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 "This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against." 
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A Brand New Season Begins.}
Tuesday, August 18, 2009 | 9:14 PM | 0Comment So these lighter days can soon begin I'll be alone but maybe more carefree Like a kite that floats so effortlessly." -November, Azure Ray It's crazy how much can happen in a month, Internet. You won't believe all the changes I'm going to face in this school year. Where to start? Well, for one, I'm not even going to the same school anymore. Yep. Long story short, my family is going through major financial pressures this year, and right now, we just can't afford Private school. I've gone to that Private school my entire life. And all my friends and my entire life there is moving on without me. And not only am I not going there anymore, but instead, my parents want to enroll me in an online high school. Online. No teenage human contact, ever. My summer of indoors has turned into a Fall and Winter of indoors as well. And it's official now. I've sort of come to terms with it, somewhat. I'm still going to miss normal school life and all my friends like crazy. I'll definately miss getting ready in the morning and feeling the thrill of the first day of school. I'll miss taking the time to do my hair and makeup and hoping that someone will take notice of me. But that's just it. Maybe I needed a break from all that. A few months ago, during the few last weeks of school, I couldn't wait to get out of there. Everyone and everything about that place was driving me to insanity. Maybe I need an extended break. Maybe this will be good for me. Maybe it will be somewhat of a learning experience. Maybe I'll come back more mature, prettier, even. Maybe then, people will look at me differently after my extended absence. All my friends start school tomarrow. I'm not going to lie, everytime I look at someone's status update on myspace or facebook and see something mentioned about the first day of school, it gets to me. But I'll be okay. Something I won't miss is the drama. I hate the drama. I loathe the drama with every fiber of my being. And I hate the snooty upperclassmen. I hate the shallow, judgemental girls. I hate the douchebag, equally shallow boys. So maybe I need this. And it's not for forever. I don't need to worry about missing Junior or Senior Prom, or Graduation. I plan on going to the football games. And my parents said they fully intend on getting me back there once we get all caught up on the stacked-up bills. They even said I could possibly be back by 2nd semester. So, let's hope, Internet. But until then, I'll be okay. I just have to deal and quit wallowing in self-pity. Everything happens for a reason, right? However, though, one thing's for sure. This Hopeless Romantic is even more hopeless now, because no normal school = no boys. Oh God, help me. xo Helplessly-Hopeless Romantic Labels: sophomore year Confession Time.}
Tuesday, July 14, 2009 | 10:11 PM | 0Comment Okay, Internet, I admit it. I've sort of been hiding something from you for the past week. Something kind of...well, not big, but not trivial either. I've been talking to Ricky Bobby lately. Yes, yes, I know! I can practically hear your heavy sighs coming through the computer screen. I know. More about Ricky Bobby. Because, the fact is, he's in town for vacation. Evidently, though, he's been in town for a while. Like, almost a month. And I had no idea. Which I suppose is good, actually. It shows that I'm not as involved with him as much anymore. But yes, we've been talking. On myspace, if you could call that talking. And it's more of the confusing 'send, no reply, send again, reply, send, reply, send, wait a few days, send again, reply' pattern. It's tiring. But I can't bring myself to give up. Not only am I guilty for that, Internet, but the other crime I'm guilty of makes me ashamed, myself. I'm guilty of wanting to see him. And I'm not only wanting to see him. That's kind of an understatement. I have a horrifying urge to see him. And I'm thinking about him all the time now. I know, I know!! It's awful. And as much as I know I'm seriously going to pay for it later, as much as I know I'm just hurting myself by doing this and setting myself up for pain, I can't bring myself to stop talking to him. And I've actually been planning to make plans to see him, too! It just keeps getting worse! Internet, maybe it's time for an intervention. I need someone to free me from the huge, gaping hole I'm digging myself into. xo Hopeless Romantic Labels: ricky bobby, summer Catching Up.}
Thursday, July 9, 2009 | 10:05 PM | 0Comment Hey Internet! So, I'm finally going to fill you in on everything that happened with Phil during the rest of the school year. I can't believe I put it off for this long, there's so much to tell you! But to make things easier, I'll use bullet points.
