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Hey Internet.


I ended up being alright for Christmas. The Christmas season did bring back old feelings, but I'm back to normal now.
Well, for the most part.
But now, as I try to think about him, my stomach doesn't twist into a hundred knots.
I just have to remember all the reasons why I shouldn't go back to those feelings anymore, and I should be alright.
So, rest easy, Internet. No Rickybobby-itis for meeee. :]
haha.

...But I did catch my dad's cold.
Yep. So, right now, I'm pretty miserable.
Not only on the outside, but I also got terrible news today.
Yeah. On the first day of the freakin' new year.

You know...the thing about recessions is that everyone is effected, but some worse than others.
I'm very sorry to say that my family's home has been foreclosed.

We've lived in this house for two years. Only two Christmases, two summers, two birthdays...
I have to say, I'm extremely jealous of those people out there that have lived in a house their whole lives. I have a small complex with moving. I hate it so much. I've moved seven times in my lifetime.
I just hate the feeling of putting your entire being into a place, the place that you put all of your belongings and comfort in...and then just leaving it all behind. Those halls you walk everyday, the windows you look out of, the carpet that squishes underneath your feet...and then all of a sudden you leave it forever.

I just hate it. I hate losing things, I hate change.

And the thing I hate most is that, if a land lord was taking it from us because of the amount we paid him, we could find a way to pay him better and stay here. Or if my parents found a better house, I could convince them to stay.
But this is out of our control. The government is taking this house from our land lord (we rented) and putting it up for auction. Us, and four other houses on our street. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

It's sickening. I feel robbed.
This is our home, and somebody is taking it from us, giving us no choice but to move out of it within a month.

I've pretty much been crying for 4 hours straight. I couldn't eat dinner.
You know, this is one of those things that happens where, you don't think it could ever happen to you, but then you realize it could when it's too late.
I realize there are less fortunate people out there that this recession is hurting, and I realize much worse could have happened...but it's still so hard.

Sorry, I just had to vent. It helped a little.

Here's to hoping your 2009 starts out better than mine.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

So, Internet, I finished finals.
I'm so relived. On my way home Friday afternoon, I was so happy, I thought I'd start crying.
Haha.

And I'm super stoked for Christmas! I just double checked under our Christmas tree, and I have 16 gifts!
....I'm very excited. Hahaha. And just yesterday, me and my mom made cookies and decorated them. I love this time of year so much.

But, I have something else to talk about in this entry.

Ricky Bobby.
(for those of you that don't know who he is, go look at my very first entry from way back in May.)

So, supposedly now, he's not coming to visit over Christmas break anymore. Something about really expensive plane tickets or something. I don't blame his parents, they are pretty expensive.
And i guess I should have been more upset. You'd think I would.
But I'm not.

Truthfully, over half a year has gone by since that night. I'm better now. I don't cry every time I think about it, I don't get an empty ache in my chest when I hear his name. I don't want to be with him anymore.
But I still think about him sometimes. Well, actually, more about what could have been.
He could've stayed here, with everyone, with all his friends, with me. We could've fallen even more in love. We could've been together by now. He could've been here as I write this entry, wrapping his arms around me, telling me those words I wanted to hear from him at one time.

I talked to him about a month ago. Well, we've talked since then, but it was meaningless small talk. He told me that he still has the shirt I gave him, and that it still means alot to him.
I'm not even gonna lie, Internet. That tugged at my heartstrings.
I'm not saying that I'd rather have him insult me and tell me how much he hates me.
But he's still just as sweet as he was, and it still kills me.
It would be easier to get over him completely if he hated me. But he just makes this so hard sometimes.

So, maybe it's a good thing he's not visiting this Christmas. As much as I hate to admit it, I know that if I saw him now, the feelings wouldn't be completely gone.
And It's even harder because I don't have someone new to focus on. It's kind of weird to not have someone to like.
Not that I'm saying I need to like someone all the time. But it's hard to get used to not having someone, you know? When you really like someone, you focus your energy and every thought on them. It's like your world revolves around everything about them.
When it's suddenly gone, it's very disorientating.
Like for instance, I added a few new songs to my playlist. One of the new songs I added was 'Whatever It Takes' by Lifehouse. For the longest time, I couldn't listen to this song. It reminds me so much of him, its crazy.
Now I'm able to listen to it again. I just hope I can get used to this not-liking thing.

Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this entry, because it's getting ridiculously long. Hahaha.
I hope everyone out there has a great holiday!


Merry Christmas,
xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year, ricky bobby

Ahh. Semester Finals week.

