♡ the life of a 25 year old hopeless romantic ♡

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"This song is talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you're gonna be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there, she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against."






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Updates Updates.}
Friday, March 16, 2012 | 3:05 PM | 0Comment

So. Internet. It's time I wrote an update entry, but since I'm pressed for time, it'll be a bulletpoint entry. Yay! (Also, no picture. Sad face.)

Here's what's been going on in my life for the past month or so:
  • For a while around the beginning of February, I got super lazy and lost motivation to do my school work--which, you know. Seems to happen to me alot. Yeah. Not good. So then I became behind.
  • Around that time, I got my first message about graduation. GRADUATION. I KNOW. IT'S ACTUALLY REAL. GAH. Got my cap and gown order form and everything. And it finally hit me that I really am a senior in high school. A senior that's going to graduate and be done with High School for the rest of my life. Holy geez.
  • We also got an official all-seniors-have-all-of-your-classes-done date. May 11. Oh. OH. OH WOW.
  • Valentine's Day, I rented like 7 movies and got a bunch of junk food (including a few of my favorites: Tiramasu ice cream and jalapeno chips. YES.) and watched movies all day. Pretty normal Valentine's Day activities for me. Also, Sucker Punch was a really good idea to watch. It was my first time watching it. The whole time I watched it, I was basically like, 'Wow, this is bad. Awesomely bad.' But by the end? Loved it. LOVED IT. I can't explain it, I really can't. It's now one of my favorite movies.
  • Two days after Valentine's Day, got sick. Bad sick. In fact, I'm finally over it now, but it's taken this long. It was so bad that a lot of my old asthma problems started to come back a little, which I haven't had trouble with in YEARS. We didn't even have any old rescue inhalers that I could use, so basically I just had to suffer through it. 'Twas baaaad. And over the course of my cold, I got my period. Triple whammy. When I had all of that combined, it was the worst week ever.
  • So then. Once I started getting better, by now I was even more behind in schoolwork. I'd tried to do some work while I was still really sick, since I knew I was so behind, but between cold medicine making me sleepy and falling asleep from exhaustion from not sleeping the night before didn't bode well. PLUS, it didn't help that while I was sick, my school decided to fix all the senior's lesson schedules so that we would all finish by May 11. Which would have been dandy if I wasn't already behind. So now my schedule's all screwy, and where before I might have had 5 or 6 lessons per day, I now have 9 or 10 per day, usually meaning that I have about 2 lessons from each subject for each day. Yeah. Exactly.
  • SO. The last two weeks, I've been trying my best to catch up with all my make up work. It hasn't been easy, but I've made some progress. And I'm not too worried, because if worst comes to worst, I can work on some during my spring break (the week of the 25th). Which sucks for me, but hey. At least I'd get ahead. BUT NOT ON MY BIRTHDAY BECAUSE IT'S MY SPECIAL DAY.
  • Oh yeah, my birthday. That's this month. Huh. Time flies.
  • Anyway, as long as I work my ass off until May 11th, I'm pretty positive I can get it all done. I'm not super behind by now anyway, because like I said, I've been making progress. Even with two semesters of English to get done at the same time, I've done pretty well. Especially considering my teacher was kind enough to let me skip over the research paper this semester, probably since he knows how busy I am. So, you know. Awesome.
  • On another note, I've been talking to this new guy on OKC.
  • Well, I was. Until I got sick. Then I couldn't be bothered to log into OKCupid to answer a dumb email because I was too busy dying and being miserable, okay.
  • Okay, it wasn't dumb, I don't think. I don't know, I still haven't read it yet. Hahaha. He was pretty nice, but it was just idle conversation basically. I kind of felt like pressured to talk to him anyway because he actually first contacted me around October or so, and after I replied to him once or twice, I stopped replying. This conversation was the product of him messaging me again around late January. I finally replied to him this time because I felt bad, it seemed like he really wanted to talk to me. And as it goes, I don't reply to a lot of messages on there anymore, because like I said in an earlier entry, I've been pretty much disenchanted with the whole online dating scene and I've come to realize it doesn't work well for me.
  • But anyhow, I replied to him, and we'd been talking on and off for about two weeks. He's a gamer, works for the Air Force, and likes to go shooting and hiking. He's a nice dude, really, but I just really have no interest in dating right now. Like, none. Absolutely none at all. Honestly, I'd rather drink 2 gallons of milk than start dating someone right now. (And for the record, I hate milk. Deplore it. I'm not lactose intolerant, but the slightest wiff of it makes me immediately nausious. I can't even watch people drink it. Ugh, just typing this is grossing me out.) I'm just so busy and so involved with other things that I can't even think about meeting someone that I might have interest in dating.
  • Hell, even if Ryan Gosling showed up at my doorstep right now and got down on one knee with a green Ring Pop, asked me to be his lover, and then joined me in a rendition of 'Wannabe' complete with Scary Spice and Baby Spice outfits, I would still say no. Also, that would be really weird.
  • POINT BEING: I cannot date or even THINK of dating right now. My sanity is at stake, here.
  • In other news, me and Best Friend Rose are okay now. For now, anyway. I just got tired of being pissed, I don't hold grudges very well. Plus, the season finale of the Bachelor was on, and we had to talk about it. Yes, I know it's scripted. Yes, it's really ridiculous and cheesy, I know. It's entertaining. I DON'T TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.
  • Also, I don't know about the whole Ricky Bobby thing still. Still driving me crazy. Trying to forget, though.
  • Off subject sorry, but the door to my school office is so thin and I can hear every freaking noise in the house when it's closed and it's driving me crazy lately. Like, right now, my mom is having a sneezing fit and she sneezes really loudly and every time she does it scares the crap out of me and I jump and then I keyboard smash all over the place. Jafjkafjkls.
  • So yeah, Rosie wanted to go to a school play tonight but I'm so shackled up to my desk right now, finishing work, that I'm not even sure I can go. Sunlight? What's...what's that? Is it a food? ....Outdoors? What? Is that a country? What is the outside world?
  • Plus, I have to wash my hair, because it's really really nasty and dirty, but I don't even think I have time for THAT. SCHOOL IS RUINING ME AND REVERTING ME INTO A CAVE(WO)MAN.
  • Frankenstein is a good book.
  • I have no one to see The Hunger Games movie with, because none of my friends have read it. Sob.
  • I got my new Big Bang album in the mail two days ago. It's glorious. Been playing it nonstop. A CD with a HUGE honkin' metal case with full size poster and high-res photobook and stickers, all for $20, including shipping? KOREA. I LOVE YOU.
  • Too much capslock in this entry.

