♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

♡

Welcome \
♡


"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






Shout |
Questions? Concerns? Random observations?
Leave me a message here, or email me here. ♥



Credit ]
Full credit to the creator of this skin.

©Template make by Adila. Base code Zaty. Some code from Jaera.



refresh profile affies follow?♡

Big steps.}
Sunday, August 18, 2013 | 7:38 PM | 0Comment

Hey, Internet. So. This trip. Ready to hear more details?

First of all, it's this week. It's snuck up on me so quickly, I remember when it was still a month and a half away, and now it's this week. I can't believe it.

We're driving there, so we leave here on Wednesday morning, I believe. Then, we drive for two days until we reach Cali. We'll make it there (hopefully, if traffic allows) by noon Friday. Then we have the whole rest of that day to chill at our hotel and sleep and shower and stuff.

Then the next day, Saturday, starts the reason we go there: the convention. I won't name the convention by name 1: for anonymity's sake, 2: I don't want to advertise for them and 3: it's the only convention of its kind and really if you're curious you could easy Google it. But yes, it's a kpop and Korean culture 2-day convention, and this is where I'm meeting (some of) my long distance friends at.

And at the end of the second day of this convention is a kpop concert, my very very first kpop concert, and likely to be my very last because 1: it's very difficult to travel for these events, as they only happen in LA and NYC mostly, 2: it's very unlikely there will ever be one in my state as I'm right smack dab in the middle of the Midwest and the West Coast and my state doesn't even have a Koreatown or Chinatown or anything to the effect of that, and these things tend to only happen in areas with a high Asian population. Which is understandable. And 3: considering the expense this is costing us, and considering the last time I ever went on vacation was when I was 7 years old, unless things get a little better financially for us, there's just no way this will ever happen again.

Sorry, here come more lists. The biggest reasons I wanted to go in the first place:

  1. My friends. Obviously. I'm totally excited and scared shitless to meet them. Part of me is scared that it will be a disaster, just like my date/hangout/whateverthehellthatcrapwas with Drew turned out to be. Part of me is scared that they'll think I was way cooler online than I am in real life. Part of me is scared that it'll just feel like I'm hanging out with strangers all day. In a way, it will be like I will be. But I'm not. Because I've talked to some of these girls for years, and we have a lot in common. So for all the things that I may not know about them, I will know the things we have in common and that we've known each other for a while. And that we're already friends. Shouldn't that be enough? I'm hoping it is. And I hope they like who they meet in person. ALSO, I warned them that I'll probably cry when I see them. Because that's totally likely, tbh. 
  2. My favorite group. Also won't name them by name, just because I know you guys reading this most likely don't even listen to kpop anyway LMAO. So I won't bother! However: this group made their debut in April of 2012, and I have been following them closely and supporting them every step of the way. This in particular is very special to me, because I have never felt so emotionally attached and close to a band before. Especially with a kpop group. I admit, Tokio Hotel came really close, and I have felt attached to other kpop groups before. But to follow a group and to be a fan of a group from the very first day? That's never happened for me before. And I've been a fan before. But never a fan like this. You when people talk about bands they love, saying this band changed their life? Yeah. This is this band for me. And because this band is a kpop group, I never ever ever thought I would ever get the chance to see them in person, to see them in the flesh. And then, bam. They were the first artist announced for the lineup of this concert/convention. And at this point in time, the timing couldn't have been more perfect. My dad recently started bringing home more money because he got a promotion, and my parents were already planning a trip to Georgia this summer when I brought up the convention. And my dad, who loves California, and who was unable to travel out of state in the past, just recently became able to travel just last month. See what I mean? Perfect timing.
  3. My favorite...band member. From my favorite group. (WARNING: The weirdness levels here are off the chart. Believe me, this is something I rarely ever talk about, along with my long distance friends, because I realize how out there it is. However, since I've always been honest on here, I'm commited to that honesty. So if fan behavior freaks you out, be warned.) Basically...my Gerard Way. My John Lennon or Paul McCartney. My Michael Jackson. My Curt Kobain. Whomever you want to compare him to. The person who inspires me to be a better person every single day. The person I admire, worry about, and fall for all over again on a daily basis. The person that quite literally makes me believe that I am capable of loving someone, in whatever form that love may be. I don't know his whole personality of course, because obviously I don't know him personally, and I know he's not perfect, but that doesn't matter to me. What I feel about him is complicated, because I don't entirely know what it is myself. I could call him my celebrity crush, but that feels so lacking and shallow, to be quite honest. It's more than just that. When I'm sad, or I feel empty and lonely, I think about him, and watch interviews with him and watch videos of him performing, and it instantly makes me happy again and I forget why I was sad in the first place. When I feel unmotivated and lazy, I think about how hard he works every single day and how he never just gives up even when he's sick or injured and always gives his best, and it makes me want to give my best too. I've never met him, and I probably never will, and I will never ever know him the way all of his loved ones do, but that's okay. I've accepted that. But it still won't change the way he makes me feel. Just the fact that someone like him exists in this entire world is enough for me. Just seeing him smile is enough. And...I'm going to see him. In real life. This person, who means almost the whole world to me, who I had accepted long ago that I would never get to see in the flesh because he's famous and lives in Korea. But he's coming here. And I'm going to see him. I won't meet him, because the tier of the ticket I bought doesn't come with meet and greet passes for the artists (90 dollar ticket, btw. Most stressful experience ever buying that thing on Ticketmaster.), but that's okay too. Because I'll see him with my own eyes, and that alone means the entire world to me. This whole trip could suck, and it wouldn't matter, because I will have seen him. Something I never thought I would get to do.
WHEW. That feels good to finally get that off of my chest. You don't know how long I've wanted to talk about #3 up there. A year, basically. I've felt like this for a year. And again, I apologize for the weirdness. I know it's weird, I fully and freely admit it is. And it's foolish. But it is what it is. 


