in NaNoWriMo again this year, as well as diving headfirst into Xmas movies and Xmas music to fully avoid the rest of this hell-on-Earth election. Ugh. Can't wait. xo Hopeless Romantic Labels: amad, blast from the past, halloween, jacob, near catastrophes, well thats the end of that changes and tinder shenanigans.}
Thursday, October 15, 2015 | 10:48 PM | 0Comment Internet!! Happy belated October!  It's been a little while since I've updated. How have things been for you guys? As for me, things have been pretty good. BULLETPOINT TIME.
So other than being up to all those things, I finally went to have coffee with Jazz two weeks ago. (After many unsuccessful tries.)
As you could imagine, after all that weirdness between us for weeks, I was a little worried about the meeting.
I wasn't sure what to expect, if she would be annoyed with me the whole time, or vice versa. But ahead of time, I'd decided that I was going to confront her in some way. Not in an aggressive, accusatory way of course, because that's not my style anyway.
After she picked me up and we drove to a nearby Starbucks, and we had talked for a while comfortably like everything was normal, I finally, tentatively brought it up.
Opting to first ask the question I had been wondering for a while, and after telling her to be totally honest with me, I asked her, "Do you genuinely like hanging out with me? Be honest. I really want to know."
After considering it for a moment, she said easily, "Yeah, of course I do. Why?"
I was a little relieved, but I continued, "I just wonder if you do sometimes. Sometimes I'm not sure. Like...I don't want you to feel like you have to, you know?"
She nodded understandingly. "Yeah, I get what you mean. But don't worry, if I didn't like hanging out with you I would just say so. You know me." And then she smiled. There was the Jazz I knew.
Hearing her say that was a huge relief to me. Jazz and I have (especially in recent years) been brutally honest with each other, and both of us have tried to be as open as we can with each other. This was something I tried my best to do with this coffee chat, and she did the same for me. It was a huge load off my shoulders, for sure.
Honestly, the whole parties-for-couples-only-and-no-singles thing still bothers me, but I've decided to let it go for now. Besides, if I ever brought it up to Jazz, she'd probably feel bad and invite me--which I would inevitably hate, because you guys KNOW how much I hate parties, hahaha.
So really, it doesn't make that much sense for me to be upset over it. And it helps a bit that Jazz mentioned inviting me to dinner sometime at the new house, so at least now I know she's not actively trying to block me from her life, or something.
Backing up a bit, way before I confronted her about the weirdness, I had asked her about her new life.
Turns out, married life is different from what Jazz was expecting.
I had expected her to feel that way, to be honest, considering everything my mom told me about her first year of marriage to my dad. (After their first year of marriage, my parents were separated for a few months--like totally living in different places away from each other. After those months, though, they decided to move back in with each other and work it out--and they've been together ever since, 35 years this year.) And from what I can tell, Jazz had expected some difficulty, but I don't think she had expected this much.
She confided in me that getting used to her new life was proving more difficult than expected. She said she thought it would just be like living with someone she really liked, but it's turned into much more than that.
Stuff like constantly cooking and making meals for 2, making lunches for her husband for when he goes to work (he can't cook even a little, apparently), doing constant cleaning and laundry straightening up has become a part of her everyday. In addition, the "we" part of her life is new--having to plan everything they do with him as a unit, not being able to do everything separately anymore.
She also said that her husband needs a lot of reassurance--he's always been that way, she said, but it's been even more than usual lately. And she said that his personality is much more dependent than she had realized. (Picture the look of barely restrained horror in my eyes as she said that. Clingy = my worst nightmare.)
Also, one of her other friends, who is older (40ish?) and who she met through her husband's old boss, is apparently really dependent and needs constant attention as well, so that's something else Jazz has been dealing with lately. With all of this going on, no wonder she hadn't had time to hang out with me.
About the big change of lifestyle, I told her that she'll probably get used to all the changes with time. "It'll feel like second nature soon. Just give it some time to settle," I said to her.
She'd nodded in agreement, a slightly worn look on her face.
Among the topics of conversation, our ex-classmates came up as well.
Guess how many more people from our old school are now engaged or married?
5.
Yep. Seriously, is there something in the water here or something? What the hell is going on?????????
Two of them are a pair that have been together since the 9th grade, and I gotta say, I'm happy for them. They're cute as heck. They're like Troy and Gabriela come to life. (A sweet, smart girl, and the tall popular basketball player. You can't make this stuff up.) Engaged. And totally made for each other. The high school match of everyone's dreams.
