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 "This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against." 
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Saturday, July 7, 2012 | 11:44 PM | 0Comment Internet. I just found this old school notebook that I kept in the 8th grade, and I wrote this diary-entry-type-thing in it that's just so hysterical and embarrassing that I had to post it here. Did I mention it's embarrassing? Yeah. It's so embarrassing. I literally cringed the whole time I read it. Ready for this? Might want to do some facial stretches in preparation for the strenuous amounts of cringing you're about to do. No, really. I'll wait. Done? Okay, here we go. THINGS TO GET ORGANIZED: Soooo...idk. I could start to like him...but... And, Lip Gloss. [Yes. I codenamed a guy Lip Gloss. Something having to do with him...liking my lip gloss...or retrieving it after I dropped it...or something. I don't know, hahaha.] Yeah. DD< The only good thing abt him? Umm. He dresses nice? Yeah. He's not even nice! He talks abt people behind their backs all the time! I wouldn't be surprised if he talked about me, but I could honestly care less [sic]. He's so freakin' full of himself, its discusting [sic]. I can't believe I even *kind of* liked him. He's horrid! And that's how it ends. Well, first of all, damn I was obnoxious. Or maybe that's just how eighth grade girls act? I can't tell, really. But if I actually acted like that everyday then it's no wonder boys didn't like me, lol. What's with the title of it? 'Things to get organized?' What things? Was I referring to boys as 'things'?! But let's see. I actually remember who all of these guys are, and coincidentally, these were all guys I liked right before I developed the crush on Ricky Bobby. Same school year and everything. New Guy: He started at my school either at the very end of first semester, in 2007, or right at the beginning of second semester, 2008. At the time, he was a little short (he was maybe an inch taller than me, like 5'4), had dirty blonde hair that curled up at the ends, has these huge brown eyes, freckles, and a trillion watt smile with perfect teeth. Oh man, he was adorable. I remember the day he first came to school, he was all all of the girls in my grade were talking about the whole day. Heck, the whole first week. Every girl in our grade had a crush on him at some point, I swear. As did New Guy for every girl in our grade. Haha. I had a little thing for New Guy, that is until I found out how much he liked the ladies. Unfortunately, his innocent, boyish, adorable looks were deceiving, because I swear guys, he had a crush on every girl in my grade at least once. If not every girl, at least every 'popular' girl. It was kinda funny though, because evidently the popular girls were the only girls immune to his charms, and they gave him no chance whatsoever. Which proved to be torture for anyone who was friends with him on Myspace, because everytime he was rejected, oh boy, did he let everyone know. He let the whole freaking INTERNET know of his rejection woes. As in, he was one of those people posting either super depressing lyrics as their status, or posting things like 'WHY CAN'T I EVER FIND HAPPINESS' and 'I'LL DIE ALONE'. Yeah. Yikes. New Guy was nutso. I'd be lying if I said the last time I saw him that I didn't still find him cute. He's so cute. And he's a sweet guy, he really is. Even when he obscenely hooked up with Kelly* by the pool at our freshman retreat, I still found him kinda sweet afterwards. Kinda. And there was a brief moment of time, possibly a week, where I specifically remember him flirting madly with me on several occasions with Ricky Bobby right freaking there, with RB staring on the whole time. Hahaha. I owe him one. Sombrero: Good god. What kind of nickname is that? Maybe there was something with him having to do with a sombrero at some point, but I cannot remember what it was. Either way, what the hell? Anyway, Sombrero was in the grade below mine. Deep tan skin, short black hair, dark eyes, nice smile, tall, nice muscles. He was a cutie for sure. But like I had (not so gracefully) mentioned in the entry above, he was kinda strange. And kinda...dumb. Lol. Football player and all. Probably, admittedly, the only football player I've ever been remotely interested in. But I'm totally not even saying that to be mean, he just was...out there, man. Out there. He'd open his mouth to say something and you'd be like, ".....what?!" This whole 'crush' was very short lived though, because I soon found out that my friend Camille* liked him, so I backed off, because you know. Girl code. And then I very quickly got over that whole thing. Lip Gloss: .....okay. Out of all of these nicknames, this might actually be tied with Sombrero for the worst. Seriously? Lip Gloss? What the hell is that? I mean, I know I still come up with stupid nicknames for guys now, but come on. At least they're not this weird, lol. ANYWAY. As you can see, I had a like/hate thing going for Lip Gloss. He was actually best friends with Fiddy in middle school, like attached-at-the-hip best friends. I never paid any attention to Lip Gloss at the beginning of the school year, because I was too distracted by Fiddy (again, SO glad I got over that as soon as I did. Whew.). But I had the same 7th period English class with him (and ironically, Ricky Bobby was in that