♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

♡

Welcome \
♡


"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






Shout |
Questions? Concerns? Random observations?
Leave me a message here, or email me here. ♥



Credit ]
Full credit to the creator of this skin.

©Template make by Adila. Base code Zaty. Some code from Jaera.



refresh profile affies follow?♡

The Biggest Reason I Need A Car.}
Wednesday, January 27, 2010 | 5:32 PM | 0Comment


Internet.

Shoot me. Shoot me now. 'Why', you say? 'Why would I do that? You're a sixteen year old, and still have the rest of your life ahead of you!'

Well, Internet. If my dad continues to repel boys from me, I might as well just stop here.

Let me explain.

So, today I went to the bookstore with my parents. I was going so I could get the last book in the Mortal Instruments series (which I wholly and completely recommend, by the way. Incredible books). So anyway, we get there, and I venture off to find this last book. I find it, and I go to the magazine section to meet up with the parents.

On the way, however, I pass by the manga aisle. There in that manga aisle was the most gorgeous teenage male I've ever seen. My exact type. Longish scene-hair, tall, and skinny jean-wearing. As soon as I saw him, I literally stopped in my tracks and just stared. It was a good thing he wasn't looking, because my face probably resembled this: >:O

So anyway, I pull myself together and keep walking, and as I pass by this boy, I can feel him looking at me. Looking. At me!!!

And I'm very excited about that. So, after I meet up with my parents, I tell them I'm going to go look at the manga. I go back to the manga aisle, and hot guy's still there. So I stand five feet away from him, pretending like I'm looking for a particular manga. I'm SUPER nervous. My hands are shaking, and my heart is pounding. I don't even remember the last time I felt like this. Then again, I don't even remember the last time I saw someone so attractive.

I feel him glance up, and he holds his gaze on me. My heart starts pounding ever louder. Should I talk to him? Is he going to talk to me? What should I do?

When he looks away, I look at him again. God, he is so hot. I look away when he looks up, and we do this about two more times. Then finally, he stands up from the floor he's sitting on, and I feel him look at me again.

Oh God, I think. Oh God. He's going to talk to me.

By the way, this entire time, there's this undeniable tension in the air between us. I hate to sound cliche, but really, you could cut it with a knife. My heart races faster, and-

BAM. My dad comes OUT OF NOWHERE and goes, all the while pointing hugely, "Oh, HI honey! There you are! Hey, (insert mom's name here)! I FOUND HER. NO, SHE'S RIGHT HERE." I wrote that in capslock because it was that obnoxious and loud.

I reluctantly look at hot guy, and he's already walking out of the aisle, if not power-walking. He'd probably jog away, or even sprint if he could. I grimace.

This was the only attractive male I'd seen in months. Months. And I don't remember the last time I was this embarrassed about anything. If there were a window anywhere near that manga aisle, I'd probably jump out of it. I could not get out of that bookstore fast enough.

If I had been at that bookstore by myself, this would have never happened. Hot guy maybe would have talked to me, and I would have at LEAST got the chance to embarrass myself some OTHER way. Or at least find out his name. For God's sake, I didn't even find out his name!

But no. I'm sixteen and I still have to rely on my parents to drive me places! Places where they have to go with me! I'm sixteen, dammit, not twelve! I'm old enough to drive now, I should have my license! It's my ticket to freedom!

Freedom from the house! Freedom from un-walkable long distances! Freedom from embarrassing dads that scare boys away from me!

I'm even more determined to get my license now. I'm starting my driving classes ASAP. My love life and mental state of being depend on it!
xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: ,


Just a minor obsession.}
Thursday, January 7, 2010 | 11:47 AM | 0Comment


Hey, internet!

Happy New Year! Ah, my first blog post in 2010. 2009 was really boring for me, but I'm okay with that. It's better than having a crappy year, right?

It's a new decade, can you believe it? Ten years ago.....I was in Kindergarten. Hah. My, how things have changed. Especially in the past year. And I think it's time I fess up about something: I have a new obsession.
Well, not super new. It's actually been three months. But I think it's time I talk about it.

