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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






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Small Miracles.}
Monday, January 16, 2012 | 4:12 PM | 0Comment

Internet! Guess what!

Not only has my school life improved by 50% since the last time I wrote, but also, my stress rash is gone! YES. NO MORE ITCHY.

So basically, late last week, I found out from my counselor that my AP class doesn't actually end until the 26th, which gives me WAY more time to catch up! It doesn't guarantee that I'll finish, but still, I'll have more time to try! YES AGAIN.

Also late last week, I finally took my Stats final after days of super hard studying. And in the end, I got..................

...........A 92 FREAKIN' PERCENT.

OKAY. May I remind you that I've never in my life ever gotten a 92% on ANY Math test. EVER. So this is a HUGE FREAKIN' DEAL.

I still don't quite understand how it happened, even though I did study forever for it, but wow. If there was any time I believed in small miracles in school, this is one of them. I'm still in shock, but it has reduced my stress levels by about 70%. I'm SO relieved.

Now that I've finally gotten past this (mostly) I can afford to have a life outside of school again. Whew.

So, let's talk about English Teacher. And OKCupid.

So, I did end up messaging English Teacher back, per Best Friend Rose's request. (Actually, it was more like she forced me to. My fault. I showed her his pictures, and she was hooked. She said she'd be all over him if she were me. Oy.) Due to my skiddishness, and the fact that I'd freaked myself out over the whole teacher thing, Rosie had to type my response for me (allowing that I approved it first, of course). Basically, it said something like 'Yeah, sure, I'm always up for a chat! And thank you, that's a huge compliment!'

After that, he said something about how everyone should compliment everyone more often, and that everyone would be happier. Then I agreed with him, and then he said to ask him anything, that he'd be up to answer it. (Questions of that nature confound me every time. What does 'anything' mean? What's your favorite color? Or, what's the meaning of the universe? Or maybe, how many toes do you have?)
After asking for ideas from Rosie (I was stuck again. Facepalm.), she suggested that I ask about how he started teaching. So I did. His reply was basically, 'Long story. Are you ready for this?' I said something like, 'Oh boy, haha. Ready!'

His reply was practically a mini-novel, starting at how he hated school as a teen and then by chance, he was given the opportunity to teach an English class to non-Native English speakers by his college. After that, he studied for a bit overseas, and the rest was history.

I admit, it was a very cool story, although long, and I told him thanks for telling me all that, and wow, he seemed to really love teaching. I told him I admired his passion for it, and that I've actually considered going after teaching once or twice, but that I didn't think I'd make a good teacher.

And he said (as best I can remember), 'You know what? At one point, you couldn't walk. You couldn't dress yourself. You couldn't feed yourself. But you learned how to. Humans teach and learn all the time. There is not one thing on this Earth you can't be taught to do.'

Smart dude, right? I was pretty impressed. I told him thank you for telling me that, that I needed to hear it.
He said you're welcome, and you're a sweetheart for reading all that. (Not even going to lie, my entire face turned red at that part. I know he meant it in a completely harmless way, but dammit. You can't be so hot and call me that and expect me not to react that way!!)

So by now, it was the day before Christmas Eve. I was texting Best Friend Rose, and she casually brings up that, HEY, our friend Jezebelle also has an OKC, and English Teacher messaged her too!

Um. What.

I found out that he didn't flirt with her or anything, just asked her if she'd ever considered studying overseas, but it still slightly pissed me off, to be quite honest. (To clear things up, I LOVE Jezebelle, so it's not like I hate her and I was pissed that he even talked to her at all. So not like that. It's just that since the 8th grade I've seen guys fall all over Jeze all the time--understandably, because she's gorgeous--so, I'll be the first to admit that I was probably a teeny bit jealous. It was nothing to even be jealous about, so I won't even justify it.)

So even though she didn't respond to him, I decided, okay, time to wrap this up. I realized at this point that he probably didn't see me as anything other than a prospective student anyhow(because earlier he'd casually mentioned he'd taught people that were my age--huge red flag), and I'd had enough lectures (although they were insightful).