Another two who got engaged have been together since high school too--and the guy? I had a huge crush on him in the 3rd and 6th grade.
In the 3rd grade, I teased him because I had no clue how to express my feelings properly. I'd pinch him hard on the arm and then run away cackling because I got to touch him, and I'd stick my foot out to trip him and then apologize later because I'd feel bad.
In the 6th grade, he was the first boy to ever reject me, and consequently the first boy to ever make me cry in the girl's bathroom. I swore I was in love with him, and even though he was half a foot shorter than me, I didn't care. (It wasn't love after all. But he has blue eyes you could fall into and never come out of--I still stand by this. I do not, however, stand by the embarrassing short stories I'd written about how we would get together in our 20's and fall in love. Soooo embarrassing.)
Crazy for me to think that he'll be getting married. (The girl I don't know well, she was two grades below us. She was the younger sister of someone in our grade, and I may have accidentally freaked her out once? Oops?) I'm happy for him, of course. I hope everything works out for them.
The last of the 5? Johnny.
He got married.
Johnny...is married. What.
Yeah. And I'd had no idea until Jazz had told me. He literally got married 3 weeks ago.
One thing I haven't talked about on here yet is what I've recently (this year) found out about Johnny. I've long since realized that Johnny has issues. Drug issues, personality issues, etcetera.
But one thing I hadn't known about Johnny this entire time was the fact that he's abusive.
A few months ago, Jazz had told me, for the first time, that during their friendship and very, very brief relationship (look here, here and here) Johnny was physically abusive towards her. He beat her up. And this whole time, she'd never said anything for fear of what people would say to her.
When she said this to me, I was shocked, to say the very least. To my very core.
Even though I'm nowhere near friends with Johnny anymore, I had never really imagined that he would be capable of such a thing. But that's what family and friends sometimes say who are close to abusers (or worse, rapists), right? They never think it could be true, that they could be capable of something so disgusting. And to even for one second suspect that Jazz could've been lying would be unspeakably awful.
Honestly, having the realization that the only close guy friend that I've ever had in my whole life is physically violent was devastating. I couldn't believe I had misjudged him so severely. Towards me, Johnny'd had his mean moments. Moments when I had genuinely thought that he was a terrible person. On the flip side, though, sometimes I have flashbacks of the good times. Talking on the phone with him, texting for hours, helping him shop for new clothes at the mall, trying a cinematic, running jump hug with him in the hallway at school, him warming up my hands at football games when I was cold.
But just because someone can be sweet and fun sometimes, it doesn't mean that they can't be capable of cruelty and violence.
Johnny is a filthy, lowlife abuser. And now he's married.
I don't know who that girl is that he married, but...God. I feel sorry for her. I hope she's okay. And I hope that she'll be okay. I really, honestly do.
I can't imagine how it must feel for Jazz to hear about her abusive ex getting married, especially just months after her own wedding. Must be weird as hell. And surreal.
The three of us were best friends in the 9th grade. I still have a picture of the three of us at freshman homecoming. My, how quickly time changes things.
Despite some of the topics we'd talked about, the coffee date between Jazz and I ended on good note, driving with the windows down in her mini cooper back to my house.
Seeing my ex-classmates morphing into their adult selves continues to be a weird, wildly confusing time for me.
Aside from being busy and watching these changes unfolding from afar, I've been--once again--getting sucked in by Tinder.
It's worth noting that I still haven't deleted my OkCupid account yet. The thought of logging in again and addressing the 17 messages I haven't replied to fills me with such despair that I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Ugh.
So, in the meantime, I've redownloaded Tinder for the 4th time. (Oy.)
Honestly though, if I had to compare the two: I like Tinder better. Why? Because in getting to choose who I swipe right on (which is very, very selectively) I am also, in turn, choosing who gets to message me.
Essentially, on Tinder I'm only getting messaged by the guys that I would want to talk to. So I don't have to deal with a mass of "Hey. What up?" messages that fill me with misery.
I haven't met anyone in person yet, and I'm not sure I would want to anyway. I'm not really interested in going on dates at the moment, so that's why.
But I absolutely don't object to having a nice conversation with some cute guys, texting them and whatnot. It's kinda fun, and at least that way I get some practice talking to guys so I don't get too awkward with them again. (Okay, I'm still awkward with them. But at least I'm less awkward with them than I used to be!)
If I start talking to someone and I think meeting in person would be fun? Sure, I'd do it.
