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Hey, Internet. It's been a while.

Alot has happened. I'll save the positive stuff for a seperate entry.
But first: I'll have to change the name of my Blog, because on March 29th, I had my 16th birthday.

:]

That's right. 15 Year Old Hopeless Romanic is no longer, and say hello to 16 Year Old Hopeless Romantic.
It's weird, who know how every birthday, people ask you, "Do you feel older?" And naturally, you say no? Well, this birthday, I actually felt older. Maybe its because of the significance of the Sixteenth Birthday, but I felt something. It was strange.

Alot has happened in a year, and today, I had a bit of a flashback.

This day last year, we had a really heavy rainstorm. I remember this particular rainstorm because I remember that day after school. That school day, I had spent more time with Ricky Bobby, even after all the crap he put me through. And I remember getting home that day, going up to my room, staring out at the pouring rain outside my window. And I cried, because that day, I also realized that no matter what, I couldn't make my feelings fade away. I realized that I loved him.
And I realized that I hardly had a month left to see him everyday.

Well, today I thought about that. Espacially after I heard from Johnny(remember, my best guy friend, and also the best friend of Ricky Bobby) that Ricky Bobby wasn't moving back next year like he said he would. Today, we also had the first rainstorm of the year.

Ironic, right?

Well, on the drive home after school, I kept having painful flashbacks as I stared out into the rain, and at that moment, I felt the hopelessness that I felt that day last year. I watched the rain slide down the windshield, and my eyes actually welled up. That was when I realized.

It's been a year.

He's not coming back, ever.

It's not gonna happen.

I need to move on.

I've been better, but there's still a hole in me from when he left. I need to heal the wound myself. Nobody can do it for me. I have to put a bandaid and Neosporin on it and keep moving.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year, ricky bobby

Okay. So, Best Friend Rose told me that the same day the weird thing that happened to me with Fiddy, the weird thing happened to her too!

In English, (she still has English with him) she had to use a calculator to find the percentage grade of the person's paper she was grading. Fiddy was nearby, and he had a calculator, so she asked him if she could barrow it. He gave it to her, and after she was done, he came over to her desk. When she said, "Here you go!" and held the calculator out to him, the weirdest thing happened.
She said he just stood there, staring into her eyes. Like, his eyes were boring into hers! Rose isn't intimidated by that like I am (when he did that to me, I couldn't look at him for more than 3 seconds. xD) so she stared back, comepletely thrown off. She said she didn't know what to do, and it felt like forever until he finally took the calculator and walked away.

She described it as weird, too. By now, we both know his tricks. We spent the rest of the conversation trying to think of what he was up to.

By the way, he still has that 'girlfriend'. You know, the poor girl that goes to another school and has no idea about his playboy ways? He finally posted a picture of him and her together on myspace. It looked like they were dressed up for Sadie's, (Which, by the way, I didn't go to that. I just didn't feel like it. haha.) and Fiddy had a forced-looking smile on his face. I'm just wondering how long he's going to lead her on like this. She looks like such a nice girl.

Meanwhile, every morning in second period, Phil continues to stare at me. By Wednesday, I start to realize that maybe it's not a coincidence. After all, on Wednesday, I spent so much time curling my hair (it takes forever, my hair's so long!) that I couldn't pick out an outfit, so I just wore a hoodie, skinny jeans, and my new moccasin flats (which I love by the way.). It was a sute outfit, I guess, but not super-i-spent-forever-picking-this-out-cute, you know? And he still stared. At first, maybe I thought there was something wrong, like I had something on my face or something like that.

But his expression wasn't disgusted.

And honestly, Phil isn't bad at all. I don't understand why he hangs out with Derek all the time, because I personally think he could do better (sorry, I just really don't like Derek. hahaha.). And, really, he is so cute. Really, he is. He has really nice, long brown hair that falls into his blue eyes, and he has a cute nose! Haha. He has freckles, and for some reason, I love freckles. Yeah, he's really cute.

I realized something too...he reminds me alot of Ricky Bobby. His personality, his style, and his looks, except for the fact that Ricky Bobby has green eyes instead of blue.

It's almost weird how much he reminds me of Ricky Bobby.

But I won't assume anything yet. I don't wanna just assume anything, because I've been so careful with guys. I don't want to risk my heart again.

But even into Thursday, he stared at me.

Then came Friday, the craziest day of all.
My day started off with Phil staring at me, and I even caught his eyes with mine a few times. And when he stared at me, I mean, every chance he got, he stared. Even when I wasn't doing anything, like staring into space. Even when I was talking to Jessica Simpson (see past entires for refrence), he just stared. I was beginning to feel flattered. Though I didn't want to assume things, I couldn't help being flattered.