This Hopeless Romantic is obsessed with Tokio Hotel.

Never heard of them, you say? Well you could leave the page and Google them, but that takes too long, so I'll just do you a favor and tell you about them. They're a largely successful band from Germany, and their first album came out in 2005. They're huge in Europe. Huge.

Bill Kaulitz and Tom Kaulitz, the lead singer and the guitarist, are identical twins. Not to mention the beautiful twins I've ever laid my eyes on. Georg is the bassist, and Gustav is the drummer. They record songs in German and English.
The past three months, they're all I've been able to think about. I've never been this obsessed over a band. Never.
Not even when I went through my Jonas Brothers phase when I was 15 (by the way, Best friend Rose isn't too happy that I'm not obsessed with JB anymore. I liked them when they weren't so commercial, but now that Disney mickey moused all over them, they're not the same. A little disappointing, actually.)! And I'm especially obsessed with Bill. Oh my God, his voice. His hair. Oh my God.

One of my goals in 2010 is to see them live. They're amazing live, and I even watched the live online stream of the EMA's during my school hours just to watch their performance and see them win Best Group, which I had spent hours upon hours voting for online with the other fans.

I. Love. This. Band.

So while I waste my life away doing Homeschooling, at least I have something to look forward to and be passionate about. Despite being locked in my house all the time, I've already made friends with fans from all over the world because of it. I almost feel like a normal teenager again. Tokio Hotel makes all this time by myself worth it.

So far, this New Year has been great. Here's to hoping that all of you have a wonderful 2010.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: ,


Breakthrough.}
Wednesday, December 23, 2009 | 5:43 PM | 0Comment


Hello again, internet.


Well, I've recovered from my traumatizing Thanksgiving Day. I still don't understand how all of it happened, but it's over now. I think I made it pretty crystal clear to Phil that I don't put up with immature, 5th grade antics. I sort of feel sorry for the guy, in a way. I mean, he was terrified to talk to me when he 'liked me'. Now that he probably thinks I hate him, I can't imagine how petrified he is of me now.

But going through that ordeal really brought some things about myself to my attention. Last year, if a boy would have told me he liked me, I would be overjoyed. I would be so giddy, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

But now that I've gone through that, I get it. It's not just always about someone 'liking you'. If they don't even really know you, and they claim to 'like you', they don't really like you. They like your face. Or another preferred body part.

With Phil, I was constantly the one initiating conversation. He never initiated it. And even when we did talk, the conversations weren't real. I mean, they weren't meaningful. I could tell you some things that I learned about him right now: 1. His favorite colors are purple and green. 2. His family is filthy stinking rich and they take a trip to Europe every summer (which he happened to reiterate to me several times. I think he thought I would be impressed by his money. What kind of girl does he think I am?). 3. His mom drives an Audi.

There. Not very impressive, right? That's because all of our conversations (hah. All. I should say all 6 of them, total.) were like that. And if they weren't that, then they were this: Hi. Hi. How are you today? Good. That's good. (Then an awkward silence. Notice how he doesn't even ask how I am in return? Yeah, I'm fantastic, thanks for asking.)

I need in-depth, meaningful conversation. You know, the kind when you're talking to someone and they actually care about what you're saying, not just watching your mouth (or something much lower down that rhymes with moobs) when you talk. I need someone who understands me, or at least someone I can relate to. Not some lusty, immature teenaged boy.

Somehow, this new expectation of mine doesn't surprise me. I've always kind of felt like I was older than I really am, watching people my age parade around doing stuff that I find completely pointless. When I was three, I started calling my parents by their first names. I didn't start calling them 'mom and dad' again until I was five. I never drew on the wall or threw paints on the floor. I never tore the pages out of books or drew in them.

And I know that at this age, I'm expected to be parading around the mall, drinking or smoking, dating a new boy every two months or so, screaming at my parents that I hate them and that they don't understand me. But I'm not like that.

That's why I've been thinking lately that maybe I'm not destined to be dating right now. Sorry, that sounds really New Age, but I couldn't find a better way to put it.