Sadly, that is where this tale ends. So far, at least. And, it's not like I didn't try to keep in touch with Phil. I really, truly did. He has a Facebook, and I tried talking to him, but he was so busy, he couldn't find the time to reply until mostly weeks later. And I could sort of tell by the way he replied that he wasn't really interested in talking to me. So, it's okay. I'm a little disappointed, but to be honest, I wasn't as into him as I've been into other guys. Sometimes, it felt like he liked me more than I liked him. And that wasn't fair to him. So, I think it's better this way. And I know that there will come guys that I will like ten times more than I liked Phil. Here's to hoping for a significant number of new guys at our school next school year. And here's to hoping that a 'summer thing' that I've been hoping for will happen. Ever since I was young, I've always wanted a Summer Romance. Doesn't that sound so romantic? Just the concept of it sends my heart into a frenzy. And it's July already! I don't have a summer job this summer. Well, I was supposed to work for my dad, but I guess he decided he didn't want to hire me anymore. So, no summer job. I barely get to leave the house during the week because, 1: I can't legally drive myself yet, and 2: There's never anyone to drive me places. because trust me, if I did, I would definately go places. Everyone's always at work or something. So I'm stuck in the house all the time, wasting away, getting paler, watching suckish daytime T.V. Let's hope my summer gets a kick-start...and soon! xo Hopeless Romantic Missed Connections.}
Sunday, June 28, 2009 | 11:22 PM | 0Comment Something else I discovered recently- the Missed Connections section on Craigslist. "To woo you with the sweetest of words in a sonnet or poem of my heart, would satisfy my urgency to see you smile sweetly. To be the one who hid himself in the shadows, and play the songs of my soul, to settle your worries to allow your comfort in sleep. Oh but to have my heart's steady beating transition you from dreams to consciousness, while morning's sun flavour our bedroom with soft beams of light. To recieve YOUR gaze of contentment, and being YOUR choice from all suitors, The feel of your hand fanned out close to my heart in a quiet, nestled embrace, just once, even if never again. A life beautiful, is the intimate dream of the heart... fulfilled. I have left the place where I can hope to see you at even a glance or in passing, where I can pretend that exchanging pleasantries was just that. Possibly hide the way I want to gaze in speechless amazement of you, the way a prince looks into the eyes of his princess. I should not want for you this way, yet to convince me otherwise is to convince those who long for summers' warmth to stay contented in winters' frosts. Not so easily done. At the turn of random happenings today you had again smiled upon my daydreams, and an unconscious smile developed within me and on my lips as though you could see me smiling at you. So soft and genuine, I was powerless to do nothing but return a smile back. I regret very little in my decisions in life, yet I regret not having told you in voice what I now script to this abyss of sorts in the off-fantasy that you would find and recognize who I am. I fear that you would find me, and desire what I desire even in the smallest of extent, in it that the attraction was mutual. Even where I am now it is not possible to escape your pleasant haunting,and know this... nor do I wish to." I have no words. Well maybe except: WHERE DO GUYS LIKE THIS LIVE, AND WHY DON'T I KNOW ANY OF THEM? I promise you guys, I'll get around to blogging about my actual life soon. Hahaha. xo Hopeless Romantic Attention, Prince Charming.}
Saturday, June 27, 2009 | 8:39 PM | 0Comment "I wish I could convince you I need you. I wish you could see how I see you. I wish you would let go of your mistakes. I love you, I need you. I don't want to spend my life without you. Your beautiful, your precious, your unique. Your the one woman who was stolen my heart. I don't care about you choosing him over me. I don't care about your mistakes. I care about you. I looked at you that way because you are the love of my life. Maybe the timing is not the same as everyone else, but with each day that passes I know I love you more. Please let go of the past. Your to valuable and needed in my life. You are so beautiful to me. Your the one I think about because your my inspiration. Without you to inspire me all I feel is emptiness. Your needed, I need you. I sent you those things to convince you of your worth to