But I'd have to talk to them a lot beforehand and get somewhat comfortable with talking to them, like I did with Kenneth and Brennan. Both of them were totally cool with that, and it helped me be less apprehensive when the time came to meet them. So that's pretty important to me.
Also, I haven't met anyone this time that I've had that much interest in. (Also hey, isn't that new 'Super Like' feature kinda weird? The only people who 'super like' me are in their thirties. What's up with that?)
Most of my matches haven't tried talking to me, and I'm not sure if that means they want me to message first, but I don't really care either way, so.
As the weather gets colder, I'll be having more decorating to do, more kdramas to binge watch and more jobs to apply for. Also, I might be either Louise from Bob's Burgers or Left Eye for Halloween.
Let's hope Tinder doesn't get me swept up in a whirlwind of stress this time, shall we?
xo Hopeless Romantic
Labels: babies and marriage?!?, change, growing up, halloween, jazz, johnny, life, online dating, tinder *sighs and crawls back over*}
Sunday, November 4, 2012 | 3:17 PM | 0Comment  Wow, look at me. Updating for the first time in two months. TWO MONTHS. Is that a record? I feel like it is. For shame. SHAME.Where to start? Wow. Wooooow. Well, okay, first off, list of things that ended up not working out:
So, as you guys can imagine, I'm just...frustrated. It's not like I'm not trying. I've been trying, and really hard at that. Trying to just...do something. Mix up my life a little. Do something so I can feel like I'm not just wasting my time. But I feel like I've run out of options. I've considered every little other thing, but it either 1. costs too much money 2. requires a second car, which our family doesn't have and also can't afford 3. is too far. I'm trying, and have tried, and I just don't know what I can do at this point. I've even looked into online jobs, but there are none that I've found that don't require a degree or a vast knowledge of HTML or CSS (which I know some HTML enough to manipulate codes, but not enough to make codes out of scratch flawlessly). So. I just don't know.
And on top of that, about three weeks ago, I ripped a muscle in my left pectoral (or rib, maybe) muscle. I don't know if any of you have ripped a muscle, but it was probably the worst pain I've ever felt, other than maybe breaking a bone (which I've never done before, thank God.). I still have no idea how I managed to do it, but for two whole weeks I couldn't reach above my shoulders, put too much weight on my left foot, breathe too deeply, or cough and sneeze without searing pain. I had to keep my rips wrapped too because--and this is graphic, I'm sorry--I could actually feel the torn muscle getting pinched between my ribs when I moved. Yeah. Ow. It got so bad at some point that my parents considered taking me to the ER, even though we don't have health insurance.
So I spent two whole weeks not being about to do anything about lay down flat on my back and not get up except for the bathroom and eating, when I would lean slightly up on a crapload of pillows. I couldn't even write because typing hurt, too.
Lately it's seemed to be healing up slowly, and even now if I lean over at a weird angle or slouch too much it starts hurting again. Let this be a testament to how out of shape I am. AND, lol, that's not me calling myself fat mind you (because I know I'm not fat), that's me acknowledging the fact that the 3 years I spend in online school, I sat in front of the computer for 8 hours everyday, and then outside of the 8 hours of school, I sat in front of the TV the rest of the time, or slept. No PE. No walking to classes. Hardly any walking at all, except to go downstairs to get food. I am really, scarily, out of shape. No one my age should be as out of shape as I am.
Whatever I did to tear my muscle, it wasn't doing anything spectacularly athletic or rough, because I don't do anything like that. It was probably just some ordinary everyday movement, or something too heavy that I picked up too fast. Which is sad. Not boo hoo sad, just....plain sad.
So, I'm going to start exercising again. Going to start off easy, probably just some walking exercise times at first, just to make sure I don't push anything. But it's something that I need to start doing again. Those two weeks were miserable, I need to take better care of myself.
Wow, this entry is whiny. I feel like that's all I ever do on here, lol. Whiny whine whine. But I just had to get that off of my chest.
How about some other news? Not really big news, but news anyway. Not really good news, however.
Last night, I had a dream about Ricky Bobby.
It was actually the first one I'd had in a while, since the last one in April. But still, to have another one in the first place, it was kind of...troubling to say the least. Especially considering its nature. It was short, but pretty simple.
In the dream, I was...I don't know. Having a normal day? Going about my business, doing normal stuff. I don't know when it was, but apparently in this dream I had not checked my Facebook in a very, very long time. Okay, not that long. A month, maybe. But when I logged in, I immediately saw that I had 46 unread private messages, lol.