Then, when walking to my fifth hour class with Best Friend Rose, we happened to walk past Fiddy. I watched from my perefial vision, and I saw his gaze switch from Rose to me, then to Rose, then to me again. Rose hadn't noticed, but I ended up telling her later.

Then during lunch, the table Rose and I usually sat at was full, so we sat at the one next to it. I hadn't brought enough money to get a slice of pizza, so as I stood, I asked Rose who she though I could borrow money from. She suggested AJ, and I looked around the entire Cafeteria to find him.
"Are you sure he's here today?" I asked her, and when I glanced over to where Fiddy's table was near, and I accidentally glanced at Fiddy. He was watching me, and I looked away quickly and pulled at my clothes. Even though I don't like him, I don't think any girl couldn't feel self-concious and nervous under his gaze.
"Maybe he's not," Rose replied. I nodded, and I glanced around the Cafeteria one last time. I didn't see him, so I almost looked back at Rose. Before I did, though, I noticed Fiddy and Amazon (also see past entires for refrence) getting up from their table. I shook it off, assuming they were getting food or something. Out of my perefial vision, I saw that they were watching us as they walked.

'No,' I thought. 'They can't be...'

Sure enough, a few seconds later, they were greeting us.

"Heyyyy!" Fiddy says. "What's goin' on?"

Amazon grabs a chair. "Mind if we sit with you guys?"

My eyebrows were raised, and since I couldn't respond, Rose replied, "Sure, go ahead!"

We exchange a quick, 'WTF' glance, too quick for them to notice, because they seemed to be having a silent exchange themselves. So, Fiddy tries to sit next to Rose, but then Amazon sits next to her. (Oh! By the way, Rose and Amazon are pretending to date. Its weird. Like, the kind of pretending, as in, everyone knows its pretending. Like, 'just joking around' pretending...yeah. It's really weird.) So Fiddy goes, "Well, fine! I'd rather sit next to Sarah anyways!"

I chuckle, but inside, I'm totally freaking out. I'm like, 'What's going on?!'

So then I see Jessica Simpson walk by the enterence, and I say, "Haha, well, I'll be right back."

Behind me, I hear Fiddy say, "Well, gosh!" All jokingly. Rose and Amazon laugh. I don't bother to turn around and laugh with them over my shoulder, I'm too freaked out.

I say hi to Jessica Simpson and give her a hug (we're really good friends now! She's a doll.) and ask her if I could borrow a dollar. She gives me one, I thank her, and I buy a slice of pizza. The whole time I'm away from the table, I'm 1. Glad none of them at the table can see me, because I'm having a mild nervous breakdown, and 2. Wondering how the hell I'm going to eat in front of them. (I have this issue with eating in front of guys. I'm not sure why, I just get super self-concious!)

So I start to return to the table, and Fiddy is sitting in my seat next to Rose. I sigh and shake my head. By now, I'm pretty sure I know what he's up to.

I finally reach the table, and I say, "Oh, I see how it is, Fiddy." And with a smile, I reach to move my stuff over to the next empty seat.

He pretends to be innocent. "Oh, sorry! Do you want me to move?"

"No, it's alright." I almost said yes, but I wanted to see how he would use this to his advantage. So, I sat down, and I noticed that Amazon was putting cream cheese on Rose's bagel for her. I chuckled under my breath and resisted the urge to roll my eyes. This was beginning to be too much. They were so obvious, it was almost disgusting.

Fiddy and I watched Rose and Amazon banter back and forth flirtatiously (I really think they like eachother secretly or something) and Amazon tried to figure out the unlock code for Rose's phone. I could feel the awkward air between Fiddy and I, and I also knew he wanted me to start a conversation between us. I wouldn't ever grant him that pleasure. :]

During all this, I awkwardly picked at my pizza crust and ate small pieces at a time. I couldn't risk getting pepperoni getting stuck in my teeth now. xD

After Fiddy tried unlocking Rose's phone, I smirked and said aloud, "I know it."

All three looked at me, and Rose said, "Don't tell them!!"

"I won't!" I said, and took her phone. I entered the password and her wallpaper greeted me. I waved it in front of them and said, "Ha-ha!" Then quickly took it back and locked it again.

They tried to badger me to tell them what it was, and Fiddy tried to seduce me with his eyes. Haha! It didn't work on me once. I was extememly proud of myself.

Finally lunch was over, they left, and I could finally shove my pizza down my throat. xD

After they left, Rose and I looked at eachother, and she said, "Uhh...what just happened?"
Neither of us had any idea.