I thought about how Phil never talked to me, and maybe he was intimidated by me. Maybe all the guys I know right now are intimidated by me. I don't look or act promiscuous, and I'm not willing to go make out with someone just because they think I'm cute(which, of course all of you know by now that I never get opportunities like that, but you get my point), I'm different, and I think that freaks them out. I know that's the standard of girls that get attention from guys, and I'm not willing to change myself just to get attention from boys. That's not me.

I would rather have someone to be completely interested in and attracted by who I am right now, not some girl who I pretend to be. I'm starting to realize who I am, and I never want to change the girl I'm just getting to know for some stupid boy.

And I guess it's not fair to say that all teenaged boys are like that. Just most of them. And I'm thinking the ones that aren't like that are some sort of rare breed of boy, one in a million. It might take a while and a few more life experiences to find that boy of mine.

So, I'm going to live my life until then. Occupy myself. Focus on things that are really important. Since I'm locked in the house 24/7, maybe I should work on my novel. (Did I mention that I'm trying out writing a novel? How would you guys like this...The Life of a 16 Year Old Hopeless Romantic: THE NOVEL. I think I like the sound of that.) I've also been taking advantage of being in the house all the time by taking better care of my hair(my dream length is waistlength. Long, gloriously healthy, jet black, waistlength hair.) and not using a flat iron on it everyday has done wonders(no more split ends!). I also need to go take my driving classes so I can get my freakin' driver's license already.

I'm going to stop expecting something to happen with a boy and just let things happen as they may. Meanwhile, no fear, internet. I'll still be your royally honest Hopeless Romantic. I'll talk about other relationships and my single life instead.

So, thank you Phil. You actually taught me something. I will never, ever settle for someone who settles for me. I want to be wanted.

Yours,


xo Hopeless Romantic
p.s. Happy Holidays! xo
p.p.s. Sorry about the music player...it's henious, I know! I'm working on it!

Labels: , ,


I hate confrontation.}
Thursday, November 26, 2009 | 6:23 PM | 0Comment

So, Internet, we meet again.

Here's the thing, the story I have for you is much too long (you know how I can go on and on about something, and this entry is an EMERGENCY, and I don't have time for long!!) , therefore, I will use bullet points.

  • Remember Phil? He's back. And with drama.
  • Turns out he wasn't as uninterested as I thought he became.
  • A month and a half ago, one of my friends, Colbie, told me she talked to him and he said he still liked me. Alot.
  • Skip ahead two weeks to football game, he doesn't talk to me at all. Not even a hi.
  • Skip ahead a few more weeks to today.
  • I get a text from him this morning saying 'Hey suo'. I wasn't sure what 'suo' meant, and I even asked my cousin, whom I was talking with. I was then pretty sure it was a typo, so I let it go and replied, 'Oh hey! Happy Thanksgiving. :))'
  • Then basically, we talk about how we've been and school and crap. Really casual, boring stuff. And it lasts through to the early evening. How it lasted that long is a mystery to me, he's not very good at conversation.
  • I don't know why I'm still using bullet points, this is still long.
  • Anway, eventually I stop replying, because the conversation is going nowhere anyway.
  • Then, he sends me another text an hour later, saying these exact words, I swear on my life: 'I love you. Sorry i didnt say it before'.
  • ">:O" was my face after reading that.
  • I then proceeded to text Best Friend Rose, caps lock and a million exclamation points included, and then proceeded to forward the text message from Phil to her.
  • She then proceeded to reply with the words, 'AHHHHHHHH HOLY S**T WTF!?!?!????!?! KDHDNDBZ'. It sort of resembled the one I sent.
  • Then, while we were discussing what I should say to him, which took about half and hour, he sent me another text, saying 'Well, not love, love is a strong word. I meant i like you.'
  • .......Okay then. Like. Like is easier to swallow, easier to wrap my mind around. But I'm still kind of freaking out here.
  • So then I proceeded to forward that text to Rose as well. She said, "He only said that cuz you took so long to replyy!! Whatta tard. Umm, okay, just be like, 'Really? Cause I haven't seen you in so long.'"
  • So that's what I said. And he said, 'I know'......okay. So then Rose tells me to say, "So, why do you still like me?"
  • I hesitated before sending that one. It seemed a little harsh to me. But I wanted to know, so I did.
  • No answer.
  • This would have been okay if he had said he liked me in the first place. Like. But no. He said LOVE. And I knew that he said like afterwards because he chickened out.
  • So then, an hour later, I text him again and say, "Because I honestly thought you stopped liking me a while ago."
  • Then, Phil replies and says, 'Ohhh my sister is sooo stupid she did that I am so sorry'.
  • ........
  • WHAT. THE. F**K?!
  • First of all, that was the dumbest excuse I've ever heard in my life. Even my grandmother would know that that is the most over used, uncreative and cliched excuse known to man.
  • Second of all, does he really think I'm that stupid?
  • Third, all this just because he chickened out of telling me he loved me? How immature is that? What, are we in the sixth grade?
  • If a guy is gonna tell me he loves me, I at least want him to have the balls not to back out of it 30 minutes later.
  • Besides, if he backed out of it so fast, it wasn't real love anyway. And I don't need that. I need passion.
  • I feel like I got cheated out of a first 'i love you' from a guy. I'm livid. Seriously.
  • I didn't realize how immature he really is until this. I thought maybe he had a little more maturity than he gave off, but come on. This is like, a rediculous amount of immaturity here. I didn't know High School boys were capable of such immaturity.
  • Then again, it is High School boys that we're talking about here.