class too. Huh.), and I'm not sure what happened, but one day I started to see him differently (and something tells me it had something to do with lip gloss. I don't know. Lol. I HAD TO HAVE NAMED HIM THAT FOR SOME REASON.) and uh...maybe he did with me? Or maybe he thought it would be fun to mess with me. I suspect it was the latter, because he's a huge douche bag, then and now. But he was always constantly flirting with me in English class, since we sat next to each other. Stuff like, getting my attention just to say something that he knew would make me laugh, noticing small stuff like my new shoes, or how I curled my hair that day, teasing me, etc. I even remember one time when we had to write short stories for an assignment, and he teased me saying that in the story he wrote, I was the lead character. Lol, right. Of course I was, Lip Gloss. I admit, he was good. If all he wanted was a flirting buddy for a few months, he got it. Shortly after those few months, he lost interest (and I use that term very lightly. We got different seats in English class, and after that, BAM. I didn't exist anymore.), and after that, so did I. Good thing I borderline hated him to begin with, because then he wasn't hard to get over at all. (Only took Christmas break to get over him, actually. I remember this because it was literally RIGHT after Christmas break that I started developing feelings for Ricky Bobby. In fact, I think part of the reason Ricky Bobby started to appeal to me around this time was because he was an angel compared to what an asshole Lip Gloss was. Huh.) Funny how throughout all this time, though, that I still continue using nicknames for guys and still eat ice cream and watch chick flicks on Valentine's Day. Old habits die hard, perhaps? Something else I find funny is how many guys I was interested in during Middle School. Lordy. I mean, compare this to the one guy a had a crush on, albeit very briefly (Phil) during High School, and geez, man. Either I've gotten way pickier or I've run out of potential love interests permanently, hahaha. Of course, the past three years in homeschool, I've found many unattainable celebrity guys to take interest in, but that's a another therapy session. Anywho, pretty interesting all around. Oh, and, note to 8th grade Sarah: it's not cute to use chatspeak and 'like' every five seconds. You sound unbelievably annoying. Just saying. xo Hopeless Romantic Labels: fiddy, life, lip gloss, New Guy, old stuff, sombrero Fiddy Update.}
Wednesday, April 11, 2012 | 2:29 PM | 0Comment Internet, this entry is one of the biggest reasons why I'm glad this blog is anonymous. And it's not even about me. I've felt this entry was in order for a long time now (after all, I mentioned this in passing in...September 2010? Yeah. That long ago.), but I couldn't bring myself to write about it for a while because it's just...not a terribly happy topic. And I feel like I need to have some tact while talking about this. Fiddy. Remember him? No? It's okay, he's from a loooooong time ago. Check out these for reference: These and this and these also. Also, excuse the obnoxiousness of those entries. I thought I was hot shit. Pfft. And look at how many times I mention Myspace! Myspace! Bahaha! SO. Basically, when I left my old school Sophomore year, it turned out that Fiddy left the school too, along with a few of his friends. He transferred to a public school, and may I mention, a state-wide renowned public school, known far and wide for its high-quality, Ivy-League education, and also.......its infamous drug problem. Funny how those often go hand in hand. At least in my state. So, he transfers to this school, and I'm just starting out my online school experience, and so I don't hear anything about him for a while, except for this thing where he calls Jessica Simpson one night, drunk and crying, telling her that he's madly in love with her and always has been (which, of course, blows over and is forgotten about between them within a week.) But then. BUT THEN. By the end of the school year, there comes news that blows my socks off, causes pigs to fly, causes hell to freeze over, and causes the space time continum to rip in half. Fiddy has an STD. And he's gotten a girl he's just started seeing, Michelle*, PREGNANT. Mind you, Fiddy was only 16 at the time, and this news came directly from Fiddy himself, to Jessica Simpson, who directly told Best Friend Rose, who directly told me. This was no through-the-grapevine-rumor-conceived-of-boredom. Shit got real. To this day, I don't know which STD he'd gotten, but I feel like if it were something as serious as HIV or AIDS this story would have been much more tragic (although it isn't exactly all rainbows and kittens as it is). But, an STD is an STD. And that blows. A lot. And not to mention the STD, but the pregnancy as well. Michelle was 18 at the time of conception, I believe, which is obviously slightly better than some 15 year old still in High School, but it's still a blow. You know, the first thing I thought of when I heard it was Michelle that got pregnant was that she was my fourth grade buddy. I remember in the first grade, we had gotten fourth grade buddies assigned to us at the beginning of the year. We'd gotten fifth grade buddies the year before, but since the fifth graders went off to the sixth grade after that, it didn't last long. I remember her being assigned