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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






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Gotta love crime dramas and personal progress.}
Sunday, July 11, 2010 | 4:45 PM | 1Comment

Hey, Internet. How's your summer been so far?

I can honestly say that mine has been great.
I finally finished that summer class at the end of June (I passed!) and now I finally feel like I'm on my summer vacation, like it should be.

I've been spending my days writing, reading, and watching crime dramas (I'm really into those now. I used to hate them, but now I'm addicted! Faves right now are NCIS, CSI:Miami and Criminal Minds). I've also been taking walks to the park pretty much every other day, going to the movies, going shopping with Mom, and taking driving lessons in parking lots, thanks to Dad. This is a pretty huge difference compared to my reclusive school year, and I'm very, very happy with it.

Things have been especially great since my epiphany last entry. I finally feel like I'm content with who I am, and there's truly no better feeling.

I've been hanging out with Best Friend Rose as often as I can (which isn't very often, BFR is strangely popular in comparison to me. It's quite hilarious, actually.) and Jazz has been on a trip to Europe with an international music group the past 4 weeks. She just got back yesterday, but I've been letting her get over her jet lag before we have any sleepovers or anything.

Now, I can imagine you thinking, 'So, where's the Ricky Bobby update?'

Well, here it is: nothing.

Well, okay, not nothing. But considering the amount of dread I was feeling about him two entries ago, this is pretty much nothing.

Ricky Bobby's birthday was 4 days ago. On my Facebook homepage, the notification of his birthday was up in the right-hand corner all day.

All day.

There were numerous birthday wishes on his wall, a select few from people from my old school that were courteous, but not personal, so it didn't seem like they'd talked to him in a while. And God, let me tell you, Internet, I was tempted. A lot.

BUT. There were also two other birthdays that day too, and each were people from school that I hadn't talked to in a while. So, I made a point to comment on those people's walls and wish them happy birthday, but not Ricky Bobby. And I knew he'd probably see it because he's FB friends with both.

I wanted him to. I wanted him to see that I was the one to avoid him this time, not the other way around. I wanted him to see that just because I added him as a friend on Facebook, it doesn't mean I still like him. I wanted him to see that I've moved on.

And it felt good.

I've realized that if I see him, I see him, but if I don't, then I don't. I've thought about this for a little while now.

And last night, I had this dream. I dreamed that I was somewhere, I don't remember where, but it looked like I was on a tour of some type. I was apparently there with some friends, but I got separated from them at one point, so after that, I was by myself. There were a lot of other people my age on this tour, in fact, there were all teenagers there, but I kind of kept to myself. Then, the tour group was taking a rest, and we stopped at what looked like a food court.

I sat at table, and unbeknownst to me, Rick Bobby and and a friend were sitting at the next table. I didn't notice him at first, but then I glanced in his direction and I saw him.

A wave of unease washed over me, especially seeing that his friend was a girl and they were alone. I looked away quickly, knowing that in the angle I was sitting, he would eventually see me. I didn't know what to do.
Suddenly, I felt his eyes on me, and I refused to look at him. I didn't want to look like the desperate idiot and approach him first. His friend said something I couldn't hear, and he laughed. I risked a glance at him laughing, and his green eyes crinkled just like I remember.

As casually as I could, I picked up my purse and stood, saying to myself it was to go find my friends, when really I just wanted to get away from Ricky Bobby and his date. I'd walked past his table when I heard a 'hey' from behind me. I turned, and Ricky Bobby was still sitting at his table, but he was looking at me, smiling. He was holding my cell phone out to me. I don't know how the hell it got all the way over there, but this is a dream, so who cares, right?

"You dropped this," he said, and his eyes still had this taunting way about them, the way he used to look at me, because he knew I liked him.

I walked over to him, trying to look as unshaken and uncaring as I could, and I resisted the temptation to beam back. I would not warm up to him. I owed myself this. I grinned tightly. "Thanks," I said, and reached for my phone carefully so our hands wouldn't touch, but he purposefully reached up further so that they would.

I took in a deep, shaky breath and turned to walk away, when he said, "How have you been?"

