♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

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To Luis}
Sunday, June 12, 2011 | 2:15 PM | 0Comment

"Out of a random chance, I found your site. Now, here's my question:

What is a hopeless romantic? (hint hint on my signature)

The true hopeless romantic would always rather give than receive. Because they know then and only then, will there be true love."

Hi, Luis! I'm sorry I'm answering this so late. I did see this question in my mail a little while ago, but it's taken me a considerable amount of time to figure out how exactly I'd answer. I hope it's okay that I post this on here, by the way.

All right. Well. After I read your question, I sighed, because that is one doozy of a question. Because it's kind of simple, but at the same time, it's not.

I agree 100% with your signature's definition of 'hopeless romantic', absolutely. And I think that pretty much sums up the general definition.

However, although you probably didn't exactly intend it that way, this question also made me wonder why I call myself Hopeless Romantic in the first place, and why I consider myself a hopeless romantic.

Here's the thing. I made this blog basically at the very very end of my 8th grade year. I was distraught, heartbroken, over my crush (Ricky Bobby)--whom I believed, at the time, had finally started to feel the same--that had moved away. I needed a release, some way of knowing that I wasn't alone, that I wasn't the one only who'd felt so cold and utterly rejected.
I most likely didn't know the full meaning of the term 'hopeless romantic' at the time, to be honest with you. All I knew was that up to that point, out of all the boys I liked, no one ever liked me back, and Hopeless Romantic sounded dramatic. I kid you not. I was basically still at that point where I thought that since I had never had a boyfriend and I was almost in high school, I would NEVER have a boyfriend, and I'd be alone FOREVER and adopt 295738 cats. Or chihuahuas. Or maybe I'd buy every goldfish in town and make my house into a goldfish aquarium and every morning as I fed them all I'd make fish faces at them to say good morning.
THE POINT BEING. I was heartbroken and lonely and boyfriendless. Sounded legit to me.

The irony is, I feel more like a 'hopeless romantic' now. Even after having a few boys 'like me', for a lack of a better word. Even after I've been in online school and I've gotten to know me, the true me. In fact, I think that's why I feel that way.

I think I'd call myself a Hopeless Romantic because I've always believed in the ideal of love.
I'd always been that little girl that played dress up in pretend princess dresses and wedding gowns, and even as I got older, I saw romances in movies and on TV and I always believed that love was this unexplainable, all-consuming magic. That it just happens, and suddenly you're not the same person, that the plain, raggedy Cinderella turns into a sort of royalty. That once you fell in love with someone, it was forever, and their adoration would be unchanging and unwavering forever.
But then I grew up.

And more recently than ever, I've started to realize that true love isn't this unreachable magical, mythical thing and then BOOM--just happens. It's not just a noun, it's a verb. It's raw and life-altering, sometimes not in the good way. It's sometimes very painful. It takes work, and I mean, tons of work, to make it last sometimes. And it's scary. Because once you give someone your everything, once they know every little detail about you (and vice versa), so much that they know the exact way you think, the way you breathe, the way you blink, they also have the power to absolutely destroy you.

I've seen a good amount of happy couples in love. Do I believe that successful long-term relationships founded on love exist? Absolutely. But I certainly don't believe that they're so easy to find, just around the corner for everybody. I also think they're rare to find. My grandparents, for example, were married for 56 years before my grandfather died October 2009. They'd been high school sweethearts. I've seen evidence right in front of me that two people, if they truly and deeply love each other, can stay together, despite everything.
But I've also seen some couples fall out of love, even after a seemingly long time. The ones that appear as if every time they're together, it's like peeling off a bandaid slowly. Ones that can hardly stand the sight of each other anymore, but it's almost as if they have no option but to stay with each other. Because they hardly know any other way to live. They have no choice.

Realizing this has made me realize that the fairytale love I waited for when I was younger, the kind I dreamed of, doesn't exist. It can't. Not in the real world, not in true life. And seeing it shatter to pieces in front of me fills me with a kind of despair. And it's very hard for me to accept.
I think it's so hard for me because it's another part of growing up, which I know is inevitable for everybody, but it's still hard none the less.

I still dream of that love sometimes, which is why I still consider myself a hopeless romantic. But the difference is now I know that that's all they are, dreams. Not reality.

This was probably a much longer answer than you anticipated, Luis. But I had a lot to say, as usual. Haha. Thanks for sending it in, by the way.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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