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A High School girl no longer.}
Sunday, May 20, 2012 | 4:56 PM | 0Comment

Internet.

I did it. I made it. And it's official now.

I am officially out of High School, and I have the diploma to prove it.
First off, remember how it said in the last entry that me finishing all my work hadn't hit me yet? Well Friday, the day I had grad rehearsals, it finally did.

I had to wake up balls early--freaking 5 am--so we could leave on time to make it there by 9. The school that the graduation was at was two towns away, and a really really long drive, so we had to leave by 6. Yeah. So after facing the trauma of waking up that early (I haven't had to wake up before the sun comes up in a verrrry long time), drive-thru breakfast, and the 2 hour drive, we finally arrived.

I guess this hadn't occured to me before we got there, but the school that grad was at was still in full swing,which makes sense. Even for being seniors, my school's seniors got out of school pretty early compared to other schools'. So when we pulled into the school, there were school buses, kids standing around the parking lot, and kids walking onto the campus. And it hit me like a ton of bricks--this was a real high school. A real high school that I was about to graduate at. Because I'm done with High School. Forever.

The weight of it just hit me so suddenly like that and it took everything in me not to immediately start crying.

Were they happy tears? Was it sadness? I think it was a little bit of both.It finally just hit me that I was about to graduate, and I had no more High School left, and it really was over, and I never had to set foot on a high school campus ever again after this. On one hand, I hated High School. I hated dealing with people my age, I hated being required to take math classes, and I hated feeling like I never fit in. On the other hand, I liked it. A lot. And I know one day I'm going to miss it. Because I'll never be this young again, and this was a one time shot. No more school dances, no more detentions (although I got away from those for good three years ago, haha), no more.

I've been through a lot during my 4 years of high school. Some good, some really bad, but I got through it in the end. I honestly feel like now that I've gotten through this, I can get through anything.

Yesterday, it rained during my graduation. The forecast had said there was a slight chance of it, and they had planned some things in advance if it really had, but come early Saturday morning, boy was it coming down. I mean, pounding down rain, and freezing wind. And I was wearing a white lace sundress with white sandals under my gown. Hahaha. Yup.

At first, when we all got there by 8:30, we were waiting around and they told us that we may have it inside instead.Which would have actually sucked, because then they would have it in the small auditorium with just two family members able to sit inside and watch, and then have the rest of the guests sit in the cafeteria and broadcast it via a live feed on a projection screen (which would have really sucked for them). But then, when 9:45 rolled around, they decided the would definitely postpone it till 11 instead of having it at 10. More waiting.

In the middle of all this waiting, though, I made some friends. On the day of practice, most of all of us just stayed silent and stayed out of each other's way, considering none of us actually knew each other. But yesterday, I think we'd finally warmed up to each other, and everyone was chatting with everyone.

Early on in the day, about 20 minutes after I'd gotten there, I met Karly*. She was down to Earth, had tattoos, and was funny. Me and her basically hung out the whole day, which was a relief after the day before. I also met her two younger brothers and her boyfriend of 5 years. Also cool. She told me that they'd started dating in the 8th grade and even though she'd moved twice since then, they stayed together. Respect.

And it was sort of random, but the day before, I recognized a guy in my class. He'd actually gone to my old school with me, but he had been in the grade above mine. Another Ricky Bobby, if you'd believe it. Ricky Bobby 3.0. I talked to him super briefly, and he didn't recognize me at first, but after I told him I went to school with him, he said I looked familiar. So, yeah. Crazy right? Huh. Small world.

I also met two other Sarahs on graduation day, haha. One was really shy, but nice, and she had black and blonde hair. She hung out with me and Karly part of the time. The other Sarah was SUPER short, like 4'8 short, but outgoing and hilarious. She swore like a sailor and had a tongue ring. She stood in line and sat down by me and Karly during the ceremony. She actually wasn't sure if she'd be allowed to walk in the ceremony, because like me she'd barely made it through all her work last week, and she didn't know if she'd passed it all. Despite that, she drove all the way to the ceremony, even knowing she might get turned away. Balls man, balls. So yeah, she was awesome too. Short Sarah, me, and Karly giggled and talked the whole time, as if we were old friends.

We'd just met that day, but it didn't feel like it at all. We all talked about school, the issues and classes that we'd had this year, and what it was like to try to keep a day to day life outside of school. After talking about all that, and having so much in common, it wasn't like they were strangers at all.

Anyway, after delaying it to 11, they decided to have it outside after all. It was ASS COLD out there, but it was better than having to figure out a way for all the guests (because there were A LOT) to watch the ceremony effectively. So at 11, we all walked out in a long line, and when I walked past my family in the bleachers, they yelled at me and I waved in their direction. I couldn't see too well, since I didn't have my glasses on, but I saw my dad standing with Best Friend Rose and her mom. I saw the way they were smiling at me, like they were so proud of me, and I couldn't help but smiling hugely too.