I didn't really express any shock at this, so I guess that sort of thing happened all the time. So I click to read them, and immediately I see that a few messages down, there is one from Ricky Bobby. It's untitled, and I guess in this dream, that thing were you can preview what the message says before you click on it doesn't exist, so I click on it, my heart in my throat and my hands shaking. Why was I so nervous in this dream? No idea. But with good reason, as you'll find out.
The message is long, a few paragraphs long, and the first thing I see written in the message is,
'Sarah--
I've needed to tell you this for a long time...I love you. Completely and absolutely. Always have.'
In the dream, as soon as I read this, my hands fly up to my throat, which is something I do when I'm overwhelmed, and my vision tunnels. I reply to the computer screen as if he can hear me, "I love you, too. I love you. I love you so much."
Then, as a second thought, I say to myself, "Oh my god. Rose has got to see this." So I go to take a screen shot, but then I realize that the whole message isn't showing, and I should scroll down to show the whole message, along with his picture right next to it. So I try to scroll down, but my computer has frozen up. That's crappy, right? (And actually so true to life. Happens at least 10 times a day.)
So I wait for like 5 minutes for it to unfreeze, and it doesn't. So like I actually do all the time in real life, I slap my laptop hard to try to get it to work. The screen changes slightly, seizes up, and I slam my keyboard frustration. Suddenly, the computer unfreezes, and a window pops up on my computer screen, saying 'Message deleted'.
The dream ends with me staring at the computer with my mouth gaping open and my stomach sinking.
Hah. Great dream, right? Or should I say nightmare.
First of all, just the fact that it had to be Ricky Bobby with that sort of message at all. But then the fact that I returned the sentiment, and fervently. What the freaking hell, subconscious?? What the hell was that??
So as soon as I woke from that dream, thoroughly disturbed by it, the first thing I did this morning was log onto Facebook and block him on it. Extreme? Yeah, I admit it was. And totally irrational. But, I don't know man. That dream...after not having a dream like that about him in a while, it got to me so much that I needed to make absolutely sure that it it had no chance of actually happening. I mean, I know that there's already 100% zero chance of it happening already (pretty positive he has a girlfriend right now, someone he went to school with in Pennsylvania), but I needed to make it 10000% zero chance. That way, there is no way that he'll ever be able to contact me again, but this time, it's my choice completely.
And while I was at it, I blocked Drew and Pre-RB as well. Also overboard, I know. But it felt damn good. The last thing I need right now is some stupid boys barging back in and complicating my life further.
Also, this Halloween, I dressed in this sort of gothy/visual kei costume, even though I had to throw it together with clothes from my closest. But I got to do heavy fancy goth makeup, so that was nice. I got lots of compliments!
So. That's been my life the past few months.
I'm going to keep trying to find a job, or something, but admittedly, since the holidays are coming up, I might postpone it until after Christmas. Maybe I'll have better luck then.
xo Hopeless Romantic
ps: Happy belated Halloween! Labels: ballet, dreams, facebook problems, halloween, ricky bobby, work Well. So much for that.}
Friday, October 29, 2010 | 8:36 PM | 0Comment  Good day, Internet.Virtually no news. No football game, for the third time in 3 weeks. I asked both Jazz and Best Friend Rose (who's in Arizona right now for the weekend) if there will be anymore home games, and they said they didn't think so. So, I've run out of football games. I don't know what I'll do now. I'm still trying to think of ways to see Ricky Bobby, and I'm coming up with nothing. Starting to realize that yes, he does go to a new school, with new girls probably all over him, girls that he sees everyday, and he most likely will have forgotten all about me by now. What can I say? I'm just a homeschooled girl. It isn't illogical to say that homeschooled kids are usually forgotten by those who have a school life. Right? I'm on the verge of giving up. I haven't seen him for weeks, and the longer I'm away from him, the more I can think clearly. He's just a 16 year old guy. And at first glance, he's really nothing special. Yes, he's attractive, but I have no idea how or why he's kept me so hung up the past two years. Plus, he's a teenage boy. He thinks with his man parts. That's just how it is. So. I guess I'll just take it easy for the next few weeks, until something happens, which I doubt. What happened happened, and I guess it's over now. No big deal. I guess it was fun while it lasted. Meanwhile, I'll be over here, in my study, pulling my hair out during midterms. Wish me luck. xo Hopeless Romantic PS: Happy Halloween! Labels: halloween, junior year, ricky bobby |
