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Jazz/Happenings/Sleeping Problems, etc.}

Wednesday, August 10, 2011 | 6:48 PM | 0 comment

GREETINGS.

Here's some updates for you.

The whole thing with Jazz was...okay. I mean, it wasn't awful or terrible, but it wasn't particularly great either.

Like I said last entry, at the beginning, it was so weird between us. Before when we'd hang out, everything was comfortable and we always had a blast. This time, though, we were strangely quiet and mostly just watched TV at the beginning. And when we did talk, there was certain look on her face that made me feel like she was silently uninterested.

Jazz has been hanging out with other people since the beginning of Junior year, and it shows. You know how sometimes the people you hang out with the most tend rub off on you? Well, the girl that Kaylee has been hanging out with (another Sarah, incidentally) is apparently her 'best friend' now. It was peculiar to me, considering how Jazz tended to go on and on about she hated this Sarah and thought she was insane, but in a year's time, they became best friends. But you never know who you can become friends with, I suppose.

So, after we finally started to warm up to each other again, little things she did started to get on my nerves a bit. Like for one, we'd be sitting down and watching something, and then she'd suddenly get up and leave. Ten minutes later, I'd go downstairs and find her striking up a conversation with my parents.

My parents.

I understand that she likes my parents and all, and this would've been perfectly fine had she done it once. Well, she didn't. She did it FOUR TIMES. The first time was fine, but the rest gave me the impression that she thought I was boring. That my parents were better company than me.

And throughout the night, people kept calling her, and not only did she answer all of these calls, but she would proceed to talk to these people for maybe 15-20 minutes at a time.
I would get it if they were extremely important calls, but they were 3 of the same people, calling her over and over again, asking to hang out. They knew she was at my house, but they kept offering to come and pick her up to go hang out. To hell with me, I guess. This really grinded my gears.

Then, there was the whole outdoor movie thing. We were supposed to go to this parking lot/lawn chair/outdoor movie thing with Best Friend Rose, mostly because I'm crap at planning and I accidentally planned to go to the movie thing and having Jazz come over at the same time. So, after I told Rosie about how I screwed up, she suggested that I bring Jazz to the movie thing and Jazz could just sleep over at my house afterwards. SHE suggested it! Not me!

But when I told Jazz about it, she agreed, but didn't seem enthusiastic about it.

So when the time comes for us to start getting ready so we can leave, Jazz looks outside and comments that it looks like it's going to rain. I look outside. Just some dark clouds, but we hadn't heard any thunder or anything.

"Yeah," I say, and shrug. "But we should be okay." Because even if it rained at my house, it wouldn't have rained at the park where the movie is.

Then, for the next ten minutes, Jazz keeps going on and on about the weather and the weather. So finally, I look up the weather. There was a rainstorm warning, but not for the part of down where the park is. So we would be okay.

I tell Jazz. The storm, she moans, the storm. My mom pipes in with her complaining. Great.

I text Rosie and ask if the movie coordination people are cancelling. She says they never cancel, says that one week it was pouring cats and dogs and the movie still went on. I tell Jazz that they aren't cancelling.

"Can't we just go another time?" She asks. "I just really don't want to go anymore. I don't want to be there if it's raining."

I'm somewhat disappointed, but what can I do? Drag her there? If she didn't want to go, she didn't want to go. I wasn't going to force her.

So I tell her we can just watch movies at home, and then I text Rosie to tell her we can't make it. Her reaction is a bit unexpected.

Me: Well now Jazz says she doesn't wanna go.
Rosie: Well too bad.
Me: Just because of the weather. But, what can you do.
Rosie: It's (enter state here). It'll pass in like 10 minutes.
Me: I know, right? It's just rain. And it's not even raining right now.
Rosie: So you're not coming.

And around this time, Rosie directly texts Jazz to ask her why we're not coming. This is obviously not going well.

Me: No, because Jazz doesn't want to. Kind of annoyed, but oh well.
Rosie: Well idk why you let her.

Whoa whoa whoa, HOLD UP NOW, wait a second! How is this my fault now?!

Me: Well it's not like I can force her to go if she doesn't wanna be in the rain. Plus, my parents listen to her too, and they're our ride. So. Pretty much no choice here. (How was this reasoning so irrational?!)

At this time, Jazz told her why we weren't coming, and Rosie told her it wasn't even raining. Then, Jazz proceeded to respond with, 'Chill dude.'
Oh. Oh. Oh snap. If I know anything about Rosie, (and trust me, I know EVERYTHING about her) I know that you NEVER tell her to calm down or she'll rip out your jugular with her bare hands. Even if you think you should tell her to calm down, you just don't do it. You're as good as dead if you tell her that. When Jazz told me she sent that, I mentally did a big giant facepalm.

Almost immediately, I got this text: "Hahahaha she just told me, 'chill dude'. Wow." I could almost feel the rage tangibly coming through my phone's screen.

