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 "This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against." 
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Drew: A One-man Disappearing Act; Part 2/The Final Act}
Tuesday, June 28, 2011 | 7:36 PM | 3Comment  So, Internet.A few hours after the last entry, by that point, I had pretty much just had it, so I texted Drew. I had basically prepared myself for the worst, mostly because of his sudden weird and distant behavior. So, in my mind, things were most likely already finished. But I text him anyway. And the whole conversation goes slowly downhill with every passing message. It goes like this: Me: So, feeling any better? Oh-ho-kay. Well where do I start? Do I start with how he was so obviously uninterested in talking to me? Or should I start with how I practically had to dig for a compliment and he ended up insulting me instead? This is exactly why I don't think our little 'meeting' was a date at all. He hardly ever flirted with me before meeting me, and whenever he did it was usually just a ';)'. Which sometimes doesn't even count as flirting, in my opinion. And the one compliment he gave me before we met? That I looked like a chipmunk. Because of my cheeks. He claimed he didn't mean for it to be mean. Oh, really? Well I've only had a complex about my cheeks since the 6th grade, so thank you so much for that. I didn't say anything about it at the time, but it did bother me. A lot. And so after our 'meeting', he completely stopped initiating conversation. I mean, completely. I simply don't get how if he apparently liked my personality before we met (he had to have at least liked my personality, or else he wouldn't have wanted to meet me. At all.) how it could have gone so sour after meeting me face-to-face for the first time. I mean, my logic here: boy likes personality = boy likes appearance. Isn't that how it's supposed to work? Am I insane here for assuming?? And god forbid I actually be nervous meeting someone that I might like for the first time. This isn't like people who already know each other for a while going out for a date. This was my first time meeting him, ever. Why wouldn't I be nervous? CAN I JUST SAY: yes, I am awkward around new people. It can take me a while to warm up to people when I first meet them. Sometimes I don't know what to say to them, or how to start a conversation. But after I warm up to people, I'm just fine. I can act 100% myself, and I'm perfectly comfortable. Being shy is something that I've been consciously working on for a while. And so for someone--someone I don't even really know, in fact--to say that I was awkward, after only meeting me once for two hours, it was like a slap in the face. Plus, the 'awkward homeschooler' stereotype is something that very much irks me, which is why it bothered me even more. And it wasn't like he particularly did anything to make me comfortable with him. The whole time, he was either standing by me silently and staring at me with his hands in his pockets, walking off to go sit somewhere, or muttering something so quiet that sometimes I'd have to ask him to repeat himself. Hell, just the fact that he talked like Michael Cera could have been enough for me to throw back in his face. But did I do that? No. Because I knew he would most likely act differently once he opened up. I was willing to wait and see when that happened to really determine his personality. And it really really bothers me that he's not giving me that chance. That he either saw my awkwardness, my freaking chipmunk cheeks, or something else he didn't like that made him decide that talking to me wasn't even worth it anymore. So. Needless to say, I'm not texting him again. These past few days, I've just been trying to get over my anger about it all. I'm mostly over it now, but it still annoys me when I think about it. I had begun to like Drew because of his maturity and his general non-judgmental attitude about things, but I suppose that non-judgmental attitude of his didn't include my demeanor. But, hey. I'm not going to trip over someone that wasn't even that into me. I'd rather be involved with someone that likes me, and I mean really likes me, for me. All of me. So, Drew was a pretty big waste of my time. But at least I got a first date out of it. (I'll call it that, it makes me feel better.) And I can add that to my list of firsts this summer. Here's to more firsts to come! xo Hopeless Romantic Labels: drew, summer, well thats the end of that |