Wow, long bulletpoint entry. But hopefully you got the POINT. Hah. Hah. The POINT.

...I'm stalling. Going back to work now. *drags ball and chain back to desk*

xo Hopeless Romantic

(Font's back to normal but now it's spaced all weird. UGH. Blogger, what's up?)

(EDIT: Fixed the spacing. Whew.)

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Best Friend Rose.}
Wednesday, March 7, 2012 | 10:23 AM | 0Comment

Hey, Internet. Guess who canceled on me on Sunday?

Yup. You guessed it. And guess who's still pretty pissed off about it? THIS GIRL.

So, I still don't know what this whole Ricky Bobby thing is about. And it's driving me absolutely insane.

And I can't really say that Rosie canceled on me, it was more that she just completely flaked out on me. She was the one who told me she wanted to get together on Sunday after canceling our last plans. Right? So then I text her at about 2 pm on Sunday, after getting no contact from her at all up until that point, asking her when she wants to do this, reminding her that I couldn't do anything late and it was already 2.

So she replies almost an hour later, asking how late I could do something, and I say 5 at the very latest. So then she tells me, Oh! I'm working right now! And I have to babysit at 5! Sorry!

And then my face looks like this: :I

Then why did you even suggest making plans if you didn't know if you'll be busy yet or not? Especially right after canceling on me before?

Okay. I get that she's going through serious shit right now. I totally and completely get it. And I want to be there for her so she can have someone to talk to, because I always have. But getting flaked on like this?

I get that she's probably really distracted by everything right now, and that she's overwhelmed, but what I don't get is how she's somehow able to make plans with and hang out with people that she sees every single day at school and yet she can't even manage to make comprehensible plans to see me at least every two weeks or so. I feel like if she really actually wanted to see me, she would at least try to, but I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick here. And I'm trying not to take this personally, but I kinda am.

And I admit I didn't handle getting blown off well, because when she tried to reschedule yet again, twice in fact, I just told her both times curtly that I was busy and when she replied with, I'm sure sarcastically, "With what?", I stopped replying. Not the best way to handle it, I know, but I was just really upset. Especially on that day, because there were all these things that I wanted to do that day, but they were all ruined because all day I was waiting for her to tell me when she wanted to hang out, which you know, never happened. And I feel like that happens to me often in this friendship.

I mean, let's be real. Best Friend Rose and I, like I've mentioned before, have been best friends for years. This year it'll be fourteen. So I've long since gotten used to her personality and behavior, and I know it like the back of my hand. And when things are great between us? They're great. Really. When things are going swimmingly between us, I often wonder what I would do without her. It feels like I'm the luckiest person in the world because she's my best friend.

But I can honestly say that every few years or so, she'll go through this period of obscurity. I mean, she'll just...go off somewhere else. Find a new exciting group or person to hang out with all the time and I pretty much get pushed out of the picture. It's happened at least six times the whole time we've been friends. And I've tried to explain to her that she does this, and how it makes me feel, but she just denies it. But I know that it's true and not just in my imagination because whenever she does, it's like I have to go and find another friend too, because I'm suddenly left in the cold.