Plus, here's the thing: I'm 20 years old. I know I'm not old--hell no I'm not, and nowhere near it--but I'm not a teenager anymore. Which means my time for behavior/hobbies/interests like this is very limited now. It's still acceptable now; I'm college age, I'm not in the working world yet and not out on my own yet. I'm still really young--but only for so long.

So I figure that if I want to pick any time to do this, it's now. I can't do shit like this anymore when I turn 27 lmfao, so I should just go all out and get it all out of my system now so I won't have the urge to when I'm old and it's inappropriate.

ALSO, AN UPSIDE: my friends are all in their twenties too, so I won't feel like this:

I'm actually the youngest out of all of them, so that's a comforting thought. Lmfao.

SO. Yes. I'm super super excited for this convention/concert. For all I know, I might not get the chance to go to something like this ever ever again, so this is a privilege that I will never ever forget.

Monday is basically our chilling day. We're just going to hang out all day. Our plans are to go shopping and then go to the beach, but we'll see how that holds up. I haven't been to the beach an even longer time, since I was 3, so that would be a surreal experience for me as well.

Then, on Tuesday morning, we leave, and we'll make it home Thursday around noon.

Here's the biggest thing of all, though: This is a very big deal to me. If I haven't made it clear, I have not been on a vacation with my family in a long time. The last time I went on one, again, I was 7 years old, and it was just with my mom--my dad couldn't come because he was working at home. And the past 2 years, I've barely left my house. I've gone on plenty of errands, yeah. I've gone to the movies, yeah. But compared to people who have school and jobs and leave every morning and come home every night? Yeah. I've barely left. So...this is a big step for me.

I've become somewhat (not professionally diagnosed, btw) agoraphobic, not purposely, I've just...gotten used to being in my house. All the time. And unfortunately, having no car and no license, and considering the area I live in, there's been no way to really change this habit of mine. I tried getting a job, but we all saw how that turned out. And I applied for community college again for this fall, got accepted, decided a major, and I've even gotten all the way to looking at classes to sign up for, but unfortunately, because of money and the timing of this trip, it doesn't look like it will be possible this time either.

So this trip....it means a lot to me. It's a big step for me. Leaving my house, and driving completely out of state, and meeting these girls that I've never even met in person before....it's a really really big step. Life changing, even. To me this is more than just a vacation. It's a turning point, one that I've needed for a while. It's a push in the right direction, a push to happiness.

So I'm terrified. I'm excited, but absolutely terrified.

Keep me in your thoughts, Internet. If you believe in prayer, please pray for me. This is something really scary for me and I'll need all the strength and courage I can get.

Meanwhile, I've been preparing best I can. I've been exercising even more, taking even better of my skin, eating even better and healthier than usual. I redyed my hair (did I mention I dyed my hair fire engine red at the beginning of June? No? Well, there ya go.) and got it done, and I'm getting my eyebrows waxed either tomorrow or Tuesday. SO, even if I won't be totally and completely emotionally prepared for the trip, at least I'll look good, lol.

If I don't get a chance to update before I leave for the trip, then expect a full on, novella length, Hopeless Romantic-rant style entry after I get back. I intend on writing about everything. EVERYTHING. Get ready.

Wish me luck, Internet. I'll need it.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: , , , , , ,