I turned awkwardly, not having expected any small talk whatsoever. "Um. I've been pretty decent. What about you?"

He looked at me for a few extra seconds before he replied, "Good." This time, his smile didn't reach his eyes.

I nodded slowly, and then glanced over at his date, whom I was guessing now that really wasn't a date, since she was watching us with no trace of agitation. I looked at Ricky Bobby again, and he was watching me so intently, I had to look at my feet.

Now unfortunately, this next part mostly faded from my mind, but all I remember is that I warmed up slightly to him and we were bantering back and forth about something. Then, the tour leader person said that we were moving on, and everyone started to stand up from their tables. I looked back at RB and smiled, then walked away.

Later, I still hadn't found my friends. We stopped somewhere else, and I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned, and RB was there again.

"Oh," I said, then looked around for his gal pal. "Where's your date?"

He shook his head, looking like he cared less. "She's up there. But she's just someone I met here. Besides, I wanted to talk to you."

I suppressed the urge to snort and looked at him seriously. "Why?"

He looked at me steadily, and his face was devoid of any humor. "Sarah." He started. I blinked, and suddenly, his face had turned to someone else's. I don't know who the face belonged to, I didn't recognize it, and I still don't. It was a completely different person. "Please. Just say the word, and let's end this weirdness. I miss you. I want you."

Something released inside me, and apparently, this was all I needed to hear. And then I pinned the mystery guy to the wall and kissed him like I'd been holding it in for years, in front of everyone. (Cause that sounds SO like me, right?)

So, that's pretty much it. I thought about it for a while this morning, and I think I know what it means. I think it means that, subconsciously, I want to be on good terms with Ricky Bobby again, but I don't want him romantically, as symbolized by the face change.

But, I'm no dream interpreter, so I don't know.

But all I know is that I'm proud of myself for not giving in and talking to him on Facebook. Besides, I know that he wouldn't of replied anyway, because he does that. I saved myself a lot of unnecessary crap. Restraint for the win.

Let's hope I keep it that way, yes?
xo Hopeless Romantic

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I get it now.}
Thursday, July 1, 2010 | 11:14 PM | 0Comment

This will be a short one, Internet, but I needed to post this.

Today, I had this epiphany. One that seems so obvious, and one that I should've had a long time ago. But it just hit me.

Lately, I've been obsessively thinking about being someone else and when I'm going to become something I'm not.

"When I get my bangs cut and when I dye my hair black, I'll be happier and more confident."
"When I get a six pack, I'll feel better about myself."
"When I buy this brand of mascara, I'll be able to feel more like myself."

When I do this, when I do that, when this happens, only THEN will I feel okay. That's what I kept thinking.

I keep thinking, tomorrow I'll be better. Tomorrow, I'll do this better. A month from now, my hair will be longer and I'll feel prettier.

But I'm not going to be anyone else but who I am. Right now.

I've spent plenty of time figuring out who I am, and the girl I am isn't going to be revealed suddenly someday, bursting out of me like I've been in some sort of cocoon.

My appearance will vary and change over the years, sometimes subtly and somethings drastically, and so will my taste in music and TV and movies and books. I'll age and go through life experiences that will throw me for a loop and will make me wiser. But I'll still be me.

And no one can take that away from me.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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Shady's back.}
Friday, June 18, 2010 | 3:55 AM | 0Comment

Well, Internet. He's back.

It's one day past June 16th (I'm writing this entry as if it's the night of June 17th, technically for me it is, Best Friend Rose slept over and I'm still awake. I'm not sure how. I'm exhausted, and it's already early morning. Hey, is that the sun coming up?!). My doomsday arrived.

Ricky Bobby is back. Officially.

All day on the 16th, I spent the day with Jazz. I tried very hard not to think about it, but you know me, Internet. I obsess and over analyze things, and when I try not to, it gets worse. I kept checking my Facebook homepage, and unfortunately, Ricky Bobby had a few status updates throughout the day. There was one about some concert he was going to, and then another that said, plain and simply, '(Insert the name of my state here).'

