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Hello, Internet!

Yes, I am back. Moving has interesting side-effects, and one of ours happened to be that our internet didn't work for nearly a month.

Haha, yeah. It sucked.

But during this process I found that this house isn't that bad after all. I've actually come to like it alot. :]]

As for love updates...well, I'll sum it up for you.
Best friend Rose dated a 19 year old for a grand total of 5 days, and then a few weeks later she saw a guy at a coffee shop in a small town she went to and claimed to have fallen in love with him in the short time she saw him...so Rose went back to the coffee shop the next day, and he wasn't there. She's still wallowing.

I mean, honestly, I sympatize with her, but...I'm almost absolutely sure that falling in love doesn't happen that quickly. Maybe I'm not the one to talk, since I've never fallen in love at first sight, or known anyone that has with a maturity level above mine, but really. She can tend to overexaggerate things, and this might be one of them.
Well, she saw him on a Monday, so she's going back next Monday.

I'll tell you how that one goes, Internet.

As for me, nothing yet. I'm just waiting for a new guy to come, because I think we all know by now that I'm not taking a chance with any of the tools at my school.

So I'll just wait,

And wait.

.....Still waiting.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

Hey Internet.

So, I decided, I'll be okay.
I'm still kind of devastated about moving, but I realize it's something I can't control.
We went to see the house we're gonna rent, and it wasn't bad. I didn't hate it. It was actually kind of nice.
But it just didn't feel like home.
And then I thought about it, and really...this house may seem like home now because of all the time spend in it, but without all our stuff in it, it will just be an empty house.
I was talking with my other best friend in Science today, let's call her Jazz. She said the house she lives in now didn't feel like home when she first moved in. In fact, she said she hated it. But now, she said she couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

I guess after I get settled in, it will feel better.

I'll still miss this house like crazy, though. I think there'll always be a part of me that will.

Anyway, I decided I needed to cherish the last moments I have with this house. I have four days left, and only two nights left. The thought of it makes me want to cry, but I don't want to be sad anymore. That's not how I want to remember the last days in this house. I want to get through it like normal and remember that I came out alright.

I also wanted to put lyrics in this entry, this song has helped me through the past few days. :]

Labels: freshman year

Hey Internet.


I ended up being alright for Christmas. The Christmas season did bring back old feelings, but I'm back to normal now.
Well, for the most part.
But now, as I try to think about him, my stomach doesn't twist into a hundred knots.
I just have to remember all the reasons why I shouldn't go back to those feelings anymore, and I should be alright.
So, rest easy, Internet. No Rickybobby-itis for meeee. :]
haha.

...But I did catch my dad's cold.
Yep. So, right now, I'm pretty miserable.
Not only on the outside, but I also got terrible news today.
Yeah. On the first day of the freakin' new year.

You know...the thing about recessions is that everyone is effected, but some worse than others.
I'm very sorry to say that my family's home has been foreclosed.

We've lived in this house for two years. Only two Christmases, two summers, two birthdays...
I have to say, I'm extremely jealous of those people out there that have lived in a house their whole lives. I have a small complex with moving. I hate it so much. I've moved seven times in my lifetime.
I just hate the feeling of putting your entire being into a place, the place that you put all of your belongings and comfort in...and then just leaving it all behind. Those halls you walk everyday, the windows you look out of, the carpet that squishes underneath your feet...and then all of a sudden you leave it forever.

I just hate it. I hate losing things, I hate change.

And the thing I hate most is that, if a land lord was taking it from us because of the amount we paid him, we could find a way to pay him better and stay here. Or if my parents found a better house, I could convince them to stay.
But this is out of our control. The government is taking this house from our land lord (we rented) and putting it up for auction. Us, and four other houses on our street. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

It's sickening. I feel robbed.
This is our home, and somebody is taking it from us, giving us no choice but to move out of it within a month.

I've pretty much been crying for 4 hours straight. I couldn't eat dinner.
You know, this is one of those things that happens where, you don't think it could ever happen to you, but then you realize it could when it's too late.
I realize there are less fortunate people out there that this recession is hurting, and I realize much worse could have happened...but it's still so hard.

Sorry, I just had to vent. It helped a little.

Here's to hoping your 2009 starts out better than mine.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

So, Internet, I finished finals.
I'm so relived. On my way home Friday afternoon, I was so happy, I thought I'd start crying.
Haha.