to me and thinking that she was the nicest, coolest girl ever. She was always kind to me, and whenever I saw her, I would run to give her a hug. Sometimes I'd see her in passing, and she would be by herself, tailing behind others in her class, or sitting with one other friend. I'm not sure if this is a real memory, or something my mind conjured up, but I'm almost certain that I once saw her sitting by herself, on the playground or elsewhere, crying. Years later, in the sixth grade, somewhere at the beginning of the year, I happened to see her and her friends in the middle school building, because they had all come back down from the High School to say hi to some of their younger friends and their old teachers. I distinctly remember being shocked by her appearance, something that happened often that year, because I was still getting used to middle school and how everyone seemed to change into different people that year. I hadn't seen her in a long time. She was a lot slimmer, and she had on the fashionable clothes that I saw the other older, popular girls wear, like clothes from the mall. Everyone seemed to want to talk to her, or knew her somehow. Once I got the chance to walk up to her with a group of friends I was with, I noticed she hadn't really noticed me there. After a minute or two, during a lull in the conversation, I ask Michelle directly, "Do you remember me?" As I speak to her, she glances over at me blankly. "No," she says. "Sorry, I don't." And then she turns to one of the friends I'm with, who she clearly remembers, to change the subject. I don't know why, but this fills me with such an immense disappointment and humilation that I don't say anything more. In fact, whenver I see her around after that day, I go to great lengths to avoid her. As disappointing as this was to be treated like I didn't exist when we were pretty close for a while when we were younger, I think in a way I understand. To me, Michelle always seemed like someone who didn't like to approach her demons, and maybe in a way I was inadvertedly part of that nasty past that she didn't want to remember. Or maybe she just simply forgot about me. Either way, I still sort of get it. Anyway. I think this is why the news hit me so hard. This wasn't one of the spoiled rotten teen moms on MTV that I, and apparently a good portion of America, have no problem watching for entertainment value. I have to admit it, before I heard about this news, I watched 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom and what have you every week. But ever since then, I haven't been able to bring myself to watch those shows anymore. It was like reality came and falcon kicked me in the face. This wasn't MTV. This wasn't the quirky light-heartedness of Juno (which, by the way, is still one of my favorite movies) brought to life. This was people I know, grew up with, went to school with, dealing with this. I think to think of it in any other way would be petty. I know people that heard this news and said things like 'it had to have happened to Fiddy eventually' and 'that's what Michelle gets for being a slut' and even got great enjoyment out of it. And that sickens me. And it makes me feel bad for watching those teen moms on television and not feeling any sympathy for them. Because how is that different from those people who ridiculed Fiddy and Michelle? It's not different at all. As fake as reality TV can be sometimes, they're still real people too. Even if I don't know those girls, I have no right to mock them for their mistakes. It makes me no better than those others. And even if Fiddy and Michelle weren't my friends, or even particularly people I like, I can still feel sympathy for them. And those that didn't, at all? Well. They're nobody that I want to associate with. Yes, they made a mistake. But that gives no one else the right to ridicule them for it and rub it in their face. By now, Michelle has had their baby, and they're actually still together and very happy. Their baby is adorable, and healthy. And I actually have so much respect for Fiddy because he stepped up to the plate and stayed with his son and his girlfriend, even with faced with something like that while he's still a teenager. From what I've heard, he's a great dad, and he's still finishing High School this year. Honestly, who could think of a better way of handling a situation like this? It could have gone badly in any number of ways, and instead, they're happy. And that's beautiful. I won't lie, it feels sort of weird blogging so extensively about two other people that aren't even my friends, but I guess I wanted to because I want someone--anyone--out there to hear this story and to know that teenage pregancy exists, and it's important to confront it instead of ignoring it and pretending it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist only in the next town over, it doesn't happen only to certain kinds of people, it exists, period. Fiddy's and Michelle's lives have changed for good now, and there will always be those people that will love to never let them live this down, but from the bottom of my heart, I hope they'll always remember that despite everything else, they have their precious baby boy. And I really, really hope they'll continue to be happy. xo Hopeless Romantic (Working on getting pictures on these entries! Sorry!) Labels: fiddy, past stuff, stuff not about me lol |