And unfortunately, since I thought about it so much, I might have brought up the topic of Rickybob to Jazz more than once. So many times, in fact, that Jazz began to look exasperated every time I would bring it up. I tried to be discreet and casual about it, but unfortunately, Jazz saw right through it.

I brought him up so many times, in fact, that I'm pretty sure Jazz has a suspicion that I like Ricky Bobby again. And not only does she think that, but Johnny thinks that too. UGH.

This frustrates me, because I don't.

NO, REALLY. I DON'T. It's just that...he impacted my life so much two years ago, how could I just forget about that? I'm aware that as of lately, my thinking about it may have become unhealthy, but how can I help it? I can't. I just can't.

"You need to stop thinking about him," Jazz kept telling me. I wasn't thinking about him. I was thinking about what could happen.

I don't think about him like that. I don't like him again, or still, or however you'd want to put it.

I don't. I can't. I won't.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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Ironic Blog-A-Versary, I must say.}
Sunday, May 30, 2010 | 6:20 PM | 0Comment

Internet! Guess what?

Last Saturday was my 2 year blog anniversary, and I didn't even realize it! Happy blog-a-versary to me! It's almost hard to believe.

Two years since I started this blog with a fifteen year old broken heart.

Two years since Ricky Bobby moved away and left me in the cold.

Two years of boy drama and ups and downs of life.

So much has happened, and it's only been two years. I've changed a lot the past two years. I looked back at all of my old entries, and even my blogging style has changed. (The old entries...so...much...chat speak. Chokecough.) I thought I was so cool. You know, I have much more fun blogging when I'm my sometimes-insecure, weird, chatty self. It took me a while to warm up to you, Internet, but I'm glad I finally made it.

Not only is this my blog-a-versary entry, but this is also my 50th blog entry!

50 blog entries are hard to believe, too. I started this blog, half expecting to abandon it or forget about it after the second or third entry. I also never expected anyone to ever read it or find it, or even if they did find it, I never thought anyone could relate to my entries or even care.

I keep thinking about who I would be if I never started this blog. If I never made this blog as a product of a broken heart, what would I have done? This place is where I come to vent. I put all of my most precious thoughts and secret fears on here. When I was in my darkest place, I felt like I could empty every emotion into an entry so that I wouldn't break. This blog is my security blanket.

And recently, with my alone time as an online school student, I poured out even more emotions, and I told you things I hadn't even told my best friends. Writing a long entry helps me sort out my thoughts and emotions, and it has helped me figure out who I really am.

I have quite a few more years in me, so let's hope my blog lasts just as long.

And to you, Internet, I say the most genuine and sincere thank you I can possibly muster over typed word.

Without those of you that have read my entries and left me heartfelt comments (especially you, Sapphire! You're one of my very first readers, and I don't know what I'd do without your insightful comments!), I don't think I would have had the motivation some days to write anything at all. (But look at those page views! There's no way I have that many, that has to be some sort of glitch!!) You all are beautiful, and you inspire me so much. I could never ever thank you enough. I can only hope that I can inspire you, too.

So hey, you're probably wondering why the name of this entry is 'Ironic Blog-A-Versary'. Hah. Well.

Since the last entry, I finally put myself out of that misery and added Ricky Bobby on Facebook. I decided that it wasn't worth agonizing over, and that a friend request is just a friend request. After an impromptu sent friend request (and one sleepless night and a whole day of a nervous, upset stomach), it was accepted. I had no idea why I'd even worried in the first place. It all seems so stupid now.

So after he accepted the friend request, I was careful to stay off the computer for a little while to resist anymore Facebook snooping. Unfortunately, that was a fail, and I ended up getting on Facebook anyway and (curiously, I told myself) proceeding to go through all of his pictures (seeing if he was still photogenic is all), a great deal of his wall posts(looking for people I knew that talked to him recently?), and his favorite music (since I had forgotten what bands he was into). JUST out of curiosity. Mhmm. That's all. Yup.

And while I went through his wall posts, I saw one from late last month that was interesting. Actually, interesting isn't the word for it. I probably should have used "nightmarish", or "crappy, and made your Hopeless Romantic so overwhelmed with shock and unease that she almost made herself sick". Yeah, those would be more appropriate.