And I'm super stoked for Christmas! I just double checked under our Christmas tree, and I have 16 gifts!
....I'm very excited. Hahaha. And just yesterday, me and my mom made cookies and decorated them. I love this time of year so much.

But, I have something else to talk about in this entry.

Ricky Bobby.
(for those of you that don't know who he is, go look at my very first entry from way back in May.)

So, supposedly now, he's not coming to visit over Christmas break anymore. Something about really expensive plane tickets or something. I don't blame his parents, they are pretty expensive.
And i guess I should have been more upset. You'd think I would.
But I'm not.

Truthfully, over half a year has gone by since that night. I'm better now. I don't cry every time I think about it, I don't get an empty ache in my chest when I hear his name. I don't want to be with him anymore.
But I still think about him sometimes. Well, actually, more about what could have been.
He could've stayed here, with everyone, with all his friends, with me. We could've fallen even more in love. We could've been together by now. He could've been here as I write this entry, wrapping his arms around me, telling me those words I wanted to hear from him at one time.

I talked to him about a month ago. Well, we've talked since then, but it was meaningless small talk. He told me that he still has the shirt I gave him, and that it still means alot to him.
I'm not even gonna lie, Internet. That tugged at my heartstrings.
I'm not saying that I'd rather have him insult me and tell me how much he hates me.
But he's still just as sweet as he was, and it still kills me.
It would be easier to get over him completely if he hated me. But he just makes this so hard sometimes.

So, maybe it's a good thing he's not visiting this Christmas. As much as I hate to admit it, I know that if I saw him now, the feelings wouldn't be completely gone.
And It's even harder because I don't have someone new to focus on. It's kind of weird to not have someone to like.
Not that I'm saying I need to like someone all the time. But it's hard to get used to not having someone, you know? When you really like someone, you focus your energy and every thought on them. It's like your world revolves around everything about them.
When it's suddenly gone, it's very disorientating.
Like for instance, I added a few new songs to my playlist. One of the new songs I added was 'Whatever It Takes' by Lifehouse. For the longest time, I couldn't listen to this song. It reminds me so much of him, its crazy.
Now I'm able to listen to it again. I just hope I can get used to this not-liking thing.

Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this entry, because it's getting ridiculously long. Hahaha.
I hope everyone out there has a great holiday!


Merry Christmas,
xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year, ricky bobby

Ahh. Semester Finals week.

I honestly have never been so stressed in my whole life, internet.
Good lord, so much work. I've never had this much homework in my whole school-life.
x[

It's seriously insane.
But, the last 3 days of the week shouldn't be as hard, I just have to study alot. Plus, when our last final of the day is over, we get to leave, and that's usually around 1:45.
So I guess that's a plus.

Anyway, so, you'll never believe this.
Rosie and I just found out that Fiddy has a girlfriend.

A girlfriend.

I don't know whether to be surprised, appalled, or sympathetic.
First, I'm surprised that Fiddy could actually have enough focus on one girl to be able to get a girlfriend.
But then, I'm apalled because he has a girlfriend and he has the audacity to flirt constantly with other girls behind his girlfriends' back, just because she goes to another school!
And that's why I'm sympathetic for his girlfriend. I'm feel sorry for her because she has no idea.

When we found out, even though she wouldn't admit it, I knew Rosie was disappointed about it. I would be too. :/

Maybe I should've protected her from the menace that is Fiddy.

But still, even after finding that out, she can't stop liking him. I can tell. She still flirts back when he flirts with her, even if she doesn't realize it.

Oh boy.
:/

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

Hmm, internet.


It seems that there's more trouble.
Except not for me, this time!


It involves my best friend. I don't know why I haven't given her a nickname yet, thats weird. I mean, I talk about her almost all the time.
Let's name her Rosie.
No particular reason, I just thought it sounded good. Haha.

Okay, so, it involves Rosie and....
Fiddy.


Dun Dun Duuuuun.

Mhmm. Fiddy is back, ladies and gents.
And this time, he's made my best friend his prey.
I knowww!
And she doesn't want to admit that he likes her. Its weird, internet, Rosie is one of those incredibly undeniably gorgeous people that deny that very fact. I don't know what she sees in the mirror when she looks in it, but someone must have messed with her mirror. She has no idea how beautiful she is.
The guys are all over her, and she never even notices.

