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Internet! Guess what?

Last Saturday was my 2 year blog anniversary, and I didn't even realize it! Happy blog-a-versary to me! It's almost hard to believe.

Two years since I started this blog with a fifteen year old broken heart.

Two years since Ricky Bobby moved away and left me in the cold.

Two years of boy drama and ups and downs of life.

So much has happened, and it's only been two years. I've changed a lot the past two years. I looked back at all of my old entries, and even my blogging style has changed. (The old entries...so...much...chat speak. Chokecough.) I thought I was so cool. You know, I have much more fun blogging when I'm my sometimes-insecure, weird, chatty self. It took me a while to warm up to you, Internet, but I'm glad I finally made it.

Not only is this my blog-a-versary entry, but this is also my 50th blog entry!

50 blog entries are hard to believe, too. I started this blog, half expecting to abandon it or forget about it after the second or third entry. I also never expected anyone to ever read it or find it, or even if they did find it, I never thought anyone could relate to my entries or even care.

I keep thinking about who I would be if I never started this blog. If I never made this blog as a product of a broken heart, what would I have done? This place is where I come to vent. I put all of my most precious thoughts and secret fears on here. When I was in my darkest place, I felt like I could empty every emotion into an entry so that I wouldn't break. This blog is my security blanket.

And recently, with my alone time as an online school student, I poured out even more emotions, and I told you things I hadn't even told my best friends. Writing a long entry helps me sort out my thoughts and emotions, and it has helped me figure out who I really am.

I have quite a few more years in me, so let's hope my blog lasts just as long.

And to you, Internet, I say the most genuine and sincere thank you I can possibly muster over typed word.

Without those of you that have read my entries and left me heartfelt comments (especially you, Sapphire! You're one of my very first readers, and I don't know what I'd do without your insightful comments!), I don't think I would have had the motivation some days to write anything at all. (But look at those page views! There's no way I have that many, that has to be some sort of glitch!!) You all are beautiful, and you inspire me so much. I could never ever thank you enough. I can only hope that I can inspire you, too.

So hey, you're probably wondering why the name of this entry is 'Ironic Blog-A-Versary'. Hah. Well.

Since the last entry, I finally put myself out of that misery and added Ricky Bobby on Facebook. I decided that it wasn't worth agonizing over, and that a friend request is just a friend request. After an impromptu sent friend request (and one sleepless night and a whole day of a nervous, upset stomach), it was accepted. I had no idea why I'd even worried in the first place. It all seems so stupid now.

So after he accepted the friend request, I was careful to stay off the computer for a little while to resist anymore Facebook snooping. Unfortunately, that was a fail, and I ended up getting on Facebook anyway and (curiously, I told myself) proceeding to go through all of his pictures (seeing if he was still photogenic is all), a great deal of his wall posts(looking for people I knew that talked to him recently?), and his favorite music (since I had forgotten what bands he was into). JUST out of curiosity. Mhmm. That's all. Yup.

And while I went through his wall posts, I saw one from late last month that was interesting. Actually, interesting isn't the word for it. I probably should have used "nightmarish", or "crappy, and made your Hopeless Romantic so overwhelmed with shock and unease that she almost made herself sick". Yeah, those would be more appropriate.

Right there, on his wall, from April 25th, is "moving june 16th!!".

Exactly what I feared, right there on that Facebook wall. And even though seeing it confirmed was shocking, inside, I kind of felt like I knew it all along.

But even if I had known it, it wouldn't have eased the shock. A wave of dread settled over me, and it still hasn't left. That date has branded itself into my brain, into the inside of my eyelids. It feels like doomsday for me.

I do know for sure that he's going to a different school when he comes back here, but I don't think that will make much of a difference for me. We have the same groups of friends. Johnny is one of my best friends, and he was Ricky Bobby's best friend when he lived here. There's no way I can avoid him.

Hah. After my two year blog-a-versary and on my 50th blog entry for the blog I made in the first place because Ricky Bobby broke my heart when he moved away, I find out that he's moving back.

Wow. Soak in that irony, folks.

Seventeen days. Here we go again.

xo Hopeless Romantic

PS: If you didn't notice, I got the old banner back! I missed it.

Labels: anniversary, ricky bobby, summer

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