Right there, on his wall, from April 25th, is "moving june 16th!!".

Exactly what I feared, right there on that Facebook wall. And even though seeing it confirmed was shocking, inside, I kind of felt like I knew it all along.

But even if I had known it, it wouldn't have eased the shock. A wave of dread settled over me, and it still hasn't left. That date has branded itself into my brain, into the inside of my eyelids. It feels like doomsday for me.

I do know for sure that he's going to a different school when he comes back here, but I don't think that will make much of a difference for me. We have the same groups of friends. Johnny is one of my best friends, and he was Ricky Bobby's best friend when he lived here. There's no way I can avoid him.

Hah. After my two year blog-a-versary and on my 50th blog entry for the blog I made in the first place because Ricky Bobby broke my heart when he moved away, I find out that he's moving back.

Wow. Soak in that irony, folks.

Seventeen days. Here we go again.

xo Hopeless Romantic

PS: If you didn't notice, I got the old banner back! I missed it.

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Behind Enemy Lines.}
Monday, May 24, 2010 | 6:36 PM | 0Comment

Internet, I missed you. Sorry, this is gonna be a long one.

I just finished finals week last Friday. I studied my butt off for all of them, and I did pretty awesome, if I say so myself. (Funny how last year this time, I would've been content with anything better than an F on Finals, and this year I made sure I got anything higher than a C. A lot can happen in a year.)

It's still hard for me to believe that I'm done with my Sophomore year, just like that. I had some highs and lows, mostly in first semester, but for the most part, it went by pretty fast. Probably because I didn't have to deal with the daily drama and boy drama constantly. Not to say I didn't miss that sometimes, though. But hey, at least I lived it vicariously through my friend's drama. That way's easier to deal with, anyway.

I'm so relieved it's summertime. There had been so many things on my mind lately, and it was starting to distract me from school. Plus, waking up in the morning was beginning to get old. Heck, it had already been old by the time Spring Break came. But, when I think about it, it feels like just yesterday, summer was coming to an end and all of my friends were talking about their first day of school.

I don't feel proud admitting this, but it feels like I've been watching the entire world from my bedroom window these past 9 months. Looking back over these past few months, all I can remember is watching the sun rise in the morning and fall in the evening, watching the leaves fall off the trees and watching the first snow, then watching the snow melt and the leaves return. I briefly remember blips of things that were different, like Trick or Treating with my baby cousin on Halloween, or making my hair curly for Christmas, or walking to the park near my house with Jazz only on one occasion.

You learn a lot about yourself when you're alone all the time, and sometimes you'll learn redeeming qualities, and other times you'll learn annoying ones. I'm grateful for that part. But at the same time, I feel like while I was learning enriching things, I was missing out on others.

This summer, my parents have promised to sign me up for driving school (along with another Geometry semester I might have to take over the summer, long story) and take me driving, so I can eventually get my license. Let's hope that they'll keep this promise, Internet.

Also, when Best Friend Rose and Jazz get out of school at the end of this week, I'm sure my first few weeks of summer will be swamped. This weekend, I'm already going to Rose's sisters graduation and graduation party, not the one with the kid, but the one who's a senior. What's her nickname again? Laura, I think.

And me and Jazz already planned to have a sleepover as soon as we're both out, and we're both going to dye our hair in celebration of summer (Jazz blue, me purple!). And I plan on walking more places this summer, too. I've been working on being healthier lately, like eating less junk and actually exercising. Just because I can't drive yet doesn't mean I can't leave the house. Walking places won't kill me.

So, here's to a fantastic, amazing summer. And here's to you, Internet, for listening to my anonymous problems and tolerating me.

BUT WAIT. Before I end this entry: remember the whole Ricky Bobby spiel I was going on about last entry?! (Which, by the way, I forgot to mention that the picture I used with that entry isn't him. It's Alex Gaskarth, the lead singer of All Time Low. Sorry! If it were him, though, I would've at least blurred his face or something. Hahaha.)