So, there we go. The longest, most complicated, bullet-pointed entry ever. I think I'll go stuff my face with leftover stuffing and mashed potatoes now. Happy Thanksgiving.

Cheated out of her first 'I love you',

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: ,


New Views and a New Season}
Saturday, October 10, 2009 | 12:37 AM | 0Comment

Why hello there, Internet.

It's been awhile....again. But I promise you, I have a good excuse this time! How can one blog when nothing happens?

D:

No, seriously, I feel like my days have been on repeat lately.
Wake up. Get breakfast. Log-in to school. Work. Take Lunchbreak. Work again. Finish work, watch Gilmore Girls. Check e-mail, Facebook, Myspace and Twitter. Have dinner. Take shower. Go to bed. Sleep. Repeat.

AUGH.

Day after day. I feel like I've already started a boring, cubicle-bound career, never to be released. And I'm only a sophomore.

I honestly hoped I could blog an update exciting enough to tell you guys, but seriously. Nothing.

Okay, well actually, two weeks ago, I went to a party. It was Jessica Simpson's 16th birthday party, actually. There was girls and boys and food and loud music and dancing...and it was surprisingly boring. To be truthful, it was first official High School party. I was kinda disappointed. And it wasn't Jessica Simpson's fault, she's a great party-thrower, let me tell you. She had all the elements, and she's always the life of the party.

The only problem...it was chaperoned.

And a lot of people didn't like that. There supposedly was about 150+ people invited, but people came and left the entire time. Many people left at one point just because they found out there wasn't booze. Sigh.

I was really frustrated with them. Tons of people refused to dance, and it made the whole atmostphere still and formal, even with the flashing lights and pulsing music. Everyone refused to eat the food. When Jessica Simpson asked people if they wanted cake, everyone said no. I actually though it was kind of rude. And besides me and Best Friend Rose, only three other people bought her a present. And the party was supposed to officially end around 2 AM, but so many people left by 12:30, the DJ started packing up by then.

I felt bad for Jessica, I didn't think she deserved all that. So really, it wasn't her fault the party was so bad.

So besides the party that nobody talked about afterwards, I have also been to two home football games. The first one, a lot of people in our grade were there, and I got a lot of hugs and excited people greeting me. It was actually pretty nice, considering maybe half of them hardly talked to me the year before. I had a feeling that would happen, since you know, distance makes the heart grow fonder and something or other.
I had also dyed my hair black since I saw them (don't worry, I'm not gothic now. I'm still the one and only Hopeless Romantic. It just goes with my skin tone better, is all.) and a lot of people commented on that. It cheered me up a little.