I honestly have never been so stressed in my whole life, internet.
Good lord, so much work. I've never had this much homework in my whole school-life.
x[

It's seriously insane.
But, the last 3 days of the week shouldn't be as hard, I just have to study alot. Plus, when our last final of the day is over, we get to leave, and that's usually around 1:45.
So I guess that's a plus.

Anyway, so, you'll never believe this.
Rosie and I just found out that Fiddy has a girlfriend.

A girlfriend.

I don't know whether to be surprised, appalled, or sympathetic.
First, I'm surprised that Fiddy could actually have enough focus on one girl to be able to get a girlfriend.
But then, I'm apalled because he has a girlfriend and he has the audacity to flirt constantly with other girls behind his girlfriends' back, just because she goes to another school!
And that's why I'm sympathetic for his girlfriend. I'm feel sorry for her because she has no idea.

When we found out, even though she wouldn't admit it, I knew Rosie was disappointed about it. I would be too. :/

Maybe I should've protected her from the menace that is Fiddy.

But still, even after finding that out, she can't stop liking him. I can tell. She still flirts back when he flirts with her, even if she doesn't realize it.

Oh boy.
:/

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

Hmm, internet.


It seems that there's more trouble.
Except not for me, this time!


It involves my best friend. I don't know why I haven't given her a nickname yet, thats weird. I mean, I talk about her almost all the time.
Let's name her Rosie.
No particular reason, I just thought it sounded good. Haha.

Okay, so, it involves Rosie and....
Fiddy.


Dun Dun Duuuuun.

Mhmm. Fiddy is back, ladies and gents.
And this time, he's made my best friend his prey.
I knowww!
And she doesn't want to admit that he likes her. Its weird, internet, Rosie is one of those incredibly undeniably gorgeous people that deny that very fact. I don't know what she sees in the mirror when she looks in it, but someone must have messed with her mirror. She has no idea how beautiful she is.
The guys are all over her, and she never even notices.

I'm not even gonna lie internet, I'm jealous of her. I think I always have been. Ever since the day we met in pre-school.
It doesn't mean I secretly hate her. Its not like we're Blair and Serena from Gossip Girl.
I love her like the sister I never had.
Doesn't mean I can't envy her.

Anyway, he likes her so much. Its so obvious. Almost painfully obvious. He finds excuses to touch her, talk to her whenever he can, and he flirts with her like mad.
I feel bad for Hollister, he bounced back so fast. :/

And I know that he's one of the worst guys at our school, and she's seen the crap he's put me through, but what can I say? I can tell she's starting to like him back.
It's Fiddy. It's like he knows the magic spell for girls to fall in love with him, and it works on almost any girl he chases after. I would know, I've fallen victim to it twice.
Damn him and his bloody irrestistable charm.
D:<

I can only hope Rosie comes to her senses before it's too late.


As for me, lovelies, as I said before, I'm done with guys for now.
I'm waiting until I find one worth waiting for.


xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

Well, Internet, it's been a while.

I'm sick today, so I thought I would blog to my little heart's content. Besides, there has been alot thats happened! :0

Well, first of all, Fiddy.
Hoo boy, where do I start?

First, let me start with the other girl. Let's call her Hollister.

Okay, so, long story short, I ended up being further convinced that Fiddy liked me. We started talking more, we shared hot chocolate at one of the football games....
and okay, maybe I started to like him too.

...Okay! So I totally started liking him back! I admit it!
At least, I thought it was back. But later I was convinced that it was more me than him. Because, when little miss Hollister comes around and tells him that she likes him, he forgets I'm even alive!
All the staring stops, he stops talking to me, all of that! Like I was chopped liver or something!

I was upset about it for a little while, but I got over it in about 2 weeks, 3 weeks tops.
What? That's much better considering the time I spent getting over Ricky Bobby.
I was actually very proud of myself.

And, yeah, Fiddy and Hollister became inseprable over those 3 to 4 weeks. They talked on the phone all the time, they talked between classes (don't ask how I know, I have sources! haha), flirted during lunch. They even slow-danced during homecoming. It killed me to watch, even as I was getting over it.

Then, out of the blue last week, he texts her and tells her he just wants to be friends. Totally out of the blue. I didn't understand, they were so close. I hear that Hollister is still totally heartbroken over it, and her status updates on myspace show it.
Then, thinking back, I realized that in the last few weeks of their 'thing', maybe the last two, Fiddy started staring at me again. Like, alot. As much as he did before. And he started finding excuses to come near me, even if he didn't talk to me. Just like before!