Okay. Well, the past month, my mind has been CHAOS. My thoughts have been something like this: "Finals, finals, test, essay, finals...hair...Ricky Bobby moving back...no, don't think about that...finals, k-pop bands, finals...Ricky Bobby's band--NO...tests, study, study...hair, exercise...RICKY BOBBY...NO, STOP...HAIR FINALS STUDY AHHHHH."

I've been trying to keep the whole thing about Ricky Bobby from bothering me, but it so is. I just can't stop thinking about it. And with my wild imagination, I keep thinking of all these annoying scenarios, too.

It sucks. A lot. And it's happening too much. I'm starting to think that I'm losing it. I really am. Seriously.

It's not that I specifically want to be with him or anything (like I kind of said last entry). No, not at all. Again, still liking him after he moved away 2 years ago would be super creepy. Especially since we haven't actually spoken in about a year now.

But I just can't stop thinking about what would happen. Would it be this awkward, expectant reunion where we're both just waiting for each other to do something? Would we both ignore each other, pretending none of it ever happened? Would he avoid me and not want to be around me because of this notion that mysteriously appeared in my mind that he thinks I'm some sort of stalker (yeah, not sure where this one came from. Paranoid?). Would he welcome me with one of his bear hugs and ask me how I've been? There was another ridiculous scenario that I thought up, but I'll do you a favor and keep it to myself. It's a bit out there, in the cheesy romance novel range.

And I may or may not have been semi-hovering over his Facebook page since I found it...what? Oh come on, Internet. You know me. I've been agonizing over whether or not I should add him as a friend. After all, I'm almost positive that sometime early last year, I had sent him a friend request, and if said request was sent, then it would have to have been denied, obviously, because we're not friends now.

SO, if he rejected my friend request, I shouldn't send another one, right? I mean, since he rejected it in the first place, that means he'll just reject it again, right?? And why put myself through that again, right???

I mean, I could be just imagining the whole thing, and I didn't even send one last year in the first place, and I could be just freaking myself out over nothing.
But, I happened to notice that my friend Kelly is a mutual friend of ours on Facebook. Kelly(not her real name)!! She came to the school after he left! So there's no way he could possibly know her!! So, you're telling me that he'll be Facebook friends--which is not even a big deal--with Kelly, a few other kids from my school he's never met, a Korean exchange student, AND his ex with whom he's not even on good terms with right now, but not with me?? What the hell is up with that?? Huh? HUH???!?!?!?

....ahem. Well. You see my point, then.

This is exactly why I'm losing my mind over this. You guys know me. I over analyze and think too much and get myself into these messes. This is not a big deal. At all. It's Facebook, it's nothing. A rejected friend request is nothing.

So why does it seem to sting so much? The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. The reason of why it shouldn't be a big deal is what pisses me off so much. It's a friend request. It shouldn't be a big deal. So, if it's so meaningless, why did he reject it? If he adds everyone from his old school and his new school on Facebook, plus the kids that go to his old school that he's never even met, why was I the only one he rejected? It's like a slap in the face.

I feel like I'm in eighth grade again, and he's seemingly toying with me and pulling me behind him by my strings just to push me over the edge of a cliff, turning out in the end that he was completely oblivious that I was even dragging behind him.

With the summer comes better weather, and better weather means I can go outside more often. I think leaving the house will free my thoughts a little more, and hopefully this will pass soon. Hopefully all this was just a product of end-of-the-school year-antsy-ness and boredom.

Right now, I just need to enjoy the start of my summer and get away from these thoughts, they're dragging me down.

Here's to the summer ahead,

xo Hopeless Romantic

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Stupid Musicians.}
Friday, May 7, 2010 | 5:54 PM | 0Comment

Okay, Internet.

I know I swore to stop talking about Ricky Bobby on here (or did I not? maybe it was just a subconscious swearing?), but I have some news about him. I think you'll find it just as interesting as I found it. (Don't know who he is? Click on the 'Ricky Bobby' tag at the bottom of this entry, then scroll down to my very first entry from May 2008. And then for the breakdown and emotional roller coaster that followed, refer to every entry after that one. He's pretty frequent on here, considering he's the whole reason I started this blog.)

And hey, give me some credit. I haven't talked about him here since July. That's pretty good, I think! So, hah!