I'm not even gonna lie internet, I'm jealous of her. I think I always have been. Ever since the day we met in pre-school.
It doesn't mean I secretly hate her. Its not like we're Blair and Serena from Gossip Girl.
I love her like the sister I never had.
Doesn't mean I can't envy her.

Anyway, he likes her so much. Its so obvious. Almost painfully obvious. He finds excuses to touch her, talk to her whenever he can, and he flirts with her like mad.
I feel bad for Hollister, he bounced back so fast. :/

And I know that he's one of the worst guys at our school, and she's seen the crap he's put me through, but what can I say? I can tell she's starting to like him back.
It's Fiddy. It's like he knows the magic spell for girls to fall in love with him, and it works on almost any girl he chases after. I would know, I've fallen victim to it twice.
Damn him and his bloody irrestistable charm.
D:<

I can only hope Rosie comes to her senses before it's too late.


As for me, lovelies, as I said before, I'm done with guys for now.
I'm waiting until I find one worth waiting for.


xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

Well, Internet, it's been a while.

I'm sick today, so I thought I would blog to my little heart's content. Besides, there has been alot thats happened! :0

Well, first of all, Fiddy.
Hoo boy, where do I start?

First, let me start with the other girl. Let's call her Hollister.

Okay, so, long story short, I ended up being further convinced that Fiddy liked me. We started talking more, we shared hot chocolate at one of the football games....
and okay, maybe I started to like him too.

...Okay! So I totally started liking him back! I admit it!
At least, I thought it was back. But later I was convinced that it was more me than him. Because, when little miss Hollister comes around and tells him that she likes him, he forgets I'm even alive!
All the staring stops, he stops talking to me, all of that! Like I was chopped liver or something!

I was upset about it for a little while, but I got over it in about 2 weeks, 3 weeks tops.
What? That's much better considering the time I spent getting over Ricky Bobby.
I was actually very proud of myself.

And, yeah, Fiddy and Hollister became inseprable over those 3 to 4 weeks. They talked on the phone all the time, they talked between classes (don't ask how I know, I have sources! haha), flirted during lunch. They even slow-danced during homecoming. It killed me to watch, even as I was getting over it.

Then, out of the blue last week, he texts her and tells her he just wants to be friends. Totally out of the blue. I didn't understand, they were so close. I hear that Hollister is still totally heartbroken over it, and her status updates on myspace show it.
Then, thinking back, I realized that in the last few weeks of their 'thing', maybe the last two, Fiddy started staring at me again. Like, alot. As much as he did before. And he started finding excuses to come near me, even if he didn't talk to me. Just like before!

My best friend helped me figure this out, she watches him during every 5th period (her, me, and Fiddy have this class together) and she says he looks at me every chance he gets. And I believe her too, because there will be times that I happend to glance up at him (not volunarily, like if there was a person near him talking, I would look over at that side of the room and accidentally look at him) and he would be staring me down. It kind freaks me out. Like, how long had he been looking?
It makes me nervous when guys look at me. D:
I get all shaky and clumsy...it's embarrassing! Dx

So....yeah. I can't help but feel bad for Hollister. He dumped her exactly like he dumped me. :/
And I've felt that before. Not good at all.

Buuuuut, I'm proud to say, I don't like anybody at the moment.
:]]

It's too much work. Plus, I thought it over a long time, and guys just aren't worth it at this age. Espacially the guys at my school. I swear, they're the worst. I wouldn't date any of them.
They're all hot jerks.
No, jerks isn't the word for them.
They're dicks.

And then the ones that aren't are either weird, stalkerish, or saints that wouldn't kiss anyone until after they're married.

Can't there just be any decent guys in this lame state?
Ones that aren't taken?
Or gay?
Please? D:

That reminds me, I just started the Twilight series two weeks ago. It is absolutely incredible. And, let me tell you, I don't read unless I find an incredible page-turner, and boy, was this a page-turner. I couldn't put the first one down. It was about 600+ pages, and I finished it in less than a week. I let my best friend borrow it, and she finished it in 2 and a half days.
It's not cliche at all, like I thought it would be. Stephenie Meyer is an amazing author, and if you love Romance/Action movies or books, you will love Twilight. Just read the first book, you definately won't be disappointed. :]]



xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

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