This time, she's been spending all of her time with Jezebel, to the point where she actually moved into Rosie's house for a while because she was having some family problems, which was actually really sweet of BFR. And I actually really like Jezebel, we get along great and she's super fun to hang out with. But I just don't understand why I'm suddenly being pushed away again.

I've always sort of felt like I've always needed Rosie more than she needed me. She's always been the social butterfly, easily making new friends left and right, and I've always been the shy, slightly co-dependant one, something that always rears its ugly head whenever this happens. And whenever this happens, it just happens, and I don't say anything because I think that it'll pass eventually--I know that she's probably not doing it on purpose, it's just her personality--but usually it doesn't for a while. And I don't say anything.

And, honestly? It makes me feel like a doormat.

Part of me feels like I'll always be the understanding friend, the friend that always forgives every single time she's repeatedly squashed under someone's foot. I feel like I'm sometimes too kind and too forgiving, because then people have no problem stepping all over me, and I'm always the one that gets hurt.

And I'm even more pissed off now because I hate fighting with people--especially Rosie--and I'm starting to feel like I'm the one that will have to apologize, even though she probably should too. This time I feel like I have a reason to be mad, and yet I'm getting the cold shoulder from Rosie like I'm the one that wronged her. Like it's always okay for her to be mad at me, but then once I actually get angry at something, then it's suddenly wrong.

I don't know. I'm just so tired of this. I'm tired of being treated like her pet; awesome to have around when it's convienient for her, but when something exciting and shiny comes along I'm immediately forgotten again. This has happened so many times and I'm tired of it.

Anyway. Unless Rosie decides she wants to see me or talk to me anytime soon, or I give in and apologize, I might not know the Ricky Bobby thing for a while. Sigh. I wish Jazz would come out of her self-made acedemic cave every once in a while so I'd have someone to talk to about this.

xo Hopeless Romantic

PS: I don't know why the font formatting is so weird on these recent posts, but I can't seem to fix them. Huh.

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Colds and Other Illnesses.}
Saturday, March 3, 2012 | 1:53 PM | 0Comment

INTERNATZ.

My February was interesting and also sort of icky all at the same time, and I promise I will post a proper update entry soon. But. BUT. Something just came up. Something that I KNOW you'll want to hear about first.

Last night, I was texting BFR, because I was supposed to sleep over at her new house last night, but due to some life issues going on for her right now, she decided she needed to go out with a bunch of her friends from school and have some fun.
She invited me, but I'm just now starting to recover from the most god-awful cold I've had in years, and it was snowing very heavily last night, so I decided it would be better just to take it easy instead of possibly making myself sick again. Also, I don't necessarily mesh that well with the group she hangs out with at her school, and they were going to see a movie that I never in a million years want to see, so uh, you know. That too.

So I told her to go on without me, and even though I was a little miffed that she decided to change up our sleepover plans--which we'd made on Monday--super last minute to go hang out with some other people(which she's done a few times the past few months now. Probably my biggest pet peeve ever, tbqh), considering what she'd been through lately (I won't go into detail, but it involved her sister going to the ER) I told her that she should go out anyway. I could tell she felt bad, but she said okay.

BUT. During that whole conversation, after telling her that I didn't feel up to going out and that she should go anyway, Rosie says this:

"Well I feel bad, I don't want you to be upset with me :/ Ricky Bobby says he hasn't seen you in years and wants to see you!"

Uh huh. Yeah. Check out that bombshell.

At first I just stare at my phone, thinking that I might have a fever again and that I'm hallucinating. Then I take a few swigs of water and realize that I'm fully lucid. And then I fall over and scream in terror into my pillow.

This actually blows my mind, not only because of HOW FREAKING RANDOM AND OUT OF THE BLUE IT IS, but also because...well. Confession time, Internet: the day before yesterday, I thought about Ricky Bobby.
And it's not like thinking about him is a normal, everyday thing for me anymore. But that one day was an exception. And I thought about him all. Freaking. Day.

I swear. And then yesterday, I get this news. It's...very unnerving.

I mean...first off, how does Rosie even know about this? Does she talk to him regularly, or something? And how did I not know about that?
And second, what made him even say that? Was she talking about me with him? She had to have been, because I have not even talked to him since the first semester of Junior Year, and for him to suddenly say he wants to see me is completely just...what?!

This is so weird, because I haven't written about him on here in almost a year. And now this.

And I hate how this is all I have to go on for now because Rosie stopped talking to me because she thought I was pissed off (well okay, I kind of was.), and there was no further explanation than that. I even asked her to elaborate, but she didn't. So. Ugh.

But before she stopped talking to me, she told me she wanted to have coffee on Sunday, and I told her that it couldn't be late on Sunday, and she said she'd let me know what time is good for her. So, she'll probably tell me then. Will update after. And lets hope she didn't just say that just to get me to come to the movies.

And if she cancels on me again this time, I will sprint all the way to her new house during the night and replace her shampoo and conditioner with Nair. Swear to God.

Ugh. WHAT IS THIS.

xo Hopeless Romantic

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