Anyway. So, onto the news. Jazz was over at my house, say, two weeks ago (I know, I've been holding out on you since then. I'm sorry!). We talked about lots of stuff, like we usually do, and out of the BLUE, Jazz says, "Hey, I heard Ricky Bobby is moving back this year."

As she said this, I was drinking a Vitamin Water, and proceeded to practically inhale my entire gulp. After a terrifying drawn-out coughing fit, I then stare at Jazz.

She stares back and says, "So...I'm guessing you haven't heard about this yet?"

That was the last thing I expected to hear from Jazz. In fact, that was the last thing I expected to hear from anybody. Ever.

She tells me that Ricky Bobby and Johnny had talked about it a few weeks back, and that not only might he move back, but he also might come back to our school (or their school. Whatever. I still always call it my school, it still feels like mine).

This is so...so inexplicably shocking to me.

Of course, it's not written in stone, yet. There's still a chance that he won't come back. But I never even expected him to want to come back.

So after she tells me everything, I change the subject, not wanting to remain too heavy on him for the conversation. Didn't want her to start thinking things, you know. But after she leaves, I log onto Facebook. This would normally be the time when I check my MySpace too, but I deleted it because 1. MySpace is clearly dying, and 2. I'd had it since 2005. Way too long. Plus, nobody logs on anymore.

So when I check my Facebook, I go to visit Johnny's page because I see that he has a new picture. By the way, did I mention everything's cool with him now? Yeah, everything's fine now. Anyway, I go to his page AND guess what I see. No really, guess. I'll wait.

Yup. Right smack dab on Johnny's wall is a comment from Ricky Bobby. Since I had recently learned that news about him, when I saw his name right there in front of me, I nearly had an aneurysm. I didn't know he even had a Facebook.

Against my better judgement, curiosity got to me, and I click on his page. Luckily for my sensible side, it's set to semi-private. Unluckily for my curious and easily distracted side, his display picture is ginormous, and I can't look away from it.

Damn. Damn damn damn. Why can't I look away? WELL, let me tell you why, Internet. In his display picture, he's on a stage, long, flippy, shiny hair and broad shoulders and all, holding a guitar, and crooning into a microphone Alex Gaskarth style. There were also other band members behind him.

Aneurysm #2. Kay. First off, I didn't even know that he could sing at all. Although, after pondering it a while later, I recalled a time when a girl named Katie mentioned that he could sing. But I guess I forgot about that.

Second off, I didn't even know he could play guitar. He'd told me once that he was learning, but I didn't know he was good enough to play in a band.

Third, band. He's in a BAND. The LEAD SINGER of a band. A band that has actual GIGS.

This is where you picture me dropping to my knees melodramatically and screaming to the heavens, "WHYYY?!"

And that's not even the WORST PART. That curious side got to me again, damn her, and I went to his band's music MySpace. I get to the page, and with a triumphant smirk and crossed arms, I think to myself, 'Well, whatever. Just because he's in a band doesn't mean they're any good. They probably suck pretty bad. Most teenage garage bands suck.'

Imagine my grave discontent and disappointment when I find out that they're AMAZING.

Their sound is like a mix between The Doors, Capra, and maybe a touch of Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the only way I could describe Ricky Bobby's voice is a mix between Jack Johnson and Michael Buble. (Aneurysm #3) I hardly recognized Ricky Bobby's voice at first, because his voice changed in Pennsylvania. It's much deeper now. A little raspy/smoky sounding. But it still has that laid back, leisurely quality to it.

...DAMN.

Don't you fret, though, Internet. No re-crushes are happening here, nope, no way no how. Not on my watch. Besides, after just about two years of him being gone, that would be just a tad bit stalkerish.

But, I'll give him credit. If sexy voices could kill, I would've been dead already.

But please OH please, let me have good karma. Please let Ricky Bobby be much happier in Pennsylvania with his band and his rock star life, let him change his mind about moving back.

I'm not bitter about him anymore-- really, I'm not-- but I have an inkling that if he moved back, some of those feelings would start to come back. Whether it would be the bitter feelings or the crush ones, I'm not sure. It would probably be both.