God. I sent you those things to help you let go of your mistakes. Please stop pretending let go of the past." "The more you lie to me, You hurt me. The more you pretend nothing happened between us, You hurt me. The more you deny the truth, You hurt me. The more you think about your mistakes, You hurt me. The more you think I would be better off without you, You hurt me. The more you won't forgive yourself, You hurt me. It's been close to a year since I have seen you and your all I think about. Will you let your mistakes rule the rest of your life? How long will true love past you by because your afraid about me seeing the real you? I just wish in someway someday I could convince you I need you in my life. Without you I feel my inspiration is gone. I am not better off without you. Your a unique woman who devalues herself by not seeing your truth worth. The fear and the shame you have had all your life I want to take away. You won't let me because it's something which puts everything you've known to risk. It's like stepping out on the water. You are an inspiration to me. Your exactly what I need. Here the voice of truth in your heart. Let go of the past and embrace the love you have always wanted. Without you I am broken and lonely. Without you the sun is not as bright and breeze is not as cool." -From RomanceClass.com See stuff like this? This makes a teenage girl much more desperate for a guy than she needs to be. Where does this Prince Charming live? If you're reading this, Prince, please don't hesitate to introduce me to your very similar Charming friends. :] xo Hopeless Romantic Suprises and MORE Suprises.}
Friday, June 19, 2009 | 10:29 PM | 0Comment Internet! It's been a while, hasn't it? Alot has happened. Espacially alot with Phil. BUT, I'll fill you in with that a little later. Because something new happened. Something totally unexpected and urgent. And it's not about Phil. Remember Gene? You know, my guy friend that pretty much caused me and Phil to, more or less, have a mutual like? Our matchmaker? Remember how I insisted that he wasn't gay? Well guess what. Yep, you guessed it. Gene just told me on MSN that he thinks he's gay. Okay, I'm not gonna lie. I felt like a small part of me knew, but nevertheless, I was shocked. Super shocked. I mean, I was honored that he came to me first out of all of the people he knows, but shocked none the less. And we must have talked for two hours about it. He told me he was confused, and that an experience with another guy made it even more confusing to him. They didn't have sex or anything, but they pretty much made out. I almost didn't even know what to say, because when he told me he had to talk to me, that was pretty much the last thing I'd expect. For real. But I helped him the best I could. It's funny how one conversation can make two people so much closer. It really is. I mean, I feel like I can tell Gene anything now, espacially since he had the courage to tell me that. That took alot of guts. And he said he told me because he felt like he could trust me the most. That meant so much. And I feel like we're definately much closer friends now. like, much MUCH closer. Maybe we're even best friends now. But he's so confused right now. I just hope that eventhing works out, I really do. I feel awful that he has to face this kind of confusion right now in his life. Well, that's High School for you. xo Hopeless Romantic PS: I hope you guys didn't think I was abandoning you! Thanks once again, sapphire! :D Labels: summer Unsure.}
Thursday, May 7, 2009 | 8:23 PM | 0Comment  So, Internet. I have good news. It's official. He officially likes me back. Like, for real this time. He absolutely, very positively likes me. I still can't believe it! I didn't think it could get any better, but it did!! Am I in heaven? But, the only class I share with him, I'm always late. Then I don't get the chance to talk to him before class starts, and I never have time during or afterwards anymore (our English teacher's really strict about getting out of our seats). Hopefully that will get better. But we have texted before, so maybe I should text him more? And Jessica Simpson's not going to be at school tomarrow, so maybe I should finally use that opportunity to talk to him. By myself! Ahhh! Dx He just makes me so nervous! And I don't want things to be awkward at all. I just need to talk to him soooo bad. But I'll do it. Here's to hoping I'll have good news to bring you next entry, Internet. (PS: Thanks Sapphire! I'll definately remember that! :D I appreciate the advice!) xo Hopeless Romantic Labels: freshman year, phil |