And then concludes the weirdest week of my life.
Sorry it was so long. ><;;
It's like a freakin' novel. Haha.

I'll update you on more stuff later!

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year, phil

So, Internet...

Ahhhhhh! D:

This week was insane. Seriously. So much happened, I didn't even know what to think!

Except for the fact that the entire week, I kept thinking, 'I have to blog about this!!'
I might have to make this into two parts, because it's going to be long!
So, let's start with Monday.

It started out like any other boring Monday. The first half was completely normal. Except for the fact that mine and Rose's other friend, Autumn, started blowing us off. So that was like, 'okay, fine, whatever.' But then, The second half starting getting weird. So, I only have 6 classes during the day, because I didn't have a first hour to begin with, and then when I wanted a study hall eighth hour, the office just gave me no eighth hour instead.
Yeah, it's awesome. Haha. But anyway, so I go to the school library to do homework during 'eighth hour', because I hate doing homework at home for some reason.

So, It's eighth hour, and I realize I forgot to get one of my books for my homework, so I leave my stuff in the library and go to my locker to get it. I get my book, and then heading back to the library, guess who turns a corner in the hallway?

Fiddy.

Yup. And it was extremely awkward, because, 1. There was nobody else in the hallway except for us two. And 2. I hadn't talked to him at all from December to that day. So, despite the awkwardness, I just gave him a small smile. Instead of smiling back or waving or saying hi like a normal person, he just stared at me. I mean, like, his eyes were practically boring into me!

It was so weird. So, I just kinda kept walking, casually running my fingers through my hair (something I do to distract myself). Ahh, it was the weirdest thing!

And then, when I got back to the library, after a while of working, an annoying boy named Derek came in. Now first, before you judge, Derek annoys everyone. He shouts sexual profanities in the hallways, he never brings his stuff to class, and he's always late to his classes. I'm really amazed that the school hasn't kicked him out yet.

And Derek has a liking to bugging the hell out of me, since he knows I espacially don't like him. So, he comes into the library with his friend, Phil, and he shouts "Sarah!! Sarah!!"

I slowly look at him, glaring. "What?" I reply impatiently.

"Um, Uhh, Uh.." He punches Phil in the arm. "PHIL WANTS YOU!"

My eyebrows raise. "Excuse me?"

Phil puts his hands up defensively. "No!! No!! Don't believe him!! Don't believe anything he says!! No!!"

All the while, Derek is laughing his head off. I shake my head.

"Uh...okay."

They start to walk off, and I get back to work. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Phil pushing Derek in a way you push someone when you're annoyed with them. I listen closely, and I hear Phil say, "If you ever do that again, I will kill you. That is a threat."
And then I hear Derek reply, "But it's true! OW!"
Phil hits him again and says. "I don't care! Never do that again!"

For reasons I can't fathom, the librarian isn't telling them to shut up. But she's a pretty cool librarian. She's in her late 20's and actually knows how to dress. She's really nice, too.

Anyway, I after this, I couldn't focus on my homework at all. After both of these events, I was seriously a little freaked out, and I wondered if there was something in the water at school.

After the last bell rang, I practically ran to the car. I couldn't wait to get away from that crazy place!! xD;

Then, the next morning, I go to my second period class. Phil is in my second period class. I didn't really even notice that fact at all until yesterday. During the whole class, he wouldn't stop staring at me. I mean, really staring at me. Like, even when I accidently glanced at him, he didn't look away. Each time, I just told myself it was a coincidence.

Later that day, I was talking to Best Friend Rose about what happened the day before with Fiddy. After I finish telling her, she tells me that he had been doing the same with her! As in, staring her down, acting weird.

Yes, folks, Fiddy is at it again.
And that's not even part of it! Read part 2!

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year, phil

Hello there internet.

I was going to update on Valentine's Day, but I got caught up watching chick flicks the whole day. Yup, watching chick flicks in sweats and eating junk food is my ideal V-day right now.
And let me tell you, it was fantastic!
Haha. Proooud of it.

So what if I didn't get flowers from anyone other than my dad? I'm fine with that for now.
:]]

So, here's the best friend Rose update. Thankfully, she got over that whole 'love-at-first-sight-in-a-teeny-tea-shop' thing. She finally stopped going back last week.
I hate to say it, but, I told her so. She never even got his number, and he never even got hers! And what were the odds of them seeing eachother again?

Exactly.

So I'm glad she finally realized that.
But, she met someone else already. Ironically enough, it was Valentine's weekend too. Just like in the movies.
He's this guy from another school, and they've been talking alot I guess. He likes her too.
I asked her if they're going to go out, and she didn't answer me.

