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Hey internet.

Since my last update entry, things have been fine. Last weekend, I went with Jazz, Best Friend Rose, and Kassie to see Megamind (so funny, I swear.) and then we went to Panera afterward. For some reason, though, that weekend had been pretty moody for me, which is what resulted in the Letter to Ricky Bobby entry.

Something else that resulted in the last entry was really stupid, now that I think about it, but I guess considering my fragile attempts at getting over RB lately, it just pushed me over the edge.

Let me start at the beginning. One day, maybe about two weeks ago, I logged onto Facebook. I look at my News Feed, reading everyone's status updates, including numerous ones with those stupid annoying sideways smiley faces that look like this (: because apparently, those are cooler than the ones that look like this :).

Then, I happened upon a picture upload from Johnny, and the album name of the picture said, specifically, "just for ricky bobby to sarah".
So, understandably, this catches my attention, right? So I click on it. And it turns out that the picture is a super zoomed-in picture of the snow on the mountains. Curious, considering my last status update before then had been about snow.

But, it was just a coincidence, right? I mean, I didn't see why Ricky Bobby would send me a picture, none the less through Johnny's facebook, instead of his own, and none the less a random picture of snow on the mountains.

But, it totally bothered me that I didn't know what it was really about. It bothered Rosie too, and we spent some time speculating about it. I even put an innocent comment on it, one that just said, "?".
Then, the night of the last entry, I finally found out.

Rose casually asked Johnny about it, and he said something about RB's friend (also named Sarah) from Pennsylvania wanting to see our mountains, and uploading it on Facebook because she didn't have picture mail on her phone.

And that was what pushed me off the edge.
I felt SO stupid. And it really wasn't a big deal, and Rosie told me that it was completely reasonable for me to think that it was about me, considering that I'm the only close friend named Sarah that Johnny has.
But I was humiliated. I went and immediately deleted my comment, hoping that RB hadn't seen it. Considering my past feelings for him, and him knowing it, I'm always paranoid that he still knows. Knows how much energy and tears I wasted on him after he left.

Rationally, I know that there's no way he could know. He's no mind reader. But, like when we went to Noodles & Co. and he kept staring at me across the table, I kept getting this spine-chilling feeling that he knew. Sometimes it felt like he saw through me.

So, this paranoia decided to rear its ugly head then, and I went on to rant to Best Friend Rose about why did it have to be him and when was I going to get over this and yadda yadda. And then I came on here to rant some more, thus the birth of the last entry. And then I went to have a good cry.

And then after all that, I felt perfectly fine. I felt fantastic, actually.
I just had to get all of it out, and after I did, it was like a weight off of my shoulders. I hope I didn't worry any of you with the last entry. Believe me, I'm fine now. But I gotta say, I think that entry broke the record on the highest level of emo-ness.

So now, I'm getting back on the path of where I was before, moving forward with my life. And I'm good with it.

Buuuuuut, I do have new non-Ricky Bobby news. And this time, it's about...drum roll, please...Phil.

Dun dun dun.

I might have to make a new tag for him, because gosh darn, this guy just doesn't go away. You'd think it would have ended with the whole I'll-tell-you-I-love-you-and-then-take-it-back-immediately-after-I-say-it-causing-you-to-hate-me-and-ignore-all-my-text-messages-for-forever-afterward, but apparently, dude can't take a hint.

Mind you, that whole deal went down exactly a year ago tomorrow. Last Thanksgiving. And to think that this is all happening an entire year later.

First, let me say this: the last time I talked to Phil was September. He sent me a private message on Facebook (the place starting to become the source of all my problems), and we proceeded to have a--quite literally--six line conversation, which took over the course of 3 days. It went a little something like this.

Phil: Hey havent talked to you in ever whats up?
Me: Haha yeah I know. Not much, what's up with you? (*because there are only so many ways you can respond to 'what's up', and the majority are not what people are willing to listen to. I loathe that phrase.)
Phil: Just school and crap haha u should text me sometime at (enter cell number here)
Me: Haha alright then. (*which is not a yes, obviously. Yeah, I'm gonna text you because you directly told me to. Way to lay on the moves there, pal.)
Phil: Haha cool I am going to (enter college name here) football game tomorrow!!! I can't wait (*and he told me this because I'm obviously a huge college football fan, right? I mean, I just reek of team spirit. Paint my face with the team colors, put me in a jersey, and watch out, because I'll be the loudest person in the stadium. Obviously.)
Me: Oh, that's cool. Have fun! (*otherwise translated as, 'Dude, I really don't give a crap.')

And that was all. Literally, that was the last time we talked, and what we talked about the last time we talked. The same old Phil-going-on-and-on-about-sports-or-cars-or-his money-and-me-straining-to-keep-myself-from-bashing-my-head-in kind of conversation that we always used to have. He really hasn't changed. At all.

Now for the really fun news about Phil.
Yesterday, I log onto Facebook. Again. And this time, it isn't an update from Johnny I see on my homepage. This time, it's Phil's newest status update that I see. It says, word-for-word, 'I'm in love with someone'.

Not a big deal yet, right?
But then, I read the comments. They all go a little something like this, "Hmm. Let me guess. Sarah?" or "Does it start with an S...then an A...then R..."

Oh, hell.
I know I shouldn't immediately assume it's me, but just...come on. Considering how he stalks my life, and apparently he thinks that if someone says they like you freshman year of High School, they wanna get married and have lots of babies and TRU LUV 4EVAH.

But, God. Let's all hope not. Let's all hope that, by some miracle, it's some other Sarah (because, hey. Sarah may as well be the female version of Ricky Bobby. Sarahs left and right.) I suppose we'll see, shall we?

xo Hopeless Romantic

(ps. Happy Thanksgiving!)

Labels: junior year, phil, ricky bobby

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