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So, Internet, I finished finals.
I'm so relived. On my way home Friday afternoon, I was so happy, I thought I'd start crying.
Haha.

And I'm super stoked for Christmas! I just double checked under our Christmas tree, and I have 16 gifts!
....I'm very excited. Hahaha. And just yesterday, me and my mom made cookies and decorated them. I love this time of year so much.

But, I have something else to talk about in this entry.

Ricky Bobby.
(for those of you that don't know who he is, go look at my very first entry from way back in May.)

So, supposedly now, he's not coming to visit over Christmas break anymore. Something about really expensive plane tickets or something. I don't blame his parents, they are pretty expensive.
And i guess I should have been more upset. You'd think I would.
But I'm not.

Truthfully, over half a year has gone by since that night. I'm better now. I don't cry every time I think about it, I don't get an empty ache in my chest when I hear his name. I don't want to be with him anymore.
But I still think about him sometimes. Well, actually, more about what could have been.
He could've stayed here, with everyone, with all his friends, with me. We could've fallen even more in love. We could've been together by now. He could've been here as I write this entry, wrapping his arms around me, telling me those words I wanted to hear from him at one time.

I talked to him about a month ago. Well, we've talked since then, but it was meaningless small talk. He told me that he still has the shirt I gave him, and that it still means alot to him.
I'm not even gonna lie, Internet. That tugged at my heartstrings.
I'm not saying that I'd rather have him insult me and tell me how much he hates me.
But he's still just as sweet as he was, and it still kills me.
It would be easier to get over him completely if he hated me. But he just makes this so hard sometimes.

So, maybe it's a good thing he's not visiting this Christmas. As much as I hate to admit it, I know that if I saw him now, the feelings wouldn't be completely gone.
And It's even harder because I don't have someone new to focus on. It's kind of weird to not have someone to like.
Not that I'm saying I need to like someone all the time. But it's hard to get used to not having someone, you know? When you really like someone, you focus your energy and every thought on them. It's like your world revolves around everything about them.
When it's suddenly gone, it's very disorientating.
Like for instance, I added a few new songs to my playlist. One of the new songs I added was 'Whatever It Takes' by Lifehouse. For the longest time, I couldn't listen to this song. It reminds me so much of him, its crazy.
Now I'm able to listen to it again. I just hope I can get used to this not-liking thing.

Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this entry, because it's getting ridiculously long. Hahaha.
I hope everyone out there has a great holiday!


Merry Christmas,
xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year, ricky bobby

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