We all made our way to our seats, and then the ceremony began. I didn't mention this before, but the ceremony was 7 schools combined. It included the seniors that actually went to the school, some 150, a few college prep type schools, I think two other online schools like ours, an arts school, and an international school. And get this: we were very last. I know. I KNOW. 7 different valedictorian speeches, 7 schools of students to get through. (To be fair, though, some of the schools classes were smaller. Like, one of the online schools only had 7 seniors. SEVEN. And ours had like 50 or so.) So it was pretty long, but they tried to hurry it along as fast they could, because everyone was cold and it had started to rain again. Me and Short Sarah and Karly chatted the whole time, shivering and trying to keep our minds off of the cold, but having fun anyway. (Just a side comment, but while we were talking, I found out that Short Sarah is going to the same community college I'm going to. Different campus, but still pretty cool!)

When it was finally time for us to go up, and they told us to stand, we walked up there in a line and onto the stage.
Honestly, that whole moment was such a blur, I hardly remember it. I remember being colder than I've been in recent memory. I remember thinking what a shame it was that all the curl fell out of my hair because I woke up at 4 that morning to curl it. I remember getting closer to the stage as the line moved. I remember handing the guy at the microphone a card with my name on it. I slightly, very slightly, remember my name being called and hearing cheers, but I don't remember how loud they were. I remember shaking a bunch of hands. I remember stepping off the stage and having a rose handed to me. And then I remember walking back down the middle aisle and hearing some of the kids from other schools whispering 'Congratulations' at me.

I don't remember thinking anything, specifically. 'Don't slip and fall', maybe. Ever since the Lizzie McGuire movie, I never had been able to get that fear out of my head.

After that, all of us stood and changed our tassels to the left. Then, all of us left our seats and went onto the open field, while 'Say Goodbye' by Skillet was playing over the speakers (our class song, I guess?) and we formed a circle, counted down from three, and threw our caps into the air. I wasn't very adventurous with mine, I threw it about a foot into the air and then quickly caught it because I didn't want it to get muddy, hahaha.

Then, it was over. Just like that. I said goodbye to Short Sarah and Karly, and it was over.

I'd held it together pretty well the whole day up until this point, except for the ride up there early that morning, because I'd started to cry at least 4 times then. But after I went to the cafeteria to pick up my real diploma, and I saw my family and friends there waiting for me, all thirteen of them that were able to come (even though we were only expecting 7!) I came real close. But then, when I was saying goodbye to my teachers, I started talking to my counselor (who I met in person for the first time that morning). Even though I was sad to say goodbye to my English teacher (whom had been my English teacher for the past 3 years, and was one of the reasons I could do my best last week, and heck, the past three years in general), talking to her, I finally lost it. Out of all of the teachers and people that helped me this school year, she single-handedly was my sanity this year. She helped me when I had the wrong schedule at the very beginning of the year, she helped me when I was failing out of AP Lit and I was about to give up on myself, she helped me when I was behind this entire semester, she helped me when I was about to call it quits altogether last week and I was on the edge and I thought I wouldn't even graduate.

It sounds weird, because until yesterday I hadn't even met her in person before, but I swear she helped me the most this year, out of everyone I know, and I owe her so much because of that. And so when we were talking, I felt compelled to tell just how much I appreciated all her help this year, and how thanks to her I felt motivated to keep going. And it was right around that part that I started to cry. I tried to hold it together as I started talking to her, but saying all that aloud and thinking about how grateful I was, I just lost it. I even started to make her tear up a little, and then I started crying harder to the point where I couldn't even talk, so I wrapped it up and said goodbye before the both of us started sobbing. But I felt glad that I could tell her that, because I would have seriously regretted it if I hadn't.

So after that, after saying goodbye to a few more people (including Rosie and her mom, because she had a piano recital to get to!), my family and I went off to go out to eat. And in the car on the way there, I opened my beautiful diploma and stared at it for a few minutes. And then I really started to sob. Because it was there, real, in front of my face, proof that I'd done it.

Proof for all of those times when I'd sat and stared at my computer screen, at all of lessons I had to do, and thought in all honesty, 'I can't do this.' Proof for all the times I didn't want to get out of bed this school year because it was like I was buried alive and I'd already failed and I couldn't get away from it. Proof for all those people that gave me a wary look when I'd explained what online school was and how it worked, because they thought it wasn't real school and that I had it easy. Like hell I did. The past three years were the hardest years of my life.

I learned a lot from it, and I've grown into a better person because of it, and I don't regret it. But there were so many times when I wanted to give up because it didn't feel worth it. But yesterday made me realize that all of that was worth it. To be able to get through that to graduate was worth it. Every single day of it was worth it, and I don't regret it at all.

High School is over, and here is where my new life begins. It'll be so different from now on, but I'm ready. It's time. I'm ready to live it. Because now that I've survived this, I'm smarter, I'm better, and I'm stronger. And no one will ever take that away from me.


All right, post-High School life. Bring it on.


xo Hopeless Romantic

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