So, PLEASE, Internet. Let's all hope that Ricky Bobby doesn't move back, for my sake. Because if he does, I might actually lose it.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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Ends and Repeats.}
Sunday, April 18, 2010 | 6:39 PM | 0Comment

Hey there, Internet.

It's been a little while. I've been dying to update, but I've been waiting for something good to come up. Well, I waited too long, and now I have too much. Let's see if I can summarize it for you (but you know me, this entry will probably be novel-length, regardless).

My birthday was really good! No party or anything, although Best Friend Rose tried to plan a surprise party for me. I say tried because nobody was able to come, which she was really upset about. Oh well, it's the thought that counts, right? Just the fact that she planned everything and sent out invitations and everything means the world. Best Friend Rose is called Best Friend Rose for a reason, folks.

The morning of my birthday, I got woken up by my entire family coming into my room at 7:00 to sing 'Happy Birthday' to me. It was awesome. I was half-asleep for part of it, and I probably had drool on my face still, but it was awesome. They gave me a cupcake with a candle, but only one, since they said they couldn't fit 17 in it. I read all the birthday cards they gave me. They were so sweet, all 5 of them, and by the last one, I was crying. I got cash and an iTunes giftcard (hell yeah!). Then, I proceeded to watch My Super Sweet 16 (I thought the irony was amusing). And then later that day, we all went to Red Lobster, my most favorite restaurant in the world.

So, yes, my birthday was pretty mellow, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now, what else? Ah. Let's go back to Best Friend Rose. So, I think I should just stop blogging about my friends relationships for good, because I think I'm somehow jinxing them. Two days after I blogged about Rose and Freshman boy/Jakey Wakey, they broke up. Two days. They were so close to their Two month anniversary, and they broke up.

Rose said she was starting to feel the age difference between them, which was understandable. She also said that he told her he loved her, and she didn't love him. That surprised me, because I was under the impression that they were madly in love, or if too soon for that, madly in like. They were so inseparable, so attached at the hip.

But, Rose admitted to me that she only thought she liked him because he liked her first. She was flattered, and she was so caught up in the excitement and rush of starting a new relationship that she didn't see any problems. Problems like, for one, their large age difference, which is 2 years, and the fact that their personalities clashed. She also mentioned that he was immature, which was also understandable. She admitted that she didn't love him like he loved her, and staying in the relationship would be unfair to him.

Freshmeat was/is apparently very upset by the breakup, and Rose mentioned that while she was breaking up with him, he begged her to give him a second chance, that he needed her, and that he could change. Talk about messy.

Despite the messiness of their breakup, I'm proud of Best Friend Rose. Most people would have just let the relationship drag on, leading the guy on. I'm proud of her for coming to make that decision and doing it for a very mature and unselfish reason. I believe our Rosey is starting to grow up, Internet. (Kidding, kidding. She's been grown up for quite a while, now.) I couldn't be prouder.

How about Jazz, you say? Well, I have good news. Jazz and Johnny are on much better terms. They aren't best friends again yet, but I'm sure they'll get there soon enough. It will probably take a while for me to get used to him again, especially after all the things he put her through. But, I'll give him credit, he did apologize to Jazz and admit that he'd been a royal jackass. About time.

As for me...well. Let's just say I haven't rescued kittens from any burning buildings lately. Or from any trees, either. The most adventure I've had lately was going prom dress shopping with Rose in the capital city mall. Though that was pretty fun.

I've mostly just been taking it easy, with reading and writing, and focusing on school at the same time. After all, the last few weeks before summer vacation are the hardest to stay focused. I've just got to concentrate on the day-to-day things, and hopefully everything will go by faster.

And during the weekends, I should mix things up a little, I suppose. I'll admit, I follow regular schedules easily and sometimes find myself following the same patterns every day. I should change it up. And maybe someday, something exciting will happen. Thanks, Sapphire! (Note to self: collect every comment from Sapphire ever made on blog and put them together in a How-to book.)

This entry was still miles long. Oh well, I tried.

Until next entry, I'll try not to be too boring. ♥

xo Hopeless Romantic

Picture taken by Miro42.

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