♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






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Damn future and its damn technology advances.}
Tuesday, February 9, 2010 | 9:10 PM | 0Comment


Internet. What is happening to me?

I'm, surprisingly, not talking about my online school this time. That's going surprisingly well. I'm all caught up, and I switched from Japanese to German (my Japanese teacher always went insane with the homework load. Actually, I just think she was insane herself). And I have all A's and B's. Not bad, not bad at all.

But that's not what I'm talking about. No, no. That was completely normal. This, though...oh God, I've lost it. I really have.

Something that I promised myself when I started online school was that I would not- I repeat, will not resort to internet boys to deal with my loneliness. Not only is that completely pathetic, but it's wrong to use an innocent little internet boy to quench my social thirst.

Don't get me wrong, Internet, there's nothing wrong with your boys. I'm sure they're normal and very charming (well...some of them.). But me, a lonely teenage girl desperate for human contact, should NOT take advantage of the availability of an 'internet romance'.

Really. Internet dating is for old, desperate people who can't meet people in real life. Honestly. eHarmony is becoming the equivalent of being a cat lady. Or, who knows, maybe there's a lot of cat ladies on eHarmony. I wouldn't know!

A teenage girl should have PLENTY of chances to find love in everyday life.

...But I don't.

I should have known this would happen. And I am ashamed down to my core that I've let myself fall into this.

So, Internet, here's the story. I have a Twitter account. And I have about 300 followers (wooo, go me. I'm social. : ) . And I can admit, I've tried to make up for some of my social depravity for talking to people on Twitter. I've actually made a few close friends there, friends my age, and that makes me feel a lot better about being a hermit.

And, a few weeks ago, a friend of one of my Twitter friends followed me. I always follow back on Twitter, because I'm nice like that. After I follow them back, I notice, hey. Hot guy. But I don't think much of it at all. Yeah yeah, a hot guy on the internet. That's not news. I even ignored him when he tweeted me (yeah, kind of prudish. I think I was in a bad mood that day anyway).

But then, on a better day, he sent me another tweet. I replied, and we talked for like, fifteen minutes. Just a normal, casual, short conversation. He was nice, I decided.

But I had plenty of nice friends on Twitter, so, not a big deal. We started talking more often. Again, not a big deal. I talk to people on Twitter way too much, it's addictive.

But then, one of my other Twitter friends, really cool chick by the way, follows him after I mention him in a Follow Friday. Then they start talking, and she starts flirting. I can't help but notice. And I think this was finally when I started to notice his appeal. Okay, he was really hot. And -get this- he isn't a douche bag! Shock, right?!

So when he starts to flirt back with her, I start to feel..........jealous.

I know!! So ridiculous! I'm banging my head on the keyboard for just admitting this embarrassing piece of information!!

But I mean, who wouldn't be jealous of a girl that a guy that awesome is flirting with? Come on! Back me up here! He's nice, funny, slightly older than me, mature, gorgeous, and CANADIAN.

...The fact that he's Canadian doesn't really have to do with anything, I just felt compelled to add that.

And so I start to talk to him more, by no complete fault of my own, by the way. Sometimes I talk to him first, but it's usually him that talks to me first! I can't just bring our conversation to a screeching halt, going, "SORRY, I have to stop talking to you now, because the fact that I may be somehow developing a completely ridiculous impossible internet crush on you is freaking me out a little bit. GOODBYE."

But here's the thing. Cool twitter friend chick (let's just call her Jordan) is talking to and getting to know hot internet guy too (let's call him Jack). And a lot quicker and more effective than me.

See, Jordan's a good flirt. Lord knows I couldn't even flirt with a brick wall. It makes me all nervous and squirmy AND, unlike gorgeous and witty heroines in books and movies, I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I always avoid talking to boys on Instant Messaging, because it takes me a thousand years to come up with something remotely flirty and or clever. I honestly wouldn't blame him if he ended up liking her back, because I know she likes him. It's so obvious.

And I've thought about this over and over again. I've screamed in my mind to "stop this right now, it's stupid to get caught up in internet drama." "He's just a stupid boy from the internet. What are you hoping for? Hoping that he'll want to start an internet relationship with you and hoping it will go further than that? At all? He lives in Canada for God's sake, he doesn't give a crap about a random internet girl he talks to sometimes. He has girls in front of him, all around him all the time that he can choose from. He has a life. Don't be so stupid, Sarah."

I've thought this to myself over and over and over again, even sometimes saying it out loud to burn it into my memory.

But Jordan and Jack are getting closer and closer every day, constant flirting and banter, and even some meaningful, deep conversations. And it's slowly starting to bug me more.

Sure, me and Jack are still talking everyday as well. There are tiny moments when I think he could possibly be flirting with me, but then again, I know nothing about boys in the first place. Maybe calling your close girl friends 'hun' is a normal, everyday occurrence. Maybe it's even patronizing, because he's 18 and I'm 16.
But our conversations aren't meaningful. They're fun, sure, and he's easy to talk to, but I just don't know where to start. You can't force a connection.

Did I mention that Jordan is only 14?! 14, dammit! Shouldn't I have the better advantage, here?!

But I've decided to back off a little. This is bordering on crazy. I'm not going to play tug of war over a guy from the internet with a 14 year old. It's ridiculous. I'm stopping this before it begins.

I'm not going to put myself in this vulnerable position again. I'll just end up the one being hurt, no matter what the outcome, so this ends now. Jordan and Jack can have their little internet romance, and I won't stand in their way.

Meanwhile, I'll be over here, in this corner, questioning my sanity. Anyone know a good therapist?

xo Hopeless Romantic

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