So, on Christmas Eve, I just said, 'No problem, it was my pleasure!' and that I hoped he would have a great holiday. He replied that he hoped I would too, and that was the end of that.

Part of me wishes I'd continued to talk to him, but it was for the best. Even if he saw me that way anyway, and even if I decided I didn't have an issue with his age, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway. So long, English Teacher. It's been fun.

In other news, last night I got a message from a 29 year old.

..........Am I jailbait, or? I mean, technically I'm legal, so I can't be jailbait, but still. About a month ago, I even got two--count 'em, two--31 year olds messaging me. THIRTY FREAKIN' ONE. ALMOST TWICE MY AGE. WHAT IS GOING ON??

I also kind of find it ironic that the 29 year old was very interested (Greeted me with 'Hey you little devil you'. I kid you not.) and I don't necessarily reciprocate, and yet the smoking hot 25 year old teacher was only interested in teaching me life lessons while I was working hard to suppress inappropriate comments, like about how his smile was like the light of a full moon shining through a patch of clouds at midnight. (IDK. HE'S JUST...HE'S HOT. LEAVE ME BE. My hormones, okay?)

So, you know. Oh well. There will be other hot guys.

In the meantime, I need to get back to work on this catch up AP stuff. There's two papers that are collectively 800 points, so I need to get them done most of all. If I can manage to do that and pass the semester final, I might actually have a chance at this. And if worse comes to worst, I can ask for an extension, too. So, here we go!

By the way, first big update post with no microscopic font. My eyes feel better already.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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OKCupid Update}
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 | 11:03 AM | 2Comment

So, the reason I haven't written about my OKCupid experiences in a while is because...well. I've had none. Haha.

And the reason I've had none is just because I've become very disenchanted by it as of late. I don't really take it as seriously as I used to (which isn't really saying a lot, because I didn't really take it seriously to begin with). I haven't replied to anybody on there in about two months now, and the last guy I talked to I wasn't that interested in talking to anyway.

BUT. I'd be lying if I said that the whole Drew thing didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth, even months and months later.

He was my first impression of online dating as a legal adult, and to be frank, it wasn't exactly a good impression. It also led me to think that perhaps online dating isn't my thing. The biggest problem with Drew and I was that all we did before we met was text. And before we texted, all we did was message each other on OKC. And that's all.

I've heard of people going to meet the people they talk to online in person right away, so they have a better grasp of who they're getting to know. And that was the problem with Drew and I. We met in person an entire month after we started talking, an entire month after talking almost every single day, conversations in which we already began forming expectations and opinions of one another before we'd even stood face-to-face.

I think even talking on the phone or Skyping (hypothetically speaking of course, considering I don't even have a webcam) would have helped with that a little bit. But we didn't do that. We only texted. And it's not that I'm purposely a completely different person over text, because I'm sure he didn't do it purposely either. But it's very hard to truly know someone through typed words on a screen.
Even if a person is 100% themselves online or over text, you probably still don't know their exact sense of humor. You probably don't know what kind of jokes they don't like. You don't know the faces they make while they talk to you about something sad, or about something serious, the kinds of things that annoy them slightly or even the way they sneeze or how they act in the morning before their morning coffee.

I thought I knew Drew, but the moment I first saw him in that bookstore, it occurred to me that I was walking up to a total stranger.
And that's why I feel like online dating isn't for me. For me to like like someone, I have to know them in a platonic way first. That's why it was so easy for me to get a crush on someone at my old school. I saw them everyday and knew them reasonably well, because I went to a private school and everyone was familiar to everyone. Even if I'm not particularly good friends with a person, if I feel like I've taken enough time to get to know them, then I can develop that crush.