The football game I went to tonight was the Homecoming game. Not only was it extremely cold, colder than I'd ever been in my recent memory (thank you, cold front.), but there were tons of people there. Definitely didn't get as many greeters as last time, but not alot of the same people were there, so it was understandable.
I was supposed to go to the Homecoming dance with Johnny, as friends of course, but he dropped out last minute because he couldn't go. Then I was supposed to go with Best friend Rose, but she ended up not wanting to go because she told some guy that asked her that she wasn't going, and it would be awkward if she showed up and he was there.

I'm not upset, really. I guess all the hype goes with actually being in the school in the weeks leading up to Homecoming, because I wasn't all that excited anyway. At least I hadn't already bought a dress.

And anyway, I've spent the last month cooped up in the school room, trying to catch up on all the assignments I missed. It turns out, I enrolled late, and I was way behind. I'm still catching up, it's kinda stressful. But I'll catch up eventually, I'm sure.

It's just that this past month, I've thought about stuff. Alot. I mean, you have alot of thinking time when you're by yourself and the dog all the time. And I finally figured out that there are a few perks of this whole online school thing.

Like for one, I can do school in my pj's, and nobody will stare. Be jealous.

And I can do the work at my own pace, on my own time. So I can sleep in if I want to!

And I can read as loudly as I want and reply sarcastically to the computer screen/lesson without getting in trouble.

But I mean, it's still really weird. Really weird. My teachers keep calling my cell phone. How did they even get my cell phone number? I never answer when they call me, because it's just too weird. I don't even talk on the phone with my friends, I text them. So then why would I want to talk to my teachers on the phone? D:

And at first, it was kinda hard to focus on the work. I'm starting to associate the other room with schoolwork now. The school sent me a special school computer and school books and everything, so it's all in that room.

I learned that I love to read. It was something that I love to do endlessly as a kid. In elementary school, I read Junie B. Jones books and Cam Jansen books and Jigsaw Jones books and Goosebumps books all the time. I also read every Mary-kate and Ashley book ever written. I think it went away for a while because it was seen as 'uncool' to read in middle school. And I guess it still kind is, but I honestly don't care anymore. It's something I've rediscovered lately. I read nine novels this summer, and that's more than I read the entire year last year.

And I also learned that I'm maybe smarter than I thought I was. Since I was in a Private school ever since Preschool, one with kind of advanced learning, I forgot I was kind of ahead of Public schools in my area. The online school is based on Public school studies, so in a way, I'm kind of ahead. Everything I'm doing in lessons are so familiar to me, like I'd done them already, and I'm in a Junior science class. I have all A's. I feel like such a nerd.

And you know why? I realized I want good grades. Before, I was just kind of like, 'Oh, well, I'll do as well as I do on this test. Who cares if it's a B or C or whatever.' But now I want it to be an A. I'm disappointed with anything else.

Oh my God. What's happening to me?!

It can't be that I've already matured more in a month's time. I've only been doing this a month. I keep finding out more and more things about myself.

I just hope this can be what finally helps me find who I am. I've been struggling with that lately. I hate it when everyone just expects you to know your limits, know your priorities, know what you want. But what if you don't know who you are?

For some people, it takes their whole life to find out who they are. I don't want that to happen. I want to find out the real me, find her before something else happens and she gets more and more hidden from me. I feel like if I finally get to figure that out, more things will make more sense. I won't have to question myself, or the things I do. Because I hate that.

So, I'm thinking this could be the key to bringing me a step closer to that.

Meanwhile, though, Internet, I am simply going mad without human contact.

Mad.

Because it's not like I can just call one of my friends and go, "Heyyyy, what's goin' on? :D" because they're all in class. And then I'll try talking to my dog, but she just stares at me. Plus, that's kinda weird. And she's not human.

And I see my parents, of course, but I see them all the time. There's a difference. Haha.

And honestly, Internet, that's it. No boy news as of yet. And I don't see how any could start any time soon. Unless I get a new hot neighbor, which seems unlikely, I wouldn't expect any soon.

