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Blog-a-versaries and New Starts}

Monday, May 30, 2011 | 3:22 PM | 2 comment

INTERNET. I'M FREE.

Yes. I'm free from the hellish, insane clutches of the last few weeks of school. Thank god because I literally thought I was about to die. Or have a spontaneous nervous breakdown in front of hundreds of strangers, complete with sobbing, shrieking, and breaking nearby objects.

But I didn't! I feel reborn! :D

I did have a certain unfortunate mishap with one of my finals, but I'm in the summer spirit right now, so I'll get to that later, I promise.

But besides that, I'm super relieved and happy that it's over. Junior Year seemed at the same time super quick and sluggish. And it was also both manageable and painfully challenging. But it's all over now.

Now I can focus on writing and reading for fun instead of for school! :D
(Don't you love my outrageous nerdiness?)

I can also watch k-dramas until the sun rises! And watch movies whenever I want! And hang out with my friends 24/7 if I want! I LOVE SUMMER.

Speaking of love, Internet, I have some important updates. I suppose I should start here: last Monday was my 3rd blog-a-versary!
I didn't have time to make a commemorative blog entry for it (that and I also kind of maybe forgot), but still, here we are, on my 80th entry. Last year on my blog-a-versary, it was when I had just found out that Ricky Robby was moving back. Interesting what can happen in a year, isn't it?

Back then I was still getting used to the idea of him being back here, and now a year later, I've seen him again, basically got kicked to the side again, got over him, and now I...have a new crush?

HONESTY TIME INTERNET.

I know I said I wasn't taking the whole online dating OKCupid thing seriously. And I'm still not. In fact, I haven't logged on there for the past 3 days, I kind of loathe it because I'm so popular with the weird guys and pervs and I don't know why. I mean I wrote all over my profile about how nerdy I am and the nerdy things I do, and somehow people still want to talk to me. I don't get it. Maybe that's their thing? (That's so creepy oh my god.)

But. But. The guy I started talking to. Not the 22 year old from Michigan. I probably stopped talking to him a few days after my last entry. Nothing exciting there.
Not him. But the 19 year old from one city over. The one that I talk about nerdy stuff with.

I think he deserves a nickname, because I have a feeling I'm going to be talking about him on here for a while. We'll call him Drew.

Drew and I, after about a good 3 weeks of talking back and forth on OKC, finally exchanged numbers on Friday, so we could text. The past 3 days, we've texted all day.

.....

All day.

The reason why this is such a huge deal is because I don't text anybody all day. Sometimes Best Friend Rose, on occasion. But especially not guys. In fact the last guy I texted before Drew was Johnny, and that was just to thank him for my birthday voicemail.
...Actually, I can't even recall the last guy I texted recently before Johnny.

This just doesn't happen.

The first day we texted I shrieked and giggled every time I got a message from him. And I tried very desperately to get a hold of myself every time I did it because for God's sake I don't even know him. I haven't even met him.

But just the idea that I've been texting a guy, a guy that seemingly wants to talk to me in the first place, it's kind of...unsettling to me. In a good way. I think.

I don't know. I just...never expected this to ever happen in the first place, so now that it actually might be, I don't even know how I feel.

This isn't like whenever I happened to text with Phil (which I can literally count on one hand), and every single time, it would be like, "Hey whats up?" "Not much, you?" "Nm either." "Cool." "Cool." -End Conversation-.

Every time I talk to him, it's like I'm talking to an actual person. Like, not just a shallow 'conversation' when they're either talking to you because their bored or they're obligated to. I feel like he's actually interested about my life. It's real conversation. It shouldn't be something that's so rare, but it is. And this is honestly the first time I've ever been able to talk to a guy that way.

I told him about my online school. He didn't think it was weird. I told him about how I want to be a writer. He didn't ask why, or even give me the "So...how are you going to make that a living?" response that I've begun to get used to. He thought it was really cool, and even wanted to read a short story of mine sometime in the future. I've told him about my unnatural obsession with Asia. He was cool about it, and even admitted he really liked Asian culture when he was younger.

This is bad, Internet. Very bad.

I just. I JUST. I DON'T KNOW.

Like just a few entries ago I was talking about I DON'T WANT TO DATE and JANE AUSTEN and WOE IS ME and RELATIONSHIPS SUCK but now....this?

No matter what, I'm not going to get my hopes up. No way.
This is what I've been trying so hard to avoid. I can't make myself vulnerable. I can't set myself up for this. I'm not ready.

For all I know, he could just be thinking that he found a good nerd buddy to talk about stuff with while he's bored at his job. He hasn't even flirted with me.

Well...I mean, I'm oblivious and untalented in the flirting department, and I couldn't even flirt with a wall, but I'm pretty sure I'd realize when someone is flirting with me. Most of the time I do. Mostly because it's really rare, and moments like that for me are like finding Waldo.

But I don't think he has. He's just really...nice. And friendly. So, this isn't definite. Nothing is definite yet. So I'm not getting my hopes up.

One thing worth noting, though, is this: After telling me about all the used bookstores in town (which I had NO IDEA about), and me telling him how much I wanted to visit them after he told me about them, he said, and I quote, "If we ever get acquainted enough we'll definitely go to one. Probably all of them. :P"

Not getting my hopes up. Hopes are not up. They are most definitely not up. They're down, way down, on the ground, where they should be. Okay.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: anniversary, drew, junior year, okcupid, summer

present me past me

♡

"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."

Questions? Concerns? Random observations?
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