But with online dating, it's already called 'online dating' to begin with. Actually, just dating, in general. Someone hits on you, tells you plainly that they're interested. That's great, but the expectations of finding someone to be in a relationship are already there, and so it sort of feels like...I don't know. Like hunting, or something. Find the best person with the most potential, hunt them down and claim their attention, and then...what? Hope for the best? And then if it doesn't even come close to working out, cross your fingers for the next potential mate, and if not that one, then the next one? What's so great about that? Sounds like a job, or something.

So. Personally, the idea of 'dating' sounds tedious. I'd much rather meet someone, become friends with them, and then if I start to see them that way, develop feelings for them on my own time. No expectations, no pre-set goals or obligations. Just to let it happen. That sounds like the best thing to me.

So despite Drew leaving me a crappy impression of this online dating thing, I haven't deleted my OKC account. I still have it, and log on from time to time to read any messages I've gotten. Like I said before, I haven't replied to any in a good while, and the one that I did (yeah. Literally. One.) was nice and all, but I didn't find it terribly interesting.

However, there was one that I received two days ago that I found interesting.

"Hey Sarah! Your mischievous smile is awesome! I am a book nerd and a band geek/nerd. (Note: if you're wondering, that was in response to one section of my profile where I say if you were any sort of nerd, I'm interested in talking to you. Haha. This is me we're talking about, here. Nerds are my people.)
I know I'm probably out of your age range, but I saw that it said you were just interested in friendly chatter so I thought it would be ok to say hiiiii.
You should be proud of your maturity. I have to say, I'm impressed with your writing skills. I'm an English teacher, and I can tell you that your level of writing skill is very uncommon in high schoolers. Good for you."


Okay. First off, I had no idea I smiled mischievously. Second off, he's only 25. Which, objectively, isn't old. It's actually pretty young. And after some urging from Best Friend Rose, I went to his profile and read it, and looked at his pictures.

He..............is................hot.

So hot that at the first picture I saw of him close up, my entire face turned red. Yes. That hot.

But...............................HE'S A TEACHER.

I'm still a senior in high school. And admittedly, I won't be able to look at any teachers in any other way besides being a teacher until I'm out of high school. And even though I'm in online school, and I even have to talk to my teachers on the phone, they're still teachers.

And for God's sake, my English teacher last year was only 26!!

I'll admit, I am a Pretty Little Liars fan. And not even gonna lie, I love the Ezra and Aria storyline. As forbidden as it is, they're so adorable together. And he's really hot. And to be fair, she started dating him before he even became her English teacher, so I still support it (yes, I'm aware I'm talking about fictional characters like they're real people. Happens to me a lot, actually.)

But dammit, this is real life! English Teacher...he's smoking hot. English teachers should not be that hot.

Because! He's a teacher, a teacher!!

A TEACHER.

Not my teacher. BUT SOMEONE'S TEACHER. HE STANDS AT THE FRONT OF THE CLASS AND TEACHES THEM THINGS AND GIVES THEM HOMEWORK.

No no no no no. I can't...no. I can't do this. I just...I CAN'T DO THIS. If he had any other profession, I wouldn't be so creeped out. Even the fact that he's 25 doesn't freak me out that much, although maybe it should, because that's seven whole years difference. Same as my parents, but the difference is that I'm just now a legal adult and he's been one for quite a few years now. So...okay well that is sort of weird.

God. When I was 10...he was 17.

When I was in the fourth grade...he was a junior or senior in HIGH SCHOOL.

OH GOD OH GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD ALRJFLAJFRLASJFALFJ

Yeah, no. Sorry English Teacher. You may be hot and a book nerd at the same time which is admittedly rare, and I might reply to you just to thank you for complimenting my writing skills (because that was awfully nice of you) but I can't pursue this. No, no. You just...you just stop flaunting your hotness around and act like a proper authority figure and I'll act the complete opposite of jailbait as possible, and we'll just keep this nice and platonic. Just like you said.

Okay. Yeah. Sounds good to me.

xo Hopeless Romantic

(ps: Two entries in one day! Told you my writer's block was gone! By the way, happy 100th entry to me!)

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