I hate to go about this pessimistically, but I've known Rose forever, and I've been there ever since her first boyfriend. The longest she's ever dated a guy was three weeks. :/
Yep, three. And I really don't expect this to last very long, because they never do. But, we'll just see!

Anyway, happy belated Valentine's day to everyone!

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

Hello, Internet!

Yes, I am back. Moving has interesting side-effects, and one of ours happened to be that our internet didn't work for nearly a month.

Haha, yeah. It sucked.

But during this process I found that this house isn't that bad after all. I've actually come to like it alot. :]]

As for love updates...well, I'll sum it up for you.
Best friend Rose dated a 19 year old for a grand total of 5 days, and then a few weeks later she saw a guy at a coffee shop in a small town she went to and claimed to have fallen in love with him in the short time she saw him...so Rose went back to the coffee shop the next day, and he wasn't there. She's still wallowing.

I mean, honestly, I sympatize with her, but...I'm almost absolutely sure that falling in love doesn't happen that quickly. Maybe I'm not the one to talk, since I've never fallen in love at first sight, or known anyone that has with a maturity level above mine, but really. She can tend to overexaggerate things, and this might be one of them.
Well, she saw him on a Monday, so she's going back next Monday.

I'll tell you how that one goes, Internet.

As for me, nothing yet. I'm just waiting for a new guy to come, because I think we all know by now that I'm not taking a chance with any of the tools at my school.

So I'll just wait,

And wait.

.....Still waiting.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

Hey Internet.

So, I decided, I'll be okay.
I'm still kind of devastated about moving, but I realize it's something I can't control.
We went to see the house we're gonna rent, and it wasn't bad. I didn't hate it. It was actually kind of nice.
But it just didn't feel like home.
And then I thought about it, and really...this house may seem like home now because of all the time spend in it, but without all our stuff in it, it will just be an empty house.
I was talking with my other best friend in Science today, let's call her Jazz. She said the house she lives in now didn't feel like home when she first moved in. In fact, she said she hated it. But now, she said she couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

I guess after I get settled in, it will feel better.

I'll still miss this house like crazy, though. I think there'll always be a part of me that will.

Anyway, I decided I needed to cherish the last moments I have with this house. I have four days left, and only two nights left. The thought of it makes me want to cry, but I don't want to be sad anymore. That's not how I want to remember the last days in this house. I want to get through it like normal and remember that I came out alright.

I also wanted to put lyrics in this entry, this song has helped me through the past few days. :]

Labels: freshman year

Hey Internet.


I ended up being alright for Christmas. The Christmas season did bring back old feelings, but I'm back to normal now.
Well, for the most part.
But now, as I try to think about him, my stomach doesn't twist into a hundred knots.
I just have to remember all the reasons why I shouldn't go back to those feelings anymore, and I should be alright.
So, rest easy, Internet. No Rickybobby-itis for meeee. :]
haha.

...But I did catch my dad's cold.
Yep. So, right now, I'm pretty miserable.
Not only on the outside, but I also got terrible news today.
Yeah. On the first day of the freakin' new year.

You know...the thing about recessions is that everyone is effected, but some worse than others.
I'm very sorry to say that my family's home has been foreclosed.

We've lived in this house for two years. Only two Christmases, two summers, two birthdays...
I have to say, I'm extremely jealous of those people out there that have lived in a house their whole lives. I have a small complex with moving. I hate it so much. I've moved seven times in my lifetime.
I just hate the feeling of putting your entire being into a place, the place that you put all of your belongings and comfort in...and then just leaving it all behind. Those halls you walk everyday, the windows you look out of, the carpet that squishes underneath your feet...and then all of a sudden you leave it forever.

I just hate it. I hate losing things, I hate change.

And the thing I hate most is that, if a land lord was taking it from us because of the amount we paid him, we could find a way to pay him better and stay here. Or if my parents found a better house, I could convince them to stay.
But this is out of our control. The government is taking this house from our land lord (we rented) and putting it up for auction. Us, and four other houses on our street. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

It's sickening. I feel robbed.
This is our home, and somebody is taking it from us, giving us no choice but to move out of it within a month.

I've pretty much been crying for 4 hours straight. I couldn't eat dinner.
You know, this is one of those things that happens where, you don't think it could ever happen to you, but then you realize it could when it's too late.
I realize there are less fortunate people out there that this recession is hurting, and I realize much worse could have happened...but it's still so hard.

Sorry, I just had to vent. It helped a little.

Here's to hoping your 2009 starts out better than mine.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: freshman year

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