I just sent, "Ugh, I'm sorry. This backfired. :(" and told Jazz to leave it alone. I wanted to wash my hands of it before it escalated any more.

If I learned one thing from that whole experience it was that Best Friend Rose and Jazz just do not mix. I mean, it was somewhat like that before, but holy shit. I feel like if I ever locked them in a room together they would tear each other apart like fighting chickens.

But the big problem is Jazz's attitude towards Rosie. Bad weather? Please. Internet, it didn't rain. Not once. Not even a little bit. And every time I would ask her if that was really why she didn't really want to go, she would get quiet.

I get not liking someone. I totally get it. But to go out of your way to completely avoid them, even in events where you should maybe just grin and bear it? A bit childish, if you ask me.

I recall talking to Jazz once about Rosie, and I asked her why she didn't like her. "She just seems conceited," she said. "And she acts like she hates me."

My jaw dropped open. "She's definitely not conceited," I told her. "And she totally loves you!"

Rosie is the complete and utter opposite of conceited. She's one of those annoyingly oblivious beautiful people that you'll say "You are SO gorgeous" to every single day and they still don't see it.
And Rosie has NO PROBLEM with Jazz at all (until now, that is). This whole Rosie vs. Jazz thing? All in Jazz's head. Completely and totally. She's basically creating it where it never even existed in the first place, and it's so unnecessary. And Rosie's even told me that she liked Jazz, on countless occasions. And I've told this to Jazz on countless occasions. But part of me thinks that it's more than just that.

Jazz has always been friends with more guys than girls, and I just have this feeling that she might have a complex with girly girls.

And I get that, I do. When I was going through my middle school tomboy phase, and I only wore graphic t-shirts, baggy bermuda shorts, huge hoodies, and skater shoes (even though I didn't skateboard, although I did wear a lot of surf and skate brands. Poseur to the extreme.) I hated all the pretty girls in my school. I hated how they looked pretty in anything, and I hated how much attention they got from guys. But looking back, I only hated them because I was jealous.

My self esteem was at its lowest at that time, and I felt like the ugly duckling whenever I was near them, so I avoided them whenever I could. In the sixth grade, I would come home every day and cry my eyes out. I hated school because everyday I had to see the pretty popular girls and see how ugly I was compared to them. So during this time, I basically became one of the boys. I hung out with the guys, started acting like them and talking like them, and guys liked talking to me because I was cool. I was chill. And being like this was comfortable for me. But at the end of the day the pretty girls were still the ones that got their attention.

To this day, I still have some trouble identifying with my more feminine side every once in a while. Acting girly and pretty scared the crap out of me, mostly just because I didn't know how. There was a time when I wouldn't touch anything with flowers or lace on it with a ten foot pole, but I wear them all the time now. I'm more comfortable with expressing my femininity, and I'm happy I can. I'd even say that now I feel pretty.

But sometimes I'll still see other gorgeous girls and I feel immediately inferior. Even though I'm much more confident in myself now, I'll probably always feel that jealous inferiority when I see confident, pretty girls because of that time in my life.

And as for Jazz, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. When she was over, I remember telling her how I wore dresses more often in the summer (and I do, I have 8 sundresses just for super hot weather!) and she acted strangely, if not a bit weird-ed out. Then she said, "Ew, Sarah! Don't become one of those."

I didn't answer, I was too offended to for a few seconds. What's so wrong with wearing dresses if I want to? I don't see any problem with it.

Maybe Jazz thinks I'm becoming the type of girl she hates. And I really hope that I'm wrong, I really hope that I can give Jazz the benefit of the doubt and that she wouldn't judge me just for changing up my wardrobe. But at the moment, I don't know if I can. And it makes me sad.

So. Besides that long, long night, I've been doing other stuff with Best Friend Rose.

Together over the past few weeks we've gone to The Renaissance Fair again (this time we dressed in costumes! 80% more fun, trust me.) got more feather extensions, went to an actual drive-in movie with fresh pizzeria pizza and saw a double feature; Crazy Stupid Love (SUCH a cute movie. Loved it.) and Deathly Hallows pt. 2 (AGAIN--and I bawled my eyes out, AGAIN.), actually went to the park outdoor movie thing (Toy Story 3, and I cried again during THIS ONE TOO.), and I've been sleeping over at her house almost as often as I've slept at my own.

AND, on Friday, we leave to a resort in the northern part of our state for the whole weekend for her birthday. Mind you, this is the first trip I've taken since I went to a fancy hotel with my parents in the next city over for a night in the 8th grade. Therefore, this is a BIG DEAL.

I'm super excited for it, and it'll be a great way to see off my summer. (I start late next week. Despair.)

I'll let you know how it goes!

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: fun stuff woohoo, jazz, life, near catastrophes, summer

present me past me

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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."

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