My best friend helped me figure this out, she watches him during every 5th period (her, me, and Fiddy have this class together) and she says he looks at me every chance he gets. And I believe her too, because there will be times that I happend to glance up at him (not volunarily, like if there was a person near him talking, I would look over at that side of the room and accidentally look at him) and he would be staring me down. It kind freaks me out. Like, how long had he been looking?
It makes me nervous when guys look at me. D:
I get all shaky and clumsy...it's embarrassing! Dx

So....yeah. I can't help but feel bad for Hollister. He dumped her exactly like he dumped me. :/
And I've felt that before. Not good at all.

Buuuuut, I'm proud to say, I don't like anybody at the moment.
:]]

It's too much work. Plus, I thought it over a long time, and guys just aren't worth it at this age. Espacially the guys at my school. I swear, they're the worst. I wouldn't date any of them.
They're all hot jerks.
No, jerks isn't the word for them.
They're dicks.

And then the ones that aren't are either weird, stalkerish, or saints that wouldn't kiss anyone until after they're married.

Can't there just be any decent guys in this lame state?
Ones that aren't taken?
Or gay?
Please? D:

That reminds me, I just started the Twilight series two weeks ago. It is absolutely incredible. And, let me tell you, I don't read unless I find an incredible page-turner, and boy, was this a page-turner. I couldn't put the first one down. It was about 600+ pages, and I finished it in less than a week. I let my best friend borrow it, and she finished it in 2 and a half days.
It's not cliche at all, like I thought it would be. Stephenie Meyer is an amazing author, and if you love Romance/Action movies or books, you will love Twilight. Just read the first book, you definately won't be disappointed. :]]



xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

Hey internetttt.

So, I was talking to one of my girlfriends about Fiddy (lets call her Jessica Simpson....don't ask. she just looks like her. xD ) and she just happens to be very good friends with him. Beforehand, I had asked her who she wanted to go to Homecoming with, and afterwards, she asked me the same question. Feeling a bit under pressure, I said maybe Fiddy. But I also said I wasn't completely sure, and that I only though maybe because I thought that maybe he liked me. (Heck, I'm pretty sure he does.)
So she thought it was totally adorable and everything, and she said that she would talk to him about me. Without saying that I brought him up and everything, of course.
That was about a week ago.

Then, last night at the home football game, we talked about it.
She said it was 'still a maybe' and that 'he wasn't sure about it because he thinks that it would be awkward' since we 'never talk', and he didn't think I 'liked him at all'.
And so I was like, 'Oh, thats it?? No problem!' And so I text him, right then and there, thinking 'I'm good at getting to know people by texting them!'
Well, there was two problems with this theory.

1. He didn't even answer.
2. Now he probably thinks I'm a freak, because I never talk to him at school, but then out of the blue I suddenly text him. Yeah, smooth.

I even told Jessica Simpson about the 'not answering' part. She thought it was stupid too.
Now, it's not even like I haven't tried or anything. Because I have, and he didn't even do anything. If anything, I think it made matters worse.
Besides, if he doesn't even want to go with me, I'd rather not go with him.I'd rather he really seriously asked me because he wanted to go with me, not because I was last resort. He also said he doesn't know if he really wants to go with anyone, because he wants to go stag. Okay, then go!
It's not like I'm going to die if I don't get asked to Homecoming, espacially by him. Quite honestly, I don't care. It's not like I'm in love with him or anything. If he likes me, okay. (By the way, she said he didn't like me like that, but I still think he does, whether he wants to admit it or not.) So, he needs to make up his mind.
Personally, I think it would be alot more fun and have alot less pressure to not have a date. You know, to be the girl nobody can have. Oooooh. It even sounds cool.
xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

Hey internet.


So.......you'll never believe this.

Well, actually, after the last news, this isn't that shocking. BUT-
My best friend actually informed me about this one. I hadn't noticed at all.

So, there's a new guy. Lets call him Amazon.
You know how I said Fiddy put me as his number 5 on myspace??
Well, that was on Wednesday. Supposedly, at the same exact time, he AND Amazon added me to their top friends as their number 5.

Um, Internet. Me and Amazon talk every once in a few months. Maybe. I have no classes with him, we've never been that close at all. He's one of the hottest guys in the whole school, too. All the girls are all over him.
This is why I find this weird. Espacially since they did it at the same time....

I think they're really up to something.
Whatever it is, I'm not falling for it. :/

We'll see what happens.

xo Hopeless Romantic

PS: Homecoming is October 11th! My first dance!! ....I doubt I'll be asked by anyone, so good thing I have my friends. ^^;

Labels: freshman year

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