Okay, sorry for this long post. I felt like since I hadn't written in forever, I owed it to you. Hahaha.

Waiting for life to start,

xo Hopeless Romantic

PS: Thank you Shayne and Alex! Your words were so inspiring.

Labels: ,


A Brand New Season Begins.}
Tuesday, August 18, 2009 | 9:14 PM | 0Comment

"So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly." -November, Azure Ray


It's crazy how much can happen in a month, Internet.

You won't believe all the changes I'm going to face in this school year. Where to start?

Well, for one, I'm not even going to the same school anymore.

Yep.

Long story short, my family is going through major financial pressures this year, and right now, we just can't afford Private school. I've gone to that Private school my entire life.

And all my friends and my entire life there is moving on without me.

And not only am I not going there anymore, but instead, my parents want to enroll me in an online high school. Online. No teenage human contact, ever.

My summer of indoors has turned into a Fall and Winter of indoors as well.

And it's official now. I've sort of come to terms with it, somewhat. I'm still going to miss normal school life and all my friends like crazy. I'll definately miss getting ready in the morning and feeling the thrill of the first day of school. I'll miss taking the time to do my hair and makeup and hoping that someone will take notice of me.

But that's just it.

Maybe I needed a break from all that.

A few months ago, during the few last weeks of school, I couldn't wait to get out of there. Everyone and everything about that place was driving me to insanity.

Maybe I need an extended break. Maybe this will be good for me.

Maybe it will be somewhat of a learning experience.

Maybe I'll come back more mature, prettier, even. Maybe then, people will look at me differently after my extended absence.

All my friends start school tomarrow. I'm not going to lie, everytime I look at someone's status update on myspace or facebook and see something mentioned about the first day of school, it gets to me. But I'll be okay.

Something I won't miss is the drama. I hate the drama. I loathe the drama with every fiber of my being. And I hate the snooty upperclassmen. I hate the shallow, judgemental girls. I hate the douchebag, equally shallow boys.

So maybe I need this.

And it's not for forever. I don't need to worry about missing Junior or Senior Prom, or Graduation. I plan on going to the football games. And my parents said they fully intend on getting me back there once we get all caught up on the stacked-up bills. They even said I could possibly be back by 2nd semester.

So, let's hope, Internet.

But until then, I'll be okay. I just have to deal and quit wallowing in self-pity. Everything happens for a reason, right?

However, though, one thing's for sure.

This Hopeless Romantic is even more hopeless now, because no normal school = no boys.

Oh God, help me.

xo Helplessly-Hopeless Romantic

Labels:


Confession Time.}
Tuesday, July 14, 2009 | 10:11 PM | 0Comment

Okay, Internet, I admit it.

I've sort of been hiding something from you for the past week. Something kind of...well, not big, but not trivial either.

I've been talking to Ricky Bobby lately.

Yes, yes, I know! I can practically hear your heavy sighs coming through the computer screen. I know. More about Ricky Bobby.

Because, the fact is, he's in town for vacation. Evidently, though, he's been in town for a while. Like, almost a month. And I had no idea. Which I suppose is good, actually. It shows that I'm not as involved with him as much anymore.

But yes, we've been talking. On myspace, if you could call that talking. And it's more of the confusing 'send, no reply, send again, reply, send, reply, send, wait a few days, send again, reply' pattern. It's tiring. But I can't bring myself to give up.

Not only am I guilty for that, Internet, but the other crime I'm guilty of makes me ashamed, myself.

I'm guilty of wanting to see him.

And I'm not only wanting to see him. That's kind of an understatement. I have a horrifying urge to see him. And I'm thinking about him all the time now.

I know, I know!!

It's awful. And as much as I know I'm seriously going to pay for it later, as much as I know I'm just hurting myself by doing this and setting myself up for pain, I can't bring myself to stop talking to him.

And I've actually been planning to make plans to see him, too! It just keeps getting worse!

Internet, maybe it's time for an intervention. I need someone to free me from the huge, gaping hole I'm digging myself into.

xo Hopeless Romantic

Labels: ,